SRS I'm afraid of women...more so than when I was 15

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by black jesus, Aug 25, 2006.

  1. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    How do I trick myself into thinking women want to speak to me, or atleast look at me?

    Actually, shits getting really bad again. I'm about to lose my job and can't find anything in my field. The jobs I can find pay about $7000 less annually. I don't want to deal with this shit anymore. Is life really supposed to be like this...if it is, I don't want to live it out. I don't want to whine like a baby, but is it really supposed to be like this? Is the last good relationship I had from when I was 19, and the last good job from when I was 25? I don't want to be 40 and be worse off than I am now. Things were going really well, but no horribly awry.

    I feel out of shape, poor, shitty car, and boring. I'm 25, and getting old fast. I haven't had a relationship since I was 19. The last time I went out for girls was back in may, when I was out of town on business. So the last time I went out trolling for women was in february.

    Don't tell me to see a psychologist because I don't have insurance and am currently spending $150 per week on physical therapy. I'd love to go, just can't afford it.
     
  2. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    Put money aside for eharmony. Best money I ever spent in my entire life.

    No lie.

    Eharmony for the win.
     
  3. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    fuck eharmony. Don't think some phoney site can fill your need for wanting. Be a man and man up and go check out the chicks. I'd also like to throw down the idea that if you didnt suffer this much for this duration would the next "love" really mean all that much to you? Sure right now your desperate and my not be thinking clearly, but it wouldn't. You gotta earn your love. First of all I'd drop the female act. Females come to males that are secure with themselves and their world. You are speaking as if you aren't. So drop that from your list and work on out of shape and a job. With those two in the bucket it'll come back. Don't quit on me because honestly I looked up to your weight-lifting and body psyque in F&N. I really hope you aren't getting to bent out. Sounds like you just need to lift more because odds are your losing self-esteem and confidence in yourself because of the fact that you arent doing anything productive or accomplishing any goals. Find some new goals and just push yourself to get back with them.
     
  4. crazy15

    crazy15 New Member

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    did you go to college? 25 isnt super old. I would suggest going to college, not only to pursue a carear with more money, you may find some girls :)

    you just have to relize they are people too, and ask yourself why you are putting another person above you. Just pump yourself up, you have to believe they should be honored they are getting the privledge talking to you. Read "The game" by neil struss or something like that. Good read and has some useful information.
     
  5. Jay Pheezy

    Jay Pheezy New Member

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    I came in to say something similar. The key is convincing yourself you're not doing anything wrong. For example if I had the chance to talk to a girl but I was kind of nervous, inside I would just ask myself "what's wrong with some honest conversation?" Obviously nothing.
     
  6. nish81

    nish81 OT Supporter

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    What is your field? (of work)
     
  7. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    I use Eharmony and I meet my ex through it. I've talked to two other girls...currently tryin to talk to one on the phone and I've been messaging other ones through their service (all are LD). But when my membership expires I prolly won't renew it....even though I did actually did meet someone through it and had a relationship for a while, it still did not meet my expectations. Most of my matches have been girls that are not in my area. Even my ex was an hour away.

     
  8. pigeon

    pigeon wasabi

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    eharmony ftl :mamoru: (for me at least) but match.com was fun... there are free sites out there too - if you think talking to girls online might help solve some of this?

    but yes, you definitely need to rebuild your self-confidence. no relationship, shitty job = suck, but it doesn't *define* you. find the things that *do* make you who you are, and find goals to work toward. build confidence in yourself, and women will be attracted to that. the less you work on finding someone and just work on taking care of you and enjoying yourself - the easier it will be to find a relationship, and chances are, you won't really be looking.
     
  9. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    I'm getting over a shoulder injury, and I've lost a ton of weight...but I'm back in the gym now.

    I have a B.S. in disaster science, and a b.s. in geography. I worked for FEMA during the hurricane Katrina recovery as a planner for the entire 5 state region. I didn't get any of the jobs I applied for. I'm now desperatly searching for a job and trying to stay in the $40k range.

    I'm not looking for a wife, I am tired of going everywhere alone and could really go for some company.
     
  10. Arclight

    Arclight Hypercube

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    Have you ever considered moving from Texas?

    Every state has it's own "culture" and if you're feeling so lonely and dejected it could be because your personality doesn't match the general mindset of most of the people there. Why don't you try a stint in another city for a bit if you're losing your job anyways. Perhaps you'd find something you like more there.

    Hell, dare I say it? Maybe even come to Canaduh. :noes:

    I don't know, it's an idea. Maybe I'm just saying this because I'm not exactly the biggest fan of Texas :o.
     
  11. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    I'll go anywhere in the us thats not too cold. I'm really trying to get a job in New Orleans though.
     
  12. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    so i have a question, 2 axllly, what's ur personality like? also, r u extremely busy or do u have time on the weekends to do something social had u only the guts?
     
  13. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    I'm very social, but typically intimidated by social sittuation with women and other people who rank higher than my on the social order. I do nothing on the weekends other than watch tv with my dog. I got to the race track twice per month with the track car though. I have alot of free time, and spend most of it in the gym.
     
  14. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    In my experience, rank is self-determined
     
  15. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    not when you are surrounded by ferrari's and insanely rich bastards. Thats what women desire here.
     
  16. kingtoad

    kingtoad OT Supporter

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    black jesus. :wavey:

    Life sucks, and is tough. Is life supposed to be lived like you do? :dunno: It could be, maybe not. There are way too many variables involved to solve a puzzle like that. Way to many sudden instances and change. Drop the lonely act, man. Focus on getting a job and getting a career ahead of you. You have a B.S in Disaster Science and a B.S in Economics. That's quite the educational success for a 25 year old. It's hard to get a job these days, the market today seriously sucks, just keep looking... you'll come across something you enjoy. What is your resume like? Maybe it needs to be revamped. Your education should get you a lot of attention right now.

    In with you, though. Not exactly a fan of those whole "life" thing. I'm not a very social person myself, to anyone, infact I just hate people in general. Met someone about four months ago that was exactly like I am... both fucked up and anti-social. :bigthumb: Somehow a couple weeks ago that all fell downhill, right before we were going on vacation together, now she doesn't say a word to me. :sad2: But the way I see it.... is... fuck it. Who the FUCK even cares? Life is life and we all make of it differently based on our current life situation. Best thing you can do is attempt to change it. Look at the positive side of things instead of the negative, and I know it's hard, I've tried. I find myself soley thinking on negativity and I believe me I try really hard to look at the positive side of things and it's definitly difficult and an exercize to consider.

    Hang in there, you have what it takes. :wavey:
     
  17. Jester

    Jester OT Supporter

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    In my experience, whenever I've been in any kind of a "rut," I's spend a day or two and get extremely, utterly depressed and not talk to anyone. Then, as soon as self-pity became boring, my mind would be pretty clear, since I'd let all my negative emotions go.

    At this point, just realize that women are just like anything else in that your success with them is easily controllable. If you put in certain inputs, your outputs will almost always be the same. For example, hanging out at places where you always see women with rich guys seems to make you think less of yourself. Don't hang out at these places anymore.

    Women, ultimately, respond the same way to the same set of stimuli, kind of how your body does when you eat well and exercise a lot. What you are doing for your love life is the equivalent of eating McDonald's and sitting on the couch. Put garbage in, get garbage out. Change your approach, read some of those "become successful with women" books until you find an approach that works for you. You can be however successful you want to be with women, but you have to work at it, just like you have to work on your body.
     
  18. Zenmang

    Zenmang New Member

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    Stop looking for women so hard. The harder you try the more desparate you look. Women don't like desparate men.
    You also sound very negative, which i understand. You need to work on being positive towards life.
    Others are trying to find a great circle of friends, if you are unhappy and negative people will not want you to be apart of their life.

    Work on yourself in all aspects of your life. I'm not saying it's going to be easy but the more you pay attn. to your personal needs, goals, aspirations the better you'll become at identifying what makes you happy. In return you'll be happier and the more others will want to be around you.

    Now I can't tell you what will make you happy, you'll have to find that for yourself, every individual is different.
    Just stop looking for your S.O. and have a little patients it will come.
     
  19. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    When you get that passiveness in a social scene it's largely because of an internal sense of rejection and entirely because you demand people treat you with whatever amount of respect they have the charity for. These situations are ones where you can dmn well ask yourself, "What would I say if I saw myself acting this way?" Why are you letting people think that you're on the side? Stand up and explain that this is not the case.
     

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