SRS I'm tired of crying, I don't know what to think or do

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Dorn, Sep 24, 2006.

  1. Dorn

    Dorn New Member

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    Last night my girlfriend and I broke up, and it's torn me apart.

    This is our second go around at a relationship. Last time we were together for 10 months and things turned sour. We changed and grew apart. We loved each a lot, but we just couldn't handle it. This was back in December of 2004. We started talking again back in May this year and started growing closer again. We started officially dating in July.

    We both knew I was moving to San Diego, and were prepared for it. We both knew what happened last time, and wanted to avoid it. I even told myself right before we got back together I wasn't going to hurt her again like I did. Well I did.

    Over the past few weeks, I just started treating her a little worse and worse. I didn't realize it, and she never said anything. I guess it just kind of built up inside of her. Then things just really happened two weeks ago. She told me she was planning on hanging out with her girlfriends on Friday night, and I said "ok, what are you guys doing?" She said they were just going to hang out and watch a movie, whatever. I asked if they were drinking, she said no. Come Tuesday night, instead of hanging out with the girlfriends, she was no changing it to going over to some guy's house for a party and get drunk with everyone. I didn't say anything, but I layed into her about it on Thursday, much more than I should have. I was stressed out from everything and took it all out on her.

    So Saturday night we talked. She said she was fully prepared to break it off with me, but we talked about things. We both kind of realized that everything that was going wrong were just small things that could be fixed, and said we'd try. I wanted to be more involved in her life as far as her friends went. The only time I really met her friends was when they were pretty drunk already. I told her I needed to not take my emotions out on her. We just kind of agreed on everything. I tried hard this past week. I invited her and some of her friends out to dinner. I just really showed I cared because I didn't want lose her.

    We planned on going out last night to dinner. Before I left, I wrote her an email on my feelings about everything. On the way over I picked up some flowers for her, the ones that she had told me were her favorites. I got over she was sitting in her room on the computer doing homework still. I walked up behind her, put the flowers on the desk and gave her a hug and she started crying asking why I got her flowers and everything.

    It all went downhill from there. She told me that last Friday night when she went out told her some things. She didn't worry about me that night. She said she wasn't sure where her feelings were for me anymore. She was tired of always falling asleep crying and tired of waking up wondering if things would be good or bad that day. She wasn't sure what she wanted. A big piece of her wanted to stay with me and work things out, another piece of her wanted to just end things. She wondered if maybe some time away to just think about things would help. She said she feels like she's not happy because she doesn't see her friends. It's work, school and me. She said she feels like she wants to be single right now, but she's not sure she wants to leave me.

    I told her I saw a lot more than us than what's happened. I told her things could change easily between us. I told her I still really cared for her. I just poured out my feelings. I came to the realization that all of this has really showed me that maybe I do love her. I told her I wanted her to hang out with her friends, I just wanted to be there too.

    She's been one of the greatest things to happen to me. I'm mad at myself for treating her like crap sometimes and fucking things up again, after I told myself I wouldn't. I'm hate the fact that I don't have her anymore in my life. I just hate her choice. I want her to be happy, but at the same time I look back at how we were a month ago and happy we both were, I just want that back.

    I don't know what to think. I can't see myself with anyone except for her right now. I told her I hate the whole idea of breaks, and I never would go back to someone that wanted that. But now I'm afraid I will, and I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I fell asleep last night crying just because I was so sick of everything, I was so mad at myself. I woke up today and cried for 20 minutes at least knowing that it's over and there's a very real chance I'll never see her again. I want to, but I know my feelings are going to be way too strong for me to even hold up.

    I just don't know what to do. I had to come home from work early today because I kept tearing up, I couldn't handle it. I got home and cried for another 20 minutes. I just want things to be right with us again, and I don't know if they ever will be. She said to check my email when I got home from work, and I was checking it at work every 15 minutes, even though I probably didn't want to read what it said. I don't want to get back together because it's comfortable, I want to get back together with her because I truly care for her a lot and I know there's a lot more to us that what's happened.

    I just don't know what to do now. I don't know what to think. I'm afraid to read her email, whenever it may arrive. But at the same time I almost want to, just hoping something good is in there. Thanks for reading all of this if you did. Help me get through this.
     
  2. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    Breaking up sucks eggs.

    I have a theory. It is only a theory mind you. And a personal one at that. Might not apply to you at all.
    My theory is that you can't go back. When I saw that this was your second try at this relationship I thought, 'Can't go back. The relationship isn't meant to work out.'.

    I mean, you learn lessons. Such is life. Maybe you didn't treat her bad, maybe she wants to break up (maybe it is just deep down inside her head) and she knew what buttons to press on you.
    I have a friend that swears that he manipulates women to break up with him.
    Never mind his status at being married.

    Take whatever lessons there are to be learned from this relationship to your next relationship.

    But for a while, probably another few weeks, life is gonna suck. That is all part of the process.

    Good luck.
     
  3. OhFourTwoThree

    OhFourTwoThree New Member

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    That's why you should appreciate what you have. People can only take so much.
     
  4. Dorn

    Dorn New Member

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    I've heard that before. But at the same time, even with how shitty the final couple months were the first time we were together, she was always in the back of mind, sometimes more than others. She came in to work here and there and we talked for a few minutes, but I couldn't do it for long. She would send me an instant message or something and we would talk, but again, not for long. Hell, something that looking back kind of told me something was I was on a first date with a girl and got a text from her saying hi and telling me her new number.

    When we really started talking again this time around, it was really easy. I had a lot of fun talking with her. I missed it, and I missed it a lot. The third night we really hung out, we ended up kissing. I went in and didn't feel wrong at all. It felt all too right, that's what made me realize I really missed her and really wanted her back in my life. She too wonders if we aren't supposed to be together because we do bring out the worst in each sometimes, but she said at the same time we bring out the best in each other too. I dunno.
     
  5. Dorn

    Dorn New Member

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    I know. I really just wish I didn't have some of the problems that I do have.
     
  6. Dorn

    Dorn New Member

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    I don't know what to do. I just want to sit down and talk to her and get all of this straightened out because I think it can. On the flip side, I know this is her decision right now and I can't do anything to change it. I hate this.
     
  7. OhFourTwoThree

    OhFourTwoThree New Member

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    Sometimes it takes something like this to make us realize what we need to change about ourselves.
     
  8. Los

    Los Active Member

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    You had a wonderful relationship. Use that to build on the next one.
     
  9. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Sounds like my relationship.
     
  10. Dorn

    Dorn New Member

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    When I was in bed last night I just started crying and thinking about everything. Like an idiot, I sent her a text asking if she'd tell me if there was someone else. She replied this morning saying she'd never break up with me for someone else. She said she just doesn't know what she wants right now, and it's not fair to me and doesn't want to hurt me more. I told her what hurts the most is not knowing. I have all these gut feelings, but they all contradict.

    I'm still supposed to get an email from her later today supposedly. I just hate this. I want to give her the space she needs, but at the same time I don't want to let her slip away from me completely. If anything, I still want to be on good terms, where we can hang out or whatever and talk. I don't know anymore.
     
  11. LS Boy

    LS Boy OT Supporter

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    sounds like my last relationship......9months later i still think of her and miss her. but im happy without her and her drama.


    shes now back with her abusive exbf (guy before me---they were together for 3years). i guess she didnt like the idea of me treating her like a princess and NOT LAYING MY HANDS on her.


    her loss.



    time is your friend bro. go out with your boys and get drunk and have fun....plenty of fish in the sea
     
  12. Dorn

    Dorn New Member

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    And I still wait for the email. She said tonight, I don't know when. I've found myself wondering a lot today what's she's been doing. It was tough going home tonight, I normally just go to her house on Sundays after work. I feel so bored, so empty right now.
     
  13. Dorn

    Dorn New Member

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    It sucks that I don't really have anyone to talk to right now either.
     
  14. Dorn

    Dorn New Member

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    And her email did absolutely nothing to put a finishing touch on anything. It's still a lot of "i don't know what i want" stuff.
     
  15. Sandwich

    Sandwich OT Supporter

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    hang out with some friends man, get out and about. i got out of a 3 year relationship mid july, we were living together..now i live alone.. there's a thread about it in the assylum. i was the same way you are, same exact way.. empty, bored, i felt like i needed her back or i couldnt live my life, she was everything...and on top of that i had the entire house by myself now. I hung out with friends more often..had people over, threw a huge house party.. The only reason i hadn't hung out with them as much before was because i spent my time with her. It was the best thing.. get drunk, have fun, you won't forget her but it gets easier and you'll meet others. Spend some money on yourself. I don't know your friend situation, but my friends helped a lot..they are like blood brothers to me and made everything so much easier.. i don't even miss her anymore. She tries to talk to me sometimes on AIM and i either don't respond, or respond very shallow. You'll get there with time.. just go have some fun

    edit.. i'll also add that on top of my friends, the advice from the people on this forum was nothing but the best and it helped a lot reading other peoples responses about how to move on. this place > all others.
     
  16. Dorn

    Dorn New Member

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    It's been two full days now, yes.

    I woke up today feeling a lot better about things. After I read her email, I wrote her a lengthy reply, something like three pages long. I got basically everything out there that I wanted to say. Now it's just time. Whether that time brings us back together and not, I don't know, but it will take a while. I told her I still wanted to be on a friends basis if nothing else, but it can't be today or tomorrow, but it will happen if nothing else does.
     
  17. Dorn

    Dorn New Member

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    Well, we talked briefly today on AIM. I saw her sign on, but didn't message her. After a few minutes, she sent me a message. Just asked me how I was doing, I said "fine" and asked her how she was doing. She said "ok." She then asked me if I would ever hang out with her, or would it be too hard, and I told her yes depending on the situation and when. I asked her the same and she said yes, she wants to hang out with me regardless of whether or not we get back together. She told me again she still really cares for me, she's just confused about what she wants.

    That was about it. I hate this.
     
  18. infinite loop

    infinite loop Statistically speaking, the Yankees do indeed suck

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    you might want to remove her from your AIM/MSN/yahoo/etc. break off contact for a little while to get your head on straight. it's gonna hurt like mad for a while, not talking to her might help you get over it more quickly.
     
  19. Los

    Los Active Member

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    break it off man. Just don't talk to her. Her confusion will drag you along for a very long and stupid roller coaster ride.
     
  20. Dorn

    Dorn New Member

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    I think I really need help, I'm not certain though. I just don't feel like myself lately at all. I'm at home and I think about her. I barely eat. It's hard to fall asleep lately, It's hard to concentrate on things like school or work. I don't know where to go or what to do though.

    I'm getting serious, help me guys. I hate this feeling right now.
     
  21. Bear Klaw

    Bear Klaw Guest

    I have been where you are now. Like everyone says, Break off contact with her. Don't talk to her anymore. It will just refresh your feelings for her, and when compared to what is real(not together) You will be all upset and stressed all over again, and it will keep happening and happening. And one day she will mention she is seeing someone else, and you will be torn apart.


    Take her off your buddy list, any lists, out of your phone book, etc.

    It is hard, but do it, We have all done it before and came out on top eventully.

    Just tell her this

    "My feelings for you are so strong, I can not deal with interacting with you on any terms less then what we used to share. That is not possible as you well know, so it is in my best interestes to cut off all contact with you. When I feel like I have moved on emotionally, I will let you know if i wish to try to be friends. But until then, Please leave me alone."
     
  22. Bear Klaw

    Bear Klaw Guest

    If you guys took a small break, and then got back together, That is possible for thing to work out. But when people take a long break, and build things up slow, and go over their issues, only to have them come back, it is a fact it will not work out between you two. I know first hand and from others. It sucks, Very much. And you will never forget her, and that in itself is not a bad thing. When you get to a certain point, you will be emotionally clear from any harm from your past with her. To the point when you having a shitty day, you can think back about the good memories of you two, and it will give you a bold sign, life has much to offer. You will miss her still yes, but the fact you have delt with such good, will make tomorrow, a brighter day. It has been awhile sinice i have had such good memories, but I have had them before, and know someday, I will have them again, it could be a month or a year, but i know, life offers such happyness, and no matter how much shit i deal with, i keep going waiting for that to come, and making everyday the most i can
     
  23. Isamu

    Isamu New Member

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    I am curious, how old are you guys? and the advice to just cut ties for now and go do yoru thing is spot on.. it's hard, but it's by far the best method
     
  24. infinite loop

    infinite loop Statistically speaking, the Yankees do indeed suck

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    look man, we've ALL been in your situation. it sucks and it can certainly feel like the end of the world, but you'll be fine.

    just take it a day at a time and don't deny your feelings. if you feel like crying, then do it. don't let shit build up.

    do you have any close friends you can confide in? getting this stuff off your chest to a real person might help.
     
  25. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    In for support.

    Dude I'm in the SAME EXACT situation as you. The only thing that took my mind off of her this morning was some dude hit me at an intersection this morning and I had to go to the police station and fill out an accident report which took about an hour. But you know what? I wanted to txt her so bad and be like "holy crap my car just got rear ended. at the police station now," but I didn't. So i guess it really DIDN'T take my mind off her. Nevermind.

    Are there any drugs to fix a broken heart? I mean it's basically caused by chemicals in your brain, so there should be some drug to counter that.
     

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