SRS I'm terrible with women. Horribly horribly terrible.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Sirc, Apr 22, 2008.

  1. Sirc

    Sirc Dr. Hourse Crew #1

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    I don't know what to do about this really. I mean, I'm not a terribly bad looking person. I'm pretty athletic and very active, positive, funny, blah blah blah. All taht good stuff.

    But it's not a product of my nature, it's a product of my environment. I'm just really interested in a lot of things and they so happen to be physical in nature.

    I'm really just a huge fucking geek. I mean it. I'm IT crew, I collect comics (my collection is worth more than my life insurance), I watch anime, I play video games, etc. etc. But I do well in hiding all of it and pretend to be really cool all the time.

    Here's the problem, asylum crew, I am a total idiot with it comes to women. Example, I was with my friend (who isn't) the other day while at the grocery store buying some stuff for a BBQ. This chick who I thought was cute, came over and asked us if we needed help. I just said, nope that we were just looking for stuff to cook. So she took me around pointing things out that would be good. Asked when we were doing it and saying how much she loved cooking and BBQ's and whatever.

    She had to get back to working so she took off. My friend smacked me and told me that she was, in fact, hitting on me. And I was completely oblivious to this. And then when I realized this, I immediately became horribly afraid of her. <-- this is the problem.

    I get terrified of girls. I don't even know what it is. I think it's the rejection. I think it's the confrontation. I don't even know. What should one do to overcome this kind of thing?
     
  2. Victoriono

    Victoriono New Member

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    Everyone is afraid of rejection in the beginning, keep approaching and it goes away.
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2008
  3. justkristen

    justkristen New Member

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    Just relax. I know how cliche it is, but just be yourself. A lot of women like the nerdy type.;)
     
  4. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    just talk to us like we're anyone else :dunno: no need to act in a particular way.
     
  5. tenxia

    tenxia OT Supporter

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    my biggest problem is not talking to women, it's the approach. like finding opportunities to approach them.
     
  6. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    you just need to learn to be a good judge of reaction. you could meet women wherever you go. i was thinking about this today actually, because i was at this coffee shop in my school's library, standing by the toaster and putting cream cheese on my bagel. this dude walked up with his bagel so i moved over to give him room. we made eye contact, he smiled politely, i smiled politely, and we went about our business.

    but suppose he was interested in me. he could have said "hey" or made some joke about bagels or whatever. since i'm not single, i would have just politely said hi, and then "good luck studying" or something and went on my way. but if i was interested, i might reply to his joke, or ask him why he's at the library, etc... conversation begins. you don't need to stress about having good "openers" or saying the right thing all the time. just act normally.
     
  7. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    What you're afraid of is not being able to meet their expectations once they get past the superficial crap that you do to lie to them about who you are. And you should be afraid of it, because they won't like it when they find out you were lying to them.

    Now, on the other hand, if you can be a geek in a cool way, instead of pretending to not be a geek at all, you'll do much better and have nothing to be afraid of.
     
  8. Sirc

    Sirc Dr. Hourse Crew #1

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    Hmm... Geek in a "cool" way? I think you seriously underestimate my nerdiness. It's more of an obsession than anything else. Remember Mr. Glass from Unbreakable? It's like that. Only less murdersome.
     
  9. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    What? Who cares?

    Tell her you're really into all that stuff, then explain to her that you can't see her again because your other anime friends might think she is a nerd. I don't know...anything...just don't care.

    I'm a Star Wars fanatic and usually girls make some snicker at first, but after they see I don't care, they usually think it's pretty cool.
     
  10. Memor

    Memor Active Member

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    It might help to just kind of remind yourself that there's nothing special about girls. And there are a lot of them. A lot. You don't need to sweep them all off their feet or impress every single one if you're going to talk to them. People always say 'be yourself' but that's bullshit advice. Just smile and be confident. You'd have no problem starting up a convo with a dude you don't know...just figure out how to apply that same calm to a girl. And if you're afraid of rejection - just think about it, you basically rejected that girl hitting on you at the store. And it wasn't bad. She's probably fine. Start forcing yourself out of your comfort zone and talking to girls, just to be friendly, not even to ask them out on a date. Who gives a fuck if you like nerdy shit? There's always a million reasons not to do something
     
  11. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    I love how everyone says "just be confident. Be confident. Girls like confidence."

    Confidence in what? Think you're going to win at what? Please fucking define "confidence."
     
  12. Exiled

    Exiled New Member

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    comfortable in your own skin, not worrying about what people think because you know who you are and you're proud of that, but not too proud..


    something to that effect
     
  13. eljefedetonto

    eljefedetonto OT Supporter

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    It's a pretty stupid piece of advice by itself. Just like 'being yourself'. Doesn't mean you should ignore the thought behind it though.

    You find confidence by taking some time and finding out what it is you're good at, or if nothing, find something(s) to BE good at. You build yourself up, see yourself achieving. It could be ANYTHING (or everything). Rock climbing, parkour, MMA, physics, sex, anatomy, law, brewing your own beer, being charming, photography, romance languages, driving, playing an instrument, making model rockets. As long as you know you're good at it, or at least you consistently see yourself improving.

    Eventually, the real confidence comes when you stop having to reassure yourself that you're confident. You just know. But it takes time.
     
  14. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    so basically being confident that you're confident? I'm fairly sure that I'm certain.

    The real answer is that women want a guy who can work the room like Frank Sinatra. That's pretty much it.
     
  15. blackbirdbeatle

    blackbirdbeatle New Member

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    Do you feel like you don't deserve women being attracted to you? I know it was my friends problem. I think it's just an esteem issue. You can work out scenerios in your head about what you would say in various situations. People can tell canned responses but this is just to get you thinking about talking to women that like you, not coming up with set responses to different situations. Just visualise that she is hitting on you and what you would say if you were calm and was having a great day.

    I'm horrible at this advice but I do know that visualising will help you.

    Also learn empathy and how to read people. There are good books on this (Just search amazon for empathy, emotional intelligence, facial regognitin, micro facial expressions (This last one is the key to first seeing what they really think)) but I used to be horrible when I was in high school about recognizing compliments. Mainly becuase I never really paid attention to a girls face or her tone or body movements becuase I was too busy stammering through my part of the converstion and looking away from her.

    It's really hard to look someone in the eyes and understand what they are feeling when they talk to you but it will help you greatly with women and in life in general.

    I would follow others and say get your life in order first but you seem to have a lot going on so I wodul focus on the above things now. Maybe get some activities that you can share with girls like co-ed sports or art classes, etc...
     
  16. eljefedetonto

    eljefedetonto OT Supporter

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    Certain of what, your confidence? Fairly sure? wat

    That's a pretty black and white way of looking at it, but being charming doesn't hurt. Sinatra was good at that, because he knew he was the shit.
     
  17. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    I'm asking. People say "be confident" because they feel like talking out of their asses.

    Women want a guy who can work the room so they look cool in front of their friends.
     
  18. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    no... i would actually rather not have a guy who's constantly "working the room". i like a guy to be socially comfortable, but who doesn't need to be the center of attention all the time.

    being confident doesn't mean "feeling like you're going to win at something", it means being happy with yourself, being secure in the decisions you make, and just generally being comfortable in your own skin, as Crowbar said. if you're comfortable with yourself, other people feel comfortable being around you.
     
  19. Sirc

    Sirc Dr. Hourse Crew #1

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    Only recently have I actually been paying attention. In high school, I was too busy with my nose in a book or something else when they were talking to me.

    It's really amazing that I have sex. Sometimes, I think I just stumble about and I just so happen to land my penis inside of a willing girl's vagina.
     
  20. Sirc

    Sirc Dr. Hourse Crew #1

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    What is it that you women pick up on?
     
  21. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    in what sense?

    i mean confidence as i just described it is a huge one. i think it's obvious that people who are happy with themselves are just more enjoyable to be around (men or women).
     
  22. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    I said can work the room.

    the definition of confidence is not what you're provided. I agree with your answer, but it has little to do with "confidence."
     
  23. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    fixed
     
  24. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    umm, yes it is. confidence has many definitions, and the relevant one is "a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities". that's pretty much what i described.
     
  25. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    its so funny that women want guys who just think they are cool, even when their raging douchebags.
    look, its every girls most powerfull lust, a guy who is CONFIDENT!!!!
    [​IMG]
     

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