SRS Im the most selfish person in the world, and it makes me feel like complete shit

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by JakobwithaK, Apr 18, 2007.

  1. JakobwithaK

    JakobwithaK Titty fuck for the win!

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    :wtc:

    I need some serious advice from people who are very good in making sacrifices in life. People who arent materialistic like me, people who focus on priorities in life and not just about their toys and what they own. People who are able to think of loved ones before themselves.
    WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT FOR ME TO DO?!


    It really depresses, really REALLY depresses me knowing Im a selfish individual and everyone in my family knows it (they know I have improved over the years from when I was younger, but I still have a lot of room for improvement and they know that). Im the baby of the family, and have always been spoiled when I was a kid (sisters still say I am, I have it easy in life). When I was little, I always had everything bought for me. If I wanted this, wanted that, parents would buy it for me. I basically never learned to say "no."

    For my family, its very easy for them to make sacrifices in life. They always know whats most important in life - and that sure aint the toys. They dont need a $2000 big screen TV, they dont need a 45,000K car, they dont need $600 hockey skates, they dont need $450 sunglasses, they dont need a $1200 watch. But for me, its a little more difficult for me to accept things in life and start making sacrifices. IF I do not start now at the age of 26, I will never be able to overcome this problem - as my long term goal is to become a much MUCH more giving person. Now, Im not saying that I havent started, I have...but I need to really pick it up and be more consistent with this. I am a giving and caring person, my family knows it...but them as well as I know that I can really improve in this area. Compared to everyone in my family, I make our family look so bad because of how selfish I can be, whereas they are the complete opposite.

    My parents are the most giving, unselfish people in the world. When they get a bonus at work, or have extra money for whatever - they dont go spending it on themselves, they dont go on a vacation and relax...that thought doesnt even cross their minds. Instead they always put their thoughts towards the kids. But when it comes to me, I always tend to think about what "I want", what "I want." And what "I WANT" is for this to stop!!! :(

    Here is the situation - one example. I bought a 45k Mercendez last Oct, and even though nobody in my family knows just how much I paid for it (or they would frankly kill me), they know its a Mercedez and its not exactly cheap. And most importantly, its not something I should be owning! Considering I have yet to work a career job, and its not like I make a ton of money.

    Anyways, the thought of selling the car has been crossing my mind for the past couple months. I would put up ads for it, (even though I didnt want to...see? Again the greediness and unwillingness to sacrifice toys in life:o), and finally couple days ago, this older man called me and said he wanted to take a look at it. He comes by, and after within a few hours he calls me back saying he will take it. He is scheduled to stop by tommorow morning to come pick up his car.

    Now, the first thing is that I will be losing some money by selling it. But thats not a big deal to me, because what Im trying to do is focus on the BIG PICTURE, and that is learn to make sacrifices in life for stuff I dont need...again stuff I DONT NEED, and in the long haul I will become a less selfish person. I really need to smarten up here and stop acting like a little kid. Even though I have found a buyer for the car and will be getting money back - why am I even feeling sad about having to let it go? Why? Nobody in their right mind, who isnt selfish would even second guess doing what Im doing. Thats right, because Im a selfish SOB! :squint: The most pathetic part about this car is how Im sad just thinking about letting it go. Well you know what? I dont want to, but I have to. And that is something I have to start doing, or else this endless cycle of buying overly expensive toys way out of my budget will continue.

    I just feel bad honestly, knowing my situation - im 26, have my own basement suite at home, dont pay rent (parents wont take $ from me), etc. And really I should be putting my money towards my parents, and yet here I am out spending it on a $45,000 car, or $700 hockey skates or $2000 tv? :( WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? AM I MENTAL OR SOMETHING? I do give money to parents for groceries and stuff - because I do know everyday living is not cheap and its a struggle for most people to just have food on the table. WHY AM I TAKING THINGS FOR GRANTED IN LIFE?! WHY?!!!! Even though I am getting better (though not as fast as I would like), I really need to learn to full appreciate every single thing in life - every single little detail in life, every thing I have in life, my family, friends (wait i have no friends lol, but anyways), yada yada yada.

    I dont know how to go about this and how to improve becoming a less seflish person, and become more "think of others first" person. Its not something Im exactly proud admitting to. I own so much shit in my life, that frankly I dont even deserve most of it - since I just felt I havent earned the right and earned the effort to. And that would explain why Im selling my car. I want to show my parents, that I want to become less of a materialistic person and that I want to put more time into them and stop focusing on "what I want" in life and all about my toys.

    My sisters (who are all older than me), have given their speeches and lectures to me in the past. But they dont bother anymore, because they know its out of their hands as they have done everything they possibly could to teach me and its all up to ME to change. When they found out I spent $300 on sunglasses, one of my sisters really unloaded on me and said right to my face just how greedy and selfish I was. Always thinking about what I want, what I want, and not appreciating life for what I have. It was really bad, and its a day I wont ever forget. Please, please dont say Im being too hard on myself...because I know, my family knows that this is a serious issue with me and its something I have to overcome. Only I can do it.

    I need this to stop, I really do...Im desperate! :(
     
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2007
  2. bimmer318

    bimmer318 I'm out of applesauce

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    Wow you are just like me, except I am 5 years younger than you.. I've been preoccupied with my car and putting in thousands of $ every year. It's gotten to a point where it doesn't make sense, but it's hard to resist... I also feel that I'm selfish and it is hard to change my ways.. Probably why I've been single all these years.

    Maybe a good idea would be to move out to a new place, and start in a new environment.. Sell everything and get a downpayment of a place for yourself..

    Thats what I'm planning on doing and hopefully it will solve the problem...
     
  3. MudRacer4x4

    MudRacer4x4 New Member

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    you have to get rid of the car. just make sure you don't get rid of it then go out and buy another one. Why can't you buy a used mercedes for like 15k? I would try this. I would tell your parents that you have a problem with spending money on stupid things and i'd ask them to take your money and put it away until you use it on some useful. That would show them you want to change
     
  4. daxtrader

    daxtrader New Member

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    Do something nice for your parents. Surprise them. We focus on our lives so much that we sometimes forget our parents. That time never comes back. It's sad how much we take for granted.

    Listen dude, toys won't make you happy. You'll always want more more more. You're 26. You should work on getting a career or start a business or do something productive with your money. Stop buying junk.

    Start realizing how useless all those things are that you've bought. You'll love your new sunglasses the first few days, after that you'll just toss them somewhere and not care. We only buy these things to show off to our friends who don't give a shit anyway and makes them hate on you more.
     
  5. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    You need to figure out why you buy things like that. Who are you trying to impress by wasting so much money on things? Do you think it will help you get friends or women? There is no practical reason for spending $300 on sunglasses, they won't work any better than $3 ones.
     
  6. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Hold your horses there. There's nothing to be worried or ashamed about if you know where you are coming from. Your parents intention was never to turn you into a greedy person. They gave you that stuff because they love you, you simply have to follow in their footsteps and give stuff because you love someone.

    You see materialistical things cannot fill the gap in your soul, only love can do that , so what you have to understand is the meaning of life. Which is to love and help other people. This is the only thing in the universe that can make you happy.

    I can give you a link to a story that will change your life, bring a big cup of coffee as it is long, but definitly something you should read.

    http://www.iands.org/ascension.html
     
  7. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Here's what some wise ole person once told me....You'll stop doing that stuff when it becomes more painful to keep doing it than it is to quit. PERIOD!!! That's all there is to it.

    That wise ole man was Anthony Robbins and IMO he's 100% correct.

    Humans are motivated by 2 different desires...the desire to avoid pain or the desire to gain pleasure. Why are you selling the car?? Because the pain of keeping it is more than the pain of selling it.

    So you want to change....first thing....move out! Why?? Becasue you are lazy and mooching off your parents. THen educate yourself so you can afford to buy the nice things you want.

    There's nothing at all wrong with having nice things in life. There's nothing wrong with having tons of cash. There's nothing wrong with holding onto that cash. Life is about choices and if you truly want to be like your parents, you will make the choices that will make you more independent and less lazy.

    So you're trying to do the right thing by selling the car but you are seriously just treating symptoms. You need to get the to root causes as to why you buy and spend so much....when you can't afford to. You have some serious emotional work to do in this regard becasue you attach so many emotions to the nice things in your life. This is not uncommon but it can be very difficult to sort it out without help and/or perspective.

    Suze Orman is a master at showing people how much emotional investment they have been making in money and things. She has many books and TV shows on cable so you prolly have seen her. If not head to the bookstore.

    Also, you might think about seeing a psycharist or psychologist to help get to the root of your issues.

    Anyways, the choice is yours to make....will you choose to continue ignoring the pain your habits have been causing or will you choose to find help.....NOT seek help, FIND help. THere's a big difference between the two. Seeking help is just a noisier way of not doing anything. Don't seek....FIND help. That means that you'll keep looking till you get answers. That means that you won't let yourself get lazy again. That means that you'll dig for your own truth.

    Good luck...it's sure to be an intersting journey.
     
  8. SixSecrets

    SixSecrets New Member

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    Things, stuff, having cash does NOT bring happiness. Obviously you are trying to compensate for something that is lacking in your life and you are filling that lack with stuff. You don't like yourself, you are unhappy with yourself and are at the crossroads of realizing this. Yes, I am agreement that you have to take care of yourself first because you are the most important person to you. However, you also have a responsibility, especially to your family, to take care of them in some manner, as they have taken care of you. Create some non-materialistic joy.

    "The meaning of life. Which is to love and help other people. This is the only thing in the universe that can make you happy." (Darketernal).
    While Darketernal's view is somewhat idealistic, there is merit in what he states. My interpretation is giving of oneself freely in an unbiased fashion.

    Perhaps it is time for you to put away your toys, bank your cash, and realize the world does not revolve around YOU and that your deeds have the ripple effect.

    If I was your parent, I'd charge you rent partly because I'd want you to learn some responsibilty. However, children live what they learn and perhaps you did not learn or were not taught certain things.

    Reflect upon how you can change for the better and make a positive impact on others. Only YOU can change YOU (a real difficult lesson to learn and sometimes it takes a very long time), but eventually that fact will hit you where you live.

    Be kind, find joy, and find love.
     
  9. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    I don't even need to read a word of the thread.

    "The key to making yourself happy is making others happy, attempting to make yourself happy only leads to suffering." - Milipera?

    Basically, focus on making others happy, don't sacrafice your life for it, but your vain attempts to please yourself will never work, give up on it, you are too smart to trick yourself into being happy. Let others suprise you, please you, treat you well, as a result of the golden rule.

    From the Bible, the Golden Rule:

    Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

    The key to happiness, enjoy.
     
  10. JakobwithaK

    JakobwithaK Titty fuck for the win!

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    Even before owning this Benz I would put a lot of money into modding my previous cars and upgrading parts - and in the long haul I just always ask myself, why? Is it worth it? To me its not. Same goes with spending 4-5X more money on sunglasses when I dont have to, when a $60 pair will do, or even less. Why do I do this? Why do I always have to go for the high price items? This factor alone is single handedly destroying my future financially.

    The car is just the start of things on my list, for me to sacrifice. Im also going to sell off my $700 hockey skates, and couple other things that I dont need.
     
  11. JakobwithaK

    JakobwithaK Titty fuck for the win!

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    I have it all set - Im picking up a used Honda in the next couple days. I dont know what is wrong with me, but why am I even feeling remotely depressed about forcing myself to give up the Mercedez? Yes I do love it, yes I know I dont "need" it, nor should I be driving one period - but yet Im still feeling this way? Btw, the guy said he will come by tommorow, he couldnt make it today.

    Why do I have this bad habit of always feeling I have to own expensive things? Its one thing to be spending too much, but another to be spending on overly priced things when lower priced stuff will do the job just as good. And that is what makes me a materialistic person. :(
     
  12. JakobwithaK

    JakobwithaK Titty fuck for the win!

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    I agree, we all focus on your lives too much that we tend to take things for granted - but Im not sure if there are many who do it to the extent I do.

    I just dont understand why I always feel I have to live like the "rich and famous" because I am far from rich and far from famous. This would explain why Im not married yet, nor have I been in a serious relationship for the past 5 or 6yrs. Its really depressing.
     
  13. tenxia

    tenxia OT Supporter

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    Your parents shelter you too much. Do you pay "rent" for living at home?
     
  14. bimmer318

    bimmer318 I'm out of applesauce

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    BTW what kinda benz was it :naughty:
     
  15. JakobwithaK

    JakobwithaK Titty fuck for the win!

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    Who am I tryin to impress? I have no idea myself, but all I know is, it sure doesnt impress me or my family. I tend to see it as something I use to cover up my flaws in life. I have no girlfriend, no friends (anymore, they all moved away), so that would mean no social life (and havent had one for about 5yrs now), no long term co-workers Ive worked with. Outside of my family, I really have nobody to talk to, it does make me really depressed, it brings a lot of sadness to my life, a lot of hopelessness. Just talking about it, is hard for me to do. So obviously, I need a way to cover this up and make me hsomewhat happy in life, so I go out and buy toys I like, toys I want, but NOT need. Because I have nobody to go to in life outside of my family. My life took a complete turn for the worse when I was 19, 20.:(
     
  16. JakobwithaK

    JakobwithaK Titty fuck for the win!

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    I know my parents never had intentions making me a selfish person. But just how I was brought up, I always had everything bought for me. Im not saying my parents bought me my cars, my electronics or expensive clothes...becuase they didnt. But stuff that I did NEED in life - like my education, they paid my tuition every year. They did that because they knew it was something I needed. However on the other hand (and I see this very much so as a good thing), they wont just go out and buy me a new suit or new car, because they know its something I dont need. But even when I do buy this stuff myself, it makes me feel like shit. It really does, because just me knowing that my parents know that I tend to think of myself a bit too much really hurts. Whereas they put out everything they have on the line for me and the only thing they want in life is to see me do well in life, and here I am its always about "what I want"
     
  17. JakobwithaK

    JakobwithaK Titty fuck for the win!

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    I agree with that - and that is the stage where Im at right now. Everytime I go out and buy a big ticket or overly priced item, I know it doesnt feel right, I dont feel good from it in most cases, but yet I still do it?

    I really regret it with the car - I just dont get why I felt I had to blow so much money on car that I did NOT need. The one i had at the time prior to buying this Benz, was all paid off, I had for years. And going out and buying a new one is one of the biggest most seflish mistakes Ive ever made in my life.
     
  18. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Don't sweat it , its a learning experience. If anything it makes you more spiritually mature. Instead of having others buy you everything in the world, you replace that with earning what you receive in life.

    A wild shot, if you for instance bake a cake, or put something creative together and achieve something. You can say to yourself, this is something i did , which i contributed to myself, and then you might even give that thing away to someone to make that other person happy if you want to. Killing your ego is a good thing to do, you won't miss it at all. Hope you read the link i gave you tho.
     
  19. PCnPROUD

    PCnPROUD New Member

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    you have to ask yourself if you like expensive things just because of the image of the items having a high monetary value, or is it because you like high-quality things?

    i dont see anything wrong with #2 at all.. there's nothing bad about wanting a more luxurious or sporty car if you love cars, nothing wrong with wanting a nice expensive watch if you can appreciate the craftsmanship that goes into it and how elegant and beautiful it looks, etc etc
     
  20. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    Im confused you are 26 and live at home and you are spending 45k on a car? Sorry, I am just not sure what a basement suite is?
     
  21. Be selfish.
     
  22. Jimeigh

    Jimeigh Every rook and jay in the corvidae have been raven

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    being selfish is good
     
  23. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    People who say being selfish is good, do not understand how their selfishness alters the 'big picture' of their surrounding enviroment along with the people that live in it, in a negative way.

    You are a part of a whole, and not an individual. Although we can act independently, we cannot do so without influencing others and our enviroment, so a good non-selfish intereaction is needed in order not to devastate your surrounding enviroment and the people that you come in contact with.
     
  24. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    No, You also need to be true towards yourself instead of putting a mask on that face of yours, you'd be just lying to yourself if you don't.
     
  25. PCnPROUD

    PCnPROUD New Member

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    as far as we know, we only live life once, therefore, at least IMO, it is in my best interest to create and lead the best possible life for MYSELF that i can.. does that make me selfish? obviously it is selfish if you're willing to achieve good things for yourself with complete disregard for others' wellbeing, but most people DO have SOME consideration for others. it just becomes a matter of how much more important one values their own interests are vs the interests of others
     

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