LGBT I'm Pissed...and crying...and thankful for OT.

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by CoCo, Feb 28, 2004.

  1. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    Every minute in the world, a person will die from an AIDS-related illness. And just 1 hour and 22 minutes ago, that person was my longest, and best friend in the world. After just watching a MTV ‘Yo Listen Up’ news report, which stated that 15 percent of young, urban, gay black men are HIV-positive, I received the phone the call… My friend was gone.

    Currently, HIV/AIDS is considered by most people to be something that ‘normal’ people cannot contract. As long as you are having the run-of-the-mill kind of sex, with your opposite-sex monogamous partner, you’re safe and have little to nothing to worry about. Perhaps in another 20 years, varied interests groups will finally decide that the only effective way to fight the ignorance attached to this deadly epidemic is to confront the whole truth about it, as opposed to just the parts that suit particular needs. The facts are that AIDS in America increasingly afflicts older victims, poorer victims, and female victims—regardless of sexuality.

    At the outset of the crisis in the early 1980s, AIDS was defined as a problem of individual behavior...a gay disease. AIDS has evolved into a complex social and health crisis, where social norms and expectations and community attitudes and policies toward the roles and behavior of young men and women are constantly and consistently at play. Interest groups have begun misrepresenting AIDS as a simple matter of non-heterosexuality, youthful ignorance, immorality, and recklessness. That is, AIDS provides an occasion for interests to engage in what passes for health policy in America: ignoring serious issues in order to deliver self-satisfied sermons and stern, moralistic remedies to "rescue" the wayward young and the gays.

    It is the initial labeling of HIV/AIDS as a ‘gay disease’ that distanced the rest of society from the epidemic and made it difficult to obtain government funding for prevention programs in the early 1980’s. Such attitudes particularly affect youth experimenting with or coming to terms with being bisexual or gay—leading to sex in a climate of secrecy or shame. Within family and school structures, among peers, and in society in general, references are primarily heterosexual. Few young people reveal their sexual orientation to their parents; and when they do so, even fewer benefit from parental support. Most school systems are no more capable than the family of supporting young gay men and lesbians. (In our primary and secondary schools, many teachers do not know how to deal with homosexuality, and may exhibit discriminatory and heterosexist attitudes.)

    In such hostile environments, gay and lesbian youth often feel that they have to hide their attractions from their peers, in order to protect themselves against discrimination. As a result, gay and lesbian youth construct their social identity without the benefit of being able to socialize and identify with other gay men and lesbians, and without the freedom to be open in their relationships with their heterosexual peers.

    THIS IS DANGEROUS!

    When we are not permitted to be free about who we are attracted to, we do things in secrecy that isn't always the safest things. We sneak behind the closed doors of the closet and have ‘quickies’ because we do not have the freedom or time to have a paced relationship. And because of this, there is an alarmingly high HIV prevalence rate among young gay men and high rates of sexual risk-taking. Why must young queer men forge a "second wave" of the AIDS epidemic?

    I’M SOOOO FUCKING TIRED OF THIS DAMNED DISEASE!!!

    I’m tired of fearing that everyone has it, that it is going to kill me, and that it is going to first strip me of my loved ones. I’m tired of having to be the one that reminds everyone to use a condom. I’m tired of having to fucking ‘be strong’ and hold back tears as my friends get put into the ground. I’m tired of laying in my bed at night, holding myself as I cry me to sleep, reflecting on my lost loved ones. I’m tired of hearing ‘have you participated in any high-risk behaviors recently’ JUST because I’m queer and caught/treated an STD when I was a freshman in high school. I’m tired of hearing from my straight friends that they don’t use a condom—and that they aren’t worried about catching anything. I’M FUCKING TIRED.

    So here I am, posting this long ass rant on OT about why I’m pissed off, and I’m sorry for bothering everyone. I guess that I just need an anonymous means to vent my frustration after reflecting on Chris—my friend—just telling me that he wishes he never was gay because then he wouldn’t get this disease. Or maybe I’m just soooo angry at my mother who told me 7 days ago that he will probably die in less than 20 days when she found out that he had passed out in the mall, but was doing better. [Things I never said: No, Chris, you got this disease because society influenced your already mind-fucked ass to believe that the only way that you can be with another man was in the back seat of his car without condoms. || Mother, that statement shows me just how fucking ignorant and inconsiderate you are to both my feelings, and those people I love. Go fuck yourself.]

    PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE… It is not just the responsibility of queer peoples themselves and organizations like schools and health services to prevent each other from becoming infected with HIV. Others have a part to play too, like our families and friends can provide especially valuable emotional support. Where families and friends acknowledge and accept our sexuality, it can make it easier for us to feel confident about being ourselves, talking about our concerns and taking care of ourselves because we asked the right questions and actually got answers—instead of sucking random dicks in the secrecy of our closets...
     
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2004
  2. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    ...sorry for the :rant2:, but it helped me.
     
  3. rotoshark

    rotoshark New Member

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  4. Taylor

    Taylor Guest

    I'm so sorry :(
     
  5. DejaVooDoo

    DejaVooDoo *Jojo*

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    Sorry to hear about the loss of your friend :cry:
     
  6. GeekDrew

    GeekDrew aka DataDrew

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    :( I'm sorry
     
  7. Cherryfire

    Cherryfire "If we believe obsurdities, we shall commit atroci

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    I experienced the loss of my uncle, who was also gay, to an AIDS related illness a little over 4 years ago. He was one of the most fantastic human beings I have ever met. I share your frustration and sympathize with your sorrow. If theres anything i can do to help, please do not hesitate to ask.

    Sincerest Respect and Sympathy

    Cherryfire
     
  8. RenaultFreak

    RenaultFreak OMG

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    :hug:

    be safe...
     
  9. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    Thank you all for your support and my heart goes out to all of those who have gone through similar circumstances... I implore EVERYONE (str8t, gay, queer, byker dyke, lipstick lesbian, bois, gurls....DLs...), please use condoms and dental dams...please....
     
  10. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    I know that some of you PMed me, asking how the funeral was… So here a run down, since I hadn’t really spoken about it. It started fine, and with my father and Chris/Chrissy's step-father being co-workers, I was initially paraded around to meet/greet everyone at the funeral... So, I didn’t get time to prepare myself for what was to come… The funeral became VERY disrespectful.

    When Chris became Chrissy, she worked for SMYAL (the Sexual Minority Youth Assistance League) which deals a lot with trans issues, and so there were a lot of trans individuals there... Well, the funeral (although a Baptist church) was held in a church that resembled a catholic cathedral—and was packed (more than half by trans individuals). The preacher started off inspirational, and then started talking about taking Chris off in his private jet, and then switched to an anti-LGBTQ sermon about how God makes us in his own image, and to change/alter that is against God, and that he has seen the birth certificate—‘CHRIS WAS A MAN!!!!!', he shouted--and then he pointed to the audience and said 'you are gonna burn in hell', and then he started talking about 'and now THEY picket and protest Washington... how the hell are they gonna have this same-sex marriage when that's not a marriage??'. He then ranted and raved some more as half the people left, and he said ''God's law is very clear in the bible. And I have a job to do. I don't care if you protest me like you do Reverend Phelps, I will NOT be one of those preachers who ignore the issue while you go to hell. YOU WONT GO TO HELL ON MY WATCH! And I don't who you knew, CHRIS WAS MAN, and I assure you, HE DIED A MAN!!!" (they cut his hair, flattened his chest, and dressed him as a man (even shading his skin with make-up to resemble the fuzz of mustache new growth)). By this time, people were walking out. My mother jumped up, and ran after the offended, shocked, appalled, and outraged (later, I learned that she was trying to comfort them). He then commented that he didn’t care if people walked out mad with their noses up high, but they are still going to hell if they don’t change. He, with his closely cropped hair and in his poly/silk blend pin-stripped suit (I know my fashion), finally stepped down with the diamond in his pierced ears glistening, and cleaned his glasses while he was followed by the female pastor who preached next sermon on the Joy of Heaven.

    She called for me to sing, and I refused (call it my lil…civil disobedience, or my small personal protest). So I stayed numb, as I wondered how he can quote Leviticus 18:22 (the whole abomination thing) while ignoring Lev. 21:20 (one may not approach the altar if they have defects in sight), Lev.19:27 (no cutting of a man's hair), Lev. 19:19 (sin to mix material in garments), not to mention the various places that it states no female may approach the alter... Anyway, I just refused to sing as they wanted me to. I couldn't just leave, as the other offended people did. I would not be robbed of spending this time for my friend. So, I sat there, and endured it all...
     
    Last edited: Mar 16, 2004
  11. Taylor

    Taylor Guest

    That is just terrible... how awful :(
     
  12. zennoodle

    zennoodle ...hmm must've misplaced my socks

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    Sorry to hear about your friend.

    why do you type in italics?
     
  13. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    ...it's just my thing. I like the font tags; I think they are pretty, and are a reflection of my personality.
     
  14. Maximamike

    Maximamike New Member

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    I lost my step brother last year in April to an AIDs related illness.. My father took it very hard. Try to support all those involved, it will help you out a lot. Hope you feel better..

    :wtc:
     
  15. HoodRich

    HoodRich Professional Street Nigga OT Supporter

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    I'm sorry to hear about your loss. The preacher sounds like a horrible person
     

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