If there is another way out of this, i cant see

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by KiddX, May 3, 2005.

  1. KiddX

    KiddX Tigth as Piston In Ferrari Engine!

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    My family is moving from southern california to st. george utah. i want to move there as well to be close to my family, as well as raise a family there someday. the place is beautiful, schools are awsome, and people are friendly. my girlfriend is in her first year of nursing school. we estimate she has between 1.5-2 years left. its possible, but bery hard, for her to get a transfer to the school by where we would be living. she however, refuses to move untill schooling is done. i love her, and i am willing to say untill she is done with school, and then move to utah. the problem is, the hous i could get now for 120,000 will be much more expensive in 2 years, and i wont be able to afford the down payment. i want to go now, get said home, and have a better life than i do here. the problem is that she WILL NOT go untill school is over. so my options are...

    A. move to utah -> buy house -> maintain a long-distance relationship. :nono:
    and from what i am told, "long-distance relationship" is an oxymoron, that they simply dont work. and given that she is 19, and im 20, the temtation is there.

    B. stay in CA -> rent out cabin in the mountains from family for cheep -> buy house in UT and rent it to family (make some $) -> move into house in 2 years when gf's schooling is done.
    now the cabin is the big "what if" of this option, as i dont know if they will rent it to me.

    C. break up with her -> buy house in utah -> go to school -> find someone else (or wait 2 years and see if we are ment to be) :hs:
    but i love her, and i WAS planning on proposing in august, but with all this stuff going on, that wont be happening

    D. stay down here -> work 2 jobs to pay the rent -> have no time for school or my relationship.....ah fuck, it just hit me while i was typing it...

    even if i stayed, i would be so busy struggling to make ends meet (apartments are so expensive, and i refuse to live with her), i wouldnt have time for her anyway.

    so the only real options i can see are B and C. B being the most desireable, and also the most unlikely. can anyone offer advice... im really really lost and scared.
     
  2. IreLynx

    IreLynx New Member

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    Wait...so you love her, were planning on proposing, but you refuse to live with her? This makes no sense.

    If you love her enough to propose then you could easily move in with her & split the bills & have ample time left over to spend together. However, since you said you refuse to live with her you've basically made your only option very clear, you just can't be togeter. I'm not saying that I think that, but you are making things out to be harder than they actually are. You are making it seem as if it wouldn't work out if you stayed there with her anyways b/c you wouldn't have any spare time after working, but you only have to work that much because you feel the need to have your own place and refuse to share one with her (which would save you both money & leave you with spare time). You're really only making it hard on yourself. If you're willing to propose to her then you should be willing to live with her. It seems to me that you just don't want to compromise, you just want to do what you want regardless of her being in the picture. You come off as making excuses as to why you can't stay in California and you're making it seem as though your only option is to move to Utah without her (since she won't transfer). This doesn't go to say that she shouldn't compromise, because she should as well, but I can understand where she's coming from. No two schools are alike & you get completely different learning experiences among them, and I can understand if she's comfortable with her current school & doesn't want to transfer for fear of ending up at a school in Utah that isn't as good as her current one.

    In any case, maybe you can elaborate more on how you actually feel about her, because it seems to me that you're giving yourself no other option other than ones that involve moving to Utah. Correct me if i'm wrong...
     
  3. KiddX

    KiddX Tigth as Piston In Ferrari Engine!

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    every person i have ever spoken to on the subject has told me that living with a girlfriend/boyfriend before you get married is a huge mistake. that is why i wont live with her

    edit : we just had a long talk on the phone and decided to break up
     
  4. WeRdToYoMoThA

    WeRdToYoMoThA Girlies on Standby, Waiting to say Hi

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    :hug:
     
  5. Imyourzero

    Imyourzero OT Supporter

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    Just out of curiosity, why? Cause I've heard that, and I've also heard the opposite. I personally think it can be a good idea, because if you get married and then move in together, you may be in for a shock if you start to see some things that weren't apparent before (e.g. they are lazy about cleaning/chores/etc. or have vastly different ideas about running a household).
     
  6. KiddX

    KiddX Tigth as Piston In Ferrari Engine!

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    im guessing its the state of mind that if you arent married you can always go out and get someone better. so you are less likely to deal with the person's flaws than if you are comitted to eachother
     
  7. HamTard

    HamTard New Member

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    why not, move in, propose, and wait 2 years to get married?

    guess its too late for that one, you probably shouldn't have broken up with her before getting a fair number of responses to give you alternatives
     
  8. KiddX

    KiddX Tigth as Piston In Ferrari Engine!

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    i kinda figured it out on my own. she is so busy with school and work, we only see eachother 1-2 times a week. i had felt distant from her lately and i guess i was hoping i would get over it. but i feel good about this decision, less stressed
     
  9. Yes have some!

    Yes have some! Active Member

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    Incorrect. My wife and I dated 5 1/2 years long distance. We have been married almost 3 years and we couldn't be happier. We started dating when I was 20 and she was 19.
     
  10. bummerkit

    bummerkit New Member

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    what are you coming to St. George for?
     

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