SRS I'm an asshole for being jealous of my girlfriend's daughter, right?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by SuckerPhree, May 28, 2009.

  1. SuckerPhree

    SuckerPhree New Member

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    I know, I know, of course the answer is yes.

    (Cliffs at bottom)

    Here is some background info:
    She is currently 27 with a daughter (8 years old). I am 22.
    This is a girl I dated 4 years ago already. She wasn't serious back then and played around a lot, so I wasn't able to handle her life-style and moved on.

    We randomly met again at her work place about 2 months ago and started dating. At first, I was hesitant because I believe that once an ex is out of your life, she should pretty much stay that way. However, she has a natural ability to make you feel special, and she ended up convincing me that she was serious this time.

    At first, it was great. She dedicated a lot of time to growing our relationship. We went out to a lot of dinners, movies, a lot of sex, and it was all very sporadic and romantic. All of a sudden, within a month, the fun times ended. In my past relationships, I remember this time period lasting a lot longer than month.

    Is it because we already dated, so it doesn't feel "fresh and new" to her?

    Anyway, on to the daughter thing:

    First and foremost, I understand that her child is always going to be her priority. It's very respectable for a single mother to be responsible in that fashion. However, this child is involved in a ton of extra circular activities and my girlfriend ends up canceling a lot of our plans for her daughter.
    (I know, I feel like an asshole just typing that and complaining.)

    At first, my girlfriend had no problem finding a baby-sitter for her child, so that we could get in a romantic evening by ourselves. But now, the only time I get to see my girlfriend is if the daughter is present. Honestly, I like the child. She is, for the most part, well behaved and a treat to have around. But I can't help but feel I'm not getting enough of my girlfriend's attention. This in turns, causes me to be jealous of her daughter.

    And... I might be a bit of an attention whore and need constant affirmation that she is in love with me, also.

    Obviously, I would never tell my girlfriend this. It would break her heart, make me look like a jerk, and she would probably end things right there. I genuinely love my girlfriend, and I think she's a fantastic person/mom.

    I just wish we had more time to savor the "beginning of the relationship" stuff.

    Another issue is that 4 years ago when we first dated, she was a such a different person. She went out a lot and cheated on my so many times. (She has admitted this.) Now, that she's more mature, she's not partying all the time and doesn't cheat on me, but also doesn't even have time for me. 90% of her time is dedicated to her daughter.
    It's a Catch-22.
    Screwed then, screwed now.

    Also, I think because I'm so much younger than her, I'm looking for a different type of serious relationship than her.
    I get the feeling she keeps me around, because ideally, she wants me to step into her life when she's not with her daughter during the day or weekend. Then, she expects me to step out when it's time to be a mother.
    However, I want a relationship where both people are pretty much the center of each others' lives (Short of family and work)



    I know I pretty much just have to suck it up and deal with it if I want to continue the relationship.

    Are there any guys on here who dated/are dating mothers?
    It's tough for you, too right?

    Cliffs:

    At first girlfriend dedicated a lot of effort/time to us. Now, I have trouble gaining affection/attention from her, because being a mother is a full time job.
    I know I have to just deal with it if I want to continue the relationship.
    Any other guys dealt with this?

    PS, I know I'm a jerk for complaining about this
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Simple answer-her daughter is starting an extremely important age. She's finally aware most likely of the world a little more and since she doesn't have a father figure she needs all the attention mom can give her. It's only going to get worse for you.

    You need someone younger with a lot less baggage.
     
  3. SuckerPhree

    SuckerPhree New Member

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    Bam...
    good answer.

    I wish I were still in school sometimes, simply for the opportunity to meet new girls.

    Thanks for your input, sir
     
  4. Lazy D.

    Lazy D. Active Member

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    that intense month of dating was needed to win you over, now that you are attached to her, it's not needed anymore, she feels safe in a relationship and can dedicate most of her time to her daughter.
     
  5. SuckerPhree

    SuckerPhree New Member

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    Yea, you're right.

    I am a sucker lol
    :(
     
  6. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    at 22 no way would a date a chic with kids hell even at 30 I wouldn't
     
  7. Crawling Dead

    Crawling Dead Gz-TeRRoR

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    Ehhhh. Yeah its a lot of baggage, but its not impossible to get through. The problem is something you yourself is going to have to work through. Kids take a lot of time and attention, and new moms are particularly eager to give their babies all the time and attention they can give That is going to naturally mean less you time. Enjoy the moments you have with her, but if you honestly think its too much, if she isnt worth the hassle, then bail now. Do it before you get too committed
     
  8. SuckerPhree

    SuckerPhree New Member

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    Haha yea, but it's tough to meet decent girls.
    I'm out of school and I don't do the bar scene.

    Thanks for the input, though
     
  9. SuckerPhree

    SuckerPhree New Member

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    Yea, I know you're right.

    I'll probably stick around and feel the situation out a little.
     
  10. polishillusion

    polishillusion New Member

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    I am more terrified for your girlfriends daughter, and for you then concerned about any jealous feelings. One of the top rules is "NO SINGLE MOMS".

    This daughter is going to need some serious help if during the time she was 0-8 her mother was "wasn't serious back then and played around a lot".

    Do you seriously want to be involved in this situation? Do you want a kid? Do you want to be so seriously tied down to someone who you know likes to play around and who needs that kind of stimulation?

    It seems like this girl is doing the "single mom" thing and hooking you in to become her breadwinner. Fuck that. She came to where she is by her own volition. I would have preferred that the second she had a kid she stopped playing games and grew the fuck up with how she deals with relationships. She did not, and now is looking to catch some sucker to pay for her kid.
     
  11. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    actually, no you're not. you'd be a jerk if you tried to get her to choose between her daughter and you.

    in a strange/odd way, recognizing that this is a problem for you is a step in the right direction. now you need to figure out if this situation is something you're willing to deal with.
     
  12. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    .

    At that age, way to many girls out there without that kind of baggage.
     
  13. SuckerPhree

    SuckerPhree New Member

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    I appreciate the feedback.

    I probably forgot to clarify, this mom is rich off her ass. She's a trust fund baby, drives a Porsche, and owns more than 1 house.
    She's not dating me for money. :bigthumb:

    To be honest, I don't want a baby/child, yet. But I sort of tricked myself into thinking that eventually, over a long period of time, I would grow into the whole family thing.

    But you're right, the mom is messed up in a way, since she never matured when she was supposed to.
    Now that she is matured, I wish she had more time for to grow our relationship.

    I just have this internal feeling that I will never get to know the real her.
    I honestly have no idea if she is capable of loving me since I will always come second or third in her life. While she is always first priority in mine.

    Plus, "no single moms?" I understand that it's a safe and sound rule, but single moms need love, too, right? lol

    Thanks so much again for your input, Polishillusion
     
  14. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    if you stop dating her, can I date her for the money? :noes:
     
  15. SuckerPhree

    SuckerPhree New Member

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    I feel bad, because I think if I keep having these issues, inevitably I will ask her to choose between me or her daughter just so I can affirm that she loves me.

    I would probably never ask her straight out. It would probably be in a situation where I ask her to have dinner/movie with me and make her use a baby-sitter. If she said, "No, I can't eat, I have to take care of her," than I'm afraid I would pick a fight with her.

    Anyway, yea, I agree, I need to figure out if this is worth sticking around for.

    I just feel at my age, I want a relationship where the two partners are dedicated to each other.

    Thanks so much for your advice.
     
  16. SuckerPhree

    SuckerPhree New Member

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    It's tough for me to meet girls, dude.

    I finished school and now all I do is work all week.
    I don't do the bar stuff.

    During the weekends, I pretty much hang with my circle of friends. (Movies, board games, idle-chatting)

    Plus, I still think single moms need loving too, :naughty:

    Thanks for your input, sir
     
  17. SuckerPhree

    SuckerPhree New Member

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    :bigthumb:
     
  18. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    she cheated on you. multiple times. i dont care if its in the past or not, but she has no respect for you or your relationship with her. I would abort on that alone.
     
  19. Sgt. Friday

    Sgt. Friday Guest

    In some instances people deserve second chances, however in most cases people do not change. She has already made it clear in the past where exactly you "rank" with her. Based on that information alone, I agree with the above post. twink.
     
  20. SuckerPhree

    SuckerPhree New Member

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    People can change, right?

    I guess I just don't like to be lonely... which is a whole set of other problems I suppose.

    Thanks though
     
  21. SuckerPhree

    SuckerPhree New Member

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    :crying:

    The harsh truth, I guess
     
  22. Sgt. Friday

    Sgt. Friday Guest

    People can change, but its not likely and now it seems you're going through an entirely different set of problems.

    If you have issues being alone, see someone professionally until another significant other comes along.
     
  23. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    Having a history of a lot of cheating never looks good... how could you trust her ever again? I will give people second chances in a lot of scenarios but cheating for me is a one strike rule.. you cheat on me and its fucking over. Thats the ultimate betrayal and overall lack of respect for you.
     
  24. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    oh and im dating a single mom so i can relate to everything you are going through (im 23 dating a 23 year old)
     
  25. Sgt. Friday

    Sgt. Friday Guest

    How's that workign out for you? I dated a woman with a child once and it was pure hell. We broke it off before I even got laid :rant2: she never was able to find a babysitter to get alone.
     

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