SRS I'm a "fixer", so that means I'm screwed in relationships right?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by theshaft, Oct 5, 2006.

  1. theshaft

    theshaft Guest

    I fix things. I have to fix stuff. I've just recognized this. I have a job that is mostly fixing problems. I was attracted to my wife becuase her heart was broken over another guy when we met and became friends and I wanted to fix her. Our marraige seemed to be good so subconsciously I was sabataging it to the point she left and bitterly hates me. I now want to fix my marriage but now I can't fix it on my own because it takes two people that want to fix it. I've screwed myself.

    So is it ever possible that I could ever have a "good" relationship with a woman without subconciously turning it into something I need to fix?
     
  2. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    23,006
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manhattan
    it's up to you
     
  3. gkremian

    gkremian New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2006
    Messages:
    2,236
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    Fuck, I think I'm a fixer, too.. We're in the same boat. Let's start a club :hs: I think it's up to you to try to prevent anything that you might consider fixing, but just keep getting into relationships and getting experience from them about what to do what not to do...
     
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2006
  4. johan

    johan Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2003
    Messages:
    5,123
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite
    You're a fixer which means you have a higher than normal amount of perceptivity. This is a classic indication for therapy and because of your insight you would benefit very much from it.

    Learn WHY you're a fixer (it's simple, though deep rooted) and you can normalize your emotional self.

    Can you have normal relations with a person without trying to fix them? OF COURSE YOU CAN.
    But you need therapy to fix yourself and help show you the way. GO.
     
  5. theshaft

    theshaft Guest

    well I'm tired of fixing. Tired of trying to fix what I can't fix. And I think a therapist is just going to tell me to get over her and move on and I can't really do that yet. I made a vow to this woman and damnit I'll stand up to it. Just because someone else treats me like shit doesn't give me the right to comprimise my integrity. If I did then I'm allowing someone else to dictate who I am.

    So it boils down to this: I want to fix what I can't fix. And I can't just drop it and leave it alone. So its a perpetual cycle that goes round and round and I dont see the end of it because she holds the key that will break the cycle and she's not goign to use it. So nevermind, I just need to figure out how to cope with this and press on. I dont know what to press on to, but I've got to find something...
     
  6. theshaft

    theshaft Guest

    oh, and fixing, its a control issue isn't it. frick.
     
  7. johan

    johan Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2003
    Messages:
    5,123
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite
    No the therapist helps you figure out the roots. At this point, you're so steeped in your own S that you think they're just going to tell you to "get over it" and that's the end of the session?

    You can't break the cycle (by your own admission) because you don't know how. If you did, you'd have done it already.

    A therapist can help guide you, but that's up to you.
     
  8. infinite loop

    infinite loop Statistically speaking, the Yankees do indeed suck

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2001
    Messages:
    25,275
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    La Crescenta, CA
    not necessarily. i have "fixer" tendencies as well and i do alright. i think what's key is an somewhat of an understanding that women don't want you to fix their problems, but rather understand, appreciate, and empathize
     
  9. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    If its not broken, don't fix it. Leave alone what doesn't need repair, aknowledge when a road has come to a dead end, and turn your car around driving back to the main road of life.

    So much time has passed, i hope it went enough thru your skull to reach your brain that its over... Shaft you can't go on like this. Stop it.
     

Share This Page