SRS I'm rejuvenated. I'm clean.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Bam Bam, Feb 12, 2005.

  1. Bam Bam

    Bam Bam Guest

    My addictions started around October 2003.

    I had pretty moderate a...cne and had to go on "Accutane" for 5 months. 2 months before that I broke up with my girlfriend of a year and was already depressed before going on the pills. I had just finished school but I was basically unemployed, only w...orking PT on the weekends. So I was sitting at home every day, sleeping in to 4pm. I forgot what sun light was. It was my first major break up ever and it hit me HARD. I felt like a piece of me died and I lost my best friend.

    For those of you who dont know, Accutane has side effects. One of them being depression. The others being: Dry lips, dry skin, nose bleeds, etc. That shit was killing me. So even IF I wasnt depressed I still wouldnt have been going out. Youre also NOT allowed to drink alcohal on accutane because itll kill your liver, and I had just turned 19 (thats drinking age here) so I felt like I was missing out on a lot.

    This is where my addictions started. I felt like I was entitled to anything because circumstances were all turned against me. I was heartbroken. Fucked up on Accutane. Not in school and umemployed therefore Bored and no direction in life.

    My friends are all druggies but I never got into much. That changed. I started smoking weed atleast twice a day. It fucked up my priorities and motivation. My memory was temporarily fucked (and I'm just now starting to get it back. Feels like I'm recovering from amnesia). I know weed isnt addicting but I became dependant on it and couldnt resist. I was high all the time. I got high every day for a year. It came to a point where it wasnt w...orking anymore and weed was just dull.

    So I moved on up. I tried Hash. Almost passed out from that. We'd go out on walks every night and smoke. Our routine was basically wake up at 4pm, eat, play video games until parents went to sleep at 11pm, then go out and blaze/smoke. We'd stay up all night until about 5am just watching "Wild Boyz" re-runs and shit like that. I had a lot of dark days and bright nights.

    Then I tried shrooms. I thought they were nasty but the effects were awesome. I remember sitting in my basement, my head spinning around, and the walls closing in. It was crazy. I also started reading racist websites and started believing that bullshit and temporarily turned racist under the influece of drugs. I had hit rock bottom.

    I was still missing my girl and wasnt meeting any new ones. So I got addicted to porn. My dick almost fell off from beating too much. I started getting nasty images stuck in my mind. XRated shit embedded in my brain and hooked on it.

    When my Accutane was done, I started drinking. At the same time, I was bitter at the world for many reasons. I started drinking a lot. Even by myself. I would think about my exgf and just grab a few beers and sit in my room all alone at 4am crying and shit :wtc: I remember one time I was sitting at my cpu writing something down, and I just started tearing up and wimpering like a little girl bcuz I missed her so much. Damn.

    I ended up fucking up a lot of friendships, messing up relationships, wasting time, hurting myself, hurting other people, using other people, losing money. I finally completely quit drugs in November 2004. I rarely even drink now. I was still fucked up and missing my ex/gf. But I can FINALLY say (a year and a half later) that I'm over it and ready to move on. I take it as a lesson learned and smile back on everything that happened.

    I feel rejuvenated. I got my mojo back. :)
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 12, 2005
  2. eligh

    eligh Go To A Meeting

    Jun 3, 2004
    Likes Received:
    Well, good for you. Feel free to post your story in the thread entitled "My Story." Whoever told you weed isn't addictive is wrong, any drug is addictive for the drug addict. If you quit drugs in November 2004, that would mean you have been clean for 3 months, but possibly you meant 2003.

    Have you bothered to repair any of your relationships, or make any amends to yourself and others? The 12 steps help immensly in the healing process caused by drug addiction. Consider going to a meeting. Also, if you plan on staying clean and are a drug addict like me, I'd advise staying away from alcohol alltogether. You never know when a beer can lead to 10 beers can lead to smoking crack, etc... you know what I mean. Relapse tends to sneak up on you when you least expect it.

    Good job getting clean.
  3. Bam Bam

    Bam Bam Guest

    Ive' been clean since Nov 04, but for the last 3 months I've still been detoxing, getting my shit back together, healing those wounds, regaining my memory, and just getting back into the normal every day life. The thing that still had me down the most for the last 3 months was my ex/gf. I'm finally content with all of it and think it was a good experience, with no regrets. So at last, I feel like the "old me" again and I'm ready to move on.
  4. nukegoat

    nukegoat New Member

    Sep 26, 2003
    Likes Received:
    San Jose, CA
    Yea, it takes some time to clear your head, honestly. Good job, really. Keep it up and don't give up. Ditto what eligh said.
  5. Bam Bam

    Bam Bam Guest


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