SRS I'm an asshole.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by GizmoGuy, Nov 16, 2009.

  1. GizmoGuy

    GizmoGuy New Member

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    I grew up spoiled, got everything I've ever wanted, yet I can never remember when I was last happy. My mother has been a slave to her sons, yet I never appreciated it.. My dad too, but he's naturally just been distant. I have the greatest fiancee in the world, yet I treat her like shit. I'm always stirring up arguments, I tell myself it's because I don't see her often enough, I really think that's why. I am too spoiled. Nobody close to me has ever died. I'm living in a shell.. somebody please help me.

    I just can't bring myself to doing things like hugging my parents and sincerely thanking them for everything they have done for me. I really am an asshole, and I hate it, but I feel powerless, like it's the hand I was dealt and am stuck with.

    The only time I can really realize how bad I am is when I smoke pot, it allows me to set aside that persona and look at things from a drifferent angle where I can see myself actually doing wrong, otherwise I see myself with very few flaws. Do I need to lose someone close to me to learn to appreciate everyone? Can I even fix this? Does all of this sound like anytihng anyone is familiar with?
     
  2. Carl Brutananadilewski

    Carl Brutananadilewski Active Member

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    I am similiar to this in a few ways. My parents are both probably the best one could ask for, yet I don't really show them any sort of affection.

    I trace my problem back to what my ex-wife did to me. After what happened, I never told anyone, especially her, that I loved them or really showed affection for anyone. It's been a long hard process to begin showing and telling my feelings to anyone again, and stop acting like such an uncaring dickhead.

    You just need to make a conscious effort to do it. Even then, it's hard to bring yourself to say the words or stop yourself from starting shit.
     
  3. *RARA*

    *RARA* New Member

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    Yeah, just make the effort. Otherwise, you'll probably LOSE these things in your life. I don't know how long your fiance will want to stick around if you treat her like shit.
    You need to be more considerate, and learn to appreciate the things in your life.
     
  4. weezyfbaby

    weezyfbaby New Member

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    I am the same way. Have great parents who support everything I do and help me with everything. I know deep down I want to tell them I love them and improve my relationship with them but for some reason when the time comes I can't bring myself to do it and let them know how much I really appreciate them. I am not sure why I do that but I think it's because I fear how I'll come off when I say it...
     
  5. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    the most happy I've been in my life were also the times i worked the hardest for what i got.

    you've never had to work for anything.....................and you've never been happy.



    get the correlation?
     
  6. konrad109

    konrad109 New Member

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    Well there is your problem.

    Your mom thinks that doing things for you = love, which is completely wrong. She gave you things you didn't want or need, but didn't teach you the things she was supposed to (proper boundaries between people, respecting her, showing affection). Your distant father was also no help in this department. From the picture you paint, it doesn't really seem like you have a reason to feel appreciation because they didn't give you any of the interpersonal skills you really needed. Perhaps now you feel like if you try to show someone affection, you will do it the same way your parents did, and the people you care for will lose respect for you or won't appreciate you.

    My parents also failed quite miserably at every attempt at parenting they did. Part of me resents or even hates them, part of me pities them, part of me still cares about them. I know that their relationships with their parents weren't the best either and they have a lot of their own mental issues. I got fucked up pretty good when it comes to intimate relationships but once you realize the why and how it becomes easier to deal with.
     
  7. weezyfbaby

    weezyfbaby New Member

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    konrad, completely agree.

    That is how I feel. I love my parents for how they care for me and appreciate me and help me with everything I need but they definitely didn't help me with relationships, affection, etc. because I just have natural problems when trying to show affection or show love to someone I really do appreciate. It's almost as if I feel weird doing it or even can't do it and it affects my sex life and my interactions with women.

    How did you fix it?
     
  8. baldcahoot

    baldcahoot New Member

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    It sounds like you haven't found anything in life worth applying yourself towards, anything that makes you feel like you're on a path toward true fulfillment. So if you don't find meaning in life, how are you supposed to appreciate all of the meaningful things your parents and your fiance do for you?

    Rather than search for ways you can train yourself to mimic the caring gestures of a legitimately happy person, I suggest you find your own personal path to happiness. Then I think the rest will fall into place.

    Most people need hardship to realize they havent found fulfillment. The fact that you can do it within a spoiled lifestyle with the aid of a recreational drug is a blessing. Don't squander it. Why don't you think about times in your life you genuinely were happy and try to figure out what it was about those times that inspired that inner peace? That's probably a good first step toward figuring out how to make your life fulfilling.

    That feeling of emptiness is probably a signal that you've got some work to do to reorient yourself toward things you're passionate about.
     
  9. schmitty101

    schmitty101 You might remember me from such films as "Dig your

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    Its funny that you made the comment about pot. I have the same exact problem and I hate it. Every time I get stoned with people it sucks because it makes me realize how fucked up I am and then I get quiet, self conscious, and lose all my self esteem for a month. I see others smoking pot and they are fine, probably because they have a clear conscience or something.

    I'm the same way with my parents. I resent them for providing me with such a shitty upbringing and I don't think i'll ever be able to be close with them. For the most part I repress these feelings all day, but I guess the pot just brings them out.
     
  10. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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  11. dan2k

    dan2k New Member

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    Summary: Angry dude, twice divorced, gets in heinous car accident, gets brain damage, sees highly evolved spirit. :rolleyes:

    mod edit Summery: improves his life by making significant changes in his world view
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 28, 2009
  12. BoomBoomBoy

    BoomBoomBoy Guest

    Very well said. :bowdown:
     
  13. cd7

    cd7 how troublesome

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    sigh, i feel like i can relate.
     
  14. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    You have a choice to make, continue on like you've done for years or change. Only YOU can make the change....noone else can nor will make the change for you.

    You're obviously getting a payoff for being an asshole. I'm not an asshole so I don't know the payoff. Perhaps you like feeling superior, perhaps you feel like it's one thing in this crazy life that you can control. Who knows...there could be a variety of reasons that make you this way.

    One things for sure, nobody like assholes.

    We have a saying in AA and I've heard it elsewhere but it helps change things in your life that you want changed. It is, "Fake it till you make it." I've also heard it said, "Act as if..."

    In other words, if you want to be more compassionate, start showing more compassion. You don't need an excuse to hug your parents just make a rule that you will hug them every time before you leave them. Then do your best to follow through on this hug NO MATTER HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THEM!!! That last part is really important!

    So the "Act as if...." means act as if what you want has already come true. So in your case, act as if you are a compassionate and loving person (i.e. not an asshole). So you take the actions that a truly compassionate person would actually take....even if it feels weird and awkward. You simply DO the action regardless of how you feel about it.

    Most people when doing this feel like raging hypocrites and hate this exercise. However, this feeling passes but sometimes it passes really slowly. It's usually replaced by other feelings that are more kind and compassionate. The behavior usually sticks around also.

    Hell you're always free to resume the awesome life of an asshole anytime you want but don't expect others to stick around. When people start acting like assholes, I stop hanging out with them....life is too short to put up with assholes.

    The choice is yours and yours alone.

    5 years from now do you still want to be the same asshole you are today? If not, YOU need to decide to change and start working towards making the change in your life.
     

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