SRS Im Almost 23 years old and my parents still treat me like a little kid..

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by CaliAtenza, Aug 14, 2008.

  1. CaliAtenza

    CaliAtenza New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2006
    Messages:
    443
    Likes Received:
    0
    i dunno..it seems like this has been going on forever. I go to school overseas (med school) and i come back to the states occasionally for vacation. Whenever i come home, i always get blamed for something or other...especially by my dad, but somewhat by my mom. And when that happens, my dad goes into this wierd mode where he doesnt talk to me, or just talks to me in short sentences or words. Its really frustrating because he just shuts down..doesnt yell or anything, just shuts down, which in my view is worse. My mom tries to be on my side but eventually she has to go along with my dad because she will get yelled at by my dad. Like the latest example..i have to go back early because my 3rd year is starting next week. But my dad is upset because he thinks he's wasted his money on air fare because ive come for such a short time (12 days) and it would have been best if i had stayed back. What is the problem of me coming home? its like a crime or something...Every time i come home, something or other happens, i get shit for it..whether or not its my fault. Ok dont get me wrong i love my parents and im so gratefull for all their help and support, especially from my dad, but they just need to learn to let go! im not a baby anymore and i can handle things on my own..but they dont seem to think so :(. How can i make them realize this..!!!
     
  2. kiri

    kiri New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2006
    Messages:
    25,186
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Miami, FL
    it could be separation anxiety on their part. have they always been like this? even when you were younger (high school, middle school)?
     
  3. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    I'm not trying to pick on you, just pointing something out.....they are paying for your schooling AND your traveling expenses, correct? Well when you maybe pay for your own travel expenses (flying to see them) your dad wont be such a dick.

    He might treat you like a child because you are technically still living off of them. Maybe the money stresses him out and makes him say things he doesn't really mean.
     
  4. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2004
    Messages:
    7,705
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Another reality apparently
    Exactly what I was going to post. Until you fully support yourself, dont expect to be treated as more than a child. Yes, you are in school and that is great, but you are still living off of them. Not to mention, you will always be their child no matter how old you are, and some parents deal with that better than others. Trying to change them isnt going to help at all, it will just leave you more frustrated.
     
  5. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2004
    Messages:
    65,788
    Likes Received:
    525
    Location:
    In a van down by the river
    First of all, they treat you like a kid because you want them to treat you like a kid. I know that you THINK you don't, but your actions and their reactions suggest otherwise. You can sit around a complain all you want about how they are smothering you and making you feel like a kid...

    OR you can be an ADULT. You can do ADULT things and take responsibility for you life and your actions by growing up.

    The adult way to handle that particular situation would've been to say something to the effect of "I know it's hard on you paying for this stuff, Dad, but I really appreciate our time together."

    And then the second thing you can start doing is getting a job and start footing what bills you can. You don't have to work yourself to death, but you can work part time and help foot some of the bill.

    I would wager that if you grew up, took some responsibility for your life and your college bills, that that would make in impression on your dad.

    Step 1: Quit complaining

    Step 2: Realize where THEY are coming from and understand

    Step 3: Take control of your situation by getting a job and showing your dad that you are man enough to take some of the responsibilities yourself

    Step 4: Set boundaries on things you are willing to tolerate and what you are not willing to tolerate, and then be firm in them.

    Step 5: Always respect them and appreciate the things they do for you that you take for granted.
     
  6. bs2100

    bs2100 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2007
    Messages:
    14,923
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    FL
    How much money do they make (not looking for an exact amount, just general idea)? It's totally possible that putting you through med school alone is hurting them financially and on top of that they're paying for your airfare and probably a lot more.

    Only way you'd get them to stop treating you like a kid is to show them you're an adult, either by talking to them about it or getting some kind of job and trying to help out with some of the bills.
     
  7. Mint

    Mint Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2007
    Messages:
    5,208
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Southern Cali
    What religion are you?
     
  8. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    You know the thing with your dad. Your dad is a very logical person, so if the things that you do aren't logical then he will get upset. Instead of working against eachother you and your dad should learn to cooperate. Its very simply solved actually, if there is 'anything' that your dad is involved with 'give him a phonecall first' ask on his opinion first, consult with him first. Before you do something. If you would asked his opinion before coming home, then both of you would have come to an agreement on wether coming home is a good thing or not. If he would say: please stay back because 12 days is too short and a waste of money, then you wouldn't have to waste the effort or could have rearranged things so that you could have stayed longer.

    I truelly believe your dad wants the best for you, and don't worry too much about your parents still treating you like a kid the whole thing with parents is that no matter if you are 40 or 50 years old, they will always remain to be your parents, and they will always see you as their child. In the mean time tho, you must learn to stand on your own legs so that you become independent in life. So if you want the yelling to go away, always consult (if he is involved) with your dad. That way you can always say 'but i talked to you about it and you said it was ok', that way you can't be blamed.
     
  9. HardTech

    HardTech hungry

    Joined:
    May 5, 2000
    Messages:
    28,103
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    NorCal
    don't worry dude, I'm 25 and have been living on my own since 17. My parents still worry that I might not be able to handle the real world.
     

Share This Page