SRS I'm a mess right now...too much uncertainty

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Dorn, Nov 11, 2006.

  1. Dorn

    Dorn New Member

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    I'm not sure what to start with, so I'll just start writing.

    I broke up with my ex back in September. We didn't talk much for a couple weeks, started talking a bit, and the idea of us getting back together came up. We pin-pointed things that needed to be worked on between us. For the past two weeks, everything was going perfectly. The things we knew we had to fix were being fixed. We were incredidly happy together. This relationship before was really just based on sex, but everything we were doing now was based on our feelings for each other. We did nothing more than just be close.

    We had planned on going out last night on a date. Thursday night she broke down and said she didn't know anymore about what she wanted. She wants to casually date, she wants to find what else is out there, but she really wants me back and really wants to be with me. We ended up going out last night and it was horrible. The same stuff was on our mind the entire time and it just made it really akward.

    I told her last night when I got home there's no point anymore. I'll come back to this in a second.

    I'm supposed to be moving to San Diego in the middle of January. I've had this planned since back in February pretty much. When we got together, it was a non-issue, we knew things could work. Now that we broke up, it's the one thing that's keeping her from opening up. But now, I'm not even sure if I'm going. If I can't get the classes I need there at the JC to get into SDSU, then I'm not going, I can't. There's no reason. She doesn't know this though.

    So back to her. I told her to me there's no point anymore in me trying. There's no point in me opening up to her and doing everything for her that I want. I want to date her again, work things out and see where it takes us. If we don't get back together, thta's fine, but everything that happened the past two weeks really showed me what kind of couple we can be, and it was incredibly easy on both our parts. Nothing was forced, it was all natural to us. But she doesn't know what she wants. She's had two relationships in her life, me and another guy. She said part of her wants to find what else is out there before doing anything.

    She's supposed to be moving to San Diego in June. She's said she wants to just have me move down there and get settled then us get back together. Then she said she wants to wait until she gets down there because that'd be easier on her. I told her last night it won't be that easy. She's going to get down there and decide to see what there is down there then. What is 8 months right now turns into 10 months and 12 months.

    I look at this situation with us and think we're supposed to be together. We broke up for a reason and it was for each of us to realize things about ourself and improve those. We wouldn't have come back to each other like this is there wasn't supposed to be anything. Things wouldn't have been that easy between us if it wasn't supposed to be working out. The only argument we've had in the past three weeks was about this stuff because of our differing viewpoints on a lot of it. A lot of me doesn't want to give up, but there's no point in me spending the time and energy and money on this if it means nothing. I can't date her casually, there's too many emotions involved there. I can date a friend casually, I can't date someone I love casually.

    So I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what to do with her. I'm not going to convince her, but I just want her to take a step back and look at things. She said it seems like all we do is fight, but she doesn't realize how good things were with us. I don't know what to do about San Diego right now either. I want to get out of this place so badly, but I don't want to fuck up my schooling for it. I'm going to counseling for a lot of issues and it's helped, but there's still things that it hasn't helped. I'm a fucking mess. I'm tired of it all, part of me just wants to give up on everything right now because life just flat out sucks, nothing is going right with me right now and I hate it.
     
  2. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    There's enough inconsistencies in your post to make me think that you're not seeing your relationship objectively. She sees all the bad things, you see all the good things.

    You back together with an ex after 2 months or less...how much time could you have guys actually spent on fixing things?

    As for the "we're supposed to be together" statement....you're in denial. You WANT it to work out somehow, so you justify all the crap by saying "we're meant to be together".

    My advice: Stop trying to get this girl, it's clear she is not ready to be with you. Go out, have fun, don't worry about her. Waiting around for her to realize she's madly in love with you or something will accomplish nothing.

    You need to try to move on.
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Stop looking at it emotionally, and start looking at it realistically. She doesn't know what she wants, however life is too short to wait on her to make a final decision. Let her take all the time she wants to decide what she wants. You break up with her, date other woman and do what is in the best interest of your own future. When something is pointless, then there is no reason to pursuade it. Don't waste effort on things that won't make you gain anything.

    Its definitly time to part ways with her, and tell her that she needs to make up her own mind. Meanwhile search the BEST possible school that you can find, this because you ONLY deserve the very best for your future, and as long as your willing to work hard and play it smart, it could work out for you.
     
  4. Dorn

    Dorn New Member

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    She's been saying she wants to casually date. She kept throwing in wanting to find out what else was out there, but at the same time threw in she couldn't because of the feelings she has for me.

    It was weird. I went to my sister's house tonight with my parents, my sister and her boyfriend, and couple of her friends and their husband and just kind of though about a lot of things. Realized I don't want to be like my dad is in any aspect with women. My sister's boyfriend is the kind of guy that I want to be, my sister's friend's husbands are the kind of guy I want to be. I told her let's talk. I want to get her definition of casually dating right now. If it's what was going on the past few weeks and gives us a chance of going into seriously dating and seeing where things go, I have no problem with that. If casually dating to her means working on those things but not being completely serious right now, ok. Maybe it's too soon to seriously date each other, too soon to date each other exclusively.

    As far as the school goes, I have no control over that. I'm submitting my app for San Diego State here in the next week or two, but I'm not sure where I'll be in San Diego. It's really just a matter of whether or not I can take the classes I need down there or not. I want to move really bad, but I'm not sacrificing my future and career for staying here 5 more months.
     
  5. Dorn

    Dorn New Member

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    Right now, it's hard for me to go out and date other women. I hung out with a girl that wanted something with me, wanted to go out and date and what not. I couldn't feel comfortable with even chilling with her because I kept thinking of the ex, and this was before things started to go better with us. I know she needs the time to figure out what she wants, a decision won't be made in a day or two days with her. A decision won't be made until she realizes that I'm not a bad guy and I'm better than what she dated for the final month of our relationship.

    I don't know if it's pointless. I see how happy I am with her, and see how happy she was before these past couple days. Those are the kind of things that tell me it's not pointless. But I'm not going to waste my energy and time and money on something that I want that doesn't want me.
     

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