SRS I'm a great guy with plenty to offer, but am too shy to advertise (and a F-Z Q)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by fixthe fernback, Nov 3, 2006.

  1. fixthe fernback

    fixthe fernback New Member

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    I have a friend who was friends with this girl for over a year, and just recently they became bf and gf. There was no awkwardness at all and they make a great couple. This normally is dismissed as impossible and stupid, but now I'm having some progressive thoughts.

    I've known this other girl for 5+ years, and we're pretty good friends, especially since coming to school a year and a half ago and even more so in the past few months. Now, I'm thinking I might have feelings for her, but I don't know how wise it would be to try to get out of the friend zone and start dating and maybe become bf and gf. I'm not scared that she'll reject me and it will become awkward, because she's a really sweet, accepting girl whom I've never shared an awkward moment with; she'd understand. However, I'm worried that if she does want to go out with me it will become awkward; maybe sexual actions between us might not be very natural. Then I'm thinking that it will ruin what we have going for us now.

    She's one of the few girls I can always seem to talk to about anything that's on my mind, and she can talk to me about everything. Not many girls come around these parts that I don't make a fool out of myself around them. I'm thinking that maybe it's because I can't find a girl that I can go straight into dating/a relationship with and I want to explore other options. I'm a shy guy around new people but am actually quite outgoing around people I know and trust. A lot of my friends say I could bag quite the lady with my personality, but they don't seem to understand how much I change when I'm around girls I don't know. This issue is probably what I should really be working on, since I have somewhat of a low self-esteem. But, I think that one of the things holding me back is the sexual parts of a relationship. I'm a virgin, and haven't even gotten to 1st base (pathetic, I know, I'm 19) so I'm worried that I might make a fool out of myself. That is something I need to not really think about, I guess, and we all have to start somewhere.

    Anyway, that's kind of a long post, I'm sure you guys have heard a lot of this similar thing here before, but I could use some advice, I'm confident I can get a great, pretty girlfriend with what I have to offer, but I'm just too shy to put it out there and let them see how great of a guy I truely am. :hs:

    I had to get this off my chest :o
     
  2. stillmatic

    stillmatic New Member

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    i didn't read any of this but you probably lack:

    CONFIDENCE = working out, being around strong people (who don't put you down) eating right, making a ton of mistake before you get it perfect. just enjoy life, have goal and MAKE AN EFFORT to achieve them.
     
  3. fixthe fernback

    fixthe fernback New Member

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    I said that in the post, and acknowledged that I need it and I am working on it. I'm definately starting to enjoy life and not care what others think, and trying to reach certain goals. I still have my bad moments, but I'm definately a lot better than I was a year ago or in high school. At least by tenfold :bowdown:

    If I made this thread a year or more ago, the title would read: "I'm pathetic and have nothing to offer" but I KNOW I have plenty to offer. I'm getting better.
     
  4. MudRacer4x4

    MudRacer4x4 New Member

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    do it. The best couples usually are friends before they date. go for it. atleast try before she gets a boy friend
     
  5. OhFourTwoThree

    OhFourTwoThree New Member

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    It would really blow if a good guy friend of mine wants to date me because he isn't comfortable around other women.
     
  6. fixthe fernback

    fixthe fernback New Member

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    I've heard that's actually not the best way to go. Maybe it's the cliche accepted in pop culture on on OT that Friend-zone = no sex...
    Are you saying that it would be a turn-off for you and you would think of me as less of a person?
     
  7. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    Not every relationship fits into the overly narrow viewpoint of the "OT theories," you have to be willing to recognize that it's possible to make things work differently. I've watched relationships form to the contrary, and be just great.

    In fact I can honestly say that the closest and longest lasting relationships (marriages) I've seen are between people who are not only lovers/life partners, but also best friends. :bigthumb:
     
  8. JustJeff

    JustJeff www.youtube.com/thisisjustjeff

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    Well, I'm gonna tell you what I found out in my experience with my dating and the friends that I knew.

    I dated someone that was my friend for a year and a half. We dated for 6 months and went the whole way. It was a fun relationship... However, the whole way through: On the outside we were just friends, and when we were alone we were more than friends. However, in the end it didn't work out, and we broke up and we don't talk anymore...

    Now, we were really good friends and I loved hanging out with her, and maybe we were only friends because I was too shy to ask her out (or i didn't know i wanted to or not...), but we aren't friends anymore. I tihnk that's a big thing that you have to take into considerations

    *** MOST RELATIONSHIPS END IN HATRED/DISLIKE TO EACH OTHER ***

    What you need to realize is if it's really an attraction, or just a strong friendship. It's hard to think that a person of the opposite sex can be so appealing and fun to hang out with, but not want to do something in bed with them. The way I look at it now, one of my friends (who I will name Egg) is really close to me, and she struggled trying to let her feelings out for me. Which she did, but I was just recovering from my previous relationship and wasn't really looking for anything. I was lucky, in that now I have a really close friend who I can talk to about anything. I know that she probably has strong feelings for me, but I think the feelings are different: It's a feeling of caring and love, not of attraction and sex.


    I guess what I'm trying to say is that you can be close to somebody of the opposite sex and not have to date them. Just enjoy the friendship that you have. Unless you know that if you risk it, good things will come from it, I would stay away from dating a close friend. It's usually awkward.

    Even the first few weeks wiht my relationship was awkward because i felt like we were still friends that weren't dating.


    If this didn't mak sense, i'm sorry. I think i might be rambling a bit.
     
  9. harleysilo

    harleysilo New Member

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    actually that part is confusing but I think I know what you meant.

    For me, friendship with the opposite sex has always turned out to really be pre-dating. I say that b/c I've dated every girl I have been friends (close) with.

    There is a relationship between atractivness and friendship and love I just don't completely understand it. My friends are all close to my attractiveness level if you will. Birds of a feather.....
     
  10. OhFourTwoThree

    OhFourTwoThree New Member

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    I wouldn't think less of you but I just wouldn't want to date a guy who is 'settling' for me becasue he has a hard time talking to other girls.
     
  11. OhFourTwoThree

    OhFourTwoThree New Member

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    I have to agree with you. The best relationships I've known of are the ones where they are best friends. It builds a much more solid foundation and a deeper bond. My boyfriend is my best friend and this is the best relationship I've ever been in. We talk to each other about almost everything, we're very comfortable around each other, we know almost everything about each other. I have never been happier and he says the same...that the best thing is having your lover and best friend in the same person. I can't imagine my life without him.
     
  12. AMan

    AMan ???????????

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    I think he wants to date her because he feels comfortable around her. I don't see a problem there.
     

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