SRS If love isn't forever...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by 00600, Sep 11, 2007.

  1. 00600

    00600 New Member

    Joined:
    May 13, 2005
    Messages:
    157
    Likes Received:
    0
    What's the point of relationships?

    Why should I bother to put my heart and soul into a relationship that may not last forever?

    I was in a really bad relationship for 5 years, the only reason I stayed in it was because of a child. It took me almost 6 years to get over it, I had relationships in that time, but I didn't fully open up and put my heart into it.

    So, I finally meet a truly amazing person, everything clicks, I dive in 100% blindly, I give everything I possibly can, all my energy, time, money, my soul. I grow emotionally and learn a lot about myself and my talents. I'm finally motivated to go the extra mile and make leaps and bounds toward a new career. I give up dead-end "hobbies" and focus all my time on advancing financally and growing as a "family".

    In the 2 years that it lasted there were the occasional ups and downs, but it seemed like it was working out.

    Then in the last month everything went to shit, I find out that issues from the beginning of the relationship have been slowly eating away at my SO, issues that I had put behind me, and I had though she had done the same. I get the "you may have been hearing what I was saying, but you weren't LISTENING" line. It turns out that the compromises I was making though important weren't the MOST IMPORTANT. I thought that because the nagging went away, and the smiles returned that I was on the right path. It turns out she just stopped caring. She let it eat her up until she finally snapped, started going out with friends I didn't know until the sun came up, not returning my phone calls (we were living together and I couldn't sleep not knowing if she was safe or not).

    When I asked her why she got into a relationship with me in the first place she said "I wanted a change" (she was married to a physically abusive alcoholic/meth head), When I asked her why she gave up on the relationship she said "I got tired of you not living up to your full potential, selling yourself short, and [the issues from the beginning of our relationship] were eating me inside."

    I had gone from working 50+ hours a week busting my ass building motorcycles in a one man shop (A dream of mine) for shit pay, to working for myself- remodeling kitchens and bathrooms, and installing flooring - making $1K-$2K working 3 days a week (with up to a month in between jobs), using the down time to go back to college (working toward a contractor's license), and take care of my SO's 3 year old son (he has some health problems).

    She told me "You haven't been in enough relationships, they don't last forever."

    Basically I feel like it was doomed from the beginning, she wanted out of her relationship and I offered her the "out" and a boost toward independence. Once she had that she didn't need me anymore.

    I got burned...... BAAAAAAAADDDDD!

    Now, I know this won't be the last relationship, or the last breakup. What am I supposed to do in the next one? I feel that if I don't put it all in then I won't get the same in return, or I may not get the full benifits from the relationship. But at the same time I can't physically, emotionally, or financally put everything in if I'm just going to lose it in the end.....
     
  2. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    Because once in a while, they do last forever, and that reward trumps all possible failures, heartache, and pain leading up to that point.

    Of course, it's not guaranteed that you will ever find that. But if you do, it was absolutely worth it.
     
  3. keysmachine

    keysmachine New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2007
    Messages:
    7,778
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Cleveland
    from what i've seen love for the most part is a ticking time bomb.. however sometimes the fuse screws up and it doesn't explode
     
  4. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

    Joined:
    May 30, 2007
    Messages:
    1,015
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    FL
    I guess each relationship is based on the hope that this time it won't end. And when it does, you cut your losses, appreciate what you got out of it, learn from it, and apply those lessons to the next one in hopes that it will last. It sucks to keep going through it, but once you find that person, I'm under the impression that it's worth it. That's the only thing that has kept me from swearing off men all together.
     
  5. Dysfnctnl85

    Dysfnctnl85 IT/Apple/Rotary/(D)SLR Crew

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2004
    Messages:
    3,064
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Fayetteville, Georgia
    When you figure out the answer to this question of love, I too would like to know the answer.

    I told myself I would do everything for my last relationship -- from the beginning. I did, and I got burned. I'm trying to remember the positive aspects of it and moving on, but it's cyclical: sometimes I feel like shit, and then when I realize there are other people out there like me, I begin to have hope for the future.
     
  6. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2000
    Messages:
    18,744
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Toronto
    If you want a clear concise answer to this fundamental question I highly suggest picking up a copy of "The mastery of love" by Don Miguel Ruiz, or anything by OSHO on love.
     
  7. ///M Pilot

    ///M Pilot New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2006
    Messages:
    405
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Fort Liquordale, FL
    Life is a journey, not a destination.

    Love is much the same. It's the experience that counts, not the outcome.
     
  8. scx

    scx New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2007
    Messages:
    19
    Likes Received:
    0
    wow a lot of great replies here

    you keep giving all you got because there's a chance itll all work out
     
  9. Dysfnctnl85

    Dysfnctnl85 IT/Apple/Rotary/(D)SLR Crew

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2004
    Messages:
    3,064
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Fayetteville, Georgia
    I'm clinging to that. If you don't give 100%, wtf is the point?
     
  10. busydoingnothing

    busydoingnothing A broken man too tough to cry

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2006
    Messages:
    3,266
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Michigan
    This is a really fucked up perspective to have, and I can say so because I have it myself. It's really a pointless, fatalistic, wasteful view to have, because in reality, nothing really lasts forever. The most obvious example is our own mortality. If we're bound to die someday, what is the point of living? Look at other aspects of life. If famous people are bound to fall from the spotlight eventually, why do they become famous in the first place? If a meal that takes hours or days to prepare is to be devoured in two hours, why put all that work into it? What's the point of buying and investing so much in a pet that's bound to die eventually?

    As long as we sit around pondering these questions, we'll miss the answer entirely, as the only way to find the answer, if there is one, is to live. Or perhaps that in itself is the answer.
     

Share This Page