SRS I'm embarrassed about a girl.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Seadee456, Apr 22, 2008.

  1. Seadee456

    Seadee456 New Member

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    Growing up and now living in a pretentious and cosmopolitan part of Dallas, there seems to be a certain expectation to date girls you meet at debutant balls who look like models. However, I've been dating a slighly overweight girl and I feel bad, for her, when I take her out with friends. They don't say anything when she's around but they do crack jokes when she's not around. I'm by no means a shallow person and I really like hanging out with this girl but I just don't want her to hear some of the things they're saying. Should I just keep hanging out with her and not care about what my friends say or just see her when they're not around?
     
  2. eighteen_psi

    eighteen_psi Active Member

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    If you care about her, set an example for your shallow friends. Don't join in the gossip, defend her when able (whether she's around or not) and show her she's the priority when you're with her. If you lose friends because of something like this, they weren't worth having in the first place (whether or not you and her work out long term).
     
  3. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

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    i wouldnt give a damn what anyone says and if it bothers you tell them to shut the hell up (nicely of course)
     
  4. Zee916

    Zee916 Engineering the world.......

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    My EXGF gained some weight while we were together and my buds made some comments when she did.

    If you care about her, as in SO, put them straight. They will know real fast if you are serious and take offense. If they are good friends they'll stop.....

    If she's just some girl you hang out with then I wouldn't care much.
     
  5. TheManLouisianaFace

    TheManLouisianaFace and decide!

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    Even if she was a friend I would tell them to shut the hell up. If they talk about one friend behind their back, imagine how they talk about you when you're not around.
     
  6. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Stand up for your loved ones,

    In reality fat people receive less love and attention then gorgeous looking people, this is because people genetically look for being around with healthy people/partners, everything that is out of disproportion will therefore be rejected.

    Not for the sake of being fat but for her health its good if she loses a few pounds, but you and your friends have to love and accept her for who she is. :sad2: easier said then done im afraid.
     
  7. Seadee456

    Seadee456 New Member

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    They don't really know her too well, only through me.
    I'm not close enough to her her to even think about suggesting loosing weight.
     
  8. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    Stand up for your girlfriend.

    Issues between her and your friends WILL cause the relationship to fall apart no matter how much you love her. It just won't work.. She will want to be a part of your daily life, but if she and your friends don't get along then it will never work.

    Neither party has to change who they are. She shouldn't have to lose weight under any circumstance to appease them but you should be the mediator between the two. That is part of your "job" as being her boyfriend - to include her and make her feel as comfortable as possible. You don't have to stop being friends with them, but you do have to make an effort to show that you value her more than them.
     
  9. tryfuhl

    tryfuhl New Member

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    Take her to the gym.
     
  10. Seadee456

    Seadee456 New Member

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    Any suggestions on hinting at this?
     
  11. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    That's MEAN!!!!! :squint:

    What part of love her for who she is do you guys not understand???

    That would be like my boyfriend shoving makeup and tight shirts at me. I'm not a whore, don't make me look like one. And so what if she's chubby?? SHE'S HAPPY. Just love her. :hs:
     
  12. justkristen

    justkristen New Member

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    Even if she's just a friend you should man up and defend her. If she wants to lose weight, she will find a way to do it, but that's her choice. You could try getting her to work out with you, but you have to be careful how you do it. Maybe something like "Hey, I'm going to the gym at 4:00 today, wanna come with me?" Not "You should work on losing a couple pounds, start working out or something." Make it a way to spend time together.
     
  13. Joybang

    Joybang New Member

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    Damn, I wouldn't think a true bud would crack on joke on your GF right in front of you. :ugh:
     
  14. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    wanting her to be in good shape is not the same as wanting her to be a whore.

    The whole "love her for who she is" is really too broad of an argument/excuse to let things slide.

    The chubbiness is an undesirable quality to him...he has two options, he can either try to encourage her to work out, or he can break up with her.

    And honestly....the "love me for who I am" thing is what you most hear from 300 pound women who expect all men to want them just because they are women.

    To women: Not all men are going to find you attractive. Get over it.
     
  15. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    I'm IN shape which is why I used the whore analogy since that's who I feel like I'm compared to. Fat girls are compared to skinny girls.. Skinny girls are compared to other skinny whores. Yea, it was a stretch, but I tried.

    And so what if she's chubby? Her personality is what matters. He should still stick up for her, help her build some confidence and THEN she will probably WANT to go to the gym. Right now her confidence is probably pretty shitty, so some guy who she trusts etc telling her to work out would be a dick move.

    And duh, not all men are going to find all women attractive. Girl's aren't retarded, but we still shouldn't have to change our bodies to fit your standards.
     
  16. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

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    :dunno: Then why get in a relationship with her?
     
  17. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    if that's "MEAN," then be mean :rolleyes: cuz apparently being mean is nudging somebody in the right direction
     
  18. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    thanks for reminding me, I meant to ask the OP about that.

    If you're embarrassed about her, why did you get in a relationship with her?
     
  19. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    agreed, but then you also have to not get upset if a guy doesn't want you. Can't have it both ways.
     
  20. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    I'd rather be wanted for who I am, inside and out, then have some guy make me his "project" which is exactly what he'll be doing to this chubby girl if he pushes her to go to the gym. It's her body, if she wants to change it she will.
     
  21. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    stand up for her if they are out of line and dont change what you do based on your shallow friends. if you like the girl, stay with her. do you really want to be friends with people who are asses to someone you care about?
     
  22. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    since they have opened the door of insulting girlfriends, i would walk right through it

    even if their girls are perfectly trim and physically perfect, EVERYONE has something you can make fun of them for

    observe the girls, figure out what the flaw is, then start making fun of it to your friends

    some would say this is "stooping to their level" but I disagree.

    If you hang out with them, you are already "on their level." If you think doing something back to them that they do to you is "stooping," then you shouldn't be spending time with them in the first place, as they are only going to drag you down.
     
  23. Seadee456

    Seadee456 New Member

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    She's cool to hang out with. I just don't want to burn any bridges with anybody over her.
     
  24. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    so basically, if you were fat, you'd be too proud to accept someone's recommendation that you visit a gym. :h5:
     
  25. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    WTF?

    Good god man, you and your friends are starting to sound like junior high girls!

    "We're not gonna hang out with you because you're hanging out with that girl!"

    Ok, well, there are sometimes valid reasons for doing this (she steals, she's a major drug user, gets thrown in jail, etc), but her appearance is NOT a valid reason.

    Get some higher quality friends.

    Actually, scratch that. Make yourself a higher quality man, and don't have the attitude of "I might piss off my friends if a date a non physically perfect woman".
     

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