SRS I'm 21 and my life is pathetic

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by schmitty101, Aug 19, 2009.

  1. schmitty101

    schmitty101 You might remember me from such films as "Dig your

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2009
    Messages:
    1,560
    Likes Received:
    0
    I've got no friends and I am socially retarded. I can usually meet people and they become acquaintances but I have no idea how to turn the relationships into friendships. I always hear other 21ish year old kids on my street always having people over and they are a group of guys and girl and they are outside talking and laughing. Well I have nothing like that and it's really bringing me down. In HS I had terrible anxiety and I never talked to anyone. I thought I knew best but I was never happy. Over the course of the last month I realized that I'm unhappy because I have no friends so I want to fix that. I never went to college and I'm broke and I still live at home with my parents. On top of being lonely I feel like a complete failure. Every single day is exactly the same. I wake up around 12 noon and watch tv/internet/masturbate/eat until about 2-3am when I go back to bed. I am starting community college in a few days but like I said earlier, I don't know how to turn those people that I meet into friendships. What should I do? What are my options?
     
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2009
  2. tenxia

    tenxia OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2004
    Messages:
    45,969
    Likes Received:
    15
    Location:
    TX
    I have the same problem. Too many acquaintances, too few friends. Been here 5 months now.
     
  3. Daria

    Daria New Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2006
    Messages:
    5,529
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ottawa, Canada
    when you start in college, you might meet people that you need to work with on school projects and such. If you hear them talking about going out for a "beer after class" or something, just get yourself invited. If you DON'T hear them making plans together, initiate it. For example, I was working on a project with 3 other classmates. The next project came around, so we all decided to regroup again for that project. Then after that project, someone proposed going out for drinks after we finish, because we'd worked very hard. Then we all hung out and became friends.
     
  4. PcH

    PcH Guest

    Short answer to the bold: There isn't a particular answer on what you SHOULD do, rather what you WANT to do. Your options are anything you want. You want quality friends? Go do it. You want to stop waking up so late? Go do it.

    Your first step is realizing you have a problem/something you want to change in your life. Waking up late. Being very inactive. Going to bed late. All of these things it sounds like you want to CHANGE about your life. They've become habits, so it will be difficult to break them (but you can do it).

    Have you tried applying for jobs? That will definitely break the waking up late habit.

    As far as the friends situation, you can make friends regardless if you go to college or not. Join a community club, sport, or something. I haven't tried this, but you could always try meetup.com. It's a site where people have a common interest and meet up locally to discuss/partake in the activity.

    Estabilishing a deeper friendship will take time, all depending on the situation. How people open up to you and vice-versa. A deeper friendship involves putting yourself out there to these people. Show them that you care about their life. Call them. Hang out with them often.

    Good luck, buddy. :) Your community college will be prime to meet new friends :bigthumb:
     
  5. Mogul

    Mogul New Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2006
    Messages:
    156
    Likes Received:
    0
    Once you know these acquaintances tell them one day as you are leaving class that you will be going to [Insert Restaurant Name Here] after class and ask if they wanna come.
     
  6. bowrofl

    bowrofl New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2005
    Messages:
    6,555
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto, Canadia
    You need to leave the house to meet people. If you're stuck in a routine where you are doing nothing, not only will you not meet people, but chances are you'll probably have nothing of interest to say to them. Get a hobby. Get a part time job. Going to school soon will be good for you, as there will be new people & a routine taking you outside.
     
  7. schmitty101

    schmitty101 You might remember me from such films as "Dig your

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2009
    Messages:
    1,560
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thanks guys. I'll do my best. It sucks when you don't have people to share memories with.
     
  8. MMJ4mil

    MMJ4mil Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2007
    Messages:
    13,007
    Likes Received:
    0
    Wirelessly posted via wap.offtopic.com (BlackBerry9630/4.7.1.40 Profile/MIDP-2.0 Configuration/CLDC-1.1 VendorID/105)

    Meetup.com is great. I use it to meet people who are into running. I highly recommend it
     
  9. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2008
    Messages:
    755
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas

    .


    it is a great easy way to meet new people
     
  10. BoomBoomBoy

    BoomBoomBoy Guest

    Meeting people, and making friends takes effort on your part. You just can't sit back and wait for it to happen.

    Takes some initiative. When you start JC, hang out in the student lounge. Ask people if you can join them at their table. Develop study partners. It's really pretty easy if you just try.

    As mentioned before, get out from in front of the TV, and internet.
     
  11. Saluki

    Saluki New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2007
    Messages:
    2,655
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Chicago, IL
    I don't want to sound pessimistic but just FYI a lot of JC's are pretty anti-social. Not that people are mean, but a lot of these people still live at home and are still around their core group of friends from high school or in the area. It's quite a bit different than going to a 4 year school where so many people are 200+ miles from their core group. Basically (at least in my experience) you need to take the initiative to meet people and become friends because a lot of them don't NEED new friends but almost everyone welcomes a new friend if that makes any sense...

    Just stay positive about it, you'll meet some great people you just need to put yourself out there.
     
  12. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2005
    Messages:
    110,606
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maryland
    the good thing is, you're only 21. You have lots of time to change your life and make it what you want it to be. good luck
     
  13. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    20,480
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Houston, TX
    sounds like you need to start a few bromances
     
  14. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    "if you don't want to be lonely you have to step towards the people"

    Instead of seeing conversations as a torture, listen to comedy central on winamp for an hour a day, that way you can see that entertaining people, you can give everyone including yourself a good laugh, tell stories, and if a convo tends to die out, ask questions to keep the conversation alive.

    No action = No reaction, and the only thing that i've learned from being introvert is that you need to be extravert, that is at least if you want to get rid of your social dilemma, i've been the reclusive hermit as well, and i can tell you right here right now that it doesn't bring you anywhere, its good for solemn time thinking maby, but you'll become an immediate reclusive as well.

    So take initiative, remember relationships are a continues investment of time and effort,

    Becarefull on what you call friend because its often more enemy then friend because with some friends you don't need enemies,so shovle all trash out of your life, because you see friends are just mutually selfishly benefitting from eachother, you have to find a balance in that and find friends who are worthy of your time.
     
  15. schmitty101

    schmitty101 You might remember me from such films as "Dig your

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2009
    Messages:
    1,560
    Likes Received:
    0
    I especially like this bit. Humor satisfies the soul and lightens the mind.

    Thanks.
     
  16. disley

    disley Ooooh no it isn't. Ooooh yes it is. OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2007
    Messages:
    25,371
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Under the Southern Cross.
    Come on guys, get out and head off in to the unknown, there's nothing to be scared of.
     
  17. schmitty101

    schmitty101 You might remember me from such films as "Dig your

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2009
    Messages:
    1,560
    Likes Received:
    0
    What does this mean?
     
  18. tim duncan

    tim duncan Guest

    The hardest part of being social and building a relationship with people is the uncertainty of how they will react to you. Don't be afraid of this uncertainty. Instead embrace it because whether the result is bad or good it will still make you into a stronger and better person. And remember nothing is worse than the regret over what could have happened had you took the leap into uncertainty.
     
  19. PurEvl

    PurEvl going out gassed and not half assed...

    Joined:
    May 15, 2002
    Messages:
    24,248
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    in a BFI container down an alley
    I'll fix your life. Hell i'll hang out with ya.. move to boston area. A year under me and you wont have problems. :) I lived with depression, sucidal brother (suceeded twice, brought back) Brother hooked on multiple drugs, friends, get em clean get em happy. I been helping people for years now. I havent lost one yet. Sometimes people and dr's make this a little to complicated and scary for you. They also have one goal, make money. Kinda hard to put your faith in them.

    I will say i got lucky with mine when i was a kid, he was a genius, didnt believe in drugs, believed in controlling ones mind. And man I fought him the whole way but when he got down with me i didnt need anything for the worst panic disorder you can have.. i went from fetal position weeks at a time to what you see in my AV... He taught me how to remove anxiety with breathing and visual techniques. Tough at first because you had to find somewhere dark and quiet but after a while i could do it sub consciously.

    I got a hobby, one that consumed all my time, it also happend to give me self confidence and disipline, focus, structure. I applied it to everything. Before i knew it i didnt have problems anymore, I had thousands of friends, chicks, money, the works. And it all went down from there again until i caught on and reeled my life back. See theres no high or low when you wanna make it through life happy. You expierence both and find your comfort in between. Im still balancing it today at 34 but its easier then ever and keeps me walking the line.

    Always have hope, always fight. If the suns out, your lungs got air in em, then you still got time. Today is gone tomorrow is forever. Dont live yor life in fear, you will die alone and scared. Face your fears and take them head on, win or lose i guarantee you will be a different person when the smoke clears. Its up to you to make the change, no one can do it for you, and a little pill is only gonna hide the truth for so long. Knuckle down and say fuck it.. get a good friend, someone who will go at it with ya, and you will make it. I did it alone but i like that, everythings a challenge to me so i work it that way.

    I wish you the best and hope you find the peace your looking for. I wish i could hang out and help you. Its what i love to do.
     
  20. Mass

    Mass Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2004
    Messages:
    8,749
    Likes Received:
    1
    In your area, is there a "Sports and Social Club" kind of thing, where you can join a kickball team or softball team, and everyone goes out for drinks afterwards? Might wanna look into that.
     
  21. Dodger Blue

    Dodger Blue OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2004
    Messages:
    14,349
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Brooklyn
    I just came in to say don't worry. You're only 21 and boy do I wish I could be 21. You have time. When you turn 25 or 26 and you still have this problem then maybe you might want to start worrying. But until then just take it easy.
     
  22. PureEnergy

    PureEnergy New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2007
    Messages:
    208
    Likes Received:
    0

    I'm 28 and I have the same problem and I dont know what to do.
     
  23. Naturally Baked

    Naturally Baked Active Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2007
    Messages:
    27,942
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Detroit, Murder Mitten
    in on this crew...I have a ton of friends back home but I moved to college and really don't have any CLOSE friends up here other then 1 or 2 people. :hs: I feel really lonely and homesick when I'm up here and the fact that I am gay doesn't help at all. Sucks not having friends around me
     
  24. katt_85

    katt_85 OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2004
    Messages:
    3,556
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Edmonton
    .
     
  25. ...stimpy

    ...stimpy New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2009
    Messages:
    129
    Likes Received:
    0
    In high school I recall hearing this one guy speak to everyone. The one story I recall was when he went into detail about how much he liked this one girl but was afraid of the possible rejection. He finally just decided to "do it" - he got some flowers, went to her door and asked her out. She said "No... and if you were the last person on earth I still would never go out with you." He said it was the biggest favor anyone ever did for him. Now he could move on ... he didn't have to "wonder" or "worry" any more. And as much as it hurt ... it really wasn't that bad when he thought about it because he lost nothing.

    His story was a lot longer, but I think you can catch the gist of it ...


    When life sucks, what could you possibly fear? It's just like closing your eyes in a scary movie, your imagination makes things look worse than what is on the screen. Keep your eyes open, fear nothing. If it kills you, so what, life sucked anyway.

    (don't kill yourself, that is NOT what I'm saying)
     

Share This Page