SRS I'm 23, she is 18

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by dystinct, Oct 5, 2006.

  1. dystinct

    dystinct New Member

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    I'm feeling confused with where I stand and what should happen. I've
    known her for over a year and we have always been flirty with one
    another. She is 18 and a senior in high school. I'm 23 (24 in Nov) and a
    senior in college. Recently she started saying we should hang out,
    watch a movie, make some dinner, or just do something fun. After a few times she asked I
    finally agreed not expecting anything. We got to know each other hanging
    out at my place and have gotten pretty close in the past two weeks.

    We have talked about where our relationship should go because of our
    age difference. Her concerns are based around the fact that I'm about to
    finish college and she is about to begin; we aren't going to be on the
    same page in life for a good 4 or 5 years. But she doesn't see this as
    a major issue, she's more worried about my thoughts because I'm the
    older person in the relationship so all eyes would be on me. I'm worried about what her parents would
    think, what her 22yo brother would think, and what my own parents would
    think. I have a 19yo brother and he doesn't seem to think it's a big
    deal. My friends feel the same way, they say that if theres something
    there then let it continue. Her friends just say "It's wierd".

    If it makes any difference, I don't appear 23. I still get carded for
    lottery tickets and when I ask people how old I appear the most common
    answer is 18. I would really appreciate your opinion and any questions
    on this.
     
  2. ZeeMox

    ZeeMox Opinions are like assholes. Fuck em. OT Supporter

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    Not a big deal unless you find difference in maturity levels and personality shifts becoming a problem. It's so dependent on the people that it's really your call. What everyone else is saying doesn't matter.
     
  3. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

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    :werd:

    she's legal.

    the rest is just semantics.
     
  4. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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    I would think that the relationship will fade fast when she starts college. Don't set yourself up with a relationship that is bound to turn negative.
     
  5. theshaft

    theshaft Guest

    better than 26 and 16
     
  6. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    eh watch out not to get attached just before she goes to college, other than that it's so people dependant that anything anyone else says doesn't matter
     
  7. redna

    redna New Member

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    I'm 24 and my girlfriend is 19. we've been together for a year and a half. She's in college. We're doing fine.

    It depends on how mature she is, but it's doable. just go into it thinking that it might not last forever, that way you wont get too hurt if/when it ends.
     
  8. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Im honestly not seeing an issue here. I would just stop layering your love for her with all kinds of age conditions and just go for it. You aren't violating or commiting any kind of crime so set your heart at ease.
     
  9. Dodger Blue

    Dodger Blue OT Supporter

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    I would be iffy just on the fact that so many girls change when they go to college. I have no idea what type of girl she is but I know from experience that so many "good girls" in highschool can end up being more (in a nice way to say it) party girls in college.

    Look at these factors. Will she still live at home while going to college? If so then thats plus for you because if she moves into a dorm and has roomates that are single its definately going to make things harder on a relationship.

    Does she she drink? Go to highschool parties? etc.. If so then chances are she is definately going to go to college level parties and that can hurt a relationship at her age. She will be given a lot of attention most likely from guys and it will be hard at her age to resisit a lot of flirting and maybe more.

    As far as the legal thing goes you don't have to worry about any of that. I personally would probably stay away from it because she is going to change so much in the next 3-4 years. Especially the next two years. Some girls get into college and party too much, sleep around there first two years and then they slow down there last two years when they realize they gotta start taking things more serious.

    Maybe you should talk to girls your age about the situation and see if any of them were in the situation you are. Maybe they can tell you that it was really hard to keep a boyfriend who they weren't around all the time while in college due to all the distractions and complications that can occur.

    So i guess here are a couple main things you need to think about. If she is not the partying type, staying at home for college, and is very mature for her age things could definately work out. But if she is going to be living in a dorm, likes to party, and definately isn't very conservative when it comes to things with guys I'd say you might want to re-think things just on the basis that from what I've seen in my life (i'm 24) most relationships go through a lot of problems when the age difference is that far apart in that age range. Shit, even people in the same age range would have problems if she is young and likes to party.

    EDIT: Btw, i'm not trying to say she is a slut at all. I just know from going to college these last few years and hanging out with people and meeting girls in that age range that girls love to have fun and sometimes having a boyfriend (even though they say they want one) can get in the way sometimes.
     
  10. dystinct

    dystinct New Member

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    She will be living in an apartment with her best friends while in college, and so far the plan is to goto a school that is fairly close.. about 40 minute drive away. I'm not really concerned about her changing like that though. If it happens, it happens. My concerns are more about other people, which I think I now realize doesn't matter. But I think you could say we've passed the point of no return anyway, so I'm not going to worry about it anymore. I'll just deal with stuff as it comes... thanks for the info and advice.
     
  11. *lola*

    *lola* New Member

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    It's always a biggy with anything, isn't it, worrying about what others think. I don't find your age difference to be too enormous, think of it this way, in 5 years time, she will be 23, and you will be 28.
    I will share with you this much, my daughter is 22, and her boyfriend she has been going with for the past year, is 35, with a 3 year old son as well!
    It sounds like a huge difference in age if I focus on it, but he is lovely, we get on well, and he cares for her, and she is mature to feel comfortable with a partner that is older. So I think it is all about the 'chemistry'.
    BTW....his little boy is a great little bloke, and we love him.
    Mind you, it took me some getting used to it all, and I had to work out whether I was open minded or not. If I wasn't, it certainly does open my mind up a bit more.
    And I do sometimes see the little shock reactions from others when they ask about their age, and then when they find out he has a son as well:eek3: .....it actually gives me a bit of a giggle:mamoru:
    So initially, some reactions will probably happen, but then, once they see how lovely your relationship is, and that you are both comfortable and care about each other, all them worries or concerns will just melt away.
     
  12. MaximaDrvr

    MaximaDrvr Member

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    I am in a similar situation currently. I am 22, and she is 18. We are one month and one day away from 4 years age difference.
    She has just started college, and I am in my 5th year working on 2 degrees.

    We met at a party in my Condo complex, so I wasn't worried about the drinking or social discomfort.

    We have only been seeing eachother for a few weeks, and my only concern now is that she is going to find someone else that is 'age appropriate'.
     
  13. Kev07

    Kev07 New Member

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    my father is 49, my stepmother is 33
     
  14. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    you *are* at different points in your lives...she can't go to a club with you, she's about to start college and is going to want/need time to explore and find herself........have fun if you want but the relationship isn't going to work.
     
  15. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    I wouldn't go near it as I haven't actually found an 18 year old that is really mentally mature. More trouble than it's worth imo.
     
  16. Changed

    Changed Guest

    if its an age issue, consider this: my grandparents were 20 years apart :eek5:

    He had been to Europe and fought the Germans at Normandy, Africa, Europe, and met my grandmother when he returned for college.

    I think it comes down to your feelings, not a number. However, its something to take into consideration at the college level.
     
  17. chunky

    chunky frank and beans!

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    LMAO. all eyes will be on you? bitch please. She is the one who is about to enter the most life changing period of her existence. The amount of development that takes place in a person's mind during the 4 years of college is immense. Basically, it's on you to not get too attached. She will probably get drunk and make mistakes. In general she will destroy your emotional well being with her many "friend's" dorm rooms that she just happens to spend the night at because she didn't feel like walking back to hers. She will question everything about the relationship but refuse to let it go because a stable, devoted 24yr old guy makes for an awesome crutch for when the frat boy she had her eye on hooked up with her best friend instead of her.

    Basically, if you like her, stick with her. Enjoy the moments for what they are, but be prepared for an emotional rollercoaster.
     
  18. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    The thing to do is to stick it in her butt as soon as possible, that way when she leaves you for a frat boy, at least you can say, "I stuck it in an 18 year old's butt."
     
  19. Up-Wound

    Up-Wound New Member

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    I don’t know what’s “right” and what’s “wrong”. Anyone who says he does is fooling himself (and anyone who believes him).

    There are so many factors to be taken into consideration that it might not be worth discussing it. Age is only one of them.

    I’m 22 years older than my wife and we’ve been together for 3 years. But will it last? Who knows? Ask me again when I’m 99 and we’ll either be divorced or I’ll tell you the same thing: “Who knows”! :hsugh:
     
  20. Up-Wound

    Up-Wound New Member

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    Unless you don't notice it. I don't.

    When I occasionally catch someone looking, I assume they're thinking, "Lucky bastard!"
     

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