SRS **Im Having Problems with my Friends**

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by DoubleWideNinja, Aug 30, 2005.

  1. DoubleWideNinja

    DoubleWideNinja Yappers

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    About 8 months ago, i met a group of kids that I instantly fell in love with. I know that they didnt have that same love for me right off the bat, but through a mutual friend i hung out with every chance i could get. Eventually this mutual friend fell into some family issues and drug issues and sorta was no longer so much a part of the group.

    Over easter break this year i started hanging out with another kid from the group, we were the only two that werent on vacation so we spent pretty much two solid weeks together. We were soon best friends, and i was hanging out with the group every weekend.

    As it was, i was the only person that could drive. I drove these kids everywhere and anywhere, hoping to become (through shallow material means, which i know regret in full) a full member of this group. By around May, i had become a full member. I have been with them every day of the summer and was considered by them a member of the "crew," no less than any other.

    **Before i reach the next part, let me just say that these are, in my mind, the best people in the world, i have never met another group that is so close, and so loving (which may be my problem) and i dont think that if they did harm me, it ever intentional**

    Eventually, by the middle of summer other people could drive. It started with one night in the middle of july, everyone (the whole group) went to a persons house and no one called me. The first reason i imagined for this was that they didnt call me, because they didnt need a ride. So, i talked to my best friend about it. He told me i was being retarded and i got pissed at him for some reason or another and we had a little falling out. Eventually we patched it back up, and i forgot the whole incident altogether. Several weeks later we had another fight, it was about something really ridiculous that i shouldnt have gotten pissed at but it still hasnt been fixed yet (essentially, weve just spending too much time together, well be fine once school starts)

    Fast forward to three days ago. I havent sat at home for a night all summer. Now, i had been home once and i didnt want it to happen again, so i started calling people. Everyone was going to this kid Lukes house. Luke and i arent best friends, but were very well aquainted, but still, no one invited me. When people dont invite me somewhere, I figure they dont want me, so i wasnt about to ask them if i could come. For the second time, I figured: they had a ride, so they didnt call me.

    The night after, one of the group got home from a vacation and i of course wanted to see her (she too can drive now). So, i talk to her, ask her what shes doing, she tells me shes gonna hang out with some school friends. So i figure "ok, ill call her later, see what shes doing." Two of the other group members are going over to a kid named TJs house to watch the VMAs. Again, they told me, but they didnt invite me, so i figure they didnt want me. As it turns out, everyone including the girl who just got home went over there. In addition, another girl, who TJ doesnt know at all went and i highly doubt Tj called her, thus meaning one of the group called her and invited her, but alas, i remained uninvited. So, i called them that night, they all ignored my calls. (this is the first time i have ever done this, i know what its like for someone to be annoying you by always calling and wanting to hang out, so i never did it until tonight. i try to avoid clinging as much as possible)

    By this point, i was beyond angry and have been pretty depressed about since. Yesterday, one of them IMs me and asks if i want to hang out, I say yes and he says hell call me later. As it turns out, he was going out to eat with two other members of the group, without inviting me. They then spent the whole day together and no one called me. Eventually, i called them and had to invite myself over to one of their houses (first time i have ever done this, again, i dont want to cling). Everything seemed normal, but i still couldnt shake the feeling that they forgot to call me.

    So thats the story. Let me say again that none of these kids would ever ham me on purpose, and i know that for a fact. If they arent calling me, its because they forgot (i know it doesnt sound much better, but they all live within a few blocks of each other, i live 20 minutes away).

    Problems, however, do arise. I am horrified to bring this up with them. If i am wrong, i could get into a much worse situation. But what if i am right? Also, school starts again and everyone can drive. I fear that the whole crew might break apart, pursue different opportunities now that they have the chance. Once were back in school, i dont know how often i am going to be seeing them.

    So, my question is: what do i do now? should i bring this up with them and see what results? or, should i just pass it off as me being paranoid and insecure and they really did just forgot to call me 3 or 4 times?

    Please give me your advice, i love these people more than anyone else in the world and i dont know what i would do without them....
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2005
  2. quid

    quid I Piss Excellence OT Supporter

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    then what happened....?

    i do this with the best of my friends sometimes.... sometimes i just need time off, ya know..

    there was probly about 6 months where i was inseperable from one of my friends... we did absolutly everything together, we went to vegas twice, clubs, you name it, WE were there, now i havent seen him in about a month and a half, and we call eachother but sometimes i dont answer and sometimes he doesnt answer. but give it another few months, and i'm willing to bet that we will be 100% inseperable again.

    thats why the best thing in life is to have as many friends as humanly possible

    editthe other thing ive learned is that if im told about something thats an infered invitation
     
  3. DoubleWideNinja

    DoubleWideNinja Yappers

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    sorry, i fixed it
     
  4. DoubleWideNinja

    DoubleWideNinja Yappers

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    but its just me.....everyone else has spent just as much time together, and i am the only person that doesnt get called
     
  5. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Even within your own narrative, it seems that you cling to them, although you claim otherwise. You know in your heart that you do cling to them. Right?

    No one "forgets" to call someone. If they really wanted you there, don't you think they would've called? Would YOU "forget" to call someone that you were dying to see?

    The fact they live close by and you live 20 mins away...irrelevant. Or is the extra distance causing their fingers to forget how to dial your digits? Maybe the distance is causing the phone signal to sputter and fail?

    You must realize this is a polite little fiction to save face for them and for you. What do you want, to have them say directly to your face, .." look we'd rather not hang around with you that much. Catch you later, ok???"

    And you CAN live without these people in your life. You were alive before you met them. And you cling to them in a very needy way, which undoubtedly is pushing them away.

    I'd guess that since that mutual friend no longer hangs out...you, by association are moved out to the fringes. My take on it is that you were never part of the core group, most of the invites were due to the mutual friend who was your passport into the group. Now that he's gone....there's just no reason to be as tight anymore. Hence you just don't get called as often.

    And ps. inviting yourself over is gauche and poor manners. You barged your way in only because they were too nice to turn you down outright. Which accounts for their avoidance strategy so far ("Oh I 'forgot' to call you sorry....")

    Stop inviting yourself over. Stop leaning on them so heavily, that is a massive turn off to them, and a drain on your self-respect and self-esteem.

    Go where you are wanted. You need to make new friends.
     
  6. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    People are selfish and use other people to satisfy their own needs. Still if you want something to happen in life you have got to do it yourself. You are different you know, you really care about these people, and real love like that is as rare as finding a needle in a haystack. As you notice it only comes from one side, namely your side. The selfishness is demonstrated that they only needed you when you where the only one who was able to drive a car. Now that others can do the same monkey trick, they are kicking you out of the group because(ts something like ' hey i always disliked that loser lets go with mr.xxx car.)

    There are a few things that disturb me. 1. You not having a life of your own. You seem absolutely paralized if you are 'not' in this group. 2. You making effort to 'belong' if you don't belong your existance is not validated,and you might as well be not.

    If anything a gang is worthless, because you don't have to 'justify' your life or 'prove' yourself' to anyone , you validate your own existance and you are your own judge,jury and executor,and be damned what the rest of society thinks about that.

    If someone doesn't accept or love someone else, then thats THEIR problem and not yours, you don't want to be with someone to who you have to justify yourself for everything you do anyway. Lead your life in the way that you want it, and remember if a friend forces you to do something that you really really don't want to , then that person is not a friend. Im having doubts on this 'friend' group of yours. You having to show and justify yourself each and every time is really tiresome.

    Look if your friends really don't harm you, i would give it another chance. No one wants to be around with a nasty person, if you keep filling your group with love and light, instead of darkness and hatred, and throwing a lot of humor into the group im sure they'll switch their minds.
     
  7. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    I'm not trying to be mean-spirited to you...I say this will all the good intentions that you find the right advice here that may help you consider what to do:

    You need to grow up. You're not 12 or 13 anymore.... this isn't Dawson's Creek. One day spent at home alone does not constitute a tragedy, and neither does a few uninvited parties.

    You need to evaluate your position in life...what makes YOU worth knowing? How can you begin to ask others to desire spending time with you, if you can't find what's special in yourself?

    Start forming what YOU are. Stop being molded by others, constantly surrounding yourself by endless parties and gatherings where you don't have a chance to hear your own voice. Take some time to listen to your own heartbeat and hear yourself.
     
  8. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

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    That's what im thinkin as well.

    Friends shouldn't be looked at something like a gang that you have to be a member of... thats pretty odd. Just like everyone else said.. you can't be so clingy... it definitely is a huge turnoff (i.e. laughing at one of your friends jokes when you honestly dont think its funny yet everyone else is laughing).. As odd as it sounds, theres people like that, and i find that as being fake.

    You don't need to do anything special to hang out with friends... as you get older you'll find friends who you can hang out with just being yourself.. and you'll know what I mean.
     

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