LGBT In this thread, post a funny QUEER joke you recently heard...

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by CoCo, May 11, 2004.

  1. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2004
    Messages:
    12,343
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maryland ; the land of Mary's...
    Don't stop me if you've heard this: a suburban mother is sitting in her living room, pale and ashen (her, not her living room--her living room is salmon with peach highlights). Her husband comes home and tells her she looks terrible. She tells him that she's just been cleaning out their teenage son's bedroom, and his closet is filled floor-to-ceiling with gay-bondage porn...

    "What are we going to do?" she asks.

    "Well," replies the husband, "I can't spank him."


    Your turn.....GO!
     
  2. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2002
    Messages:
    15,260
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Nowhere in particular
  3. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2001
    Messages:
    78,929
    Likes Received:
    71
    Location:
    Western MA
    I'm going to butcher this, but... here goes.

    A mother visits her son and his roommate for dinner. During dinner, the mother tells her son how much she loves the new gravy ladle he found at a local antique store. After her visit with her son, she returns home and the son realizes that his gravy ladle is missing.

    He writes to her and says: "I'm not saying you did or did not steal my gravy ladle, but if you did, please return it."

    She writes her son back and says: "I'm not saying you are or are not gay, but if your roomate was sleeping in his own bed, you would have found your gravy ladle by now."
     
  4. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2001
    Messages:
    78,929
    Likes Received:
    71
    Location:
    Western MA
    Here's another:
    GAY BOYS

    Four men went golfing together one day; three headed to the first tee and one went into the club house to take care of the bill. The three men started talking, bragging about their sons. The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder and he''s so successful that he gave a friend a new home - for free."

    The second man said, "My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He''s so successful that he gave a friend two Cadillacs."

    The third man, not wanting to be outdone bragged, "My son is a stock broker and he''s doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock portfolio."

    The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business. The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?" The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay. I''m not totally thrilled about it, but he must be good. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, two cars, and a stock portfolio."
     
    Last edited: May 12, 2004
  5. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2004
    Messages:
    12,343
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maryland ; the land of Mary's...
  6. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2001
    Messages:
    78,929
    Likes Received:
    71
    Location:
    Western MA
    PARATROOPER

    A young army private is home on leave. He is talking to his dad about his experience at jump school while learning to be a paratrooper.

    "Dad" he says, "on my first jump, I froze up at the door on the plane. A big black sergent standing behind me told me that if I didn''t jump, he was gonna cram about 12 inches of dick up my ass."

    "Well did you jump?" asks his dad.

    "Just a little at first" answered the boy.
     
  7. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2004
    Messages:
    12,343
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maryland ; the land of Mary's...
  8. Taylor

    Taylor Guest

  9. Karencita

    Karencita Dickless member

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2004
    Messages:
    475
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    :)
    :o

    4 guys, fathers, are talking about their sons and how great they are, the first guy says "I'm proud of my son, he studied a lot and just got a MBA and he is the Vicepresident of a huge consulting company, he just gave a house to his best friend to live in..." then the 2nd father says "I'm also proud of mine, he's a Mechanical Engineer and works for AMG and just gave an SL55 to his best friend" and the third father, watching them in awe, says "My son just designed this new Cessna plane and also gave one to his best friend....."...as the 3 fathers talk about how proud are about their sons and how much money they have and how they give nice things to their friends the 4th father jumps in and says "My son is gay and does lapdances for a living...." the 3 fathers are :ugh: shocked :eek4: and generally telling him that they are sorry that his son is gay but he replies "no, it's ok! I mean he just got a house, a car and a plane from his bed partners...."


    :o
     
  10. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2004
    Messages:
    12,343
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maryland ; the land of Mary's...
    An airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food, drinks, and his warm nuts... As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super."

    On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well-dressed rather exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground." She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one." To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen so I outrank you. Tray-up, bitch."
     
  11. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2004
    Messages:
    12,343
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maryland ; the land of Mary's...
    This guy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. "But what the heck," he says, "I really want a drink."

    When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the customer, "What's the name of your penis?"

    The customer says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink."

    The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis. Mine for instance is called 'Nike,' for the slogan, 'Just Do It.' That guy down at the end of the bar calls his 'Snickers,' because 'It really Satisfies."

    The customer looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. The customer asks the man sitting to his left, who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of your penis?"

    The man looks back and says with a smile, "TIMEX."

    The thirsty customer asks, "Why Timex?"

    The fella proudly replies, "Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin!"

    A little shaken, the customer turns to the fella on his right, who is sipping a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you call your penis?"

    The man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because 'Quality is Job 1.' " Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford, lately?"

    Even more shaken, the customer has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his penis. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my penis is 'Secret.' Now give me my beer."

    The bartender begins to pour the customer a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why secret?"

    The customer says, "Because it's STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!"
     
  12. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2004
    Messages:
    12,343
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maryland ; the land of Mary's...
    I just got this email, soooo why not??

    100 Reasons to be Gay

    1. You truly don't care who Julia Roberts is sleeping with.
    2. You understand the difference between 43 brands of imported vodka.
    3. You can call anyone "honey" including pets.
    4. You know someone who definitely was in the emergency room with Richard Gere and the gerbil.
    5. You understand the immense importance of good lighting.
    6. You can be at a crowded disco the size of two football fields and still spot a toupee.
    7. You can tell a woman you love her bathing suit, and truly mean her bathing suit.
    8. You can explain the nuances between steady date, boyfriend and lover.
    9. You really have "been there, done that."
    10. Your women friends will tell you everything you want to know about their boyfriends. And that means everything.
    11. You're the only type of male who gets to say "fabulous."
    12. You can have naked pictures of men you don't know in your home.
    13. You can have naked men you don't know in your home.
    14. You know how to handle the telephone like a Stradivarius.
    15. You understand why the good Lord invented spandex.
    16. You understand why the good Lord didn't intend everyone to wear it.
    17. You know how to get back at just about everyone. And have.
    18. You know that the most important part of a party's decor is the catering staff.
    19. You only wear polyester when you mean to.
    20. You can smile to let someone know you can't stand them.
    21. You can freeze a troll from 20 feet away.
    22. You're good pals with women other people can't stand.
    23. You've always got an opinion.
    24. You've read the book, seen the movie, done the musical.
    25. You know how to dress strategically.
    26. Your car has an amusing female name.
    27. You're the only one at your high school reunion who looks a lot better than you did in high school.
    28. You've got at least one framed picture of a pet.
    29. If your mattress could talk, it would be Joan Rivers.
    30. You know that sex complicates things. So?
    31. You know that being called a "cheap slut" isn't actually an insult.
    32. There's a married guy somewhere who is terrified of you.
    33. Nobody tells you what to do in bed...unless you tell them what to tell you.
    34. You have a medicine chest stocked for any occasion.
    35. You have at least one movie musical on video.
    36. You're not embarrassed to sing in a piano bar.
    37. You're embarrassed by people who sing in piano bars.
    38. You never hold a grudge for longer than a decade or two.
    39. You know how to make an entrance.
    40. You know when to make an exit.
    41. You worry about people you don't even know - like Liza Minnelli.
    42. You choose the most fabulous greeting cards.
    43. You know how to program your VCR.
    44. You've got sunscreen at every conceivable SPF level.
    45. You have a cologne display worthy of Bloomingdales.
    46. You understand, viscerally, Joan Crawford.
    47. Some of your best friends are your ex lovers.
    48. You know when to play dumb.
    49. You know what to do for a hangover.
    50. Yes, you do have a condom.
    51. You've called someone "girlfriend" who is neither a girl nor a friend.
    52. One or more of the following apply to you:
    a) You adore Judy Garland
    b) You hate Judy Garland
    c) You hate people who adore Judy Garland.
    d) You hate people who hate Judy Garland.
    e) You don't give a damn about Judy Garland.
    f) Who is Judy Garland?
    53. You can supply the last names to the following list:
    a) Bernadette
    b) Chita
    c) Barbra
    54. You made Donna Summer a star.
    55. You made Donna Summer a has-been.
    56. Tanning salons were invented for you.
    57. You've made sunbathing a performance art.
    58. You know when the party's over.
    59. You know where to go after the party's over.
    60. You're fearless about fighting the elements, especially gravity.
    61. When you hear "a stitch in time saves nine" you think of
    a) Your grandma
    b) Your face lift
    c) John Wayne Bobbit
    62. You know that pigs and bears are not necessarily rural wildlife.
    63. Your roommate can be your roommate and not your "roommate."
    64. You know that referring to someone as "a real lady" isn't necessarily a compliment.
    65. Your favorite dinner accessory may also be your dinner companion.
    66. If your cat is a female, you swear it's a lesbian.
    67. If your cat is a male, you swear it's a lesbian.
    68. You sing along heartily with songs that make most females cringe, like "Stand by your man".
    69. You've been to a bris, a barmitzvah, a christening, a first communion and too many weddings and you have a carefully considered evaluation of the food after each.
    70. You'll never have to hear your mother complain about your wife.
    71. A two-seater convertible seems perfectly practical to you.
    72. You have a favorite Disney character and it's usually a nasty one.
    73. You've left someone totally speechless.
    74. You've shaved something other than your face.
    75. All your friends do not have to "get along".
    76. You have large collection of anniversary pictures. They may be with different guys, however.
    77. Your love handles are actually used as such.
    78. When someone turns his back on you, you actually consider it an opportunity.
    79. You've got a large assortment of movie-star biographies.
    80. You've got the most interesting coffee table books.
    81. You know where to find a meat rack and it ain't in your kitchen drawer.
    82. You have a sexual persuasion with its own flag.
    83. At some moment in your life you've envisioned having back-up girls.
    84. You know your enemies.
    85. After a workout at the gym, you feel like a new man. And he's right there in the shower.
    86 You're Barbra Streisand's biggest fan.
    87. You know that Barbra Streisand's biggest fan is Barbra Streisand.
    88 Not only have you added spice to your life - sometimes you've added side dishes.
    89. You know that "small talk" can be about spirituality or politics, and "important issues" can be about hair.
    90. You've actually lived out some of your fantasies.
    91. Unlike most straight women, you have no problem being treated solely as a sex object.
    92. You have no doubts about the accuracy of the Kinsey Report.
    93. You know, by heart, every line in:
    a) All about Eve
    b) The Rocky Horror Picture Show
    c) Your face
    94. You are ALWAYS ready for your close-up.
    95. You have 412 ways to tell someone to get lost. 136 are non-verbal.
    96. You can lip-sync to at least one Supreme's song.
    97. You have a carefully selected Yiddish vocabulary.
    98. Even if you're in Kansas, you're not in Kansas anymore.
    99. You know exactly how many martinis it takes.
    100. When throwing a party, you know how to put out quite a spread. Sometimes after the party too.
     
  13. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2004
    Messages:
    12,343
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maryland ; the land of Mary's...
    As he drove along the highway, a guy kept seeing billboards with beautiful, tanned people and the words: Visit the Garden of Hedon. His curiosity got the best of him and he turned off the road at the entrance to the place a few miles down the road. He went inside a building marked "Registration" and saw an attractive woman sitting at a desk.

    "Exactly what do you do here?" he asked.

    "It's quite simple," said the receptionist. "This is a nudist camp. We take off all our clothes and commune with nature."

    "Cool," said the guy, "count me in!" So he paid his membership fee, took off his gear and strolled off. As he walked along a path, he saw a big sign which read, "Beware of Gays." A little further along he saw another sign which read the same thing: "Beware of Gays."

    He continued walking until he came to a small clearing which had a bronze plaque set in the ground. He bent over to read the plaque and it said, "Sorry, you've had two warnings!"


    [​IMG] [​IMG]



    :o
     
  14. SantorinA4

    SantorinA4 New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2003
    Messages:
    5,827
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sachse, Texas
    :bowrofl:
     
  15. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2001
    Messages:
    78,929
    Likes Received:
    71
    Location:
    Western MA
    What about the one about the young guy who walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a shot.
    The guy looks a little upset and so the bartender asks him if anything is wrong.
    The guys tells the bartender: "I just experienced my first blow job."
    The bartender says: "Well then, this drink is on me. What'll it be."
    The guy responds: "Anything that'll get rid of the taste."
     
  16. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2004
    Messages:
    12,343
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maryland ; the land of Mary's...
  17. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2004
    Messages:
    12,343
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maryland ; the land of Mary's...
    Did you hear about the gay guy taking a piss....

    He looked at the other guy to his right and saw a nicotine patch on his cock.

    He asked "does it work"?

    "Yep," replied the guy, "I'm down to two butts a day."
     
  18. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2004
    Messages:
    12,343
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maryland ; the land of Mary's...
    Two lovers fall on hard times and decided to rob a bank together.

    The first lover plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second lover in great detail.

    The robbery begins.

    The first lover drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to the other lover, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?"

    "Perfectly," he said.

    He goes in the bank while the other waits in the getaway car.

    One minute passes, two minutes pass...seven minutes pass - and the first lover is really stressing out.

    Finally, the bank doors burst open and out he comes. He's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car.

    About the time he gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out.

    The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing his weapon.

    As the guys are getting away, the first lover says "I thought you understood the plan!"

    The second lover said, "I did! I did exactly what you said!"

    "No, you idiot," he replied. "You got it all mixed up. I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"





    :o
     
  19. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2004
    Messages:
    12,343
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maryland ; the land of Mary's...
    A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop.

    After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch; it doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

    "I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."

    "Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me."

    "I understand every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly intelligent and thoroughly educated bird."

    "Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"

    "Well," the parrot says, "this is a little embarrassing, but since you asked, I will tell you. I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."

    "Wow," says the guy, "you really can understand and answer; can't you?"

    "Of course. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. And I am especially good at ornithology. You should buy me; I am a great companion."

    The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. He says. "I can't afford that."

    "Pssst," the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with one wing. "Nobody wants me because I don't have any feet. You can get me for $20.00; just make an offer."

    The guy offers twenty dollars and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by and the parrot is sensational. He's funny; he's interesting; he's a great pal, he understands everything, sympathizes, and gives good advice. The guy is delighted.

    One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Pssst," and motions him over with one wing. The guy goes up close to the cage. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not," says the parrot, "but it's about your lover and the mailman."

    "What?" asks the guy.

    "Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today, your lover greeted him in a pair of briefs that showed everything and kissed him on the mouth."

    "What happened then?" asks the guy.

    "Then the mailman came into the house and put his hand on your lovers crotch and began petting him all over," reports the parrot.

    "My God!" the guy says. "Then what?"

    "Then he pulled down the briefs, got down on his knees and began to lick him, starting with his chest, slowly going down and down." The parrot pauses for a long time...

    "What happened? What happened?" says the frantic guy.

    "That's what pisses me off. I don't know." said the parrott. "I got a hard-on, and fell off my fucking perch."


    :x:
     
  20. SantorinA4

    SantorinA4 New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2003
    Messages:
    5,827
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sachse, Texas
  21. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2004
    Messages:
    12,343
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maryland ; the land of Mary's...
    Dear Tech Support

    Dear Tech Support,

    Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 7.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected drama processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Amateur Strip Night 10.3, Circuit Party 40.2, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Saturday Afternoon Gym Watch 5.0, and Sunday Tea Dance 2.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can not seem to keep Husband 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Boyfriend 7.0, but the un-install does not work on this program. Can you help me? Please!!!

    Thanks,

    Joe



    Dear Joe:

    This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 7.0 to Husband 1.0 with the idea that Husband 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Husband 1.0 and still convert back to Boyfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 7.0 to emulate Husband 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You can not go back to Boyfriend 7.0 because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Boyfriend 8.0 or Husband 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system.

    Look in your manual under "Warnings - Palimony/Bitter Queens." I recommend you keep Husband 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGISE. In any case avoid excessive use of the Esc key because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGISE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs. Husband 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Husband 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0, Clothes 10.2, Toys 4.5, or Car 20.5. Do not, under any circumstances, install GymBuddyWithBody 3.3. This is not a supported application for Husband 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system. Best of luck.

    Tech Support/XMP
     
  22. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2004
    Messages:
    12,343
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maryland ; the land of Mary's...
    Letters To Santa

    *Barbie's Letter to Santa

    Dear Santa,

    Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it).

    So, here's my holiday wish list, Santa:

    1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt?

    2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin? (It looks like cellulite);

    3. A REAL man...maybe GI Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me Elmo over that wimped-out excuse for a boyfriend Ken. And what's with that earring anyway? If I'm gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him (and me) anatomically correct;

    4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct;

    5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist, just get it done;

    6. A sports bra. To wear until I get the surgery.

    7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet, an advertising account exec or even a Buyer at Ford Motor Company for goodness sake!

    8. A new, more '90s look. "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own paint gun, outfitted with a fake fur coat and handcuffs; or "Stop Smoking Barbie", sporting a removable Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum; Or "Divorce Barbie" and package me with all of Ken's belongings.

    9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl;

    10. Mattel stock options. It's been 37 years--I think I deserve it.

    Ok, Santa, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I don't think these requests are out of line. If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new bimbo doll for next Christmas. It's that simple.

    Yours truly, Barbie

    Dreamhouse Malibu, CA

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    *Ken's Letter To Santa

    Dear Santa,

    I understand that one of my colleagues has petitioned you for changes in her contract, specifically asking for anatomical and career changes. In addition, it is my understanding that disparaging remarks were made about me, my ability to please, and some of my fashion choices.

    I would like to take this opportunity to inform you of some of issues concerning Ms. Barbie, and some of my own needs and desires.

    First of all, I along with several other colleagues feel Barbie DOES NOT deserve preferential treatment - the bitch has everything. I, along with Joe, Jem, Raggedy Ann & Andy, DO NOT have a dreamhouse, corvette, evening gowns, and in some cases, the ability to change our hair style. I personally have only 3 outfits which I am forced to mix and match at great length. My decision to accessorize my outfits with an earring was my decision and reflects my lifestyle choice.

    I too would like a change in career. Have you ever considered "Decorator Ken", "Beauty Salon Ken", or "Out of work Actor Ken?" In addition, there are several other avenues which could be considered such as: "S & M Ken" "Green Lantern Ken" "Circuit Ken" "Bear Ken" "Master Ken." These would more accurately reflect my desires and perhaps open up new markets.

    And as for Barbie needing bendable arms so she can "push me away," I need bendable knees so I can kick the bitch to the curb. Bendable knees would also be helpful for me in other situations - we've talked about this issue before.

    In closing, I would like to point out that any further concessions to the blonde bimbo from hell will result in action be taken by myself and others. And Barbie can forget about having Joe - he's mine.

    Sincerely,

    Ken
     
  23. mondaynightmike

    mondaynightmike New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2004
    Messages:
    117,672
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    DEFINITELY No *Unlinked* Cock Pics
    :rofl:
     
  24. QUEEN BLUE

    QUEEN BLUE Guest

    These are great ... I wish I had some but I can never remember a joke
     
  25. Jobe

    Jobe keke ^_^

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2003
    Messages:
    8,608
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Razorbackville
    These are great! :bigthumb:
     

Share This Page