SRS Improving social skills?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by The Big Eye, May 26, 2006.

  1. The Big Eye

    The Big Eye New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2002
    Messages:
    9,204
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Fresno, CA
    Hey guys, first time posting in this forum but i'm in need of some help. In a nut shell I have zero social skills because i'm shy. I've always been shy and just when I think i'm growing out of it and improving, I seem to get worse.

    I'm wondering if there are any options for me to help me improve socially. I find myself avoiding contact with poeple and avoiding certain situations that may lead to social or verbal confrontations. I'm ok with family and most of the time i'm ok with friends one-on-one, but in a group of 3 or more I tune myself out hoping to avoid any attention drawn to myself for fear of looking or saying something stupid.

    Any tips or reccomendations for some kind of class or therapy is greatly appreciated. :)
     
  2. Isaac

    Isaac New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2006
    Messages:
    58
    Likes Received:
    0
    If you can talk to one person, you can talk to many people. Just do it more often. The only way you can get used to social situations is being in them. Social graces are very complicated things not easily explained over the internet.

    The best thing you can do: Approach every situation as if you're the coolest guy there. People will treat you how you see yourself and project yourself.
     
  3. KUBA

    KUBA New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2004
    Messages:
    30,936
    Likes Received:
    0
    i think Isaac nailed it.

    you have to become a more social person to have really good social skills

    next time you have an opportunity to go to a party, or just any kind of gathering of people... GO! talk to strangers, call wrong numbers and ask for movie recommendations, anything! you're not going to get any better unless you apply yourself and go out there and talk to people.
     
  4. scaryice

    scaryice New Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2005
    Messages:
    204
    Likes Received:
    0
    Solve your self-esteem/confidence issues first. That's my advice.
     
  5. The Big Eye

    The Big Eye New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2002
    Messages:
    9,204
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Fresno, CA
    Thanks for the good advice guys, i'll keep working on it. I think I failed to mention that I also do have low self-esteem so i'm really self-consious when it comes to socializing with other people. I've improved myself completely physically (weight loss mainly), so i'm still working to accept myself. I just have a hard time jumping into those social situations. I'll have some good oppotunities this weekend so we'll see how it goes.

    Thanks.
     
  6. PukeyCute

    PukeyCute New Member

    Joined:
    May 5, 2006
    Messages:
    244
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Somewhere in NC
    Well said, Isaac.

    Don't fear messing up, either. Everybody does it, even the smooth-talking Casanovas that never seem to say something clumsy or look awkward. It'll happen. It's an inevitability. What isn't is repeating them. Resolve to learn from them and they stop being something to be afraid of.

    Have fun this weekend.
     
  7. teo

    teo . => ? => !

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2004
    Messages:
    3,094
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Eh?
    Good idea - just be sure not to think and/or project that you're better than them, or you come off as an asshole - worse than being shy imho.
     
  8. Cthalupa

    Cthalupa New Member

    Joined:
    May 5, 2006
    Messages:
    46,930
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Dallas, Texas
    Just think "Hey, I'm the coolest motherfucker here", and believe it, and you're good to go. Confidence is key. If you think you're smooth and suave, that's 95% of the way to actually being smooth and suave
     
  9. Isaac

    Isaac New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2006
    Messages:
    58
    Likes Received:
    0
    This is true. Think Brad Pitt in Oceans 11, not Matt Dillon in There's Something About Mary.
     
  10. The Big Eye

    The Big Eye New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2002
    Messages:
    9,204
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Fresno, CA
    BTW my name is Isaac too :bigthumb:
     
  11. Mars Princess

    Mars Princess They hatin'

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2001
    Messages:
    73,475
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Houston, Texas
    Everyone says something stupid and does something stupid so don't think you are in alone in feeling self-conscious. Also, if you DO happen to say or do something stupid, learn to laugh at yourself.

    When you feel nervous, just take a few deep breaths and launch yourself into the situatin. try not to think too much before going into a social situation. thinknig too much can be the death of you. just smile and be pleasant. some people will like and some people won't, but people are attracted to those who have the confidence to put themselves out there :)

    good luck!! if you made the friends you have now, then you can make more . Just takes more exposure to social situations.
     
  12. kingtoad

    kingtoad OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2003
    Messages:
    55,918
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    Sup Isaac, you and I are in the same boat. :wavey:
     
  13. WangHangLow

    WangHangLow Live it, Love it, Lax!

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2005
    Messages:
    126
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Chapel Hill, NC
    Awesome advice from all these people, I was going to post about something different but this pretty much covers it. I was wondering about social anxiety as well the kind that must be treated with medication anyone know anything about that. ie how do u know if you should start seeing a shrink etc.
     
  14. The Big Eye

    The Big Eye New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2002
    Messages:
    9,204
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Fresno, CA
    I talked to a doctor about this like 4 years ago and he said "well it's normal for a guy your age" and then wrote a prescription for prozac :ugh: I never took that and never went back to him for that matter.
     
  15. WangHangLow

    WangHangLow Live it, Love it, Lax!

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2005
    Messages:
    126
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Chapel Hill, NC
    Thats wierd I think I will talk to my doctor and see what he says
     

Share This Page