SRS In need of growing up vs. just graduated.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by fallenauthority, Jun 8, 2007.

  1. fallenauthority

    fallenauthority OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2005
    Messages:
    201
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Waldorf, MD
    Backround on my situation: Im 18, a male, I am a good kid for the most part, had some troubles through school, never got arrested, never done drugs, done a little bit of partying before, Ive always for the most part been obedient of my parents.

    Always getting approval for actions that I do. About 7 months ago I started talking to this girl I met through a Automotive messageboard. We talked all the time, good friends you know, a couple months after we started talking she happened to be in town visiting a friend, She lives in Colorado I live in Maryland, She came through my town while she was visiting her friend so we went out for dinner. We hit things off real well, i felt far more comfortable with her than anyone else. I figured it wouldnt turn into anything though, seeings she was 22 at the time.

    Since then we have always been texting each other, she calls me a few days a week. Although we dont really talk about any relationship during this time. About 2 months ago I ask her semi-jokingly if she wants to come in for my graduation, she says yes actually.
    Now get to the present, She flew in sunday, my graduation was monday, I picked her up from the airport. We went out to dinner, got caught up on things. Talked about her last visit, etc. I take her back to the hotel, where we talk more and one thing leads to another, and you know how that

    story ends. Monday comes, after graduation i pick her up from her hotel, we go back to my house, chill with the family for the day, a few friends come and go as well. We go out that night and get ice cream, we drive to a park at the local elementary school and we walk around and talk for a while. Grab a seat on a bench and put my arm around her. We start talking about life and what we would be like together and such. At one point she starts crying saying how she doesnt want to go home, and how she feels so comfortable with me,

    and how we get along perfectly, etc. She talks about how she is worried about losing me, and me going off and getting with some stupid local bimbo controlling bitch(theres a long backstory to that too).
    Now fast forward to tuesday. She flies home. Between her flights (she had connecting flights) she was texting me. **Sorry forgot to inform you guys of this earlier, but we had always talked about me moving out there to Colorado to be with her and all that throughout us knowing each other. ** In the texts we went back and forth about the chances of a relationship that would actually work.

    I asked her to make a commitment that we would make a relationship between us work. We decided that I would come out there for a week, probably sometime around mid-july, to see how i liked it, get an idea, meet her friends, family, see how it is out there. And that we would have a couple other visits and see who it would be easier for to move, she even threw out the possibility of her moving out here because she can transfer to my area with her job, but not for probably a couple years. Now comes the whole point of the thread.

    With me always being the kid who listened and informed his parents of what he was doing and would most likely not do something if they said no, I can almost guarantee my parents would not approve of me moving 2000 miles away from home especially with me just graduating, especially to be with some girl. But I feel this is something that I need to do, not only to be with "some girl" but to gain my independance, throughout my life they have always smothered

    me and tried to keep me from growing up so to speak, I wont ever grow up really while living at home. Is this one of those situations where you defy your parents authority, act my age as an adult and move out on my own and work to make it on my own as my own person and start my life?

    Sorry for it being so long.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 10, 2007
  2. Jenious

    Jenious New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2006
    Messages:
    325
    Likes Received:
    0
    Good read, you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. I say do it, if it doesn't work out your parents will still love you, and you will have gained a new experience.
     
  3. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2005
    Messages:
    13,722
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    at your mom's house. be back later.
    My SO lives in your town and I agree- you're not going to get any where if you stick around Waldorf for too long :rofl:

    I when I started dating my SO, I lived in Ohio and he was in Maryland. We played the LD relationship thing for 2 years before I moved out to DC. Before I moved I felt the same way you do now- I felt like a bird in a cage. I was ripping my hair out on a regular basis. I graduated college as fast as I could, got accepted to grad school out here and moved as fast as I could.

    My dad understood, but my mom HATED that I was moving out of the state and that half of my motivation for moving to DC was because of my BF. I let her air all her anxieties and displeasure about it and in the end told her I love her, but it was time for me to go.

    It's been almost 2 years since I've been here. I'm so glad I'm here. I'm so so glad I left. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I love school, I have a great job and in 8 days I will be celebrating my 4 year anniversary with my BF. It was worth every moment.

    There are no guarantees. Ever. But it'll be a great adventure.

    Good luck to you :)
     
  4. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2005
    Messages:
    790
    Likes Received:
    0
    Just take it slow. If this relationship is going good...then there's no need to rush it. There might not even be the need to talk about commitment yet. Go on a trip...see how things go like you said. If after a few trips back and forth to see each other turns out it's a solid thing, then consider the next step then.

    Beyond checking out your relationship, maybe check out the job opportunities and living conditions there. You certainly wouldn't want to move to another area just to end up being completely reliant on her to survive. That's strain for any relationship not to mention a bad scenario for you should things end up not quite the way you like it between the both of you.

    As far as your parents, I'm sure they're only hoping the best for you. You haven't had the chance to be self-reliant yet. You haven't proven yourself. Can you do it?

    Just take it slow and think wisely bud.
     
  5. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    You know , one day the bird has to leave the nest, as a person you need to cut your own beans and make decisions of your own. Being mature means nothing more then having to do everything by yourself , which is the independance you are looking for,from there its even more mature if you are able to ask help of others when you can't handle a situation by yourself. That's different from always holding your parents hands thru life, the question is just 'when are YOU ready' , clearly you want to make the jump, i advice you just to always go for gold in your life. In that aspect its good to be mature and independant, and you never learn about life if you don't live it yourself.
     
  6. fallenauthority

    fallenauthority OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2005
    Messages:
    201
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Waldorf, MD
    Thanks for the responses. Things around the house have been kinda iffy lately, my parents threatened me that if i lie about any situation im in, or dont come clean with the whole story that im out of the house. Im thinking this just gave me the perfect cop-out to get out of this house. Im not going to lie to them or anything, just sit down and discuss with them that Im now an adult, I need to be able to live my life, make mistakes and learn from them, and in order to do that, I cant have them hovering over me questioning every move I make. Its not only that I want to be out of the house and on my own, its that I NEED it, for my mental health and growth.
    I just dont know how to breach the subject with them really, to tell the truth, im kinda scared to.
     
  7. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    There are only three directions in life, down where death lies, stay where you are and go in circles, or up where an improved life lies ahead, the first 2 are worthless and lead to nowhere, this is important because it means you can set the course of your life, to the only direction that is valuable ,namely upwards towards into progress. It doesn't matter from there on wether you win or lose in life, you simply keep on following the positive course, that way you can ALWAYS be confident no matter what happens, because you know that going for gold in your life is the only right way to live.

    If change was just a thought, then anyone could do it. But reality is that you can't just sit around feeling miserable for yourself and the situation you are in while being punched in the face by the reality of life. Those thoughts of change, can't become real if you just sit around feeling sorry for yourself, if you want to change then why would you stay in a state of paralyzation? If that happens it means you do not want to change, you are simply waiting for the world and people around you to change, therefore

    Without walking, there's no way to move forward, you'll just end up waiting.

    Don't sit and wait, put yourself in the game called life.

    The American dream is the freedom to choose your own path. Only fools have clouded and misconstrued it as being materialistic. When the idea was first conceived, people knew that incredibly hard work comes with such ideals, but people also knew that with enough work, just about any path can be hewn through the bushes, bramble, & jungle of life. But hey, people now don't seem to want freedom as much as they want comfort. They're more than happy to demand others rights be violated in order to have instituionalized comfort.

    The beauty of freedom is intrinsic. No, there may not be someone to take care of you all the time, but there's also not going to be someone telling you what you can, can't, or must do. I'd wager that most of the greatest people in human history are the people who BUSTED THEIR ASSES to achieve what they wanted to achieve. At the same time, some of the happiest people have been those who lived the simplest lives.

    When a bird tries to fly for the first time, it struggles but it makes the jump anyway. Break it to your parents that your moving out of the house, Do not let your actions speak of irrational and absurd fear, what is needed in life is not fear, nothing can grow from that. Cast off your fear! Look forward! Go forward! Never stand still. Retreat and you will age. Hesitate and you will die. Persistance is the key to succes.

    Do not expect leperchauns to appear and solve your issues, do not wait, be the dictator of your own life and take the situation in your own hands.

    As with everything in life, it's the taking part that matters.He who takes the initiative , wins.

    Just put your mind on zero and go for it. The more you think about it the worse it becomes, so go and break the news. Leave the house, and establish yourself as an man.
     
  8. Amanda Ann

    Amanda Ann New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2007
    Messages:
    14,024
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    FL
    You're an adult. Adult have to take risks and make decisions that their parents don't approve of. You can't live by their word forever. Follow your heart, and live by the beat of your own drum.
     
  9. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2006
    Messages:
    562
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    You wont know what happens unless you make the move or she makes the move.

    If it doesn't work out then that is an experience that you have under the belt.

    Live and learn!

    Good luck with your decisions.
     
  10. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2005
    Messages:
    110,609
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maryland
    You sound like you know what you want to do and you have a plan for yourself. Just make sure she's the right girl for you.

    Tell your parents that you want to experience life on your own a little bit, I mean it is what you are doing.

    Are you thinking about college? Because maybe you can go to college out in Colorado if you want to do both school and the chick (no pun intended).

    Anyways, good luck :)
     
  11. Kirby McSpic

    Kirby McSpic New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2006
    Messages:
    45,622
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sunny Isles Beach, Florida
    I agree with this.
     
  12. fallenauthority

    fallenauthority OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2005
    Messages:
    201
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Waldorf, MD
    Thanks again guys. You all are a great help in making this decision. Im very excited about wrapping everything up around here and moving on. Im going to start planning my trip out there for July and we will see how things go from there.
     
  13. bigman7903

    bigman7903 OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2004
    Messages:
    10,161
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Dystopia
    I doubt this does a damn thing in your decision making or anything like that, but i would love to experience something like that, i'm a soph in college and wish i had something like that going for me. Good luck to you, i hope you enjoy yourself
     
  14. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2005
    Messages:
    110,609
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maryland
    fucking :werd:

    :hs:
     
  15. TheGetUpkid

    TheGetUpkid New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2004
    Messages:
    1,706
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maryland
    Shit, I just graduated college and wished I had something like that lol.

    Anyways fallenauthority, I really think you should what you feel and believe in your heart is the right thing to do. I can actually relate alot to you since I'm really close to my parents and always listened to what they said. Thats not to say that I'm not happy with my life, its just that I wonder how different things would be if I had gone to college out of state. And really you don't want to go through the rest of you life with a feeling of regret. If I was in your situation I would definitely go. Waldof isn't the most desirable place to live in as well.... I grew up in SoMD, soooo I sorta have this mentality that this place is a dead end.

    Take care
     
  16. jonno

    jonno New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2003
    Messages:
    63,823
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    fort sam
    i wouldnt leave friends/family to be with a girl.. that's just me though. you're 18 and this seems great now.. but the chances of it lasting are very slim dude. not saying young couples can't go on to successful marriages, but the odds are severely against you. it would just suck to change your life around and break up 1,2,3,4 years later.
     
  17. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2007
    Messages:
    10,440
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    The Prarie State/The Hoosier State
    don't be soo concearned about what your parents think in the end it's what makes you happy it sounds like you two really like each other just take it slow go there a few times and if you like it and feel confident then take that next step
     
  18. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2005
    Messages:
    790
    Likes Received:
    0
    Don't live a life of regret though. I say for anyone...do what you want to do, but be smart about it and look after number 1 first. If you go, and this doesn't work out, make sure you have a backup plan.

    You can also look at it like this...every relationship you have in your life doesn't necessarily have to be "the one". Enjoy the good times with the other person, if it doesn't work out in the end, so be it. You've had some good times & learned from it, and then it's off to the next person you'll fall head over heels for.

    In the meantime, develop that career, wherever you end up going to. The investments you make in yourself IS something that will stick with you for the rest of your life.
     
  19. mrj

    mrj New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2007
    Messages:
    2,637
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    nyc tpa sf
    Keep in mind, the fact that you don't see her everyday, only talk to her a few times a week, and really haven't spend much time with her is probably half of the reason you guys get along so well.

    Every relationship is good the first few months you're together, or the first year. After that, once the bullshit builds up, things go down hill.

    You're 18, you have a LIFE to focus on, not finding a woman to marry. Get your education, get your jobs, enjoy your time.
     
  20. Kirby McSpic

    Kirby McSpic New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2006
    Messages:
    45,622
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sunny Isles Beach, Florida

    Asking her doesn't hurt either. :o
     
  21. bigman7903

    bigman7903 OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2004
    Messages:
    10,161
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Dystopia
    :hsd:
     
  22. fallenauthority

    fallenauthority OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2005
    Messages:
    201
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Waldorf, MD
    Jesus fucking christ. Things sure fell apart today. Im not going to go into details but ill give you basic cliff notes.
    Friend of hers flies in to visit
    She fucks him
    She "falls in love with him"
    Anything we had going is done
    Im staying in my shit hole town
    I want to hate her so bad, but i cant
    Im so pissed off that I got fucked over yet again in life.
     
  23. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2002
    Messages:
    64,128
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Philly, PA
    She sounds too clingy and insecure a few years from now you'll be glad that happened.
     
  24. fallenauthority

    fallenauthority OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2005
    Messages:
    201
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Waldorf, MD
    If anyone is clingy, its me. And im going to be honest, Im fucking devastated, ive been used in the past and been hurt, of course who hasnt, and it is hard to gain my trust, but i had all my trust in her, and she goes and does this? Im so mad I dont even know what to do. I wish I could just go back in time and make it to where i never met her.
     
  25. Kirby McSpic

    Kirby McSpic New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2006
    Messages:
    45,622
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sunny Isles Beach, Florida

    That's wife material right there.

    Not to make fun of your situation, but that's more than enough reason to stop caring about her, getting on with your life, and if anything, finding someone else.
     

Share This Page