SRS Impossible?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by GaveUp, Nov 12, 2006.

  1. GaveUp

    GaveUp New Member

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    So me and this girl have been rather close for basically the past year (with a month break or so). I've known her since highschool when she used to have a thing for me, but it never amounted to much. We were friends first for a little which led into more (sex. regularly). Basic things started to happen, like we were in some sort of relationship. You know, spending days on end together, sleeping over like every night....but she didn't want a relationship and couldn't handle the commitment. So we just kept doing what we were doing, while I was getting more and more attached. And to be honest, she seemed to be the same way...very affectionate. Very.

    Well, I guess all good things must come to some sort of end and I saw things dwindling down (Mainly with her). Eventually, after many, many talks she decided that she just wants to be friends and blah blah blah. Normally, I would just say fuck off and be done with it. This time however, it is a bit tricky, she's my best friend, and furthermore she has become one the most important person in my life. So, I really felt I had to try to at least keep this friendship (while still very much in love with her). She's told me something just doesn't feel perfect with me or something the like. But to be honest, when were together, it's hard to believe that. With how she acts and the way she looks at me. Something clicks, I just think she may be scared to admit it, because she's not the type for relationships and seems scared of commitment.

    I've been trying to remain friends. We still talk daily and I still have slept over her place a few times. We still hang out a decent amount, no kissing or anything like that, but we do cuddle and all the stupid crap (which seriously tears me apart).

    We have had several conversations where I have told her I don't know if I can do this. Because in all honesty, these feelings for her have not died down in the least. She says I am being immature about this and there is no reason we can't be friends. So I continue on...

    Lately, I have been finding myself being mean to her at times. Stopping her in the middle of a conversation saying "You, I really just don't feel like talking to you right now. Can we talk later?" I mean, I am a complete asshole to regular people, but I have always been sincere and nice to her. I just can't control myself, like a child who had his lollipop stolen from him and is pissed about it.

    Is it possible for me to get over this and be her friend? I mean, I am not going to lie, I want to be with her. I hate this feeling of being pathetic and feeling powerless when it comes to her. But I feel like I need her in my life.

    Sorry for the length, but I am at a loss and have no idea what to do or how to act.
     
  2. gkremian

    gkremian New Member

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    I'm in the same scenario, and all I can do right now to keep myself from going crazy is just not talk to her at all. I'm not saying that is the same for you, because I thought that the girl was perfect for me (and honestly, I still do). However, the logical part of me says there are billions of women out there so I am bound to find someone better, like I know that she is. It kills me, it really does, but there isn't anything that can really be done about it... Think about that, because perhaps you can be friends and perhaps, like me, all you can do is cut off communication and give yourself some time to heal before you try talking this girl again. :hs:
     
  3. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    don't abuse yourself in this situation... if she's truly your friend she'd do you the favor of answering a straight question; like if you ask her "ok, is this ever going to amount to anything more? because if it's not, i need to know because it's too hard to just be friends with you." you say that you feel like you need her, and that must feel good to her... she's getting attention from you and as long as you keep giving it she's never going to change anything. trust me, life without her is probably a lot easier than you think.
     
  4. waterypoop

    waterypoop New Member

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    I'm in a similar situation myself, it really sucks but you learn to deal with it after a while.


    ...
    I see your location is northfield, vt. So am i right in thinking your at norwich also?
     
  5. johan

    johan Active Member

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    You cling to friendship because you cannot bear to give up on the relationship.
    Admit it, it isn't friendship you want. You want the relationship, and you cling, thinking that if you remain close...she might change her mind.

    No it is not possible to "get over this and be her friend".

    Stop lying to yourself. All the rest of us can see right through your story, we know what you really want. So do you (inside).

    And most importantly, SO DOES SHE.

    The rest of the details about you said/she said/you said/she said...mere window dressing. Ya ya you're curt and abrupt with her, there's no deep meaning from that, its quite obvious why. So I'll leave all that alone.

    She's already told you, EXPLICITLY, that her experience of the relationship was not the same as your experience. That she did not feel as you did. Oh so you can't believe she couldn't feel otherwise? Well believe it. In your account, she told you flat out. Anyways...


    It's time to move on. If you are to have ANY chance at all in the future, you need to disengage, stop crawling after her, and stand tall. Wipe the dust off your kneepads, and wipe the shit off your face. You might then have a chance.
     
  6. gkremian

    gkremian New Member

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    Yeah, I wouldn't be in Northfield otherwise. :rofl: It's definitely not a booming city.
     

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