SRS I'm not happy with my life direction

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Kerberos, Sep 27, 2007.

  1. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2005
    Messages:
    166
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Montreal
    Hey guys. Lately I've been, I wouldn't say sad or depressed, more like I've been thinking a lot. It just seems like my life is not going the way I want it to be. First of all, I'm almost finished my degree but I really don't see myself doing that all my life, and I generally feel that the world is corrupt and unfair and I'm still very bitter towards Jehovah's Witnesses.

    First of all, I'm currently in Software Engineering. I'm graduating in december. I've spent 4 years of my life studying this program. I've excelled my first 3 years, getting an A+ average, then last year I've started to really stink it up. It's not at all because it's getting harder, it's even getting easier. It's just that I have no more interest in engineering. It's like suddenly I realize that I'm surrounded with people with no social skills who are only tools to the big corporation and this is now totally against my values. I don't want to be just some other guy that invents for some big corporation, gets paid crumbs, gets treated badly, gets pressured by psychopathic bosses. I worked, as part of my coop program, for a few corporations. I was getting along great with everyone, but then I'd have to go back in front of my computer and spend hours solving some stupid problems that I had no interest in. Then the boss would come along asking me about the state of my project, I'd look at him straight in the eyes, talk to him with as much an authoritative voice as I could, showing even a bit of disdain for him and would say that I would finish my project in like 2 months, while I could have finished it all in 2 weeks. Incidentally, the boss was very nice towards me, even though he was a total ass to almost everyone else and would pick on some people. I'd beat my deadline by like a month, because I had inflated it too much, and I got congratulations from him and his superior. I've met this psychopath again and now he's one of the vice-president of that same multinational corporation.

    Then I go to class, in my more technically oriented classes, I see a bunch of overenthusiastic students who are just begging to show how intelligent they are. Then in some other classes, I see a bunch of people with a fake smile, I flash my fake-sincere smile to some people, greet them pretending I really like them. Then I hate myself and all those people for being so fake. Then I see those 2-3 girls in the class that are rather normal looking but actually feel they are attractive because they have so many horny men around.

    Then there's my experience with those fucken Jehovah's Witness. I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness by my uneducated parents. They discouraged me from going to school, they forbade me from having friends that weren't Jehovah's Witness, they totally isolated me and fed me constantly with that propaganda and those fake smiles pretending to be my friend. I then went on to education, decided I was an atheist, and suddenly all my extended family, who are Jehovah's Witness consider me the devil. How can people be so naive and stupid? How can people actually believe all this bullshit that cults like Jehovah's Witnesses spew at them. I guess that's where all my mistrust for society comes. If I cannot even trust what my parents taught me, why should I trust anything that anybody else says to me.

    So, most days I think. I think about my position in this society. Am I part of those geeks that want to prove they are intelligent to everyone? Am I one of those meatheads at the gym? Am I one of those fake people that's only concerned about appearing like a professional and as if they care?

    And most days, I try to solve society's problems. Why are people so stupid? Why do politicians, marketers, religious leaders lie to all those people? How can they live with themselves? How can the world be made just? Should I try to make a difference or do people actually need those lies to be happy? It seems that every day I unravel another layer of lies in our society. I'm starting to feel like I'm becoming a conspiracy theorist or paranoid. Then I talk to a psychologist, and she pretty much admits that I'm totally right.

    Some other days, I say to myself, that perhaps I should just become a psychopath or maybe just start believing all those lies that I'm told.

    The main thing I would want in the world right now is to become prime minister or president of some country so that I could fix all the problems I see in society. However, if I do this, I feel that I would have to spend half of my life before that being fake to everyone in order to get into the position of power and that I would probably end up like all other politicians. My second main interest is economy, I really want to know how this economy works and I want to fix it, make it fair for everyone. My third interest is sociology. All the sciences and maths that seemed so important to me when I was younger, now seem unimportant and boring.

    All this to say that I have an interview at IBM tomorrow morning, I'll probably have to lie about how I'm enthusiastic about the job, about how awesome the company is etc.

    Also, those friends with which I talk about those things feel that I am too negative, but I see myself as a realist.
     
  2. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2006
    Messages:
    32,407
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    OKC
    You are definitely NOT a realist. From your post your sound like a total pessimist. In fact, much of what you are describing is simply the changing of your life...one chapter is ending while another one is opening up.

    You also sound like a hyper critical person, like you have all the answers and everyone else is a tool. Great....you'll make a lot of friends that way.

    Look, no job is perfect. Even the "best" jobs for a person has elements of things they don't like. Most people try to minimize their dealings with those elements and allow more time for the elements they DO like.

    One thing you aren't taking into account in your coop is the pay that will come from a job. Getting paid kicks fucking ass!!

    Oh and if you hate your life....change it. Don't sit online and bitch about it....change!!!

    Cliffs: Read it.
     
  3. donraj

    donraj New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2007
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    0
    You can't change the world unless you can change people's minds, and that takes manipulation and lying; apparently against your "values". If enough people's perceptions are alligned along yours, maybe you could do something. But the fact is, all the problems YOU see wrong with THEM, or how people in general live is not how they see it. As a large amount of people see it, they are leading these happy little lives under the hand of the benevolent god who only wants the best for them (in reference to those christian's who don't actually read the bible); and nothing is wrong in god's country.

    The best you can do is live for yourself and be happy. In the long run, 1000 years, the influence you tried to make would have in theory (to point, the small duration of our lives, and then death); meant nothing. At least you can enjoy what you have while you have it. I'm trying to find a road where I can at least be a little happy, instead of chasing everyone elses dreams, my bodies dreams. I'd feel soulful and spiritual if I could at least find happiness outside seeking sex or companionship; but such is the doom of human nature. Perhaps you need to move on, like I do?

    Good luck, in whatever path you choose to walk.
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    The big difference between school education, and perceptual insight is that the last isn't taught in school. Afteral no book beats life experience, people in the Asylum often got a beating out of life, and found unique perceptual insightfull ways of coping with them,which we share amongst eachother. Knowing your situation i would say the following:

    Choice + action = different reality. A miljonair gave me this advice: Life is like a bus ride, if the bus goes to a place where you don't want to goto , step off and take the bus that DOES take you where you want to go in life.

    But First off all, FINISH what you start. Thats an important life lesson,because loose ends result in a unsatisfied unaccomplished life. One cannot be like the man who started to build a tower, but only left a half accomplished building. Make sure you create complete buildings, or in other words when making a choice stick to it. Afteral you might not know when an oppertunity may arrive to use your skills, plus it don't look too good on your curriculum vitea , saying education so and so (half finished).

    Next

    Don't allow other people's negativity to drag your life down the gutter. You don't have to be a dog,slave of some other company, how about finishing your degree and start a company of your own? Bring the power of your life back where it belongs, namely in your own hands.

    Ok

    Your surrounded with people wearing masks, the whole artificial mumbo jumbo, but that doesn't mean you have to be fake, you can have your own act cool and together without having to worry about whatever those fakers are doing, let them be fake, as long as you know that YOU are the real thing, that should be enough for you.

    Now the whole geek thing if we would look at movies like revenge of the nerds, while i wasn't into that movie, its important to understand the kind of signals that we (un)consiously send out to the rest of the world. Lots of people are unaware that they send out horrible signals which disgust other people like being to fat, being dumb, ugly,geeky, , who in their turn won't say anything about it, but behind their backs, they DO think about it, everyone wants you to be cool, really strong souls do what want for themselves, regardless of the critics that they would have to endure. Be sure to be your own judge,jury and executor, and brush away those people who have no personality of their own, for they have nothing to add to your life.

    In terms of work, you know society really doesn't look at your one time great achievement, they look on how reliable the work is that you deliver in long term.

    Another life lesson: it really doesn't matter how fucking smart you are if you aren't willing to work you ass off your still a loser. Work for yourself towards the improvement of your own happynes.

    on the religious aspect.

    Everyone in life is at a different spiritual level, therefore what one person needs in terms of feedback for their own spiritual growth is different for every one. Some need atheism at a certain point, to put their worlds into the right perspective. When a religion or atheism isn't satisfying anymore, the soul becomes restless, until it finds a higher form of teachings that correspond towards the way they think and what they can learn from. You are basically at that point of atheism now, and can say you have surpassed the views and spiritual content that there is to be found in jehova's scriptures. That's why it has turned into bs. For me i have surpassed your point of atheism, because i have seen spirits for myself, and know for sure there's life beyond death. Regardless of wether you believe that or not, its not important , what im just trying to point out is that various people have various levels of truths,morals and values that they believe in, the more they learn, the then shift in perception will take place, if you consider the earth as a learning place or school if you like, then you can this difference like the different grades in school, not everyone is at the same position,intelligence and grades as other people are.

    As towards the idiocy you experience in the world i have to say this. You might consider other people unintelligent, and in complete disbelief why they can have strange believes and views like that, my answer to that is that you have to understand that , even if you have a logical way of thinking, it doesn't mean other people also have that same smart way of reasoning. It doesn't mean your better then them,you shouldn't put your own life on a pedestal, afteral it might only take one serious car accident that can make you as disabled and retarded as a handicapped, so what you are noticing is just a skill difference that you are experiencing here.

    Here's my advice: Always get yourself a job in which you can help people with. The meaning of life is to love and help others. So try to find and revolve your life around a job like that if you can.
     
  5. Swerve

    Swerve OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2005
    Messages:
    3,175
    Likes Received:
    3
    I'm starting my Degree in Software Engineering in a couple days.

    Why do you say you have to make things for only big companies? Why not make programs which you can sell/own yourself?
     
  6. JustJeff

    JustJeff www.youtube.com/thisisjustjeff

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2006
    Messages:
    1,651
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Long Island // Virginia Tech
    With the amount of legal problems that exist today, it's almost unrealistic to be able to self-promote a business in software design programming. Most stuff is going open-source, which means no paycheck for you.

    It's unrealistic to think that out of college, you will be able to start your own business. Maybe 1/2500 software engineering students will actually be able to successfully make their own company.

    However, you could change that statistic if you tried hard enough. I'll start my own company when I have the financial backing to do so. This will not be once I'm done with college. I'll be in debt. :(
     

Share This Page