In love but have to relocate?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Diesel Fumes, Apr 25, 2006.

  1. Diesel Fumes

    Diesel Fumes Guest

    I've been dating a girl for the past several months now. In short, we really like each other a lot. Problem is I have to move back to Ontario which is 3000km away. My guy friends will just tell me to move back, break it off with her, and call her every few weeks.

    She clearly has no strong reasons for staying here. She has lived in about 10 towns in the past 2 years, had countless jobs, has no family in the area. She was adopted and only knows her adopted family, which she loves dearly, but rarely visits.

    I really hate the idea of leaving her when I know how upset she would be to hear. (apparently she cried after not seeing me for a few days). I strongly believe she would come with me, if not permanently, at least for the drive there. Her older male roommates voluntarily talk about her behind her back and tell me things such as "shes a troubled girl" or "usually its the gf keeping the bf on track, with you its the other way around, lol". So I understand she is an emotionally unstabble girl who would probably enjoy the company of any man in her life.

    How would one approprately discuss the situation? I'm thinking flat out telling her I have to go back. The move is only temp though I wont really consider a distance relationship.
     
  2. tehexile

    tehexile New Member

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    im kinda in the same boat for you... im with this girl now and i love her to death... but im going to college in september. granted its not that far away, only like 40 minutes, but its still going to be a huge change from our current relationship, being able to see eachother for hours every day. then other night she was thinking about it, and broke down crying saying how she doesnt want to be with anyone else, if she were to be with anyone else she would be settling for them, etc etc... very flattering stuff, never got anything like that before... just made me love her even more. she is going through some shit with her mother, and i think they are getting a divorce. she is going to a new school next year anyways so it was my thought that they get an apartment down where my school is which would be good for us, and her dad because then hed be like 5 minutes from work.

    so yea, im feelin for you bro, let me know how it works out if it happens soon
     
  3. tehexile

    tehexile New Member

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    i think i just hijacked your thread... sorry, i just needed to rant :hs:
     
  4. Sionell89

    Sionell89 I grew up when I wasn't looking

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    If it's meant to be, the distance won't be a problem. You'll learn to cope. If it's not meant to be, the distance will speed the demise along. Distance can suck, but it's not the end of the world.

    DF, just tell her. You're better off knowing just how unstable she is, and you'll see for yourself how mature she is. It's not a permanent move so it's just something that needs to be endured. You'll be able to tell from her reaction whether you want to be stuck in closed quarters with her for any length of time.

    T, 40 minutes is doable. The biggest issue you have is the $ of gas and time. There is such a thing as the phone and chances are you will both be so wrapped up in things that the time will fly. Yes, things will change, but what will be will be. Your girl is probably just dealing more with fears than anything else. College is a huge thing and she's probably heard of plenty of relationships that fell victim to college. It's a distinct possibility because the change is absolutely phenomenal. But if you do break up, it will be for the best, even though it doesn't feel that way at the moment. However, it sounds like she desperately needs stability. Relax, you've got the summer in front of you, enjoy one day at a time. Strengthen what you have, don't let fear undermine it.
     
  5. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    Another reality apparently
    If its truly love, nothing will keep you apart. It sounds as if you are both adults, however if this is a relationship you wish to keep long term the "I'm thinking flat out telling her I have to go back" attitude needs to go. Love means giving up what you want, or atleast being flexible to the needs of the one you love. An ultimatium is not love...

    You are smart for not trying to make the long distance thing work, it rarely does unless the relationship already has a very very strong foundation.

    Good luck, but you should really consider whether or not you love this girl, or if it is just a lustful and emotional attachment. Nothing wrong with the latter, but you need to know the difference before you make decisions like this.
     

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