im boring help

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by vietkangta, Jan 18, 2006.

  1. vietkangta

    vietkangta New Member

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    im a boring guy and i want to go out with this girl, where should i got for a first date and how do i keep a conversation going, heck how do i even start one!
     
  2. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Well I would have to say you're probably not in a spot to go on a date at this point, huh? ;) You need to learn a lot more, but you can only learn from experience, so I would suggest you go to a Starbucks for a coffee/tea or a bar (if you've over 21.)

    Might I suggest you find a few sites on dating advice like www.SpeedSeduction.com and read the newbies guide? Google up some more and read what you can. You may also want to pick up a book or two from Amazon.com about flirting.

    Really all you have to do is (1) treat her like a long-lost friend and (2) ask her questions about herself, then when she answers listen to what she says and get her to expand on the answers. Sooner or later a topic will come up that you have in common, and *then* you can add a *little* about yourself. Then get back on track about her and keep things flowing.

    The worst thing you can do is talk about yourself, or cars, computers, sex, drugs, guns, blood and guts, dead animals, rape, sexual offenders, politics, religion, her body, other women, your insecurities, your boring ass job or school, or ANYTHING negative. You have to keep it light and fun, and about her.

    When she asks you a question, don't give her a serious answer. At least, not right away. My favorite is when she asks how old I am. I will say "Guess!" and then give her two guesses. After the second wrong guess, I will tell her she sucks at guessing ages and then follow up with the correct answer. Something like "Man, you must think I am really (old, young) or something. Are you sure I'm you're type? ;) I'm 36, not 28!" Then I will guess a TWO-YEAR range for her age (i.e., "I think you're about 22-23 years old, right?") Usually I will get it right with one of them, and she'll think I'm smart. (I'm not! :lol: ) But basically, you want to give her a LITTLE crap about things, just like you would with your bratty nine-year-old sister. Don't let her get away with ANYTHING.

    You will, of course, buy her a coffee and maybe a pastry, but if she wants another one, then you need to say "Well I dunno! What do I get if I get you another one?" Tell her if she gets the next drink you'll let her kiss you at the end of the date. Smile. Look her in the eye. Hold your head up. (Now, of course, if she passes which she probably will, just laugh it off like it was a joke. At this stage in the dating scene you may not be able to pull that off, but who knows... you need to ask for it, and you might get it!)

    One rule of thumb - the less you talk, the longer you will last. Us guys tend to say really stupid things, so avoid it by asking questions instead.

    Compliments:
    Give her only one compliment, and make it about something she put effort into. For example, "You look very nice tonight." not "Ooh, you're hot!" and not "Oh, you are so beautiful." Her looks are not something she can change, but what she does with them probably took effort. Compliment effort, not existance.

    Now the goal is to get to know her, while at the same time having her NOT get to know you very well. You do this by asking her lots of questions, as mentioned, but not telling her everything about you. When she asks where you work, just say "Oh, I work for ABC company." When she asks what you do, make a joke like "I'm the CEO." or "I'm a part-time janitor in the animal labs." Smile. Look her in the eyes. Make SURE she knows you are joking! If she looks at you odd, then quickly add "I'm just kidding! I just do some office work." or "I'm in school and loving it." No matter how much you hate your job/school, talk it up a little so she knows you are getting something out of it. I'm sure you are, so just think about what it really is.

    The most important thing to do is to have EYE CONTACT. You MUST hold your head up, sit up straight, and look at her EYES and not her body, the waitress, the TV, cars going by, or the floor. Smile! Have a good time.

    Now, thinking that she is like someone you've known for a long time, you can just walk up and say "Hey! How's it going, so glad you could make it. Let's go sit down over there." Then start out with "So tell me about yourself, what have you been doing lately? Are you still trying to become the first female president? ;) "

    A word of advice, don't touch her first. But sit in such a way that if she wanted to touch you, she could. For example, sitting at a bar side by side allows her to be close, not touching, but could get closer if she wanted to. If she does touch you, then she is interested in you.

    There is a lot more to this, but hopefully this will get you started. Being shy and boring just means you have not practiced dating. Just like riding a bike you have to go out and try. You HAVE to make mistakes, "fall down", and then "get up" and learn what you did to throw you "off balance." Every time she leans back, frowns, gets quiet, ask yourself "Oh, shit, what did I do wrong?" Then don't do it again. Learn from your mistakes.

    If your first date is anything like mine, she will literally RUN away from you with a look of terror on her face. (Probably because I talked non-stop for 30 minutes because I was so nervous. :slap: ) What did I learn? To shut up! My second date was not much better. Nowadays ... oh yeah ... totally different story.

    But just like learning to ride a bike you have to fall down a lot. And even after you figure things out, you'll still make dumb mistakes years later (I almost destroyed my enagement last weekend, DOH!) but that is what being human is all about.

    "Life is a harsh teacher - it tests you first and then teaches you the lesson second." Get used to it, learn your lessons for the next test.

    You may want to check out my site, too, www.friendzoned.com for some other tips. I'll be writing a few articles this week so if you subscribe to the RSS feed you'll see them when I publish them.

    This is another article you should read, it's about asking her out (and not waiting and getting friendzoned!):

    http://www.friendzoned.com/content/view/19/1/

    Good luck!
     
  3. purplebeast

    purplebeast The depths of hell and endless torture await all h

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    If u are confortable being "boring". Dont change it, maybe she is "boring" also. And if she aint, sooner or later you'll find a compatible "boring" girl.

    Boring is in quotation marks because its so subjective, that its impossible to acertain if a person is boring or not by everyone standards.
     
  4. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    I doubt you are boring

    When you are having a good time with your close friends do you think you are boring?

    I'm willing to bet this is more of a confidence / self-esteem issue when it comes to women.

    Oh, and I didn't read PocoDiablo's post, but do everything he advises, I'm sure its money :)
     
  5. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    One last thing:

    Your inner dialogue (the voice inside your head) is extremely important to your success. You cannot have the mentality that you are boring. What you believe in your head will become your reality. Eliminate all negative thoughts about yourself.
     
  6. vietkangta

    vietkangta New Member

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    hehe i dont know when i likea girl, my mine just freezes, all the stuff the second poster did i can do it to a girl i don;t like. Ahh i suck with girls =D

    I'm 19 btw
     
  7. lazarus

    lazarus New Member

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    Do you mean you're boring to talk to, like untalkative? Or you never do anything/go out and stuff? Just ask her about herself and you'll be fine.
     
  8. vietkangta

    vietkangta New Member

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    see i dont know what to ask herrr! I';ve tried and then i ask her a question and i get a response and i would just stop.


    Oh btw, i jsut read almost all tejr articles on frienzoned. =D A pretty good read i must say so myself.


    And i guess from what i read, the thing i lack most is confidence and i sound too depressing! She keeps asking em about ym life and i got into the depressed stuff, how do i fix this? i;m suppose to be a cherry person, but now she knows my weak side!
     
  9. lazarus

    lazarus New Member

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    Just tell her about what you do in your spare time, and about your family, etc..
    That's if she asks. Don't lie about anything though to make yourself seem more interesting, because if you want a relationship out of this, you shouldn't pretend to be someone else. Try to keep the conversation focused on her. Just ask her about herself, even if you don't really care about what she's saying, try to sound interested.
     
  10. skelm

    skelm New Member

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    So embelish if you have to... Don't start talking about the bad things in your life, she will avoid you will only drag her down when you are around her.

    Just talk about her for now, you can talk about you later.

    Maybe try and talk a bit about her goals and ambitions if you can't think of anything, ask her what she wants to acomplish this year, give her input and suggestions and just keep her talking about what she enjoys...

    I'm sure once you get a bit of a conversation going you will be able to maintain it easily enough.
     
  11. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    This is horrible advice unless the girl is a self-centered bitch. I would never want a 2nd date with a guy that makes me do all the talking and won't tell me lots about himself. You are on a date to learn about EACH OTHER, not for her to do all the talking.
     
  12. vietkangta

    vietkangta New Member

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    i know im wrong but she found out tgat i went around telling girls that i like them on the internet, I've told her i liked her in person and said it was different from those other girls. But she doesnt believe me and she is all hurt now. I know i was wrong, and i dont know how she found out but when she asked about it i admitted to everything. She said i was a liar but i didnt even lie. Anyway is there anyway to make things better? I dont think i have any more chances with her but at least i dont want her to get a bad impression of me.
     
  13. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    in my experience pocodiablo is right on the money

    You are a female and you know what you want, but unless you are bi or gay you don't have any experience dealing with females on a date. What females say they want and what they actually want are usually not anywhere close to the same thing! No offense intended.

    The longer the guy can maintain an air of mystery the better. The more we talk the greater the chance of saying something negative, and all it takes is the wrong negative comment early on to scare away a woman for good.
     
  14. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    good lord. Never, ever, never, ever tell a woman you like her, especially early on.

    "I like you" is usually intrepreted as "I want to fuck you but I don't really know how so I'm gonna tell you I like you and maybe you will take pity on me and do all the work because I'm scared to make any moves"

    You have to be at least a little hard for her to get. People value things that are rare and hard to get, not things that come easy. She should wonder if you like her.
     
  15. Ramon

    Ramon Guest

    "Let the joke of the day be your joy of the day"

    call that number.

    no but tell some funny jokes, look them up. even try some chuck norris jokes. i have, although they call me weird but it keeps me talking. if it gets quiet, play the radio loud. or just ask open ended questions. so she keep babbling on and on.
     
  16. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    But if you were interested in the guy and he wasn't talking about himself on his own initiative, wouldn't you start asking him personal questions?

    Nobody here is saying to dodge questions, just not to bloviate except when necessary. (Whether the girl is asking questions or not is also a useful thing to observe, and you can't if you don't give her the chance.)
     
  17. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Thanks! :)

    We ALL suck with girls until we go out and practice. You need to practice. Smile a lot. Eye contact is a MUST. Joke. Don't be so serious! This is the #1 problem for most guys I work with - they are all serious all the time. What, you don't like to joke and have fun? Of course you do, and you do it all the time, so do it with women as well! Just DON'T be predictable.

    Thanks, my site's a work in progress so I will be adding more stuff as soon as I get a new laptop.

    Yes, sounding depressing is boring and it gets old. All you have to do is respond with her question like "Me? Enough about me. What do YOU think about me?" Smile. Laugh. If she DOES ask, you don't HAVE to be serious about everything. There is no law that says life is to be taken seriously. So lighten up! Make her guess (my favorite technique) and tease her. If she asks what you do, say "Take a look at me, what do you think I would do? It's clear I am not a Chippendales dancer, so what's your next guess?" Then when she says anything, react in disgust! "What? ME? Never! What made you think I would be a bartender? Do I look drunk? No, seriously, you're not even close, try again." You could even pretend to order four shots from the bartender, and look and ask her if she wants anything. ;)

    Again, thanks.

    And yes, what women SAY they want and what they react to are *completely* different. Hence why I frequently tell guys to NOT take advice from most women. And yes, you can say one stupid thing and screw things up fast. Guys are notorius for being DUMB. I know I was!

    Example: I was giving advice to some guy about what to do for a date. He wanted to invite her to his place and watch a movie and he suggested seeing A Clockwork Orange "just to mess with her head." Um, HELLO? :slap: Dumbass was going to scare that chick right the hell out the door with a *rape* movie, and he wondered why women practically RAN from him on his first date. Ladies, how many dates are you going to go on with a guy who brings up rape and child molestation on ANY date? You're not, and it's stupid for a guy to think that will be an interesting topic, but most guys are STUPID! We need advice, learning, teaching, mentoring, and maturing. ;)

    I love it when a plan comes together. :)

    This is EXACTLY my point. When a woman is interested in a guy, she WILL start to ask personal questions. This is HUGE. If you ask a woman "So do live around here?" and she says "No." and then shuts up, this is a sign of LOW INTEREST. However, if she says "Yeah, actually I live about a mile away. Do you live close by?" this is a sign if HIGH INTEREST.

    Obviously, she is letting you know she does live near by and wants to know if you also live near by because this can affect the quality of the realtionship! If you tell her "No, I live on the other side of the continent and am only here on a business trip." she is going to think "Damn. No chance of getting him as a boyfriend." (Or maybe "Hey, one night stand!" :naughty: ) But if you say "Yeah, actually I live in the half-way house for recovering crack addicts down the street ... bartender, you got any blow?" with a wink and a smile, you're not only flirting but having fun. Now she knows you do live somewhere close, and if she is really interested she may ask more details. (In this example, she probably won't, because it's rude to try to find out where someone lives other than what city.) But this is simply the art of making conversation. Two people have to talk back and forth, have fun, and learn about each other. If you don't tell her anything about yourself, obviously she'll get turned off. Don't be stupid, just be interested! Don't talk about boring crap, just change the topic. No one wants to hear about the wart on the bottom of your foot, how bored you are, how depressed you are, etc. We all have problems, but this is a date not a therapy sessions.

    Yeah, agreed.

    To add to that ... well, you blew it. You don't TELL a woman you like her, you need to do something that shows it, like asking her on a date. If you like her after that, you ask her on ANOTHER date. Then you see if a goodnight is in place. Admitting to everything is also no fun. Now that she thinks you're a liar, you're pretty much done with her, in my opinion.

    I have to run, but there is more to it...
     
  18. vietkangta

    vietkangta New Member

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    would it make a difference if the girl likes me. She was the one to tell me to come over when i asked who she liked and she said me. This was before she though i was a liar.
     
  19. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Well yeah, if she liked you sure. But now that she thinks you're a liar you're probably going to have a tough time salvaging things.

    Overall, you also need to keep in mind that you should not be talking to her about if she likes you, or if you like her. Stuff like that should be non-verbal communication. Going on dates, holding hands, where actions speak louder than words - you know? I always tell guys "Talking about sex is not having sex" and talking about a relationship is not having a relationship in this case either. You have to do it, not talk about it.
     
  20. vietkangta

    vietkangta New Member

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    yes sir i will take ur advice, will be meeting her up on saturday to give her this cool bracelet i made, I;v never even made a bracelet before makes me feel kinda gay.
     
  21. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Go easy on gifts. It's like you are trying to buy her forgiveness. Personally, I recommend a guy never buy anything or change anything if you're trying to dig yourself out of a hole. She may see it as your inability to actually deal with the situation in a mature manner, and instead expect her to swoon over the fact that you can buy/make something. What does that bracelet have to do with anything? Not a lot, I can only presume.

    See, the big problem you have right now is that you've created problems and it's not really appropriate to work to "save" the relationship because there ISN'T a relationship to save. Now, if you were dating her, then I would recommend you go back, tell her the truth, and be brutally honest. But keep it short, to the point, and don't repeat yourself. Make your position, let her know that's it, and if the two of you cannot come to a compromise then maybe you are not right for each other.

    But in your case you should be flirting with her, joking, laughing, going on dates, having fun. You've never even done that, and now you are trying to make some big therapy session out of things. This is killing you. It's making you look like a boring, over-serious, emotional and immature child. No woman wants to hang out with a guy who is just going to appear to be a liar, then come "talk about things", and bring her presents to try and trick her into liking him. She wants a mature guy who is going to be honest (not lying, or *appear* to be lying), confident (doesn't have to meet women online because real women are better), has self-control (manages to be in a good mood even when things are going wrong), and is not completely predictable, boring, and depressing.

    Look, this is really hard to give you any advice simply due to the fact that I do not have enough details about what you talk about, what level of interest she has now, etc. But, I can tell you that you have to be a great guy. You have to be a gentleman. That means you are loyal, honest, dependable, have discipline, you understand and respect her reputation and the fact that she may not want to be seen as "just another girl" that you chase after. She wants to be with a man who is strong within himself, who isn't afraid to ask her out, and can control the situation to have a good time. All this stuff isn't easy from the get-go, but it can be done. You just have to focus on being in a good mood, respecting her, and being true to yourself.

    And you cannot do things that appear to be "buying her".

    Me? I would tell her something like "Look, yeah, so I flirt with some girls online, but it's nothing. You can't tell me that no one in the history of the world has never flirted before! :) (Smile, then drop it!) The fact of the matter is that I'd like to go on a date with you because you seem to be a woman of substance, someone I would like to get to know better. Give me your phone number and we'll go out on a date next week and we can get to know each other for real."

    That's it. You admitted you did it, you did NOT get in depth about it (you don't need to, you should almost always drop serious and depressing conversations ASAP), you complimented something about her intelligence, and you asked her on a date. If she gives you ANY excuse, just be polite and say "Well, I guess I'll be seeing you around then. Take care." and walk away. If she is interested, she'll either make the date or chase you when you walk. If not, then she's not right for you.
     
  22. vietkangta

    vietkangta New Member

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    im not actually trying to get with her at this point, all i want is for her not to have a bad impression of me like im some big far liar or something.

    Oh yea, just so everyone knows, she is much younger then i am, and I'm turning 20 this year. She's still a high schooler.

    I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now. I'm ok with the fun one. And i think she wants the same. I just want her to come off of feeling that i;m an overly serious person, which i am not, but when it comes to talking to certain girls, i tend to say serious and depressing stuff. Almost all of the time i can joke easily.

    And my biggest problem that i learned is that i have somewhat of an inferiority complex, and put myself down or feel not good enough for a girl. I'm ok looking i guess but my confidence got destroyed when this girl in High School saw me and went "ewww". That made me feel bad about myself and it sorta kept carrying on the depressing mentality.

    I;ve tried so hard to not appear to be a depressed person, that a lot of people think i;m only a clown. No one beleives me when im seriouss, thats why some girls think im a liar. I joke around people too much, but yea.

    Oh well thanks for all the useful advice. I;ve violated so many of the rules, that i need to rethink about what i should do.

    Well heres a picture of myself thats a banner to help people on OT get to know me better. =D

    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Jan 22, 2006
  23. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    You're far from ugly. Whoever said eww was just not your type. I'd have women do that to me, only 5 minutes later to catch some chick staring so hard I thought I would have to go shake her. Everyone has their own tastes, and I blow off anyone who think's I am ugly, because they are clearly too shallow to deal with.

    We almost all have inferiority complexes at some point, and it seems to be rooted in our social skills. I think if you just relax and find a woman who understands your sense of humor you'll be fine. I have a very dry, serious sense of humor and most folks don't get it at all. But my So ... oh man, we go back and forth like crazy.
     
  24. vietkangta

    vietkangta New Member

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    its not the humor that gets me, its just when i talk to the girl i like my humors completly disappears, its like i cant be my self when im with the girl that i like. In normal everyday situaion i can change the mood of any party, because i;m very casual with things. But when it comes to coming face to face with a girl i like, i freeze up.
     
  25. vietkangta

    vietkangta New Member

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    oh i saw her today and i i tried to play it cool. She says she lieks me but when i asked her if there will be a me and her and she said no. So i guess i got my answer, i;ll just need to move on now. Thanks a lot for all your help guys.
     

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