SRS In desperate need of advice.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Cicatrize, Aug 22, 2007.

  1. Cicatrize

    Cicatrize $user_title

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    Yeah, I'm new here, and none of you know me, but I'm hoping someone can help.

    It seems a lot of things just aren't going the way they used to, and quite frankly, I'm scared. First of all, I'll say a few things about me. I'm 24, male, living in south Florida with my girlfriend of 3 years (I moved here from Michigan in the beginning of '05), I work in the secondary market of the mortgage industry, and I'm a singer/songwriter (acoustic guitar, keyboard, electric guitar).

    First of all, my job is on the downward spiral. The market we're in right now is the subprime market, which no one is interested in anymore, and there's just no money to be made. I used to fund 125+ loans a day, and now I'm down to 12-20 loans a day. Those extra loans accounted for about $600 extra income I received every month, and when it went down, my lifestyle changed completely, but it was still ok. Just this past week, they've taken away our bonus every month entirely, and for someone on a base pay as small as mine living in south Florida, that's dangerous. This industry lives on bonus as an expected perk, and not so much of a "treat", and I'm really hurting because of it.

    My girlfriend and I just signed a new lease for a bigger apartment (before I heard about the bonus cut) which we will be moving into next month, and will cost me $100+ more a month than our current place does. Between rent and all my bills, I'm left with about $300 left for the month, and that doesn't include gas or food. I'm a car enthusiast, and own an 05 Mustang GT which gets about 16mpg (premium fuel tune), so it would just make me feel worse to sell it than it would to be poor, but judging by my budget, I'm going to be in the red every month.

    My girlfriend and I have had a rocky relationship for about 2 years now, and I'm guessing it's just the love that keeps us together, and knowing that we've been through some serious shit together, and are still here. But sometimes I wonder why we even try. Sometimes I even think that breaking up would be the best thing to do, but if we did that, neither of us could afford to live, since we both pay half of our living costs, and can barely afford that alone.

    For the past 2 months, I've been too stressed out to even write any new music, or even pick up my guitar. Considering writing music is the most important thing in the world to me, it's really painful to not do it, but I just can't fucking get the drive to just DO IT, especially when my gf is home whenever I am. I like to have peace and be alone when I write/record my music, and I can't seem to ever get that, and it's starting to get frustrating as hell. I started getting into writing heavily about 5 months before I started dating my girlfriend, and before we got together, I wrote about 12 songs. In the three YEARS we've been together, I've probably written 10. That's really fucking sad. However, the new apartment has two bedrooms on opposite sides of the house, so it will give me some space to be able to do what I need to do, so that might help. I don't know.

    So here are my problems...summarized:

    1. I need a new job, but I'm pretty materialistic, and LOVE to have the freedom to spend money whenever I want to. Nothing crazy, I just don't want to worry about that $20 I'm going to spend on a round of golf, or that $2.99 I want to spend on a fucking box of Ritz crackers. I have a high school degree, some college completed, am very good with computers, and have a little bit of sales experience. Does anyone have any options to suggest for a job that I wouldn't have to work my ass off to make $45k/yr+?

    2. I don't know what to think about my relationship. I really love her...a lot, but I just feel like I can do better for myself (personality wise). I think she's beautiful, and our "alone" time is fantastic, and she is capable of carrying interesting conversations, but I swear we're fighting 97% of the time, and it sucks...especially since I'm the one who's always blamed for shit.

    3. Music is my goal in life. If I could do it for a living, I would shit myself. I don't know where to start, though, since I can't afford an agent, professional recording, or the time to devote to it 100%. Any suggestions?

    4. I'm depressed a lot, sometimes for no reason at all, but mostly because I think life sucks, but I see people around me who are worse off than I am, yet are always smiling and having a jolly good time with life. HOW DO I GET WHERE THEY ARE (mentally). I really want to know.

    Thanks for reading, and thanks for any advice you can give.
     
  2. Cicatrize

    Cicatrize $user_title

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    Do I need to provide cliffs or something? :(
     
  3. oatmeal

    oatmeal New Member

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    I’ll do my best…



    Welcome to the world of life… When you figure shit out, like when you find the secret to life… let us all know.



    Look at it this way… you have a job and you live in Florida and you're not a senior citizen… right, that's got to account for something… be thankful you’re not linvin’ under a bridge.



    No worries…. You will always find a way. I use to ‘rob peter to pay paul’ … I was on unemployment once for a year ‘cause I couldn’t find work in Graphic Arts industry. Plus, I had a girlfriend that wasn’t working, two dogs, three cats, fish, two cars…. And, we smoked pot on a regular bases and were heavy drinkers…. We found a way even though we were at each others throats, on a regular bases…. we managed.



    You have to ask yourself…. Is this a relationship of convenience?



    Don’t blame it on the lady… it’s your perception that’s causing your stress or musical writers block… besides, if she love you, she will understand that you need some time to yourself to adjust and revamp, so to speak… hence the extra room in the house!

    Just whip up a sweet resume and start applying to shit you may not qualify for… I did and that landed me the best job in the history of my job realm… ya never know, ya may get lucky… I did, and it supports the lifestyle in which I am accustomed... with no worries!... Well, maybe some, but nothing worth losin' sleep over.



    Every chick is going to blame you, regardless…. That’s how relationships work. 97%, those are good odds, considering most people claim to be fighting 100% (or all the time) of the duration of the relationship… You’re doing pretty well.



    Myspace.com…. Best place to submit music on a budget.



    You answered your own question…



    Best of luck my man…. Prost!
     
  4. Terra Matris

    Terra Matris Guest

    1. the average american changes careers 3 times in their lives - don't be afraid to explore the change; look at the book "What color is my parachute."

    2. As I told someone else: love is mutual respect, and cooperative discussion with active listening. Most of all Love does not hurt; and agruing is not discussion.

    3. Music is therapeutic in all of it's forms; make time to do what pleases and soothes you. Especially at this time.

    4. Take from a person who: had a husband with a brain tumor one year, had to decide to take their mother off life support on their birthday the next year, and who's father was in a car accident with my son the following year - life is short, life can be good, and most of all life is what you make of it. Read the book called: "The Secret."
     
  5. ///M Pilot

    ///M Pilot New Member

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    The only advice I can offer is this:

    You're not too young for a career change (and I would HIGHLY advise it given the market you're in)

    And make sure that the feelings youre experiencing with respect to your girlfriend aren't just because you're in a rut with the rest of your life. I made that mistake and ended up treating her like crap as a result (and now I've lost the best thing that happened to me). We fought too much, and it was always because I was too stressed, not because I didn't love her.
     
  6. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I think it's more than 3 now... I think when I was in college (99-03) they told us it was around 12.

    And I second the recommendation for "What Color Is My Parachute." Get it from the library cuz it's cheaper than buying it :) I think there's a new edition each year so get the whatever the newest one you can find is... 06 or 07 or 08 maybe?
     
  7. Cicatrize

    Cicatrize $user_title

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    I don't see how I answered my own question... I want to know HOW people are like that.
    I was saying I'm scared. Not entirely because things aren't like they used to be. It's the upcoming events that are scary...

    As for the rest of your post, thanks!

    1. I am totally exploring a change right now. :)

    2. I completely agree with you, but I feel like she doesn't respect me at all, and in return, I show none as well.

    3. I really do need to. :/

    4. I've tried to follow the philosophy "life is what you make of it" before, and it never seems to work out for me. I'll try to make something of it, and it won't work.

    The only thing my stress does is just make my frustration with her more prevalent. It's always there, trust me. :( If she's not annoying the piss out of me, she's screaming at me for something that is usually a small misunderstanding that she takes the wrong way. I'm not very confrontational, but I am fairly defensive. She's extremely confrontational, and more defensive than I am. That combo between us is really dangerous.


    Also, thanks guys for the book recommendations. I don't actually even know where the library is down here (haha), but I'll have to try and pick up that parachute one soon.
     

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