SRS In dire need of some good advice v. new girl at work

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by txsigma, May 4, 2009.

  1. txsigma

    txsigma OT Supporter

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    this may be kind of a long read, just a heads up...

    Ok, so recently my company just hired a new girl out of state (North Carolina) to work in my department. At first glance / meeting I thought she was attractive (not like supermodel attractive and by OT standards she'd probably end up being about a 5 or 6 out of 10), but really nothing special. I didn't really think anything of it at the time but deep down I knew there was just something about her that I gravitated towards.. immensely. Well, after being around each other at work and hanging out after work with other people (also co-workers) we've gotten to know each other pretty well and my attraction towards her has grown CONSIDERABLY. I usually don't get feelings like this towards someone until AFTER I've started dating them for a while or been in a relationship with them for a period of time, but for some reason with her I've developed this infatuation almost. I can't explain why or how this happened but is seriously fucking with me. We have a ton of things in common and she has pretty much all of the values I look for in a woman, I mean if I was going to marry someone she would be a perfect candidate.

    Now here's the tricky part, she's in a relationship with someone and has been for 3 years. He's a musician and is on the road touring a lot and has some seroius baggage with an ex-wife and a son which she has said kind of bothers her because the ex-wife is still in his life as well as the son. Now this may be wishful thinking on my part, but I've seen relationships like this end eventually at some point nearly every time. And so this kinda brings me to my question and/or dillema that I'm seeking advice on:

    1. Should I tell her how I feel about her even though the possiblity exists that it could make things at work "weird" if the feeling isn't mutual?

    2. Should I wait and hold back on telling her how I feel until her current relationship ends (assuming it does at some point)?

    I'm really at my wit's end here but I really don't know what the best course of action should be. I suspect that there is some mutual attraction there because every time we're around one another there is this strange, but good feeling vibe. I'm leaning towards not saying anything and just letting things develop naturally and if it's meant to be, then it's meant to be, but at the same time I'm absolutely terrified of missing my opportunity (if it's there) if I keep my mouth shut.

    what the fuck do I do?
     
  2. 7960

    7960 New Member

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  3. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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  4. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    I got to "advice v. new girl at work" and knew what I was going to post before reading the post.
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    what the fuck do I do?

    Move on, dude. Not only do you work with her-FAIL. But she's already in a relationship-FAIL. Absolutely nothing good will come from you even telling her how you feel.
     
  6. txsigma

    txsigma OT Supporter

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    i know plenty of couples who have met at work and ended up getting married

    the "don't shit where you eat" concept isn't universal

    however, in my case i can see how it applies
     
  7. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    so now you can say that you are aware that in this world exists someone that is positive (I assume you value the fact that you get feelings for her way early and that she has values you look for)


    So there, end it-lesson learned. You have now learned that there exists a woman that you would marry. A little, hint: there are more than one of her in this world. So from now on when you are out and about, use her for your baseline and never settle for someone lower than what you have seen in her, and eventually it will be a major victory. It seems that most of us fall into this trap. I have seen myself in it many times before. We find something that is really amazing or worthy of our attention, and for some reason we think that this person or thing is the ONLY one in the entire world. It turns out not to be the case, just silly human nature fooling us into more trickery


    the comment 7960 made is just :rofl:

    and true.
     
  8. Handsom3

    Handsom3 Our wrongs remain unrectified and our souls won't

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    I went away to college and started a new job, met a girl fell in love, and thought everything was wonderful. She ended up cheating on me, lying behind my back, and the best part is I still have to work with her. We went for almost three years before she pulled what she did.

    Having to see her at work is one of the worst things when it comes to moving on. It has been almost a year and I'm still recovering from this...

    Isn't worth it!
     
  9. txsigma

    txsigma OT Supporter

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    :hsd: sorry to hear that man
     
  10. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    true.

    but shes in a relationship. dont waste your time being the side guy while she gets the best of both worlds. find a girl who is single.

    if she one day becomes single, then you can think about it
     
  11. txsigma

    txsigma OT Supporter

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    will do, thx for the post :wavey:
     
  12. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    so you asked for advice but are setting yourself up to ignore it.

    excellent.
     
  13. txsigma

    txsigma OT Supporter

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    wtf, did you not read the post?
     
  14. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Don't say anything. Telling someone how you feel is not necessary and just makes things weird. Show her how you feel through your actions. But since she's in a relationship I wouldn't go too far with that. You are better off just distancing yourself from her as much as you can so that your feelings can die down some, at least until she breaks up with the current bf.
     
  15. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    yea, I read 2 of the 3 lines setting yourself up to ignore the advice you asked for.
     
  16. txsigma

    txsigma OT Supporter

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    there's your problem
     
  17. txsigma

    txsigma OT Supporter

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    have you had an experience with this (someone confessing their feelings for you)? just curious..

    yeah, i've pretty much made up my mind that this is what i'm going to do, thanks for the advice
     
  18. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    1. i know plenty of couples who have met at work and ended up getting married
    2. the "don't shit where you eat" concept isn't universal
    3. however, in my case i can see how it applies


    1 = but but but!!!!
    2 = not for me not for me not for me!!!!
    3 does NOT= "so I'll follow everyone's advice"


    Hey, do whatever you want. Good luck.
     
  19. txsigma

    txsigma OT Supporter

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    well, through maturity and growing older I've decided that finding someone that I want to marry and eventually start a family of my own is what will truly make me happy. I've just grown so tired of casual dating that leads to nothing, that I just don't do it anymore :hs: (maybe that's part of the problem)
     
  20. txsigma

    txsigma OT Supporter

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    :rofl: wow

    i'm not going to get into a pissing contest with you over your opinion of what i meant in those 3 lines and what I actually meant, but thanks anyways for the input
     
  21. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I have had 3 different guys at different points in my life tell me how they felt while I was already with someone.....and yes, it's awkward and retarded every.single.time.
     
  22. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    dude just abort you are going to look like a fool
     
  23. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

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    I am all for telling someone how you feel before you lose the opportunity, but I dont think you are about to lose the opportunity. I would try to wait out her break up. If you do meet someone that makes you feel similar, dont wait for 'work girl', but dont let her go and settle for anything less than what you saw in her. (I hope that doesnt sound too confusing)
     
  24. Tills

    Tills Lets Go Flyers

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    My take on it is that life is way to short to see what *might* happen. I vote for telling her how you feel. If it works, great, if it doesn't then it probably was not going to work 6 months, 1 year, 2 years from now.

    Make your own fucking breaks in life if you want too. Just realize that shit may not go your way and you will have to deal with that.
     
  25. Sgt. Friday

    Sgt. Friday Guest

    This.

    She's in a relationship with baggage, and in my experience people with baggage are harder to leave then those without, for women at least. I've heard "oh I can't leave him and his son/daughter like that, its just too hard" blah blah...
     

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