SRS Im in a weird place relationshipwise

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Crawling Dead, Feb 10, 2010.

  1. Crawling Dead

    Crawling Dead Gz-TeRRoR

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    As the title of this thread may suggest, I feel in a weird place about my current relationship status. A few months ago I was here on OT talking about how I felt there was no future in the relationship I was in, and if all final goals of a relationship is to find your future wife, then it was pointless to be in the one I was in.

    Well, her and I broke up. And like all relationships you get pretty clear vision about the passed once its over. Anyway, I realized that Lindsey was actually someone I could see being wife material. She's come much closer than anyone else before her had anyway. Looking back, I realize that I simply wasnt ready to be looking for a wife. Im 22 by the way. That I just wasnt at that stage in my life yet. That yes, someday I want the typical life, a wife, kids, a house payment, all that, but I'm just not there yet. I think I was also curious if I could find someone better.

    Well, after going back into the dating field, I was met with nothing but women who disgusted me. Either they were whore, had no personality, had no sense of humor, or just out and out didnt get me, I was left with a general sense of disappointment in the dating pool. Granted, I may have only given it a few months, and Ms. Perfect may still be out there somewhere, I've all but given up on the current dating scene.

    I've gotten off point here a bit. Me and the Ex are back to talking....and sleeping with each other. And two thoughts are lingering in my head. One being that She has fit the best fit of 'the 'perfect' woman for me thus far. And two being that towards the end of our relationship last time, all I could think about was that I was settling with her, that there may be something better out there.

    Should I stop looking to the past for answers? Or should I realize that what I wanted was there all along?
     
  2. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

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    You will always find someone better. With trillions of people living on this earth you can't think that you'll find one person who is the best and only person you can live with.
     
  3. lansing

    lansing New Member

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    Cherish the one you have and love now. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
     
  4. erynne936

    erynne936 my av is a car, but i'm a girl. stop calling me b OT Supporter

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    I don't agree that after a relationship your vision is clear - I think your vision is biased but in a different way than before you ended the relationship. It is more that you start to think about all the good things in the relationship, whereas at the end of the relationship, as you said yourself, you were thinking more of the negative, that you were "settling." This is very common after a breakup, when you don't find a new person right away you start to second guess your decision, and focus on the positive elements of the past relationship. Your hindsight is not 20/20. Your hindsight is biased. Because if you felt this way at the time you wouldn't have broken up with her.
     
  5. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    From your post, you sound way too unsure about this woman for her to be perfect for you.

    You should probably keep looking.
     
  6. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    NEWS FLASH: There is no "Ms. Perfect"

    And for the women reading this, there is no "Mr. Perfect" either.

    Relationships take work, no matter who you are with. There are many people out there who we all are compatible with.

    You're only 22. You're too young to be thinking about marriage IMHO.
     
  7. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    I don't think you've looked hard enough. Look elsewhere.
     
  8. Cosmic_Agent

    Cosmic_Agent New Member

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    What was the reason that you and her took a break? Was it mainly because you and/or her thought that there may be someone out there better for you? Or was there another reason?
    Do the two of you often argue? How long have you been together?

    Also, what Daria said sounds pretty accurate. And you are still quite young.
     
  9. Crawling Dead

    Crawling Dead Gz-TeRRoR

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    There isnt a Mr Right without a Mr Wrong first, and fucked up and found Mr Worst.

    Your post made me think of that

    I agree. But really, its just my personality to be unsure, to question everything

    I agree. And dont get me wrong, you wont see me here in three weeks talking about how im engaged, or in a year that im married. Far from it. Im not looking for a wife, but whoever I am with, I judge them on whether or not I could put up with their ass for the rest of their life, not just the rest of the day.

    Theres a lot of things that went into the break up I guess. To turn shorten it I basically realized that she could be someone I could spend my life with, then I started to think if I was really ready for this to be it for me? Was I really done with the dating game at 22? It would be a relief, but also kinda scary. I dont know, I have a huge problem with putting up walls and pushing people close to me away. But like I said, things worked out better with Lindsey than the other multitude of girlfriends who came before her. So I mean, comparing her to them would be like saying, "well none of them worked for this this and that reason, all of which are things she doesnt do."

    Im loving the input, keep it coming
     
  10. VA197

    VA197 New Member

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    Does she give you butterflies in your stomach? Does her smile make you smile in return and make your heart flip? When something important happens in your life, in school or work or wherever, is she the first person you think of to share the story with? When you go out, do you think of what she would like first, what would make her happy, where she would like to go, or see, or do before your own wants??

    This is what love does to you, and yes it goes both ways. If she loves you, she'll be doing the same thing.

    You know the quote 'love is never selfish and is kind' etc. Well that is really true. If you really love this woman, ok, go with it and work on making it the most wonderful relationship possible. But if you don't have that true love in your heart for her, then let her go and you go as well and find someone who makes you feel everything that love is supposed to give you.

    You only live once. Don't waste your life with someone that just 'fulfills the need to not be alone'. Find your bliss. And let her find hers. It's ok to be alone while you're looking. That gives you time to know exactly what you want and need.

    I wish you all the best.
     
  11. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    If you really want to test someone's mettle, go backpacking with them for a few weeks in a foreign country. You'll find out exactly how they operate under all sorts of stresses. If you can't make it through that without a few big blowouts, then it's not meant to be. At least not now (then).
     
  12. peoplescar

    peoplescar Guest

    wow this is my exact situation :eek3:

    i broke up with my ex and she weaseled her way back to me and made me love her again. it still doesn't feel right though. here's to figuring out your life bro :beer:
     
  13. Crawling Dead

    Crawling Dead Gz-TeRRoR

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    Is that the artist formerly known as BrittishhumpingWitch? Or am I just dumb?

    To answer your questions, she still does most of those things. I dont really get butterflies in my stomach....about anything, so I doubt I can hold that against her. And believe me, I have no problem being alone, its actually the way I prefer to be most of the time, so thats not the issue.



    I think the thing thats gets me the most about her is she understands me. Probably the rarest thing in the world in my opinion.I had a friends for 6 years whom I was sure I was in love with, then we dated, and I was filled with....disappointment to find that she didnt even get me.
     

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