I'm boring, girls don't like me

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by metalfan111, Nov 5, 2006.

  1. metalfan111

    metalfan111 Guest

    Well I've been having problems talking to girls as long as I can remember. I'm 17, I've never had GF because I'm boring. I never know what to say when I with girls. If it's a girl I don't know, I don't know what the hell to say, I have no idea how to start the convo without being weird or something. I also have a low, boring, unenthusiast voice and that doesn't help so I don't have much emotion when I talk, its just the way my voice is, I can't change it.

    If I just knew what to say I would be fine, but I don't and end up being boring. Sometimes its because I'm nervous, like when a hot girl approaches me when I'm not expecting it and puts me on the spot, I don't know what to say and fuck up, or if I am not suprised and go up to a girl myself I don't konw what to say.

    What do you do to keep it exciting? I'm so bad at flirting. Like at work, some girl will say something like "come on work faster!" but shes just playin and joking, but i don't even know how to reply to that, so i say something stupid and boring and she looses interest in me. please help!
     
  2. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2005
    Messages:
    7,356
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Springfield, MO
    That is such a general problem that MANY guys have, which makes it too hard to answer just in a single forum post.

    I recommend either buying or downloading David DeAngelo's "Double Your Dating" e-book, which is a great foundation for anyone.

    While learning how to interact with women, you should also focus on learning how to dress nice, getting yourself in shape, and just generally taking care of your body (get a stylish hairdo, tan, etc).

    The information is out there, but it is up to you to be a man and go out and approach women while you are learning the information. Don't be the self-help book nerd who just reads and never acts.
     
  3. Tommy

    Tommy Long Member Standing

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2001
    Messages:
    65,883
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    NYC
    "I'm giving it all she has captain!" [/scottish accent]
     
  4. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2002
    Messages:
    15,741
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wellington, Florida Bitches!
    I can testify as to being one that brought into this guys gimmick. I would say don't be dumb and spend money on this guys e-book.

    All the guy says is be cocky and funny. Being cocky & funny is hard to do if you are just NOT funny. He tries to TEACH you to be cocky and funny which is pretty hard to do if you are not that already. I think you have to have a small inkling of being funny before you can expand on that.

    I would recommend talking to girls about anything....For instance, find out what that one girl from work likes to do and see if you have similar interest. Then just ask her to something that interest both of you....if its like a concert or a movie or a book showing or whatever. Then that builds the base of what you can start a relationship on.

    BTW, what type of job do you do??

    Depending on the situation...Their are many things you could answer back after gettin a "c'mon work faster"

     
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2006
  5. metalfan111

    metalfan111 Guest

    I'm downloading the ebook down via bittorrent. I am a funny guy around my best friends, because I've known them for like 10 years so I'm comfortable around them. It's just when its with new people, I'm nervous and boring. Even if I'm at a party and talking to some guys (as friends), I act boring
     
  6. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2005
    Messages:
    7,356
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Springfield, MO
    I know what you mean, which is why I recommended the book.

    Most guys are funny, as long as they are comfortable being themselves. I've learned that after being around nothing but guys for months straight living in a tin can while in the Marines.

    It's easy to give you the advice "just talk about anything", but that won't solve anything. If you could talk about anything, then you wouldn't be here, right? Just because you may find out that you both like Jay-Z doesn't mean you still aren't intimidated by women. There are ways to get over this, but they have to be learned.

    I think you will like the book, and if not, it is still a window to many other resources from guys who study social interaction with women for a living.
     
  7. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2002
    Messages:
    15,741
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wellington, Florida Bitches!
    What do u mean "boring?"

    What do you do at a party?? just stand around and shit?? I was at a party on halloween where I knew no one BUT one guy, the host. I got drunk and i got very loose and friendly. I talked to a lot of people, basic chit chat. But apparently it went pretty good and some girl at the party found me on myspace and now we've been chatting for a bit. I dunno if it'll go anywhere cause she lives a bit away and she's also younger. But she's told me already we should hang out. so who knows...



     
  8. metalfan111

    metalfan111 Guest

    at parties i drink and shit and i talk to people, i dont really know what i say but i do talk, but i get nowhere
     
  9. deznutz

    deznutz New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2003
    Messages:
    29,880
    Likes Received:
    0
    You are only 17....id be worried if you were 30 and still boring.
    If you go to college, it will turn your life around. Go out and party, get drunk, talk to women...

    Women like men with EXCITING and ADVENTUROUS lives.
     
  10. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    Work on developing your own interests and hobbies. Once you have found things you like to do, you have at least a possible starting point. You may meet girls while out doing these things you like, or you can talk about the things you like with the various girls, and eventually you will come across a girl with similar interests.

    You're only 17. You're simply not going to find a ton of relationships or even that many girls with similar interests, simply because people your age are still figuring out who they are.

    I'd recommend not worrying so much about the girl thing...worry about figuring out who you are, what you like, etc. Believe me, once you get into college, it will be a whole new world where you can find a lot of people with similar interests.

    Are you trying to find girls at high school parties? Come on...what's the typical high school party? A bunch of people standing around drinking because it's the "cool and popular" thing that everyone else does?

    If you're not having any fun at those, then don't go. You would just be wasting your time. You would be putting yourself in a situation where you don't feel comfortable, then be trying to make yourself sound natural and fun. The two won't mix.

    And don't worry. Lots of people go through this stuff in high school. It's part of growing up and finding out who you are.
     
  11. Martinj

    Martinj New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2006
    Messages:
    138
    Likes Received:
    0
    Confidence, be yourself. Want to be creative, well you need to have an outlet, join an art class, acting class. Something artsy. Do stuff on week ends, ask what they did on your week ends, say what you did or what you like to do, and ask if they want to hang around or sumething.....youre young man, and if you feel like you missed out, then act now and make sure you dont miss more now because of not believing in yourself.
     
  12. Toda Party

    Toda Party .....

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2002
    Messages:
    2,431
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    N.Y.

    Bingo. Get your own life in order first. You have to be having fun whether or not theres a woman in your life. Women, and people in general, want to be around fun and positive people. Being enthusiastic about the things you do is attractive to the opposite sex. When you're happy, people sense it- and that energy you have is magnetic- you'll find people drawn to it. So go out and find something that makes you happy, because you shouldn't be looking for girl to bring you that happiness.
     
  13. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    None of those books will work until you have your own life in order like everyone has already said.
     
  14. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,466
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    the streets
    having read the book several times, I can assure you that he talks about much more than just "cocky and funny"
     
  15. ArthurPewty

    ArthurPewty New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2006
    Messages:
    916
    Likes Received:
    0
    Well, you're a metalfan, so you've definitely got that going for you. I think others have given a lot of good advice. One thing I'll repeat that has been a good reminder for me is when interacting with "hot girls" remember that if you completely blow it, who cares. You haven't lost a thing. Especially being 17, you don't need to find your "soulmate" or have lots of sex or anything. The best thing to do is to figure out how to meet people and then work on relationship skills. Guess what, you're already learning by crashing and burning (seriously, you've figured out what doesn't work).

    When it comes to flirting, the advice that I'll give you is be playful. Will every girl go after you? No. Will some think you're a freak? Oh, hell yes, but some will also be find it attractive. Being playful doesn't mean making jokes all the time or being goofy, but interacting like it's a game and that if you happen to lose, well you can always play again. Just remind yourself that it's a game, pay attention to what's going on right then and there (and ignore the voice in your head that's telling that everyone is paying attention to you) and then just have fun.



    So what, there's no hope for me?!:wtc:
     
  16. skitcy

    skitcy uhm title! ok

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2005
    Messages:
    1,302
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Seattle, Washington
    The only way you get to be an expert is by practice. If you get nervous until she completely blows you off just keep talking. Practice practice practice.. go to a malll talk to 10 different women a day.

    Until you're over your fear of anxiety you will never beable to be "comfortable" and be that funny guy. There is no way we are going to tell you something that will make you get over it. The only way to change that anxiety is to train your body to be so used to it that it doesn't think it's a weird thing anymore.
     
  17. metalfan111

    metalfan111 Guest

    How do I "find out who I am?" You said find hobbies and interests, but I have no idea where to start. There is so much stuff I don't know about. Right now, I hardly have any hobbies. I've been playing baseball most of my life, but I'm not very good. I used to hate art, but after taking a art class, I've grown an interest in drawing random designs in a sketchbook. How can I find out about other stuff? My school doesn't offer many clubs, I've already looked at all them and none of them interest me.

    I finished downloading that Double Your Dating ebook. Is it worth the time to read it? I'm also thinking about changing my clothing style, cuz right now all I wear is basketball shorts and a white t-shirt. I'd like something a little bit nicer, but I have no taste in fasion. I could pick something out and at the time I'll think it looks fine, but later will realize it doesnt match and is horrible.

    So most of you are just saying I need to practice to get my confidence up, so where should I start? At school, I have the same classes with the same people everyday. Theres a lot of people I don't know in my school, but I just never see them unless its in like the hallway, but since its in the hallway between classes, there's no way I can practice talking to them. I went to a high school football game yesterday and there was a shitload of people there, like 10,000 at least, but I hung out with the same 10 people the whole time. Since i have no idea who the other people are, I had no idea what to say to them to start the convo. It would seem kinda weird to just start talking to a random girl at the game when shes with all her girl friends.

    Theres a playoff game this saturday im going to and there will definiltey be more people. How should I approach it when I'm there? Should I try not to hang out with my friends and try new people or what.

    I'm really bad at this shit everyone and thanks so much for all your advice so far!!
     
  18. ArthurPewty

    ArthurPewty New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2006
    Messages:
    916
    Likes Received:
    0
    Okay, identity, that's the major task of adolescence, so don't connect it to dating. That will likely only give you pressure to act in a way to please other people and not necessarily who you feel comfortable being.

    There are so many facets of "who you are", what you are interested in, how you handle different situations, how you treat people, your goals and beliefs, etc. that it typically isn't something that you discover by actively focusing on finding out who you are, but through experiences. It sounds like you're already checking some things out (like art). And who cares if you're no good at baseball. I love playing softball and I stink like a carp on the New Mexico highway at noon, but I have fun and it's something to do with others. Other things to think about are getting a job (17 right?). I figure you'll need some $ if you want to go out on dates and it feels a lot better when you use what you've earned. I enjoyed my first job because 1) I didn't depend on it for survival, 2) I busted my butt and (some) people actually appreciated what I did, and 3) I made friends. Not saying that will happen for you, but it might. Anyway, I'm old fashioned enough to say that holding a job builds character...sorry, digressing again.

    I thought you were a metalhead? In my day...nevermind. Shorts and a white t-shirt, really? I'm not a fashion expert (I'm still jeans and t-shirts when I'm not working), but definitely get some new clothes.

    School is good. But what about malls or other places (arcades, clubs, skate parks) where kids hang out. Hey, metalhead try to find some girl in a cd shop checking out the metal bands and go up and talk to her. I don't know what it's like around where you live, but don't limit yourself to just school.
     
  19. Toda Party

    Toda Party .....

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2002
    Messages:
    2,431
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    N.Y.
    Yes, it's worth your time to read it.


    There are SO many things out there for you to do. The art class you mentioned is a good start. Talk to people. Get more involved in it.


    As far as fashion goes, ask a female friend or any female who is into fashion and/or has a good sense of style to go shopping with you and let her pick some stuff out.
     
  20. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ah, the classic white tshirt and shorts. Only what every single other guy in high school wears these days. Do you have the little gold chain/necklace too? Seriously, that look is so bland it isn't even funny. That's fine for wearing to like sports practices, or when you're at home doing nothing, but if you're out in public, you'll blend in with everything. I'm not saying you have to wear extremely loud stuff, just find something that looks good on you, that acentuates your natural style. If you have some female friends, call them up when you go looking for some new clothes..get a variety of opinions on what looks good on you. Also go by what you think of what you see in the mirror too.

    Don't go overboard. It's entirely possible to look well dressed without spending ridiculous amounts of money or buying super expensive clothes. A pic would be a good start, we could maybe give you advice on where/what to look for.
     
  21. enfiniti

    enfiniti How firm thy friendship ... OHIO!

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2006
    Messages:
    4,813
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Columbus
    uhh, talking to chicks is the easy part... getting them in bed is the hard part. Thankfully you are stuck on the easy one to fix.

    Just walk up to a girl, notice 2-3 things around and keep them in the back of your mind and...

    say hi

    pick one of the things you noticed (class/weather/job/her hair), point is it doesnt matter in the least. Most girls dont care what the topic is so long as they get a chance to blabber away about SOMETHING.

    Listen to what she says

    Respond to what she says

    If you dont have a response, pick a new topic, transition to that let her yack some more

    get that down and eventually you can work up to gettin a number or 10, preferably all from the same person


    as for dress...
    damn dude, get $100, go to khols, jcpenny, sears, whatever. Buy some khaki pants, or shorts, and some shirts with a collar.

    Dress like you run the world diserve respect and you may begin to act like it
    Dress like the other 200 fools, well...
     
  22. ptwiggens

    ptwiggens New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2006
    Messages:
    317
    Likes Received:
    0
    The subject title of this post is a limiting belief.

    David DeAngelo's stuff is good for this type of stuff because he focuses alot on self identity and limiting beliefs and stuff.

    I'd recommend either Double Your Dating or The Venusian Arts Handbook (mystery method). I normally recommend people start with mystery method because I believe that is the best foundation.
     
  23. Sybian

    Sybian She's with me...

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    6,218
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    My 2 cents. At 17 I was pretty awkward myself. Confidence is key. If you project a positive, confident aura about you women will pick up on that instantly. They're a different kind bro. They can sense everything about us through the aura we project. You absolutely cannot be in the mindset that you don't know what you're doing because they can smell that a mile away.

    Be calm, cool, confident and above all be yourself. Never fake it because you'll get a fake bitch, and no one wants one of those believe me.
     
  24. teo

    teo . => ? => !

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2004
    Messages:
    3,094
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Eh?
    Get a friend who's a girl.
     
  25. Kinks

    Kinks Sup. OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2003
    Messages:
    8,692
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sydney, Australia
    :werd:

    think of some funny stories to tell from your past, that include excitement/adventure.. as long as they're the kind of stories a random stranger would be entertained by hearing, you're golden.
     

Share This Page