I'm thinking about leaving the girlfriend.

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by CopenKagan, Oct 19, 2005.

  1. CopenKagan

    CopenKagan OT Supporter

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    Lately I just can't stand her. She likes me to call her when she gets off work and at like 10 o' clock. If I can't do it right at these times because I am busy working or something like that she totally wigs out.

    For example, last night I talked to her at about 6pm, I told her I would call her later on when I got home from my friend's house. So about 11:15 comes and I'm barely walking into the door of my house (I was going to be calling her in like 2 minutes anyway). She calls and totally goes off on me that I didn't call. I told her I would call her when I got home, and she agreed.

    She just seems far too clingy lately as far as that goes. And it seems the more clingy she gets, the more I want to pull away. I can't stand being smothered.

    Another thing is that she lives 50 miles from me. I just got promoted at work as well as a raise. Everything is going great for me in that respect. She wants me to drop everything and move down by her. I just can't see myself giving up what I have worked for 2 years to attain, when she could just as easily move closer to me.

    Also, she can't stand it when I do things with my friends instead of her. That is something I can never change. There is no way I can give up the friends I am hanging out with. I know that no matter what choices I make in my life, they will try to be supportive of me. I feel that I am expendible with my girlfriend. If I do something that she doesn't like, I dont think she would give it a second thought to say we shouldn't date anymore.

    One more thing is that she wants to get married. She would like to get engaged around Christmas time. There is no way in hell I am ready to get married yet, another thing I'm not going to be pushed into doing.

    Do I seem like I'm being immature about this? I mean, granted, there are some things that couples need to give and take to make it work. But personally, I think she is being unreasonable about this. I can't leave a great job, I can't not hang out with my best friends, I can't help it if her clingyness is making me feel more distant from her.

    I also know that I need to talk to her about these things. I just don't want to feel like I am being selfish in the things I have just listed off. I do whatever I can to make her happy. I love her, I really do. I just don't know if I could see this working out when she is expecting me to give up so many things that I care about, when in return she gives up nothing.
     
  2. purplebeast

    purplebeast The depths of hell and endless torture await all h

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    You are right. You shouldnt have to give up anything for her. But..........

    If you truly loved her, you wouldnt look at it as giving anything up. I like to hang out with my friends, and Im not going to ignore them when I hook up with someone. But guess what? If I only have 10 free hrs per week. Im going to spend most of them with whoever makes me happier. I only have so much time to go arround, and I have to prioritise. i've found it much easier to kill two birds with one stone. Hang out w/ ur friends and bring ur girl along. Not always of course, cuz sometimes boys just need to be boys.


    The phone call thing is odd too. Yes, she shouldnt freak out because u didnt call right on time. But when u care about someone, u look forwards to calling them to hear how their day was. And u appear to dread her phone call.

    Moving part is iffy. No one should move anywhere unless ur gonna live together. And if u are gonna do, whoever makes the most money should be allowed to stay where they are. Only because most liekly they will be the ones paying for most of the bills since they make more money.

    It seems to me like ur ready to move on. Tell her u need some space and try to find ur self. BUT WARNING!!!!--- I've realized that I do love a girl after I had space to find myself. Only to learn that she had already found someone else and now I miss her dearly. Make sure that if u do ask for some time off, you understand that there is a possibility to never get her back.
     
  3. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Her behavior is only going to get worse with time. If you marry her, it will increase expotentially. I'm speaking from experience here.

    You've got to break them in right at the start of the relationship. If you spend every day with her in the beginning when everything is great and you love being around each other, she will always expect you to spend all your free time with her. If you make sure to spend time away from her in the beginning doing your own thing, this won't happen.

    You never should have accepted it when she told you that you have to call when you get off work and at night. If she wants to talk to you then, she can call you, and if you aren't busy, you can talk for a few minutes.

    If she gives you shit, either laugh it off and say "Cute" or tell her straight up that there are plenty of guys who will put up with her bullshit behavior but you aren't one of them, and that if she wants to act that way she will need to go date one of them instead. If you say this in the proper tone, she will go along with it. Trust me, I've tried it and it works.

    Set the proper tone from the beginning.

    You are the one who decides what you will accept and put up with. If you will accept any behavior from her, she is going to run amok and its only going to get worse. I've got an ex-wife to prove it.
     
  4. orie

    orie social assassin

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    sounds like my GF minus the 50miles part.

    How long have you two been together?
     
  5. Coco Monkey

    Coco Monkey OT Supporter

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    screw her and be single again. There's plenty of chicks out there. Why settle for just one?? Don't limit yourself!

    On top of all that, get yourself a crotch rocket and drive it around with an attitude. Chicks will be poppin that pussy at you left and right.

    You're welcome for the kick ass advice.
     
  6. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    i agree with yal bloor.. you have let yourself become the bitch of the relationship.

    ask yourself if you are really honestly happier when shes around then when shes not. Do you smile when she calls, or do you stare at the phone for a second wondering if there is any excuse not to answer. if the answer is yes, you should try to work it out. put your foot down. women will ALWAYS try to get away with acting rediculous, and its your job as a man to check her when she needs it. hell, sometimes i check em just to keep em on their toes.

    if she cops an attitude because you didnt re arrange your life to suit her whims, and you do anything else but aggressively defend yourself and point out that she is being unreasonable and that you will not stand for it, then you are begging to be treated badly.
     
  7. ProneToEpisodes

    ProneToEpisodes New Member

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    Wow... I was that girl in my last relationship. Basically I was young and immature and wanted to love and be loved. It took a heart break for me to grow up and be more independant
     
  8. playful kitty

    playful kitty Cougar-In-Training

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    :werd: Listen to this man. It sounds, CopenKagen, as though it's not really about her; it's about you. Maybe it's not the right time for you to be in a serious relationship; maybe she's not the one for you. Yes, she should let you have a life, and your space...but let's face it, it sounds as though you probably don't see her very often, which is why she's craving the phone interaction---which you hate.

    Either way, things will only get worse if the situation isn't resolved. Communicate with her, and try to figure out what you're feeling right now. She'll appreciate it.
     
  9. CopenKagan

    CopenKagan OT Supporter

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    I think I am going to bring it up to her tonight and try to talk to her about it. I guess "not spending a lot of time with her" is a subjective term. I spend 4 nights a week with her. That's quite a lot in my book.

    I go to her place on Wednesday and she comes up and stays at my place from Friday night to Sunday night.
     
  10. playful kitty

    playful kitty Cougar-In-Training

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    4 nights a week? :eek3: Oh....nevermind, then. :mamoru: I was thinking you saw her once a week or something like that.
     
  11. SeaMack99

    SeaMack99 OT Supporter

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    get out before its too late, if you dont she will end up prego or something and it only gets worse from there
     
  12. CopenKagan

    CopenKagan OT Supporter

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    IMO, I'm still spending too much time with her.

    I guess some people want to be with their SO all the time, and others just need their space. :dunno:
     
  13. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Don't get married while you feel that way! (I know there's no mention whatsoever of marriage here...)
    Move on if you want. There's no sense in staying if you're not happy and not all that commited.
     
  14. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    Ever ask yourself whats the point if you don't want to be around her? Doesn't sound like you really have feelings for her. It almost seems like she's more of a burden to you. I'm betting you've been together for awhile?

    If you have been together awhile I'd say it's time to lose the relationship because it's headed no where. There's no point in staying if it's not going in a direction which you both want and you see no positive outcome for the *BOTH* of you. All you are doing is dragging it out and making both of you miserable.

    Even if you aren't going to let go of the relationship, if you don't see that you are going to want to get married like she wants, then you should at least tell her that you know you are never going to marry her and let her make the decision on whether to leave. It's not right to lead her on and you obviously aren't headed that way with her at any point in your life.
     
  15. CopenKagan

    CopenKagan OT Supporter

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    Many good points. I was going to talk to her tonight, but we were with friends, so I didn't have an opportunity. On Friday night, I am going to try to be honest with her and tell her that I don't feel that I'm ready to get married and it will probably be that way for a few years.

    I have been with her for about 6 months.

    I don't know why she is such a burden to me lately. When she calls, I question answering my phone. When she wants me to come down, I give her excuses as to why I cant. :hs:
     
  16. lick wid nit wit

    lick wid nit wit Official OT Oracle

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    She is such a burden to you lately because she is not the girl for you anymore. This is a sign.

    After six months you should know whether you lov eher or not. I haven't seen you mention that at all.

    You didn't mention how old you were either. If you're in your early 20s, you're too young to be thinking of marriage anyways.
     
  17. CopenKagan

    CopenKagan OT Supporter

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    21. :noes:
     
  18. CopenKagan

    CopenKagan OT Supporter

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    Holy hell, I can't keep doing this. She is constantly just dropping in without letting me know about it. I was going to go to bed early tonight, but I guess not. She just called me and is about 10 minutes away from my house.

    She is seriously smothering the hell out of me and I absolutely hate it.

    Like I said, we do things on Wednesday and the weekends. I really don't like any more than that (even then it's a bit much for me). She came up Tuesday without letting me know, then she's doing it again tonight. I can't stand this anymore.
     
  19. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    I think you know what you need to do.
    Why are you hesitating?
     

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