I'm realizing I've conditioned myself to not be alpha...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Falconer, Feb 27, 2007.

  1. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    edit - no cliffs.

    When I was a little kid I took Karate. It was awesome (until I realized how much more effective MMA is... no MMA hijacking this thread please :nono: ). Some of the things we learned were to not fight unless you had to, and of course, "he who fights and runs away, lives to fight another day." Haha. But seriously, I think this mindset got to my head and I find myself doing very un-alpha things.

    It is alpha to "take up a lot of space." When walking through crowds, I take up the least amount of space possible to facilitate quick movement between people. I'll yield to someone coming in my direction because it's quicker, easier, and more efficient than trying to head them off, or bumping into them. Yielding is beta. I know that this is a specific example, but this example is like a metaphor for almost all my social interactions.

    I "blend in" in a crowd. Blending in is beta. I think I watched too many ninja movies as a kid. I can move through huge rooms of people without being noticed. While this has its advantages (stfu I'm not a stalker), it's not alpha and doesn't get you noticed with the ladies. Then again, it doesn't get you noticed by anyone, which is kind of a survival trait on it's own. Ha! A paradox, since being alpha is about surviving.

    I de-escalate fights. Ok, this is not alpha, but it's also intelligent. I've de-escalated a few fights before, which I partially attribute to my being able to think before I act (which is seriously a trait most people do not possess, in my experience), and partially to the fact that I've never been in a situation where I thought fighting was a good idea. Sorry, your gf bumped into me and spilled her drink... you want to fight? Ok tough guy. Whoops, you bumped into me cuz your drunk ass can't walk straight? That's definately my fault so I see why you want to fight. (I apologize, I used logic there (and sarcasm), and most people cannot understand logic, so naturally the urge to *smash* is stronger than the urge to *think*). Anyway, fighting is stupid unless your life is in danger. So far, knock on wood, it has never been life or death. I'd rather look like a pussy and NOT get some dude's HIV blood on me (or be jumped by 50 of his fratboy friends), than get into a fight in most situations.

    I cannot maintain eye contact with people. This one pisses me off to no end. Even walking past a random person in the mall or on the street, I don't know where to look, but I certainly can't look them in the eye. If I do, I feel like I'm escalating something. Maybe I just went to college with aggressive people :dunno:. If I try to hold someone's eye contact, my eyes tear up (dunno why) and then I look like I'm crying. Crying certainly isn't alpha.

    When a chick makes eye contact with me, I'm afraid of giving off "creepy stalker vibes," so I break eye contact. Maybe I'm just not confident enough to hold it. Or I get that eye-tearing-up thing. Same thing with a dude. Eye contact with dudes = fights. I'd rather not fight, see above. And if I'm making eye contact with a dude or a chick, I'm always thinking "I wonder what they're thinking. Why are they holding eye contact? Are they wondering what I'm thinking? Are they taking this as aggression? Do they think I'm a creepy stalker? I don't want to be the creepy stalker."

    I'm calm. When someone cuts me off, I don't get pissed. I don't typically have road rage. I assume they are having a bad day, or did it on accident, and I give them the benefit of the doubt. I'm pretty sure this isn't alpha/beta, but has more to do with being mature and intelligent... I hope :sadwavey: Some dude rear ended me the other day (I'm talking about a car accident :rofl: ), and the first thing I said was "are you ok?" Most people would've been like "wtf you asshole fucking little shit..." This is why I have contempt for so many people. I try not to be a misanthrope, but it's hard.

    I could go on, but you get the drift. I have to fucking ingrain these concepts in my head because apparently knowing that I'm doing things wrong is not enough. I need to give off more confident vibes. At least writing this has helped. Now the whole vag forum knows I'm a pussy, but at least I can admit it. I'm not saying I want to be a frat boy douche bag and beat people who look at me funny, but you know what I mean. I think some of the actions I have developed are not the most alpha/confident/etc. I hate that. But in my own little world, my methods have served me well. I've even dated a couple girls that thought it was cool that I had a calm temper and wasn't a "frat boy douche bag" (no offence to anyone in fraternities here, but you know what I mean, so save the flames). But I want more power. I want to walk into a room and own it... not be the ninja who no one notices. :wiggle:
     
  2. calisteph6

    calisteph6 Active Member

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    Guys who make full eye contact are sexy. Just remember than women want men and not boys.
     
  3. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I hear from my female friends too often, "that creepy guy keeps staring/making eye contact with me."
     
  4. calisteph6

    calisteph6 Active Member

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    Oh, but seriously, fighting is not sexy and I would respect any guy who went out of his way to NOT fight.
     
  5. calisteph6

    calisteph6 Active Member

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    Well, it's not sexy if you aren't even talking to them and they're just staring. I meant if you are talking/flirting full eye contact is hot. At least I think so...
     
  6. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    I don't care what ANY woman says....as long as the guy deserved it, if you beat the shit out of a guy and embarrass him, and she see's it, she will be turned on by it.

    Men who can fight well get respect from other men, creating status, and status is loved by women.

    I don't think my girlfriend has ever been turned on more than when I hit some hillbilly confederate flag wearing idiot who winked at her and blew a kiss, RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. This asshole looked about 40 years old, and had to have done a ton of meth. My girlfriend is BARELY 18.
     
  7. Jeff Merr

    Jeff Merr Elite Member

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    :rofl: When i was dating my ex, her ex and I got into a fight. I beat the shit out of him (2 black eyes), and from then on she was all over me. Even to this day every once in a while she will still bring it up over the phone, i have long forgotten about it (was like 3 years ago)
     
  8. calisteph6

    calisteph6 Active Member

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    Yea, sorry, I think you're wrong and don't call me a fucking liar. The girls you date may be different, but I think guys hitting eachother is the most immature, retarded thing ever, and the fact that your GF is 18 says a lot about her being turned on by it. On the other hand, I would hope that if really nasty shit went down a guy would hit someone for me...but for some idiot WINKING at me?? NO FUCKING THANKS.
     
  9. fluentinsilence

    fluentinsilence New Member

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    This one drove me nuts as well. I thank largely my current job where I have to speak with people, vendors, etc. consistently and I just had to force myself to do it. As long as it isn't a locked-on stare, then I don't see how someone would perceive it as creepy.
     
  10. fray

    fray New Member

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    Blink more.
     
  11. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    lol
     
  12. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Dude, you're a smart guy and all, but hitting someone because they wink at your gf... I think you kinda have anger issues, bro. Was he being a douche? Yeah. But you're lucky he didn't have friends with guns, or the HIV, or a lawyer, or anything else.
     
  13. fray

    fray New Member

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    i was being serious! just a suggestion though.
     
  14. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

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    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
     
  15. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

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    .

    I think its one thing to know that your bf has a good fitness level and could beat the shit outta some creep if he wanted to/needed to, its quite another if he does so on a regular bais for little, insignificant issues that are too silly for a mature person to be upset about.
     
  16. Drilldo

    Drilldo Active Member

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    Sometimes I wish I were less alpha... people sometimes say I'm a bully or that I intimidate them... I don't mean too, but I guess I come off that way. I guess size helps but I have to say it's better to be feared then treated like a bitch.
     
  17. 1.8t

    1.8t Member

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    Fuck all of this Alpha and Beta crap. I dip a shoulder in a crowd to be respectful of others and not be a fucking dick by trying to prove my "alpha"-ness. I don't fight unless I have to or some dude is a complete fucking moron and deserves it...and when I do fight, my girlfriend HATES it. A man doesn't need to fight because he is in all aspects better than the one who does. It seems some of you guys are too caught up treating every situation in life like a test for your status among women. That is complete BS.
     
  18. ArthurPewty

    ArthurPewty New Member

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    You must not have received the memo that all women like the same type of man.
     
  19. fray

    fray New Member

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    for real people!

    cuz if he's just staring these people down, he probably isn't blinking ... like if you're staring at a computer monitor or something...you blink less. So, if he's blinking less cuz he's trying to stare, then his eyes are drying out and watering in response.

    This could be the solution to all his problems!! :p
     
  20. pereza

    pereza OT Supporter

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    Damn bro, im the total opposite, minus picking stupid fights.
    And i dont go overboard with this Alpha stuff either, I guess it was just the way i was raised.
     
  21. xinster

    xinster New Member

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    i couldnt finish the post, il do it later, just wanted to say, always brightens my day when i see MMA pop up in a non cage thread or some O/T convo
     
  22. Tiberium

    Tiberium Active Member

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    Some of the traits that you mention that alphas supposedly exhibit, actually make you look like a dumbass.

    Taking up lots of space = stupid, why would you want to deliberately inconvenience others so your cock can have room to drag behind you? It's inconsiderate and selfish...this puts you in the beta asshole territory not alpha.

    De-escalating fights = smart, alpha, manly. Real men don't go around smashing things with their fists to prove a point. An alpha is a leader and protector...once again, engaging in fights is stupid and is more suited for asshole/beta territory. Also, saying sorry is just common curtousy...even if, in the back of your head, you really don't give a shit that you just bumped into someone.

    Being alpha is about putting people in their place only when needed. Not strutting your stuff 100% of the time. Alphas aren't always the strongest, the biggest or the most intelligent...but the cleaverist...

    "The strong move silent, the weak start riots."

    Staying calm, cool and clear headed is alpha....not getting pissed and wanting to cuss someone out.

    Anyway, work on the eye contact...that's huge. Try staring in the mirror at yourself as long as possible...it's kinda hard to do without laughing.
     
  23. ledzep73

    ledzep73 New Member

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    :werd: Alot of guys don't try to be the Alpha male just because thats proving yourself to others that your big and bad. I don't feel the need to, I know I kick more ass than you, and I don't need to be a tool and try to show off.
     
  24. Tiberium

    Tiberium Active Member

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    If you really want to be alpha then give the female chasing a rest for a while. Get money, get leadership skills, get power and influence then gaining the alpha stauts that you covet OH SO MUCH will be 1,000 times easier. I've met CEO's of top corporations...and I'm telling you, they're amazing to watch! Some of those are the men are the ones that should be your role models...not the guy who goes to the bar and takes home a different chick every night because, with enough practice, any loser with no life can do that.
     
  25. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Ok, I only skimmed your post, but I think I understand where its going.

    Here's the #1 thing: You can never allow a man to physically intimidate you.

    Listen to me. I'm not a fighter, and I do everything I can to avoid a fight. However, it is impossible to physically intimidate me.

    I never start fights, but I'm not about to take someone's shit because I'm scared of one. Fuck that. I figure I am strong enough and have good agility with good reflexes, so if I get attacked I can defend myself. Really, you don't even have to attempt to win the fight, you've just got to keep the other dude from fucking you up.

    Life is too short to take people's shit. Fuck that.

    As far as eye contact, what do you have to hide? When someone looks at me, I look back. With women, I make sure to hold the contact until she looks away.

    One thing I didn't do in the past that I intentionally do now is take up a lot of space. I get out of people's way and I don't obstruct them, but I take up as much space as I can instead of always trying to shrink to fit in with everyone else.

    The 2 main things are eye contact and body language. You've got to stand up straight with your shoulders back. If it hurts, you need stronger back muscles.

    Other than that, it sounds like you aren't going to start shit with people, which is good. But when they start it with you, you have to be able to look that man in the eye and calmly let him know its not going to fly.

    I've frequently said things like "I really don't want to fight you, but if you insist, we can go outside." When the other person sees how calm you are, a lot of times it defuses the situation.

    Another good tip is when people start acting crazy, don't buy in to their bullshit. I like to verbalize exactly what it is that the other person is doing. Because once shit gets crazy, you tend to get swept up in it and it just becomes like this huge issue and other people get involved and egg it on.

    Verbalizing what the other party is doing can serve as an equalizer and also keep the situation from escalating. And if you feel you are in danger, there is nothing wrong with getting the hell out of there.

    You have to realize that you are worth just as much as everyone else, and we are all equals. You can't let people run over you. Because they will try, and if you let it happen, you really can't blame anyone but yourself.
     

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