SRS I'm an adult??

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by korverftw, Jan 18, 2009.

  1. korverftw

    korverftw New Member

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    I'm 21 years old. I've had 2 long term relationships. Both girls have been set up with me by a 3rd party and I just kind of went with it. Both relationships went to hell after 6 months but that's another story. Anywho, I'm in college so of course there are at least 5 girls in every class that I want to get to know. I just have no clue how to talk to them.

    It's not really that I'm shy, I just think I lack confidence. I'm a reasonably good looking, smart guy who dresses well and smells nice, so I probably should have confidence, but I just can't get over it. I've been like this since high school.

    The whole thing kind of hit me as being a problem when I was on a cruise and I really had a good chance to talk to a woman I wanted. She was single and it was perfect timing. Instead I ended up just smiling at her like a retard, she lifted up her sunglasses and smiled back and I freaked the **** out, walked away and never saw her again. After that I swore I'd meet every girl that looked interesting but of course I've done nothing. This is something I want to solve before I graduate, because college kind of blows this way.

    Thanks for any ideas or encouragement.
     
  2. teep

    teep New Member

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    If they're in your class finding an opening is so easy. Just sit next to them and make small talk or talk about the course itself. From there it can easily turn in to "hey do you want to grab lunch/coffee after class?" or "we should study for this test together." I used to miss class all the time and would ask cute girls what I missed and if I could see their notes.

    It'll be nerve wracking at first, but after a couple times you'll realize there's nothing to it. Worst case scenario she'll say "oh I'm busy" or "I have class after this." I used to be terribly afraid of rejection too until I realized it's really not bad at all... at least in these situations.
     
  3. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    you do not just wake up one morning to find it is a breeze to just walk up to any given girl and chat with her. It will take some time, just like anything does. You wouldn't expect to go to the gym and workout every day and see cuts in a month. Depending on your body it could take from 6-8 months of dedication.

    A tip I would throw out would be to just find those girls that would really click for you and try approaching them. I mean, if you are not mr popular then chances are that miss popular type girls are going to reject you. Likewise, if you are not nerdy then nerdy girls would probably reject you. Find out what you are, and what works best for you and then build confidence approaching those.
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    The best thing to do is to just put your mind on zero and do it. Don't care about the outcome, just go up to them and talk to them, nothing to worry you will survive.
     
  5. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Your problem is actually relatively simple to solve. Sit next to them in class, and find anyway you possibly can to be close to them in an appropriate form. No stalking chubby.

    Be polite, ask them questions if something comes up that you didn't hear etc. If you see the girl outside of class and she's headed towards the same destination you are, walk up beside her and converse, ask her what she thinks about "XYZ course that you're both taking. Let her know you're in the same class." When she engages, listen. If you listen, you'll know how to reply.

    I find all sorts of amusing ways to talk with women. Dropping pens, sneezing in class next to them (They'll say bless you usually), lean over and ask questions "Hey, did he say the exam was on Wednesday?"

    You'll often find they aren't alone outside of class too, so you'll have to be brief and do all these same things I mentioned, except do it towards one of her friends, not her. You'll find in a counterintutive way, this actually creates the context that leads to introducing yourself -- or being introduced to the girl you "actually" want to talk to.

    It doesn't hurt to sit down immediately somewhere and just introduce yourself. It sounds really amusing and awkward, but it's so interesting. You sit down fast, lean over, put out your hand and say "I'm Michael, what's your name" -- she'll tell you her name and look at you like you've got three heads, then tell her "Great, I've seen you here in class before, I always enjoy getting to know my classmates." -- then end the conversation, lean back over and open your books, your papers, laptop -- whatever the hell it is you usually use in class, and sit there. She'll talk to you. If she does, you're in business. If she doesn't, she will after you forget to bring pens to class, sneeze, drop pens, paper, occasionally speak to her when you enter class by using her name. "Hi katie, how are you?" ....she'll say "Fine, blah blah, you?" -- just keep doing it. And the great thing is, do it to numerous girls in the same class. You'll just seem polite.

    If they're in the library, sit right down at the same table or nearby, if in the cafeteria, or parties, or sports events -- rinse and repeat. Once you've introduced yourself at any point, and then backed off, the next times are simple, she's already associated with you -- that alone significantly increases odds of interaction and that's the whole point.

    Be yourself, with a twist.
     
  6. Deadhead9150

    Deadhead9150 Banned

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    This is good advice but much easier said than done unfortunately. It seems like the thread starter does care about it and can't stop caring about it which is causing the problem. I have that problem as well. I'm deathly afraid of rejection. Do you care a lot about what others think? Because having this sort of trouble with women can sometimes be indicative of a greater problem.
     

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