SRS I'm very tired (long)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Banana Mike, Oct 17, 2006.

  1. Banana Mike

    Banana Mike Guest

    I think I'm a pretty nice guy. Maybe not the nicest, but I'll usually help someone out if they need me to. I'll give people rides here and there; I'll loan them a few bucks; if someone wants something I'll probably just give it to them. Sometimes I try to think of others just for the hell of it to see what I can do that might make them happy. It's rough because I know a lot of people and people usually expect things of me these days, which is becoming more and more of a burden. I don't think I let on too much how much it bugs me, though, that no one does anything for me.

    Hell, not even if I ask. I asked two of my roommates the other day if they would walk a block to Subway to pick up a sandwich for me. Both declined and laughed as they did, in such a way that implies I would have to do something for them to make it worth their while. Little do they realize that I've done so much for them, but practically never ask for anything back. I thought such a request would be worthwhile just to see where I stand in their eyes.

    People assume that because my family is wealthy and my bank account replenishes itself daily, that I don't care about money or lending it to others. People assume that it's just nothing to me, so they take advantage of it and act like I should practically be obligated to pay for things for them, and take the bulk of a bill just because. So I continue to be generous, as the rest of my family is. It's how I was raised and I can't help but desire to not seem 'cheap,' because that's certainly how I'd be viewed if I acted how I feel as if I should these days.

    As I write this, I'm thinking that maybe my problem seems to you like it's that I expect things from others back. Obviously if you always act like people are expected to do things for you, they rarely will. I don't think I act like that, and I've honestly lost all expectations I have for other people to be nice. At least to me. Some of my friends are really great, amazing people; they do very nice, generous things. Just not for me. I stopped caring awhile ago, until today.

    When I say that no one does anything for me, I really mean it. I don't like to ask for much so I just plain won't, but in the scenario that I need something, maybe half the time my friends can't even help me do something simple that would just take them a few minutes. I can only think of maybe one time in the last six months that one of my friends has done something for me out of the pure goodness of their heart, for no reason other than to be nice. Most of my friends didn't remember my birthday this past year. There are a few exceptions, obviously, but none that I can truly depend on 100% of the time. I'd like to think that someone could always depend on me, no matter what. :hs:

    I'm starting to wonder what the fucking point of my life is. I'm not a good student and I don't really like school. I don't care to further my education because there's nothing that really motivates me, and I sure as hell can't get through the boring prerequisite classes that I need just to get out of undergrad. I've always wanted to be successful but it's hard since my parents overshadow me quite a bit, and it'll be very difficult to be more successful than my Mom is. I'm an only child so I'm going to be left with quite a bit when she finally retires. :hs:

    I just don't know what to do. I'm tired of living. All of my relationships fail horribly, no matter what I do. This last girl ... I did everything right. I really like her, all of her roommates love me, and all of my friends love her. But it's not going to work out and it really tears me up inside that I'm not even fucking it up anymore, but it's just circumstantial bullshit that I can't control that's hurting me.

    It's been so long and all I want is for someone to just do something nice. I don't even care how small ... I just wish that someone made me a priority for once, just once. Maybe then I wouldn't feel so bad when I do something for someone else and they don't appreciate it, because I'd know that in some way, someone out there cares about me. As of right now I really just want to stop living, which sucks, because there's so much good out there, and my life is already so ... great, at least by everyone else's standards.

    Edit: Removed some things
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 17, 2006
  2. eljefedetonto

    eljefedetonto OT Supporter

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    I used to be the same way-- I thought if I made a big effort to please others, they'd return the favor. Well, they often don't. And therein lies the true nature of human beings.

    If you want people to respect you and make you a priority, show a backbone. Speak up when you have a problem with something.Remind people of the things you've done for them if they refuse you a favor. Show people that you respect yourself. You want people to make you a priority? MAKE YOURSELF PRIORITY #1 FIRST, because while you can't always depend on others, you can ALWAYS depend on yourself.

    After that, you'll probably know what you want to do with your life, and that may involve going to school.

    As for relationships, well I've been up the same shitcreek as you. All my relationship stories were generally failures, sometimes even due to total obliviousness on my end. I even had to give up a good thing after I graduated from high school because I had decided to go to college across the country the year before. This, after I finally got it right.

    After you take control of your life, though, these and other things will start to fall into place.
     
  3. Kytro

    Kytro I am become death, shatterer of worlds

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    First let me say, there isn't anything wrong with being nice. That does not mean you should let people walk all over you for the sake of it.

    If you do not respect yourself, and treat yourself at least as importantly as you do others, people will notice it and act accordingly.

    It does not mean you have be an arsehole, or not help people, but perhaps you should limit how and when you help
     
  4. Banana Mike

    Banana Mike Guest

    I wish I knew why you both have equated being nice with not respecting yourself. I have a backbone. I do speak up when I don't like things. People say I'm an asshole often enough, and that's fine, because there's certainly a balance that I personally think is necessary. That doesn't mean that I still can't be nice, though, because I am. I still like to do things for people and everything I said in my initial post still stands.

    I am always the priority. I don't understand why you think that someone who is nice is automatically some introverted bitch who lets the world walk all over him and says nothing. I guess it's that kind of opinion which stops people from ever being nice back?
     
  5. bucherfreund

    bucherfreund Guest

    crap. i had all this good stuff written and i just lost it :squint:
    basically, i am in the same situation as you, i am generous and responsible and my friends take advantage of me all the time: i lend them money, give them rides, go with them to akward social events, help them with resume writing, writing papers, applying for student loans, etc. and i only have two friends that would ever return the favor. my boyfriend says i am a pushover and i need to say "no" more, but i find it difficult because i do enjoy making people happy.
    what i might suggest for your situation (since you said you aren't sure what it is you want to do with school, your future, etc.), is that you take some time off and volunteer somewhere. volunteering would give you a chance to try out different skills to see what you enjoy, put you in contact with other generous people, and give you a chance to focus on others in a way that may put things in perspective for your life.
    i went to the ALA conference (for library students and employees) in new orleans this past summer and a bunch of us volunteered to help with rebuilding the libraries that had been destroyed by hurricane katrina. i was only there for five days, so i only got to participate on one project, but it was so rewarding. and it definitely put things into perspective: when i came back and had an idea of what those people went through, i was pretty quick to tell my friends to shut the fuck up when they bitched about gas prices and the like. if anything, it sounds like you are stressed and could use a vacation- if you are interested in any of this, check out the n.o. craigslist, they have a ton of legit volunteering opportunities with groups that will actually provide lodging, meals, etc.
     
  6. Sloi

    Sloi Back up in your ass with the resurrection

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    It might be that your friends aren't really friends at all? Look for subtle clues, compare how they treat an acquaintance and a friend. Guaranteed they're either shitty friends or none at all.
     
  7. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Yeah nice, now you can retire when you are 965 years old :squint:

    Imagine looking back on your life then realising you accomplished nothing :noes: exept 1 googelplex of posts on OT.
     
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2006
  8. eljefedetonto

    eljefedetonto OT Supporter

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    You're surprised? Re-read it and tell me you don't sound spineless.

    How can you write all that stuff and then come back and say you're making yourself a priority? If you made yourself a priority, you wouldn't give a flying fuck that your 'friends' weren't doing things for you, you'd just stop doing things for them, since they obviously don't appreciate it.

    And for crying out loud, nobody said don't be nice and nobody said you were introverted, by the way. Don't put words in my mouth.

    I just said put yourself first, and by the sound of your first post, you don't. If you want to help people and take care of them, great! But if they don't appreciate your good work, what's the fucking point? You're obviously not happy with it, so DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

    Don't come to OT, ask for advice, then shoot down the shit you don't want to hear.
     
  9. Sloi

    Sloi Back up in your ass with the resurrection

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    Direct, but precise post.
     

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