SRS I'm giving myself a one-month ultimatum (Anonymous Post)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Darketernal, Feb 20, 2009.

  1. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Little background:
    I currently have no close friends. No SO. No social life. No hobby. Whatever I enjoyed before I don't enjoy know. Everyday it's the same ol' story, wake up, go to work, go home, lie in bed 'til i fall to sleep, if i can't fall asleep i watch TV or browse the web, sleep, repeat cycle. It's been like this for just a bit over a month now.

    I have had several depression lapses before (First one I remember was back in sophomore year in high school). In the past I just motivate myself to get over it and get on with my life, then I fall back down again. Now I'm in my latest depression lapse and I can't motivate myself anymore. I'm tired of these lapses and I'm sick of this vicious cycle. For the first time I went to my doctor for treating this depression. Then went to a psychiatrist. Now i'm seeing a psychologist.

    I'm currently taking anti-depressants (Wellbutrin) and they said it'll take 4-6 weeks for it to take effect. However I've grown tired of everything at the moment (work, friends, life in general) and have had recurring thoughts of suicide.

    In one month I'm going to quit my job (since I really need to get out of there). If I don't feel better from the drugs I will seriously kill myself before they way I'm living right now is not actually what you would call living.
     
  2. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    change any ONE of those and most likely the others will change right along with it.

    this "I'm going to quit/kill myself in a month if nothing changes" is a guarantee that nothing will change in a month. YOU go do something about it. join a league, ask a co-worker to lunch, find a church, reconnect with someone from your past. if you sit on your ass and expect the drugs to do anything it's going to turn out poorly.
     
  3. Gyromite

    Gyromite OT Supporter

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    Anything else adding to the depression? Do you drink or do drugs or anything?

    I was in a tough spot a while back. I had recently broken up with my ex and had to move out. I felt alone, hopeless, and helpless. I'd go home and sit on the couch in the same spot and feel paralyzed. Go to bed, wake up, go to work, come home, sit on the couch, go to bed. Rinse, repeat.

    I talked to the psych and got on Zoloft and still felt like ending it. But after a couple weeks it is starting to kick in and I feel better. I try to think of something positive every morning. I ask my higher power to help me accept the things I can't change. It seems to help. Hopefully I can get into something where I help other people. That will help me feel better and give me some purpose.

    Hang in there man.
     
  4. northw3st

    northw3st New Member

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    make the focus of your life working out. life is meaningless if you're not after a goal. run 5 miles a day, lift 4 days a week (focusing on a different area each day), eat healthy, drink a lot of water. become obsessed with your progress. you now have a reason to live.

    once you get better at running, start running in marathons. then start doing triathalons. update us each week on your progress. it wont be easy, but it will be worth it, and you'll slowly but surely start enjoying your days. so much hard work, but so many benefits.

    i promise if you do this for a year, you will be happy. I PROMISE.
     
  5. O'Fuck

    O'Fuck Guest

    :werd:

    Its true, getting active is really the best way. You have to get your blood flowing. The depression has that ugly snowball effect of making you wanna just sit there... then the more you just sit there... the more your body just turns to jello and all you can do is sit there.

    I don't off myself because my mom is alive and very unstable. As well as my best friend. Otherwise, I'm pretty much in the same boat. I cut myself off from everyone I've ever known and I don't leave the house except to work. I'm definitely not living right now... but at least I know I'm making the right steps towards a better life. Started running, meditating more, walking the dogs, eating healthier, etc.

    I think basically, if your life is shit... just be lucky you are alive and you can make a new one. Thats what I'm gonna try and do.

    I know when you are really down, the old tired cliche "it could always be worse" is pretty meaningless. But its true. You just have to remind yourself sometimes that you have food... shelter... relative security, etc. At least thats what I try and do. I can't stand my life... but at least I know I have a lot of the tools to make a new and better one, if I choose.

    good luck man
     
  6. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    Don't quit your job until you have something else lined up. Job market is horrible right now, and the stress of job searching will only make the depression worse.
     
  7. borazhasleftthebuilding

    borazhasleftthebuilding Lets Party OT Supporter

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    the anonymity thing makes it waaaaay to easy for you to back out and be lazy
     
  8. wrwarwick

    wrwarwick OT Supporter

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    Its not Dark, someone sent him that and asked him to post it for them. Thats why it says Anon Post in title.
     
  9. illectronic

    illectronic I'm Coming Home OT Supporter

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    I been there man. Don't give up on yourself. Call your doctor if you continue to have thoughts of suicide. He/She may need to up your dose or try another med. In the beginning, it's hard to find what's right for you. Also, Get a second and third opinion. Many doctors misdiagnose depression and bipolar II for example.

    In the end though, once you feel a little better, it's up to you to take actions to improve your life. Put yourself out there to make friends. Find a hobby, even if it's reading novels. I can recommend many good books if you'd like. Also, you can go to the gym. This will not only make you feel better, but you can also meet new friends, maybe even girls wearing tight spandex; with their round asses basically yours for the taking.
     
  10. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I used to go to the gym alot. I started in senior year in high school and have kept on doing until a month ago (Cardio + weightlifting). I loved the progress I was making. Used it as an outlet from the everyday struggles. I stopped going because I felt it wasn't helping anymore. It was no longer fun, fulfulling and wasn't much of a distraction. Last few times I went I couldn't get through my routines since I didn't find the energy to.

    They say in your darkest hours you find who your REAL friends are but the ones who have seen me become an emotional wreck are avoiding me, the ones whom I've talked to about this have not called me ever since I finally broke down about it, and everyone else (colleagues, family, associates) feel like they're afraid of me.

    I went to a church last night as one of possible last-ditch efforts to find some meaning in this life and it was closed.

    I truly feel my absence from this world would be a positive for this world while me continuing this useless life is just a negative. I don't think I can firmly say with a straight face that I don't want to live anymore but I can definitely say "I don't want to live this live anymore."
     
  11. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    A) Seek the help of a doctor. Depression can be treated with medication. If your medication isn't working, tell your doc so they can adjust it.
    B) Realize that it might take more than 1 month to fix your life. It's likely that it took longer than 1 month to get into this situation and it may take longer to get out. Stop giving yourself ultimatums that can be missed furthering the feelings of lack of accomplishment.
    C) Lighten up. You don't have to be perfect and just because you aren't perfect doesn't mean your the worst either. There's plenty of room between the extremes.
    D) Everyone and I do mean everyone goes through difficult times where they feel depressed and question the meaning of life. Don't quit, that's just pathetic. Keep fighting and learning about yourself and what makes you tick. Your experience will be useful to others but if you give up and quit, there's little to be learned.
    E) See the help of a doctor immediately. Look, if your not getting what you need from your present doc.....FIND ANOTHER DOC.
     
  12. Kasumi Chan

    Kasumi Chan Happy, joyous and free. But fuck off.

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    Consider adderal. I've been diagnosed with bipolar and depression. Been on several different mood stabilizers and anti-depressants for years (technically 10 years of this shit) with no noticeable difference (including Welbutrin) except when I take adderal. I take 20 mg grams of adderal a day and it keeps me giving a shit. If I go through a period of time where I'm not too depressed (in the summer usually), I'll stop taking it for a bit. Then when the shit hits the fan again I'll go back on it. I go through a lot of up and down periods (although it's usually down) at uneven intervals. If I don't take the shit when I'm down I don't want to deal with anyone and I can barely motivate myself to want to do anything.
     
  13. Apostle777

    Apostle777 Outlawed in the USA

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    Life is the greatest gift you will ever receive, embrace it and cherish it, don't throw it away. Things will always get better if you work at them, I was in a bad cycle once but if you try hard, you can always be happy. I have an SO now and 1 best friend, and I couldn't ask for more. Be happy with the small things and the fact that your alive, you can't ask for much more....
     
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2009
  14. pew pew pew

    pew pew pew OT Supporter

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    jesus fucking christ, give it more than a month brother. i have felt like ive been in a life-funk going on 5 years now. ive taken at least 10 different medications, saw several professionals, done a lot of things.. im not ruling out suicide personally, and im not going to be like, "JUST LIVE MAN, THE PAIN TEMPORARY, YOUR ANSWER IS FOREVER"... try hard, give time for the meds to work and exhaust all your options before you make the decision to end your life. im here after 5 years still living that philosophy. its sad i know and i havent found deep meaning in my life even with hobbies, a SO at times and friends... but you have lots of options, from meds to psychotherapy to life changes... don't give up the ghost until you have at least exhausted all your choices..
     
  15. northw3st

    northw3st New Member

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    another thing to remember:

    life is hard for all of us. i go through days sometimes where i just feel like being dead, and im not depressed at all. im not saying you and i feel the same, but anytime you see someone who seems happy, it's because they have worked extremely hard at enjoying life. we all have the same goal: be happy, and we're all working on it just as hard as you.

    sometimes life seems so shitty, you wonder why more people don't kill themselves. look at life as the opportunity to conciously think and overcome struggles. after you're dead, you'll spend eternity not suffering. you might as well feel alive while you can. your lifetime is nothing compared to the rest of eternity.

    we're with you bro.
     
  16. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    Well...the hard part to accept is you don't matter in the big scheme of things. Nobody does. There's six billion other people out there, doing their thing. What do you want to do with your life? Figure that out and then at least you'll know which direction to go in.

    As for your friends...I don't remember where I heard it, but the quote still applies: "You know what most people are? Bastards. Bastard-coated Bastard with Bastard filling." I don't know how old you are, but chances are the people you grew up with aren't old enough to understand that sometimes they should just shut the fuck up about their own needs and help someone else, because someday they'll need the same. It sounds like you're the first in your group to hit that point. I don't know what to tell you, but maybe doing some charity work will make you feel better, because you'll be helping other people instead of focusing on your own problems.
     
  17. Lindsay Loo

    Lindsay Loo ミ★ Mikel's POZ Partner ミ★

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    you could be on the wrong anti-depressant for you.

    also as said, you need to find a support system. :hug:
     
  18. Alexqzilla

    Alexqzilla New Member

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    What about us who don't have healthcare?
     
  19. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    so, have you sat on your ass for 3 weeks or have you done anything to further your goals? what progress have you made?
     
  20. JM Popaleetus

    JM Popaleetus OT Supporter

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    Definitely the wrong drug.

    Welbutrin fucking sucks, definitely try Zoloft.
     
  21. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    let's fix this.

    .....FOR YOU.





    it might be exactly right for him but only he and his doctor can figure that out.
     
  22. JM Popaleetus

    JM Popaleetus OT Supporter

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    Well, right now it doesn't look like it.

    But we'll see with the update.
     
  23. *RARA*

    *RARA* New Member

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    Yeah I agree.
    You can get better.

    I'd also like to add that exercise is also a good treatment for depression. Try joining a fitness class.
     

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