SRS I'm not being myself and its not going well.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by DarkDruid, Dec 19, 2008.

  1. DarkDruid

    DarkDruid The Power of The Awesome

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    I need your help guys, I got pretty much friend zoned last night and its my fault. I took her on dates but treated her like a friend, didn't give a real indication that I like her even though I do. I didn't hug her when I felt like it, I didn't kiss her, or tell her why I liked hanging out with her. I just kinda felt numb like here is this amazing girl in front of me and than I don't pursue her? I haven't been acting like myself around her, saying all the funny shit I do, holding her when I feel like it. Anyways we had a talk yesterday and she kinda was saying maybe were just friends. And the thing here is I know were not and I know she is freaking confused because I am sending out all these terrible mixed signals and not being myself.

    Can anyone clue me in on why I was so lame? I mean I spent a whole movie trying to figure whether or not I should put my arm around her and I finally do and she moves in and we cuddle but its the last 10 minutes of the movie. No wonder she thinks its only a friendship my mojo is gone. =( Over thinking everything lately and I don't know how to stop.
     
  2. eXyle

    eXyle ׂ

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    without going over the friendzowned thing, you simply lack assertiveness.

    it seems like you get stuck in your own head, worried about making the wrong move, so it ends up leaving you paralyzed, which prevents you from making any move at all. you then beat yourself up over it. that internal dilemma that's going on is leaking out in your actions and she's most likely picking up on it. all around, it's just not attractive.

    sometimes you just have to throw caution into the wind and act. just like the saying goes, "it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission". if she's not worth the risk of embarassment or rejection, why bother at all?
     
  3. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    yeah... you just gotta DO. the more you think the worse you are
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    You've got to make your intentions clear immediatly that you 'don't want to be just friends' you want to be 'lovers', The best thing to do is to just put your mind on zero and say it.
     
  5. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    I know exactly why.

    And I know why you're not being yourself.

    You're afraid, afraid that she won't like you back, that you're imagining any interest on her part, and that she's just there for reasons other than interest in you.

    I think what we fear, we create. I think that it's important to be who you are, but I understand how fear can change a person, and put a wall between who they are, and who they become during things like you're going through.

    You already made it past the hardest part, and I hope you understand that. She went out with you, all you had to do was not screw it up. It sounds to me that she's feeling rejected now, because she went out assuming you did like her.

    I think you need to be honest, and let the house of cards fall. Sometimes it just doesn't pay to let someone go without telling them how you really feel. Now, when I say "How you really feel" -- I don't mean saying everything on your sopping moist throbbing heart that you hand her on a plate. I mean: Simply saying "I really like you, but I was terrified that you might not feel the same, but now I know why. Would you like to go out with me again, and let's start over?"

    If she says yes: Go for it.

    If she says no or gives you any other excuse as to why she doesn't or does (as a friend), you can say: It's unfortunate, but do appreciate the time we had. Take care.

    If that doesn't win you points (It should earn empathy, points for honesty, enhance the probability of getting her to like you, if she wasn't quite sure before, and not only that, it shows you're willing to be responsible for your fear without being dependent on her answer.

    I wouldn't recommend any of this if it hadn't come to this. Once it reaches this phase, the only thing you can do is attempt to save your dignity and to be honest without despair. You may, or you may not get what you're seeking, but you will get self-respect either way.
     
  6. slimjim

    slimjim New Member

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    I have a buddy who is not very good-looking at all, but he has a pretty admirable gung-ho attitude when it comes to talking to/meeting girls. He basically makes his intentions known right from the start when he meets a girl, tells them stuff like "you're so pretty" or "I really want to take you out." He doesn't worry about how they feel about him, he lets them show it by either rejecting him or agreeing to go out with him. This works really well for him and he goes out with/hooks up with a lot of girls that are WAY out of his league.

    I guess what I'm getting at here is try his approach to it. Rejection isn't as devastating/awkward/embarassing as you think it will be, because you still will feel the satisfaction that you mustered up the cojones to go for it. I understand that it's a lot easier to say these things than to act them out, but try, you'll enjoy the results.
     

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