SRS incapable of love?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by jonno, Jun 23, 2009.

  1. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    does anyone else feel this way?

    i havnt really had anything close to strong feelings for a girl in a very very very long time. i have been on quite a few dates with girls over the years who i find very attractive... and cool/fun to be around and on paper would fit every quality i look for in a girl. but i just don't 'feel' anything for them. like... i could careless if i went out with them one night and never talked to them again. i will also just 100% cut a girl out of my life if i've wanted more than friendship and things didnt go my way. even with girls who i know i'd be great friends with and could have a lot of fun together. because of this... you can guess i have pretty much close to 0 female friends. what gives?

    i am not sure if i just havnt found 'the one' yet or if there is seriously something wrong with me
     
  2. kylio27

    kylio27 New Member

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    ur situation is almost opposite to mine...yet very similar. I was in the same boat as you, had been with a few nice girls and had a good time, tho in the end did not have real feelings for them. This was until i met a girl who changed my whole perspective. If you read my post you will understand the complexity of my own situation.

    But i have 1 form of advice.....

    Don't look to hard, sometimes the perfect girl is right under your nose.
     
  3. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    i think an OT'er pretty much nailed it spot on.


    OTer: i think once you lose momentum in relationships you fall back on how youve seen your father treat your mother or women that he is with. Not only are you probably scared deep down to fall in love then get hurt, but you also havent been VERY intimate with a girl in a while, much less fall in love. So youve become sort of resigned and OK with it. Whereas if you were getting ass 7 days a week and it stopped cold turkey youd be REALLY being aggressive about it

    OTer: but you fell into that sexual pattern of not needing it, and not wanting to come across like you need it, so you actually dont seem to need it

    jonno: very true

    OTer: but obviously everybody does-- youve just gotten used to not showing it

    OTer: and you arent getting any lessons from your dad about it, and youve grown up with the most "important" man in your life showing that he doesnt need the most important woman in your life

    OTer: so theres no reinforcement there... and you get stuck in that pattern of pushing away or cutting off people when you think it might not go as perfectly as possible

    OTer: because since its been so long you dont want to fuck up something too good too soon, so at the first signs of bad shit you might as well cut bait before it has the chance to get too good because you think it will end in disaster anyway
     
  4. Rumbaar

    Rumbaar Inherent Omniscience OT Supporter

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    Other than the zero female friends part I can totally relate. Specially the ability to like someone, but if they weren't there the next day I wouldn't care.

    Oh so true.

    So yes, I at least feel the same way. Not sure if that helps in knowing you're not the only one.
     
  5. saosko

    saosko OT Supporter

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    Do you watch a lot of porn?
     
  6. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    no, lol
     
  7. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I think its even more precisely defined as commitment issues. Sometimes in guys fear often of the unknown and being afraid to lose their personal freedom can send the guy running away in very quick manner.

    Its all about letting go of an immature lifestyle and wanting a future of commitment and loyalty. The trauma's that that ot'er described is indeed a stop sign. But the thing is life is like being a boxer in a boxing ring, being afraid of getting hurt is useless because you are going to get hurt by life anyway, so might as wel go for gold and give a few good punches against this thing called life. Honestly go for gold in your life, hesitation equals death. And i think you've been feeling pretty dead as a result of constantly turning down your loved ones. Everyone in life needs to pay attention in order not to get hurt uneccessarily, but after falling down comes standing up, and moving on. You can't put your life on a halt as a result of a bad experience, that's something i've learned. And just because something bad happend one time, doesn't mean it will automatically happen next time. Its the reason why people who had accidents with cars or airplanes refuse to do it again, its the pain and the memory of that pain that makes the body want to protect itself from future pain, but by putting a wall around you, you eventually come into a irrational situation where your soul starves because you don't experience anything. The only thing you can do about it is to start breaking down the wall and build a bridge back to reality so that you may love your loved ones again.
     
  8. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    dark - you made some great points. but I do not believe I'm afraid of commitment or 'giving up my freedoms'... id love a steady relationship
     
  9. OniMinion

    OniMinion ...recalls when this forum was actually about cars OT Supporter

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    You hit the nail on the head here. I have so many of those friends who were the coolest people to hang out with. Now, they are in their thirties and still single, why? It's so stupid, some people want to keep going out, keep getting drunk, keep reliving their 21st birthday, keep sleeping with randoms... it only slowly occurred to them that maybe they actually DID want more than that.
     
  10. saosko

    saosko OT Supporter

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    Heh, it's fun.
     
  11. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    i felt that way for a long time. im 31.

    i dated young and never had feelings stronger then liking a girl. i would get bored and move on.

    i then met a girl at 22 who i liked more then the others but still did not feel "in love". bc i felt something was wrong w. me and maybe i didnt know the defenition of love i said fuck it and staid w. her.
    we were eventually married and then divorced. this happened when i was 28.
    i then went through the dating motions for 1.5 more yrs before i found my current gf.

    the feeling i get w. her is of love.

    im not sure how old you are but it took me 30 yrs to find "the one". yes she is out there for you, and since i dont believe in sould mates, there is more then one out there for you. just dont settle just bc you think there is something wrong with you.
     
  12. Beakmoney

    Beakmoney OT Supporter

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    i feel the same way in a sense.
    i have been with my current gf for 16 months and over the last 2-3 weeks we have been having some problems. i have been 'crushed' in the past by a girl i was (or thought i was) in love with and it took over a year to get over her (that relationship was 18 months). i said i would never have another serious relationship and that was that.
    my current gf started out as a coworker, then friend and slowly eased in to a relationship. now i feel like i'm insane, everything i saw and thought about my ex gf looking for someone else (she had a history of finding someone else while in a relationship, which i found out from her friends after the fact), is, to an effect what i'm seeing in my current. i am very suspicious of anyone that gets close to me and i'm trying to change that. i love this girl, i really do. outside of the last few weeks i had every intention of spending the rest of my life with her and she (at least said convincingly) feels/felt the same. she tells me i don't open up and i'm not sure i know how. i have a civil relationship with most of my family because i feel like an outcast, unwelcome and unloved by them (aunts/uncles/cousins), i don't get along very well with my parents so we've pretty much resorted to avoiding contact. i'm sure my family issues have something to do with what shes saying but HOW do i change that? i try to tell her what is on my mind, i try to share everything with her. i am supportive of everything she does, we offer each other guidence and although we don't share all the same hobbies, we manage to have fun together.


    cliffs: gf tells me i am 'broken' and don't open up or 'let her in' and i'm not sure how to change that.

    sorry if i'm way off from the OP's subject.
     

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