SRS im in love... help me stop it

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by victimizati0n, May 22, 2007.

  1. victimizati0n

    victimizati0n New Member

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    sigh ot.. i need your help.. sorry if this is long, but i guess you guys arent as bitchy about long posts as in the main forum..

    anyways im in love with this chick.. basically i have known her for 7 years, but i have only talked to her for 4.

    i have been in love with this girl for the whole time i have been talking to her. I talked to her for 2 years, then got into a fight with her, and quit talking to for about 2, and i started talking to her again last year.. if that makes sense.

    anyways, in the last year i have gotten really close to her, and i talked to her almost every day... which was my first mistake, because it made me like her even more.

    she has had a boyfriend for a few years now, but they break up a lot.. i noticed that the last time they broke up (which was about 6 months ago) she got really close to me, but it seemed to drift apart when they got back together. I had a few classes with her (college) and she seem to lead me on so much, i thought she was mine, so i told her i liked her (she knew i liked her when we first started talking, but i never told her i still did when i started talking to her again) that was my second mistake, because since she knew that, she told me she didnt want to lead me on, and make me think there was something there when there wasnt. She even told me that she will never see me as the boyfriend type, and just wants to be friends.. total killer for me

    even after her telling me that, i still cant get over her, i just think in my mind that she will grow up and change her mind (she still wants a "badass" guy who is an asshole to her)

    i still think that way to this day, and every time i thought that she really will never be with me i feel so fuckin bad, this girl is perfect in every way.

    anyways, we finally got out of college, and i never get to talk to her anymore (she quit coming on aim for some reason) and it is just killing me not talking to her, like i find myself laying in my bed staring at the ceiling just thinking about her.. and its hurting me more and more every day

    i know this sounds so highschool and stuff, but i suffer from depression, so it doesnt help me any.

    i realy want to get over this chick, but every time i try i just cant.. any help ot?



    im so sorry this is so damn long, i didnt mean for it to be this long, but i guess i had to rant a little

    cliffs: read the title

    :hs:
     
  2. KingKhai

    KingKhai New Member

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    I don't want to be mean, but you my friend is what they called a pansy. Dude you need to move on! She using you as a doormat. You're making yourself available to her whenever she want. She uses you when she's emotionally lonely/sad (breakup with the bf), and ignore you when shes back with the bf. And here you are sitting crying about missing her and sh*t. Go out and hit on some other girl that might actually give you the time of day!
     
  3. Nyctrias

    Nyctrias If I can't be my own...I'd feel better dead.

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    You're going to keep thinking about her as long as:
    a. you keep talking to her
    b. you don't get out there and keep yourself busy

    If you're her emotional dumpster, you're in a bad place. Even worse, she's pretty much told you you're in the friend zone.

    The only thing you can do from here is get on with your life. If you choose to keep her friendship, stop taking out her emotional trash, and make yourself more mysterious and unavailable to her.
     
  4. victimizati0n

    victimizati0n New Member

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    you're not being mean, i already know that much.

    i think i made it more extreme them it really is, i mean i could of noticed her actions more when she broke up with her boyfriend.. if you know what i mean.

    i just want to not like her anymore, im not type of person that gets out and does shit, i dont like going to clubs and shit like that
     
  5. johan

    johan Active Member

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    You need to find a real girlfriend, not an object of fixation that doesn't want you in return.


    You may always have some residual fond feelings for her. If you really want to be rid of those too, then just go and declare your feelings for her and really pursue her. Hard

    You'll then be rid of those lovely feelings about her, and also have terminated the friendship too, because she will find you incredibly creepy and will have to get rid of you flat out.

    And it sounds like she has tried to be blunt, since she's specifically told you, you're not her type.


    so basically follow my first piece of advice, and just think warm, and slightly obsessive thoughts about her, while you're banging your actual girlfriend.

    That should just about do it.
     
  6. victimizati0n

    victimizati0n New Member

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    like i said, im thinking about her more when i dont talk to her.. it sounds so girly, but yeah..

    i really dont get out, but i guess when im busy im not thinking about her..

    im not her emotional dumpster, and i dont take out her emotional trash as you said.

    as of right now, i see myself drifting away from her, as i havent talked to her for a while, and when i did talk to her, she kept asking me what was wrong because i wasnt talking to her much

    i see myself as being a huge pussy over this, but i have nothing better to do :hs:
     
  7. victimizati0n

    victimizati0n New Member

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    ugh.. i know i mean, iv been in love before, and got rejected, and i just got rid of the bitch.. but for some reason this is so different for me

    i found the perfect girl that i would love to spend the rest of my life with, but she has nothing in return

    and she doesnt know what type of guy she wants, IMO she needs to grow the fuck up and stop wanting a guy who is in a band or a pothead.

    sorry if it sounds like im not listening to what you have to say.. believe me, i am
     
  8. johan

    johan Active Member

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    No no no no, a thousand times NO!

    "The perfect girl" is one who will want you in return.

    This one is NOT the perfect girl, and the one lacking quality (not wanting you) outweighs all other factors by about a billion.

    Mate selection isn't like car shopping or buying material items, where you and you alone decide on a list of qualities you'd like to OBTAIN.
    The BMW (or whatever) doesn't get to decide if it wants your ass smushing its Alcantara seats.

    Mate selection is mostly about emotional reciprocity, not selecting someone from afar that seems to have a bunch of qualities you want.

    Think 'reciprocity' ...not 'ownership'.


    But don't worry. We've all been there, and yeah, I know what you meant by "she's the perfect girl".
    But honestly, the real and true perfect one for you will come along. This one....wasn't it. You'll come to see that in time. Believe me.
     
  9. FurryFriend

    FurryFriend New Member

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    This girl has been using you as an emotional tampon for several years. It's time you gain some dignity and move on.

    Don't even try to pursue her again as suggested by another post. Four years of rejection is enough. You need to drop her cold turkey. Because if you keep her in your life, you'll always feel depressed. And if you're depressed, you will not have self-esteem needed to find another girl.

    What's so "perfect" about this girl? Can you name five things she has that nobody else has?
     
  10. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Sounds like you don't have much of a life. That's not really an insult, just something you need to work on. If all you have to do with your free time is sit around and mope about what could have been, no wonder you feel bad! Get out there, go out with your friends, go make new friends, date other girls, go out bowling or do stuff that you enjoy.

    If you can't be content and happy WITHOUT a girl, how can you be content WITH a girl? You have to be your own separate person.

    Oh, as others have said...the perfect girl would like you back. You're just idolizing this girl and putting her on a pedestal, while she is just using her. Cut off all contact with her, she's doing you more harm than good.
     
  11. victimizati0n

    victimizati0n New Member

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    i guess you are right, but she would be the perfect girl if she wanted me in return ;)

    i know you are right about how i will see she wasnt right for me in time.. but damn its been so long, and i still cant see it. I have loved girls before, or thought i did, but i really didnt, but it is totally different for this one, which is why i basically made this thread, because i really cant seen to get out of it.
     
  12. victimizati0n

    victimizati0n New Member

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    everyone is saying that, but please explain more how she is..

    you are totally right with everything else.. i did think about not talking to her, but she would always see me, an talk to me and she was just so fucking nice, it made me feel so bad because i was trying to ignore her, i never went through with it.

    its impossible to name something someone has that nobody else does.. but i can name things she has that girls who are just like her dont have
     
  13. victimizati0n

    victimizati0n New Member

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    no.. i really dont, you could of told that by my postcount.

    its a long story, but i became depressed, and i stopped talking to the people who i used to be friends with, and i got a sort of social anxiety.. i mean im not as depressed as i was before (if that makes sense) but i still have the social problem.. and most of the times i would rather just be alone..

    i think that is one of my problems because it takes me a long time to get comfortable around someone, i seem like a very shy person where i wolnt talk to someone who i dont know.. and that just doesnt work with the women, the girl i like now, i feel very comfortable around her, so it seems much different.

    you dont know how many times i have tried to just quit talking to her.. well, i did before, but it didnt last very long.

    what if i ask her to do something with me in 2 weeks, then cut her off.. i really want to go somewhere, but all of my other friends work, and they cant go.. so i can take her, then cut her off afterwards ;) or should i just start now?

    i think this is going to be one of the hardest things i ever done.. i would rather quit smoking
     
  14. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    Maybe you should do that anyway. Aside from the health benefits, it'd give you something to focus on, and it will demand your focus.
     
  15. victimizati0n

    victimizati0n New Member

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    no way man.. you probably dont smoke, but it would be pretty much impossible to quit smoking at the same time.. the stress would be so horrible it aint even funny
     

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