SRS If you did what I did on Thursday, how would you react, whether you're ME or HER

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by The Green Bastard, Jul 4, 2005.

  1. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    My gf of 11 months and I went camping for the long weekend....

    We're settin the tent up Thursday afternoon after the 4-hour ride to the campsite.
    She's helping set the tent up, but she's bending one of the flex-poles and I hear it cracking.

    Here's exactly what I said. "Hold it hold it there _________, you're breaking the pole!"

    Where you see ________, insert my Ex-fiancee's (of 2+ years) name. This ex is hated by everyone. Including the now gf.

    She got upset. I did too, not thinking, just blurted it out. I apologized, and told her that I meant nothing by it, it just came out of nowhere. I have no feelings whatsoever for the ex and it shocked me that I said it.

    Today, she's still upset, and said I ruined our weekend vacation.

    Is she over reacting? I've been apologizing since I said it.
     
  2. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    ya... that sucks. :( i've done shit like that before to just FRIENDS, let alone a boyfriend. if you've apologized, there's really nothing you can do about it. shit happens, and we all make mistakes. she should know you're devoted to her, shit you've been together for almost a year!

    imo... i think she's overreacting. :dunno: have you asked what you could do to make her feel better? :sad2:
     
  3. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    I did. So far it's involved sucking up, chocolate, making every meal while we camped....and still she's mad. :dunno::hs:
     
  4. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    i would let it go. :hs: that's just it. there's NOTHING you can really do to remedy the situation. :(

    good luck
     
  5. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    I'm going to let it slide a few more days, then simply tell her to let it go, it was an accident and nothing was meant by it.
     
  6. Slovak

    Slovak The look I'm best known for is Blue Steel...

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    She's over-reacting. Freudian slips happen to all of us sometimes.
    I can see her being upset, but to say it ruined the whole weekend is pretty strong.
     
  7. johan

    johan Active Member

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    She's way over-reacting. She's signalling you "I'm insecure, I'm insecure!!!" with gigantic strobing beacons.

    So what if you "slipped up" whatever. Fact is, a broken graphite support for your tent is a huge pain in the ass.

    Walking on eggshells all the time is no way to live. What you said was not offensive, was not suggestive, was not improper. Only if you choose to twist it so it becomes improper. Which she is doing by her insecurity, and childish behaviour.

    I STRONGLY advise you to STOP sucking up, stop with the chocolates, stop with the bending over backwards. She's got you coming and going, you can't do anything right in this situation.

    The only recourse is to stop heaping the blame on yourself, because you do not deserve any. At all.

    Stop this at once. Simply tell her nicely and straightforwardly that you obviously meant nothin by it (this only works if its TRUE, by the way, which you've said is the case...right?) and that you two should just drop it.

    Stop doing all these special favours to "make up" for it, since by doing so, you tacitly admit that you did do something wrong, since you're having to redress the fact afterward.

    You need to reset the limits and boundaries for acceptable behaviour. In other words: NO MORE DRAMA.

    You're a good, decent, upstanding guy. You are, right?
    You generally are caring, and thoughtful. Right?

    Therefore over-exaggerated drama from her or anyone else (including yourself) is not acceptable. You've done nothing to deserve it, and therefore you will not accept that from anyone.

    Take that out for a test drive and see how it looks on you. I think you'll like it better than the power trip she's been riding over you lately.
     
  8. johan

    johan Active Member

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    PS. You might think this is hardline, but if your gf cannot behave in a mature, adult fashion and stop the hissy "wahh wahh you RUINED our weekend" teenage drama, then it's time for a new girlfriend.

    When you've actually done something wrong, fine, then you'll have to deal with that. But teenage drama....is meant for teens. After you're no longer a teen...it's time to GROW UP.

    Too many people remain teens emotionally. Way too many.
     
  9. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    :cool: You've really emphasized everything that's been going through my mind these past few days.

    And I laid one back on her for all this too....She is a live in caregiver for a special needs guy. She's constantly talking about this "hot guy" she meets up with at special olympics events she takes her special needs fella to. We're in an LDR (I think I forgot to mention that). But I trust her, and she trusts me. I told her on that first day that she's stressing me out with all this "hot guy" bullshit and I just snapped, and this is probably where it came from.
     
  10. AR

    AR Guest

    I sort of lean in the direction of: "it's not a big deal". I mean but honestly, you've been with your gf for 11 + months like you said.

    I think it would be a different story if you called ________'s name and you and your current gf just started dating shortly after ending things with ________.
     
  11. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    I don't know if you're a man or a woman, but you need a handshake or a hug for that! :)
    Thanks! I was thinking a bit of this, because the ex had no respect for any of my stuff, and broke things on me when we were together, and simply said 'meh' when I showed I was upset.
    Thanks again!

    Edit: OK...looked at the av and usertext. I'll hug ya!
     
  12. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Well the damage has already been done, no one here who can change anything about that right? The only thing that you learn from making mistakes is that you shouldn't make them. Remember that, and just forget about that incident.
     
  13. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    Well, that's what I already said. I'm trying to forget that happened, but she won't let it go.
     
  14. Big Ol' Balls

    Big Ol' Balls New Member

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    i think your advice was right on the money in this situation.
     
  15. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    :werd: ;)
     
  16. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Thanks guys, I appreciate all the support. Can't you just feel the loooove in this thread? ;)

    Green Bastard: Go forth and be happy. Hopefully with this girl, but if not...shrug. Everyone's happiness lies in their own hands. Even your girlfriend's.
     
  17. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    Nice not to get flamed once in a while too. :bigok:
     
  18. AstroGirl

    AstroGirl If I don't respond it's because I have severe ADD

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    Her mosa? ITS MY MOSA!!!
    My ex called me by his ex's name on a couple of occasions. I think because he got so00o0o0o embarrased by it I didn't even get mad, it was a mistake. He was with the last girl for 2 years, and obviously used her name often and I am the replacement for that. So, an oops I am sorry is in order. But not a weekend long temper tantrum!! Hahaha, I wouls rethink the current SO's maturity level :)
     
  19. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    I've been thinking about this mood....she's been having a lot of moods. A few weeks ago, us guys had planned for some time, a party for my best friend's 32nd bday. I told her all about these plans beforehand, and when it came up to the wednesday before the party, she said " I can't wait for you to come up!" We're in a 180 mile LDR. I told her about the party and she got mad as hell at me, and told me that I said I was going up this weekend. Nooooo.....rememebr the party? She got all hissy and was mad at me for a few days after this.

    I really can't see me staying in this relationship too long. She acts like a spoiled child, and gets all pissy if she doesn't get her own way.
     
  20. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

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    Hmm.. that does seem a bit immature. It's either a) she wasn't listening the first time you told her, or b) she purposely didn't remember this to use the guilt thing on you... either way its fucked. + your situation in the first post, I would say its my way or the looong isssland expressswaaayy..
     
  21. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Am i the only one who doesn't over analyze situations afterwards :hs: ?

    If she can't get over it its her problem , just say sorry thats all you can do. If she can't forgive you she'll be stuck in her own hell.
     
  22. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    I don't overanalyze things either. It happened, I apologized, get the fuck over it. End of fucking story.
     
  23. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Yeah, thanks. Glad it's appreciated.

    My background...well sort of... I started off my school daze intending to be a psychologist. Then it was a doctor. Then an engineer. Then, back to clinical psychology.
     
  24. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    :cool::bigthumb: Whatever you do, it's certainly helpful!
     
  25. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    Well, I just got off the phone with her and she said she's STILL FUCKING MAD AT ME. I told her to get over it. She asked me how I'd react if she said one of her ex's names in the same manner. I said I'd simply ask her where that came from, and shrug it off, LIKE YOU SHOULD!

    I dunno what to do. This and the other stressful things she does are starting to get on my nerves.
     
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2005

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