i'm the ex gf :(

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by mishka, Aug 18, 2007.

  1. mishka

    mishka Practically perfect in every way :)

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    my bf of 1.5 years broke up with me a month ago today. for a while i was doing better, thinking if he saw how well i was doing he'd want to get back together. wrong. now i'm even more miserable than i was to begin with.

    we broke up mainly because i was so dependent on him, and originally he said we could date again if i became independent, but now he's not sounding quite so optimistic. he still loves me and cares about me, but doesn't want to date me anymore, for sure. sometimes he says no way, we have no chance, and other times he's like, who knows.

    i know i need to move on and that's the only way i'll be able to be independent. but is there really no chance?? plenty of people break up and get back together.

    does this sound like there's no way he'll ever want to date me again? because i really feel like we're good for each other and i'm still very much in love with him. and i feel like i do need some time alone, because i've never had the chance to grow up and not have him to depend on because we've been dating almost since i started college. all of our problems stemmed from my dependence on him and insecurities. i just don't feel like this is the end for us. but if he really loved me wouldn't he stay in the relationship to work it out?

    i'm so confused.

    :wtc: :wtc: :wtc:
     
  2. Rich

    Rich New Member

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    How old are you?

    Sounds like you have some self esteem problems. Pics please.
     
  3. the ground folds

    the ground folds rest your trigger on my finger

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  4. mishka

    mishka Practically perfect in every way :)

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    i'm 20 and he's 25. and it's more confidence than self esteem i think.

    [​IMG]
    that's us last summer :hs:
     
  5. mishka

    mishka Practically perfect in every way :)

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    thanks, i need one :hs:
     
  6. the ground folds

    the ground folds rest your trigger on my finger

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    i know its hard to understand and to do but the best thing for you to do is try to move forward. Work on improving the areas of your life that you need to. You need to think about yourself and what is best for you right now.
     
  7. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    I think you are really cute. You will not have a problem finding another guy.

    In fact, if your location said Charlotte, I would invite you out, olo

    Don't worry, at 20 you have plenty of life to go :)
     
  8. quamen

    quamen New Member

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    ur cute u can get another guy easily.
     
  9. bowrofl

    bowrofl New Member

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    dependent or clingy?
    i'm not trying to sound like an asshole, just trying to read between the lines. how were you dependent on him? did you smother him? for many people, that would be a turn off.
     
  10. fray

    fray New Member

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    Sadly, I think in many of those situations where people break-up and then get back together again (especially if there needs to be some personal growth in there), they didn't necessarily sit around thinking of when they would get back together. It's going to be more of a 'move on and if it happens later it happens' sort of thing. Which means you need to move on.

    Don't worry about changing so that you can suit what he wants. That really only shows how dependent you are. Do you see what I mean? You need to change for you. Work on the things that you don't like.

    I used to tell my brother this all the time (and myself at times too)... even if you thought you were perfect for each other, if the other person doesn't think you're right for each other, then obviously you're not perfect.

    I know it's hard. Hang in there. It will get better and you'll be a stronger person because of it. :hug:
     
  11. Durka Durka

    Durka Durka Guest

    he doesnt love you, simple.

    if you get back with him, youre being used.
     
  12. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    it's over. move on.

    :hug:

    Remember the good times, forget the bad times but not the lessons learned and move forward. time to start a new chapter.
     
  13. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    :dunno: i don't know about that now.
     
  14. mishka

    mishka Practically perfect in every way :)

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    if i get back with him now, i'm being used. but after some time has passed, i don't think that would be the case.
     
  15. mishka

    mishka Practically perfect in every way :)

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    both. i smothered him, i was around too often, i got my feelings hurt when he wanted to hang out with just his guy friends, i did pretty much everything wrong. i see how it's a turn off too, but at the time i was going through a lot of changes and didn't have many friends, and i just didn't know what to do.
     
  16. mishka

    mishka Practically perfect in every way :)

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    it's not like i'm afraid i'll never meet someone else, it's that i don't want anyone else but him. if anything i'm afraid OF meeting new guys already.
     
  17. mishka

    mishka Practically perfect in every way :)

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    that's exactly what my friend told me. and i've been told everything else too. i just am having a hard time with it because i just can't understand him not loving me, or at least loving me enough to be with me. it hurts too bad to think about, which is why i'm having a hard time moving on. :wtc:
     
  18. the ground folds

    the ground folds rest your trigger on my finger

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    dont try to make sense of it because you will just make it harder on yourself. at this point it is about accepting its over.
     
  19. bowrofl

    bowrofl New Member

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    it's understandable. when i was younger, i had a huge crush on this one girl... smothered her when he finally ended up together. it probably made her lose interest me... not probably, most definitely.

    just chalk it up as a lesson learned.
     
  20. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

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    This relationship is done. :( Sorry. You won't know if you don't want anyone else if you never give anyone else a try.
     
  21. Durka Durka

    Durka Durka Guest

    come on, seriously.

    if he loved her, he wouldn't have left.

    if he takes her back, it's because she's a convenient lay. that's it.
     
  22. Cthalupa

    Cthalupa New Member

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    This is rather simplistic thinking. He could very well love most aspects of her, but the clinging was a dealbreaker.

    Mishka, my advice would be to get your life in order before even thinking of getting back together with him. You are putting your personal validation too much in the hands of others. Your identity shouldn't be compromised by a guy breaking up with you. You have to receive your validation from within.
     
  23. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    Well it'll take time to get over it. But if the guy dumped you it's a fair bet he is moving on (at least for the time being).

    'Course, that is what spikes your interest right now.

    Just get out with some friends and try to enjoy yourself. Or pretend you're enjoying yourself. You never know what might happen.
     
  24. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    awww my little Mass
     
  25. fray

    fray New Member

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    I think that's quite a leap. He may have loved her, he may love her still, or he may just be used to being in love with her... That said, he may take her back out of love or comfort, not necessarily just for a lay.
     

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