SRS Im fucking up my life

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by ZSPTurbo, Jan 26, 2009.

  1. ZSPTurbo

    ZSPTurbo New Member

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    I am fucking up. I have been afforded every opportunity and advantage, but I keep fucking up. My parents sent me to the best public school in the city and I misbehaved. In HS I took AP classes but didn't excel, and I had the ability to. I smoked pot an was anti social. I went to college at my safety school because they gave me a full ride - then I transfered to a REALLY expensive school to study architecture. Now I'm here in my second year of architecture and I'm still fucking up. I do well in school - hell, last semester I got straight A's. But I', fucking up my life. I train in MMA at a TOP LEVEL school, with amazing coaches, but I dont train hard. I am letting my life go to shit.
    I got in an accident a few months ago, and instead of handling the tickets, I tried to block it out because it was stressful. Now I just got a month old letter (delivered to my grandfathers house) telling me my licence has been suspended. My insurance has run out because my car was totalled in a previous accident and I havent gotten the salvage title (I'm still driving it).
    I'm going to graduate with over $100,000 in student debt and I'm not even sure I want to be an architect. If I don't graduate and I have all this debt, I'm fucked!
    I've have an addictive personality and I let it control me. I used to smoke a lot of pot.... sometimes I think I will again.... but even now, when I've quit, I still find substances to take before bed. I drink too much now. I'm having my wisdom teeth out in a week, and the doctor gave me a script for 12 hydrocodone - I took 8 of them in the first 2 days after I got the script. I'm not taking the last 4 because I'm horrified that if I do, after the surgery I wont be able to get more and the pain will be insanely bad.
    I let everything slip.
    I procrastinate too much.
    I let myself down.
    I am conscious of all these things yet I still make the shitty decisions that I do.
    I know that there are more scholarships out there, but I don't pursue them. I know that I have to do more research before class on monday, but I watch LOST dvds instead.
    Theres more but I just cant type right now. I'm going to chug this beer, wait 5 minutes, chug a cup of gatorade, and go to sleep.
    I am fucking up my life so bad, and there are so many people who would kill to be in my position. I fucking wish I was as strong as I act like I am sometimes.
    I wish I had a girlfriend who loved me. Ever.
    I hate being alone.
    I just want someone to care about me besides my family. Someone who isn't obligated to care about me.
    I wish I wasn't such an asshole
    I wish I didn't deserve your disgust.
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    The problem is: you are spoiled.

    This is what is making you irrisponsible, some people need to be taken care of, but for you its better to throw you out of the house so that you finally realise that you need to take care of your life. After all if everyone babysits you, if every feeds your need without you even asking for it, why would you ever do an effort for your life? You could just sit back and smoke dope right?

    Wrong, in the end (as with all addictions) you realise it is bad for you and that you are living a lifestyle that is destroying you , you need to take responsibility for yourself.

    Life is survival, this is why you need to take responsible actions and take care of yourself. It would be better if you had your own apartment so you would have to take care of your own things(including yourself) That way you finally would start appreciating to take care of your own body and things and understand why it is necessary to have your life properly functioning, free from doing harmfull things.

    Just stick with us here in the Asylum and Road to Recovery here on off-topic, and thru the years you will improve to live your life in a pure lifestyle free from things that damage you.

    An addiction is just like going around in a circle, it leads to nowhere, thats why you need to get rid of all of them and start moving forward with your life.

    We can give you advice and guide you thru this, but winning the war is up to you.
     
  3. Pwen

    Pwen Guest

    The only way you can fuck up your life is if you don't get a diploma that says you deserve enough money to pay off your loan.

    Sersley 100,000 dollars of loan money? Is that how much your education cost, or did you spend on what you were not supposed to?
     
  4. ZSPTurbo

    ZSPTurbo New Member

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    I'm not that spoiled. I might be in some ways.... in a lot of ways in fact. But not quite in the way you said. But that doesnt mean that the rest of what you said is wrong, it's right.
    I do live on my own, I have a TINY studio apartment. I go to school in a different city in a different part of the country from where I'm from. I take care of myself, but I have a habit of letting things slip once they get good. This summer I was working a lot, making a ton of money and was practically independent from my dad, which felt amazing. Then once school started I got all obsessive and it was like that was the only thing. I missed a day of mandatory training at my job and had to be fired, but the boss said she would re-hire me in the spring... unfortunately this economic situation happened and they couldnt. Then over winter break shit got bad, because I was alone with nothing to do. I was smoking WAY too much pot, all I did was watch tv and play video games. I let my apartment go to shit and I let myself get fat. I've fixed some of that, but now I have a lot more to fix.

    pwen, I go to a school that costs $35k a year, and my program is 5 years - thats why I'll graduate with so much debt.


    I need to get off my ass and go to school now. I have miles to go before I rest...
     
  5. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    I totally understand what you are going through. I am the exact same way. I went to an out of state school in florida and basically threw away the money(it was EXPENSIVEEEE) Now, i am trying to get into a better school, trying to get good grades at a community college, and trying to save up money, but I still end up spending a lot, I still end up skipping classes, receiving B's instead of A's. The problem I have is when there is something that needs to be done, I'll put it off until its too late, or I'll just push it to the back of my mind. And then it gets truly to late to do anything at all.

    If you ever just want to talk, feel free to pm me.
     
  6. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    I think what you need is a dose of reality. Often, a shocking or scary thought is good to get your ass in gear and keep you in good shape (life-style wise).

    Imagine the worse-case scenario, (not sure what this is it for you, but for example you do not graduate from your program). Imagine what you life would be like then. If this is a scary enough thought for you, think about it every time you feel like slipping and doing something you know you shouldn't, or putting off something you should be doing in the moment. Use that thought to give you the strength to do what you have to do and realize that your life does not have to come to that.

    Hopefully, this will help you get to where you want to be.
     
  7. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    I remember the time when I thought similar things. For me, I just realized that I had to start making myself happy before anyone around me would come into my life. Quit thinking about the negative in life. I know it is almost impossible to completely forget everything negative, but at least some. And the drinking and smoking and all that....well nobody but you is going to make the choice on how to handle that. Three of my uncles died of Alcoholisim, an aunt committed suicide and was a heavy drug abuser, the list goes on and on. Addictive behavior is inherited. I myself have plenty of reason to be the next stoner, or drunk-but I choose to stay away from it. At some point in my life, I was into all of it, but it gave me no benefit. There are other ways to fullfill the addictive behavior. Get addicted to running, or biking, or weight lifting-or a thousand other things. In the end, people can tell you to stop, advise you, give you medication to supress you, but unless YOU make the choice, then nothing else matters.
     
  8. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Although I never spoked up all day long, I did other things like play video games. I was in almost your exact same situation. My parents had even bailed me out financially several times.

    To be honest what helped was my father saying, alright you're done school. You need to move out, and find work. Either that or you need to start paying some serious rent. They were also planning on selling the house.

    This really brought me down to reality, it took me 6 months in a shitty job to find something decent, get a condo and move out.

    It's been a difficult transition, but I did it and am doing it.
     
  9. ZSPTurbo

    ZSPTurbo New Member

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    thanks a lot, everyone.
     
  10. B4 I FU R U 18

    B4 I FU R U 18 Active Member

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    at least you seem to have a good grasp of what is going on in your life. you know what your problems and desires are. As a recent college graduate(finance), it is completely normal to go through a major and be not completely sure if you want to do it the rest of your life. I felt that way and many of my friends have as well. It seems pretty normal. Now you need to make a conscious decision and try to make little changes each day.
     
  11. hellagrant

    hellagrant New Member

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    Hey man, we all F-up sometimes. At least you realize it and you want to overcome it. The hard part is done my friend. Best of luck in whatever you decide to do.
     
  12. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    I think you're too hard on yourself. My advice is slightly different than the rest. You're immature, but that's ok. It's ok to not have all the answers. It's perfectly fine, you'll find your way. Take it one day at a time, and you'll find that eventually you make the decisions that need to be made. I'm not saying it'll be easy and you won't suffer, but it's sometimes necessary to make poor decisions and to "know" we're making poor decisions before we choose differently.

    That's the reality. It's not a sin to be or feel lost. It will change naturally, as you choose to be whoever you wish to be.
     
  13. northw3st

    northw3st New Member

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    That's life, my friend. If you or anyone else think it's different for others, then they're wrong. Sure, some people handle it better than you seem to, but we all struggle.

    My new hobby is self improvement. I improve my life every week. It's amazing how the easiest things become difficult (i.e. flossing every night)

    trust me, i know how life can be - it's an internal battle - the question is, are you up for the fight?
     
  14. RachTyrTaiya

    RachTyrTaiya New Member

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    Slow down . . . breathe

    These are all problems that can be fixed man. Start with the first one and go with it. It's not gonna be easy but 'nothing easy was ever worth doing'. (I know that makes you wanna slam your head on the desk, lol . . . I wanted to slam my head on the desk when someone told me that a few years back)

    Like everyone else pretty much said you are aware you have fucked up and that's good. Now you can start to fix the problems...

    Just think it could be worse you could be the stupid jackass who has a shit ton of problems and doesn't realize they are doing anything wrong and does the waa is me thing all their life. (I hate those people)
     

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