SRS Initiating Small Talk

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by got milk?, Feb 29, 2008.

  1. got milk?

    got milk? New Member

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    Ok, so, whenever someone says "I don't have any friends, how do I meet some?", the answer is always "oh, go strike up some small talk with someone you meet out wherever you are (class, organizations, etc.)".

    How do you even do that? I've always seen people as being weirded out whenever some random dude comes up and starts just talking. Also, how do you pick out who looks like a good candidate for being a friend/small talk? All of my friends are people that I was forced to interact with, and usually wherever I am I don't see people that I think "hmm, they look cool I should go talk with them".

    I'm pretty tired of not having a lot of people to go do shit with (the issue of asking people to do shit also comes up here, because I have never been good at that either), so any help would be awesome.
     
  2. M.E.

    M.E. New Member

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    small talk? thats your problem, no one likes small talk...initiate a conversation. Do things that interest you, by yourself, or try new things by yourself...its amazing how some people will be willing to teach you or help you if youre just starting out.
     
  3. hbrown023

    hbrown023 New Member

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    Yes but how do you initiate that...it's so freaking awkward walking up to someone and say "hey wanna ride bikes?".
     
  4. M.E.

    M.E. New Member

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    No, observe somebody doing something your interested in, bikes for example.

    start with:

    hey man you ride?

    lets say your not a pussy in spandex, and you ride a motorcycle, ask:

    how long have you been riding?
    or
    what do you ride?

    then ask where he gets his gear, or takes his bike in to get fixed, shit like that...based on the vibe of the convo, you can ask about riding together...if not then you've located some gathering spots of people who are into what you are into and other potential spots to recruit friends.
     
  5. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

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    Striking up conversations with people you don't know won't do jack shit to get you friends. That's a fine way to get a new associate. What you do is get people to invite you along to things with them. That's how you make friends...going out and doing things with them. Ask people if they know of parties/crap happening and proceed to bond if you find them interesting.
     
  6. M.E.

    M.E. New Member

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    you're just all around dumb aren't you...
     
  7. Durandal

    Durandal New Member

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    I struck up a conversation with a girl at a bus stop and ended up losing my virginity to her less than a week afterward.
     
  8. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    Become good at conversational hooking.

    If someone says to you "I've been working as a nurse assistant for the past 6 months," you have multiple potential conversations. You could ask what her job is like, what she did before that, how far she plans to go, does she like her co-workers, or even simply tell any medical-related story you may have.

    It may feel natural sometimes to simply say "Oh...cool," but become conscious of it because 99% of the time there is a potential conversation.
     
  9. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

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    heres an example for you i met this girl today
    me: watsup
    her: not much
    me: do you think we'll have class today (alota times we just joke around and we dont really learn anything)
    her: (smiles) i dont know
    me: we'll prolly talk about the primaries again
    her: (laughs a little) o im sure...
    u get the idea? just go with the flow i guess btw her name is Melissa
     
  10. Mangopork

    Mangopork New Member

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    That's bullshit.

    Its all in your head. If you think its going to be awkward, It will be, and so will the person you are speaking to. They will pick up on the "awkward" vibe you're putting off.

    Think whatever you want and the other person will feel that as you speak to them.

    I've walked up to girls and flirtatiously said "I like sex. I think you and I already have something in common. Wanna dance?" And it worked.


    Translation: Talk more, think less. Say ANYTHING.

    Really.

    If nothing works, say

    "I like cheese hats"

    At least then they will ask "Huh? why?" Then you're off to the races because they are already asking questions about you.

    Viola. You're in a conversation. This took exactly 0.9 seconds.
     
  11. Mangopork

    Mangopork New Member

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    You are a walking offense to all human progress.
     
  12. rogueslg71

    rogueslg71 New Member

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    i keep in mind when meeting new people that people like to talk about themselves. they tell you one thing, keep asking them stuff around that topic to keep them talking. dont just say 'oh ... thats cool'. if you dont know much about the topic, ask them about it. they might change the subject, if they do just go with it.

    i find that a conversation can end badly (as in, the person doesnt show interest in takling to you again next time you see them) when you say small thingsl ike 'oh cool' or when you talk too much about yourself. if both people keep answering then asking the other a question "oh im working on my masters right now - how about you?" then the conversation keeps flowing. if they just say 'oh i'm doing my masters right now' , its easy for the other person to say 'oh..cool' and then the convo can end awkwardly.

    also try to find a spot in the conversation to introduce yourself and exchange names. sometimes people do this first, a lot of times i see people talking but never introducing themselves. i try hard to remember to ask for their name and then say ill see you next class, or it was nice meeting you, etc. when you have a name, its much easier to approach the next time to talk more
     
  13. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Yes that's true. You can do it online too. At the grocery store, while getting fast food, even while on the telephone calling some place.

    For example, I called Walgreens Pharmacy the last few days and I was trying to get certain medications. I was talking with the pharmacist Tech. Her name was Jackie. I was telling her all about my trip to Italy, asked her if she liked her job etc. I was playful but polite.

    Turned out she didn't have some of the meds I needed at her store, and that since she knew I was leaving for Italy in two days, she went to another Walgreens when her shift was over and she picked them up for me.

    Someone I "just" met over the phone, went out of her way to get my medications, so my order would be ready? How does that happen? By building rapport, but being interested in someone other than yourself.

    I do it every chance I get! Now a lot of people say that people like to talk about themselves or to let the other person do all the talking, but this isn't true until you've done a lot of talking yourself. People will not open up until you've opened up a little and shown them some of yourself. You can tell that I'm right based on your prior experiences. If you don't say anything, neither do they. So much for that "fact" --........

    You must have a reason for talking to them, otherwise yes it will seem creepy. There must be a context to what you're doing. Let me give you some examples.

    At a bookstore you see a random girl reading a book:

    You: Excuse me, can I ask you about that book you're reading?
    Random Girl: Sure?
    You: Which isle did you find it?
    Random Girl: Oh it's in the Religious/Spiritual section.
    You: Oh, great, I want to take a look at it. Is it good?
    Random Girl: Yeah, it's pretty good.
    You: Have you read (Name off some books you like) -- Conversations With God?
    Random Girl: Oh yeah, that book was awesome! I learned so much.

    Now you're in the conversation and you can take it anywhere you want. If she said she hadn't read the book you would explain parts of it, and sell her on it, persuading her it was worth her time. You made the connection based on a book she liked that you might have interest in.

    Say you met at the grocery store and it was the cashier girl you wanted to talk to.

    You: Wow you guys have a really good deal this week on the Orange Juice (Or whatever product you're buying that's well priced)
    Her: Yeah.
    You: Do you like working her?
    Her: Yeah, I meet nice people.
    You: I used to work as a cashier for Big Y a grocery store in my home town.
    Her: Oh really?
    You: Yeah, I worked part time while going to school.
    Her: Where did you attend school?
    You: blah blah blah

    Once again, you're in. The context of getting in was connected to what was in the environment, something you shared some sort of connection. She worked at a store which had a product you liked.

    Usually we're attracted by physical appearances. Not just women, but also men, and it's not necessarily romantic in any sense. Often we "know our kind" by who we feel pulled towards. Sometimes just randomly picking a person can be great too. You can pick based on physical features, hair color, eye, skin/ethnic, clothing, hair style, etc. You can choose based on age too. Whatever you find most appealing. I tend to primarily go at random unless I'm intentionally seeking a romantic partner, which then becomes highly focused on appearance and age.

    Well, the key to starting relationships is to start them gently. Relationships grow, they don't just suddenly manifest and pop, you have a best friend. They take cultivating with small interactions generally.

    Find commonality between you, even in the most awkward of places. For example, perhaps you're in class at college and a really cute girl sits 4 seats over. Try something like this as you're walking for the door or outside:

    You: Hi, hey what did the professor ask us to review for the next class?
    Her: Um, she told us to read pages 46 through 69 on photosynthesis and the Calvin cycle.
    You: Oh, ok, I was taking notes and hadn't heard what she was saying.
    Her: Ah, yeah.
    You: My name is Michael, I've never talked to you before I don't think.
    Her: My name is Alison.
    You: Alison (Use first names as often as possible when building rapport), do you know of any study groups for our class?
    Her: No, but I'm interested if there is!
    You: Hm, let me find out, maybe there is.
    Her: Ok cool.
    You: I've gotta get to my English class, I'm running late, talk soon Alison, and it was nice meeting you!
    Her: You too!

    There, you had something in common again, you had a class together, and the subject matter was your bridge. You then built some rapport and familiarty by using your name and hers. You also leave open an opportunity to meet again. The next class you sit next to her, look at her, say hello, smile, ask her how she's doing. Tell her you're going to look into the study group today. Ask her if she'd like to get together to go over some of the material together for the next exam, that you really could use someone to bounce questions off of, to help you learn.

    You're in, then you ask her out to lunch the next time, or coffee or whatever. Letting her pay for herself obviously.
     
  14. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    doing shit with people will create a sense of intimacy

    he's wrong about talking to random people not making friends, though. it's just harder.

    talking to random people can make you lovers, so it can definitely make you friends.
     
  15. Amadeus

    Amadeus Women Love Saying To Me, "Rock Me Amadeus!"

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    I could go into a long explanation to make myself look smart, but it comes down to this.

    1. Notice something about the person and ask them where they got it. If they give you a short answer like, "the mall" then ask a follow up question.
    2. Don't think about what you're going to say next. That is what everyone does. Listen to everything they say and you will instantly think of something to ask about what they are talking about. If the person doesn't begin to tell a story about what you are asking and keeps giving you short answers then move on because they're not worth talking to.
    3. Never ask a question that will lead to a Yes or No answer. The whole point is to get them talking, not you.


    People in general love to talk about themselves. It's human nature and builds selfesteme. All great communicators and business men know this and take advantage of it. Pretty soon everyone will be enjoying your presents then you can begin telling your stories.

    Good Luck.
     
  16. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    You should have, I did. :o
     
  17. Amadeus

    Amadeus Women Love Saying To Me, "Rock Me Amadeus!"

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    Hahaha, maybe! :rofl:
     
  18. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    somehow I don't think that will be an issue :hsugh:
     
  19. miek

    miek New Member

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    at least it gives him a pizza mine
     

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