SRS I'm becoming an alcoholic

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by schmitty101, Mar 17, 2010.

  1. schmitty101

    schmitty101 You might remember me from such films as "Dig your

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    I don't even know how to start this post. I've been posting the same bullshit problems here for 6 years and some of you won't even listen to me anymore.

    I'm starting to take things to the next level. I'm drinking alone in my room at nights now. When I get home from school I lock myself in my room and crack open a case of beer that I have under my bed. Alcohol allows me to escape and forget about my problems. For the few hours that I am drinking, I am pretty happy and optimistic about the way my life will turn out. My mood gets elevated and suddenly my life doesn't seem so bad. The next morning I'm back to being myself.....lonely, angry, insecure, frustrated, and resenting my family for turning me into a monster. By noon I am usually eager to start drinking again because I just can't face reality anymore....my life is just too depressing.

    This morning I looked around online for some free/cheap therapists but didn't have any luck. In case anyone wants to help me out I live in Lake County, IL.

    My depression has gotten worse since the weather has improved because it only reminds me of how i'm missing more opportunities to go out and enjoy life. I think of friends, memories, fun, and all the good times that I won't experience and it makes me sick to my stomach (I almost puke sometimes).

    What am I to do? The community college counselors already told me that my problems are beyond their scope of practice. They told me I need a professional psychologist/psychiatrist and I can't afford one. They have some sort of program for discounted insurance for students which I will look into, but I don't think I will be able to afford that either.

    I think if I moved out my life would improve about 80%. Living here with these shit parents keeps me in a constant state of shrewdness. I want to ask out some girls from school but ultimately it won't go very far because I have nowhere to go with them for privacy, and thus as long as I am living at home I will probably NOT get laid....and this makes me very frustrated since I'm 21 and horny as hell. About 2 days ago I started contemplating suicide again because of an incident at school. We were working in groups of 4, and the other 18-19 year old students were having good conversations. They were comfortable, laid back, happy, laughing, and I was just sitting there like a big freak with a frown on my face. I just made it awkward for them. Ever since then I completely feel like I shouldn't be around others because I will only drag them down with me. They are good, and they don't need me around making life sad.

    I am attending paramedic training this fall which will last through the end of 2010. I will also have my A.A. degree by then. Hopefully once I finish paramedic training I will be able to move out. The only problems is that I don't think I can take living at home anymore.

    I'm not even optimistic about being a paramedic. I want to join the fire department and be a firefighter/paramedic but I think that in order to be a firefighter you have to be a happy person with a good attitude, and you also need good interpersonal skills. These are qualities that I do not have and I don't think I will fit in with the other firefighters.

    I need a drink.
     
    Last edited: Mar 17, 2010
  2. calisteph6

    calisteph6 Active Member

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    you drink warm beer? ewww
     
  3. schmitty101

    schmitty101 You might remember me from such films as "Dig your

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    I wish I could laugh at that.
     
  4. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Go to an AA meeting...there are usually plenty in major cities. Also look in the phone book for an AA phone number. Most cities have a hotline that you can call and talk to an alcoholic.
     
  5. Pepe

    Pepe New Member

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    remember that you must sacrifice now to profit later. i've read your stuff in the past and i'm not going to preach to you about all that bullshit, but just think about the future. set goals for yourself (short and long term) and work towards them. seriously stop drinking like you are. if you truly want to be happy, realize that drinking like you are is not going to get you to where you want to be.

    i have a friend who "wants to be happy and have a good life" but he isn't willing to put in any of the sacrifices that are required to get there. he wants immediate satisfaction all the time, and that means going out all the time and drinking, having unprotected sex with his ugly/bitch gf (subsequently getting her knocked up), and all sorts of other stupid shit, and yet he wonders why he is going backwards when he wants to be moving forward.

    bite your lip, realize you will be miserable while you manage to get through your schooling, and concentrate on being a better person every day, even if it is just a little bit. soon you will realize that days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, and months turn into years, and soon you will hopefully look back on this and laugh. best of luck.
     
  6. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    You can't get out of a deep hole without doing effort to climb out of it, drinking is only a symptom supressor not a problem solver, you need to JUMP out of the vicious circle of despair. Remember i've said to you before that have to be like a garbage man and throw everything that is negative out of your life.

    You know schmitty, no one can live your life for you. We can give you advice, but winning the war against yourself and the problems in your life is up to you.

    You shouldn't look at other people, its like a paraplegic that looks in jelousy how other people can still walk. Those people don't understand how you must deal with your own misfortune. You shouldn't let them bother you and you shouldn't bother them either ,as again they cant help you nor live your life for you. Also don't talk in a way of (after 6 year everyone is full of my bs) , we are here to help regardless of what state you are in, and we do that by freedom of our own choice to help you. So please accept our help, and advice that you need to help yourself out of this.

    Get out of that house, avoid it like the plague, and start doing constructive things, stay in the library to study all day,

    Remember your life is about doing effort to escape from misery. (and i don't mean suicide by that , because suicide is an easy, but not a right way out.)

    Yes it sucks,but Don't blame your parents. Don't blame god. You are responsible for who you are. If you want to change who you are, fucking do it. Blaming your genes or your invisible friend,waiting and continuing to live the lifestyle you hate will get you nowhere. Accept that you dug the hole you are in, now you've gotta pull yourself out of it if that is indeed what you want to do.

    Remember persistance is the key to succes
    While Lazyness is the cause of failures.

    Drag yourself thru your days in life and constantly keep working hard for a better life, while making smart decisions that improve the quality of it.
     
  7. peoplescar

    peoplescar Guest


    stop doing this, seriously.

    you said people in your classes are having good conversations? join in with them, maybe you feel like you have nothing to offer or say, maybe you are too scared to say anything for fear of rejection, maybe you are not saying anything because thats what you feel you are supposed to be, like someone is going to reach out to you. You need to reach out to others around you and show a good attitude.

    ask someone to help you study, start working out (excersize is an amazing confidence booster) start eating correctly and stop drinking so much beer. alcohol can't be your escape.

    get a job as a waiter to improve your socialzing skills, meet some cute wiatresses while your at it and invite them out for drinks or to dinner.

    YOU ARE PERPETUATING THIS LIFESTYLE

    the opportunities are endless you just need to get kicked in the butt to do it. you are 21 years old what the fuck are you doing sitting at home drinking beer and browsing OT. get off the fucking computer, unplug you internet cable if you have to, get out and do something.
     
  8. GRocks10

    GRocks10 New Member

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    I want you to watch this movie called THE SECRET. SIT THROUGH IT ALL and watch it. You will learn about the Laws of Attraction, you will learn to believe in yourself and you will learn that what you think you will attract.

    You got real lucky during the golf cart incident with those "friends" you had and we all seriously thought you were going to prison, and look, you didn't. Most of all, if you would've been convicted, you would have a FELONY on your record. From what I understand, there is no way you would've been able to go to School now to become a Paramedic or even a Firefighter with that kind of a record. So count your blessings it turned out the way it did, and instead of sitting moping around the house DOING NOTHING but drinking booze and checking threads on OT feeling down about yourself GET OUT, meet new people, even if it means going to the local Barnes and Noble to just read some books, check out a local free learning class that you may find on Craigslist under the events area, just get out there. There is this cool website I found recently you may want to look into, and it seems like a great new way to meet more people!

    Its called http://www.meetup.com

    Other than that, be THANKFUL you have life!! there is so much more you could do if you simply SHIFT your thinking process to something abit more positive.

    Oh and don't blame your parents completely for your problems. You decide ultimately what to do with your life, and how you're going to handle certain situations. Don't blame them completely or your genes for the way you are. When things get better and you realize that you need to LOVE yourself first before you can love another, or drive that cool nice car, or have that great quiet place to get laid, first you need to make a priority to better your life, then worry about taking care of that other stuff.

    Maybe, just maybe, this is your "quiet period" right now at this point in your life to better you... and when things get better, you will start to notice things all the sudden: looking up.

    Watch The Secret, and really listen and watch it, you may be quite surprised with what you learn.

    This is a trailer of the movie: http://www.thesecret.tv/movie/trailer.html
     
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2010
  9. schmitty101

    schmitty101 You might remember me from such films as "Dig your

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    (i'm drunk right now)

    You people are great. Seriously, what you guys tell me is very inspirational and there is a lot of truth to it. I guess really the problem at this point is that I don't know HOW to go out there and "live life". I mean, I don't know people to go out with and going out by myself doesn't seem right.

    I will watch "the secret" .....btw, I had a weird night tonight and I started another thread about it. The reason I mention it here is because it has to do with the whole "attraction" thing.

    Yes, I am VERY VERY VERY grateful that the whole "golf cart" incident turned out the way it did. I am almost done paying back the restitution. Without a felony conviction the whole world is still open to me. I want to be a firefighter and thankfully to one lenient judge (and a GOOD lawyer) I am still able to do that, amongst any other career.
     
  10. BoomBoomBoy

    BoomBoomBoy Guest

    Your family didn't turn you into a monster. You did that all by yourself. Sounds like you have accountability issues.
     
  11. Grok1122

    Grok1122 New Member

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    Go to AA they are free and I think you will be very surprised that what the community there can offer you.
     

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