SRS Im losing my friends and i dont know how to stop it

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by severedties, Mar 9, 2009.

  1. severedties

    severedties OT Supporter

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    Ill try and keep this as brief as possible. I have had a tight group of friends for about 13 years (im 25) There was 3 of us that have been best friends like brothers since we were around 12. We grew up together and this last year my life has turned upside down. I was always the single guy up to hang out when ever and the other 2 were always in relationships (1 has been with the same girl, they are now married, the other just always in a relationship or another) Anyways, this last year i got a girlfriend and we have been serious now for 10 months. Obviously i did the whole not wanting to leave my gf side bs that everybody does in a new relationship which really pissed them off, even though when they did it to me, it was ok. I dont hang out with them nearly as much any more because i have started a few other businesses and my gf takes up the rest of my time. We used to hang out like 5 times a week, now its like once a week or 2.

    The real problems started though at my friends wedding last october. The day after we went to his house for a bbq with his family/friends. While we were there his now wife made a comment to everybody in front of me and my gf that i basically confessed my dying love for her sister while piss drunk at the wedding. I was in total shock as was my gf. I let it go and so did my gf but it kept eating at both of us as i know i didnt do that (i really dont like her sis even as a person) fast forward a week, i decided to call her sister and find out the whole story and to apologize if i did it. Her sister was shocked at what was said and denies that i ever said anything to her all night. She even made the comment that the only time words were spoken was when i was standing next to her bf who would have said something had i actually done anything. AFter i found out i did nothing, i called out his wife asking why she wanted to start drama and make my life hell. (when i started dating my gf , the wife got really mad as i didnt come around, almost feeling threatened, so she always hated my gf) The wife then got on the defensive saying that i did do that and her sister was just trying not to cause more drama(bullshit, her sister was totally shocked at what i asked her)and told me that i never said anything) Then her sister changes her story saying that i did say it (shes covering her siblings tracks, like a good sibling would) So now everybody is pissed at me but brushing it off that its all good i did that cause i was always the fun single drunk guy who hits all on the girls. I am still unsettled cause i knew i didnt do it but after about 1 month of fighting between my gf, his wife, and i, i just apologized , gave her candy , and tried to let it be forgotten. (his wife is a snake and has stabbed everybody in the back at one time or another, her own mom doesnt even like her) Even though we all said its forgave and forgotten, his wife and my gf hate each other and both talk shit behind each others back.

    so now the real problem happens last week at my 25th bday dinner. My gf and i show up 20 mins late and when we got there, the wife, other best friends gf, and a 3rd girl start texting and talking shit behind our backs (but while facing us at the table, no proof, but painstakingly obvious) So we sit down and brush it off and we see cookies on the table. I jsut asked aobut them and the wife said she made them and to try them, i did and offered my gf who didnt want one cause she doesnt really eat sweets. The duration of dinner was spent me talking to my friends, my gf talking to another girl, and the other girls talking amongst themselves. After dinner, we went bowling, all seemed fine, nobody fought, everybody seemed fine and happy. So then yesterday i get an email from the wife calling out my gf telling me that she doesnt want my gf in her life, their unborn babies, life, or antyhing. She basically said in the email that my gf ruined our tight group and took me away from everybody. The email said how i have changed because i dont hang out as much adn that all my gf did the whole night was talk shit about the wife (which is not true) The 3 girls said they heard my gf talking massive amounts of shit all night, but thats not possible as they were 10 ft away in a loud room. The wife then procedes to say that she got a hold of the girl who my gf was talking to at the table to confirm the shit talking. We get a hold of the girl and she says taht the wife never called her but the other friends gf did and started accusing my gf of talking shit, never really "asking" what was said. I show my gf this whole email and she decided to email the wife back to settle once and for all. her email was very pleasant just saying she didnt talk shit, etc, and that she wants no problems for our group. The wife emails my gf back talking a world of shit accusing her of ruining life long friends, etc. At this point i step in and write and email to the wife, copy my gf, her husband, and our other friend. In the email i basically call her out telling her that her child antics need to stop, i know she is lying her ass off about everything from the dinner to the sister/wedding issue. I never cussed or got out of line, just explained my life and how i have changed and that i am not going to be the guy that will hang out with them when its conveint as they are married and have a child on the way. I told her that she has caused more drama in my life then anybody else and if she cant stop, i want HER out of my life.

    NOw my best friend emailed me and told me that im in the wrong for everything. (he has always been blind to his wife, which i understand) but he is saying that i am not the same person and that i always fight with my gf (which is not his or their business) He is saying that i am causing sooo much drama and that his wife had to be rushed to the hospital cause i caused her too much stress and now she is bed stuck for a month. He said he has no room in their life for my highschool drama (remember i am innocent her, i never caused any drama, his wife did it all) So, now i am sitting here at a loss. My 2 best friends seem to not care about me thinking that i am the cause of all the problems and that i need to grow up. I am the only outspoken person who has ever called out the wife for a her bullshit drama. She has caused drama in everybodys life at one point or another, just never to my level. what am i supposed to do? i love my friends like family but i cant deal with her drama as i am the only one besides my gf that actually knows the whole truth. Everybody else thinks im lying :hs::hs:
     
  2. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

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    I'm not sure you know what brief means.

    In life sometimes things happen and people will come and go. It seems like your "best friends" are hell bent on blaming you for everything and sabotaging your relationship. At this point I wouldn't bother trying anymore and I would basically cut all of them out of my life. They don't seem to be worth the trouble.
     
  3. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    two friends of mine were in a similar situation.

    frienda A had a gf who made up something about friend B. friend B became upset w. her and of course friend A took the gf's side.

    even now that A and the gf are broken up they are still no where near the firends they used to be.


    your friends are blind and the gf sounds like a bitch. sad to say but you may just need to realize that its time to move on.
     
  4. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    Holy WTF details. You are getting way too far into this, dude. If your friends are getting this worked up over bullshit drama, then they are not acting their age, which is usually what happens when people who grow up together never scatter and meet other people along the way. "Losing" these "friends" will do you a world of good in the long run.
     
  5. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    Buddy, you're getting mixed in with female drama. Yes, it is childish...in hindsight maybe you should have just laughed it off right from the start to diffuse the bullshit. By now, it sounds like you and all your bestfriends are being played like puppets.
     
  6. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    Well...it is kind of amusing to watch a bunch of pussywhipped guys dance like puppets when their girlfriends get upset about something. If the one bitch who caused all this drama did it because she likes watching drama, then I'm sure she's having a great time right about now.
     
  7. yourfather

    yourfather New Member

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    hey mate, just like you break up with girlfriends you can also dump friends.

    may i suggest that if your friends are not to your liking, or you are not to their liking, just find new ones.

    the people you have as friends are conscious choices and have a significant reflection on who you are.

    i.e., if you hang around with unsuccesful alcoholic and drug-taking users you will be judged like them.
     
  8. Sephiroth13

    Sephiroth13 Beginning of the End

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    The same has happened to me, not everything you said completely applied to my life, but the whole going out with a girlfriend not abiding to the whole "bro's before Ho's" scheme. I dissed one of my friends by not going to his 30th, but his friend *which was also my friend* got horrible disturbed by it. Anyway 3 years since that time, and he is still disturbed by it, even though I made up with the guy I wronged 2 months after the incident.

    These people are not worth it, they don't realize the drama they cause and really don't see past their own lives. They mostly live in a box and honestly they aren't friends.

    What I read was that they were horrible people, they were jealous that your were happy now and honestly would rather have you to themselves, than to see you happy with someone else. Each time they tried breaking you and your gf up.

    I say good riddance to your friends, they are nothing but a bunch drama queens.
     
  9. Joybang

    Joybang New Member

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    I think you are just getting to that point in life where your old friends start drifting apart. It sucks, but in reality, do you REALLY need that kind of drama in your life? especially shit that can cause a rift between you and your SO? You aren't in HS anymore, cut that shit out of your life.
     
  10. The Grid

    The Grid OT Supporter

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    If I were you i'd plan out what i was going to say to them and invite each friend out for a 1 on 1 talk. If that didn't work out, I'd drop contact with them
     
  11. konrad109

    konrad109 New Member

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    Holy drama.

    I don't advocate domestic violence, but this is the situation in which it is okay to hit a woman.
     
  12. Two toys

    Two toys New Member

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    i recently realised that my best friend since high school and I never really had a good spoken relationship (can't really figure out how else to word it but basically he and I never had deep conversations) the basis of our friendship existed in our hanging out and doing things, we enjoy a lot of the same hobbies. but now that he is getting married to a girl I don't get a long with at all and has a kid on the way, our friendship is complete shit. I can't even seem to find things to talk on the phone about for more than a few minutes and since we only see eachother once a month because he is so "busy" our friendship has honestly stopped existing.

    basically i know what you are dealing with and maybe its best to seek out new friends, friends you can really connect with and have an emotional connection with beyond just hanging out.
     

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