I was told you could help

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by ronpaulrevo, Aug 30, 2008.

  1. ronpaulrevo

    ronpaulrevo New Member

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    Ron Paul here

    Writhe recommended this forum for me to post in .

    I was online in a chat room discussing my life , and it was a consensus that my life (socially) so far has been a failure. I am 20 years old , I have not kissed a girl since 6th grade, and that is the furthest I have gotten. I am always the socially awkward kid at parties , so much that I stopped going to them all together. But I will start with a bit of a background.

    Background: When I was a young child I went to a private catholic school. I always scored very high on aptitude tests but not very well in the classrooms. Most of the other students in the school were very rich , and I was not. All of their parents knew each-other from the country club , one that my family was not a part of. I did not fit in very well at this school and most of the kids made fun of me, making going to school a pain. The only other kid worse than me was a fat kid who was ridiculed constantly. I got a break when he was around. After 5 years of this school my parents decided that would go against my grandparents wishes and send me to a public school.

    Public school: (middle school) was quite a change , I no longer had to wear a uniform , there were 100 new people who had never seen me before. I was lucky enough for my grandma to die :rolleyes:, so I missed the first day of class or two for the funeral. I managed to meet one person though in the first week, he approached me at lunch and befriended me. I later found out from other students that he was a stalker of sorts. And that "relationship" quickly ended , with my family changing its phone number.

    I was quite active and social during these years , I was in a band (I played the drums) , played baseball , and went to all the school sanctioned dances. I had a group of friends I hung out with and all was great. Then this group of friends fell apart, 2, possibly 3, of the people started smoking marijuana, I was opposed to this , and another member constantly lied about things to the point where he was not fun to hang around with. And I stopped talking to them. Something I do rather than fixing problems is just ignoring them to avoid confrontation.

    High-school: I wasted away my high-school years on the computer. I played countless hours on fps games like counter strike , call of duty. I did this for 3 years , I hardly left the house on weekends. I played over 2200 hours in game , and even more hanging around waiting for things to start. Sure I had "friends" online , but the anonymity changed the way I talked to people. I decided one day that I was finished with online gaming. This was my last year and I tried to make the most of it . I only had a few people that I talked to outside of school, during classes I had "friends" but no one I could hang out with. One of the only reasons I had one of my best friends was because I needed a ride home one day, and asked her. There was one girl I really liked , who I still think about to this day , that I never had the balls to ask out. I went to the movies with her, hung out at her house, snuck out of class to hang out in the halls but I never made anything of it.

    College: I went to the same college as my sister, she was a senior while I was a freshman. I used this as an excuse not to find places to go like a normal freshman. The first weeks of school all of my dorm went to frat houses and what not and bonded , I just hung out at my sisters. She had parties with maybe 50-75 people. I never really talked to anyone besides the 4 or 5 people that lived in the house. I went to a dance club once, and had a bad experience and never went back. I can not stand the awkward-ness of parties or clubs/bars. I stopped drinking , and stopped going out on weekend the second semester of my 1st year. The only reason I talked to people was because my roommate had people over all the time. I didn't particularly like any of them that much , but it was better than being alone. The only reason people came to see me was to borrow something , shot glasses , or to steal food from me. I can not really say no to someone that asks for something. Have lost a few hundred over the years this way.

    So when school ended I decided I did not want to stay there for another year , and decided to switch to a school my best friend's sister was going to attend. She and I were always friendly and talked a lot when I was at her house. Well I dropped out of my school and was told by the other school that I would be accepted. So I moved down to florida and got all my shit set up , only to hear that I was rejected because of budget cuts :eek3: Now I am at a community college taking classes I will need. I still hope to get into the other school in a semester or two. Only one person from my old school called me and asked me where I was, kinda of depressing.

    Well now I am alone and know absolutely no one. I have zero social possibilities, that is I am unable to find any. In my community college classes I don't really talk to anyone. Last week , someone sat next to me, looked at me , got up and switched seats. I don't smell , I am not ugly or fat , I am just young looking. I have been told I look 16 though I am 20. My friday nights included working out alone , and watching tv/ surfing the internet. I will not go back to playing games online.

    I don't know how to start conversations , or how to hold them, they usually end in long pauses with the other person walking away. With girls I am even worse, I don't even know how to look at girls when I talk to them. I am getting worse and worse as the years go on. My mom tells me that when I was about 4 or 5 I talked to everyone , strangers , bus drivers , cashiers, now I do not talk to anyone my age.

    The one thing I am good at is talking to adults, I can hold conversations with adults about interesting topics , politics , technology , society.

    I do not like where my life is heading and need some guidance on how to re-set my social/dating life. I hope you can help.

    Sincerely,
    Ron
     
  2. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Sorry man, but I stopped reading after you said you let a chatroom determine your success in your social life.

    And I caught the last sentence, if you don't like how your life is going, start changing things.
     
  3. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Argh! My fucking computer ate my post. I'll try to recall what I had before.

    Anyways, I know exactly how you feel. (Hey, I went to a catholic school for about 3 years myself when I first started too) I had a group of friends I hung out with in high school, but when we graduated it all disappated and we stopped talking to each other (a couple of them moved away). After that fell apart I started hanging out with another friend from school, but my ex-wife (then my girlfriend) didn't like him so quickly her nagging won out and I stopped talking to him. She also didn't like that I was friends with a girl, so I stopped talking to her.

    So, during my marriage I became a recluse. I'd go to work, then come home and get on the internet and take care of the kids. By the time my marriage fell apart, I had pushed all my friends away, stopped talking to my family, and was completely alone. That was not a good feeling at all.

    Somewhere around March of last year, I hit rock bottom. While I was laying on rock bottom, contemplating suicide, a funny thing happened to me. I looked up and saw my life vivid and clear of how I wanted it to be. I didn't know then just how long and hard it would be to get to that point, but I knew in that moment that I had to do something about my life...and I did.

    The following are some things I learned along the way:

    1. Reading material. These are books that you should ABSOLUTELY read, just for the sheer volume of information in them and just how awesome they are. If you are serious about wanting to do something about your life, then START HERE by reading these books:

    How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie
    How to talk to anyone by Leil Lowndes
    Overcoming Loneliness in everyday life by Jacqueline Olds
    The Book of Pook, found here: http://www.jbspencer.com/djb/
    Shut up, stop whining, and Get a life by Larry Winget

    2. Baby steps. You're not immediately going to make friends. Your situation isn't going to change overnight, and you may have a long way to go before you get to where you want to be. But this all depends on you and how far you want to go.

    3. Building self confidence. The number one thing you are going to need before you even consider talking to women and dating again is to build your self-confidence and grow a healthy self-image of yourself. You can do this in all sorts of ways. First of all, you need to be honest with yourself about your shortcomings. Don't bullshit yourself. You have insecurities and you have fear and it's likely you even have some shame (I went to a catholic school for my first 3 years of school too, so I know what it's like ;)). Figure out what is limiting you and FACE IT head on. Don't be afraid to be honest with yourself and what your shortcomings are, because half the battle is admitting that you have these problems. Work out your issues, figure out who you are.

    4. Know yourself, love yourself, assert yourself. Sounds PC and simple, I know, but it's the truth. This is also a process in itself. Once you figure out what you want out of life and who you are, learn how to love yourself for those things, then you will be able to assert yourself with more confidence and have some self-respect for yourself.

    5. Start looking for anything social that you can be a part of. Me, I joined a softball team last year, and a writer's group this year. There are so many other things I want to do when I get the time, and there are so many things YOU can do in your area. Get on the net and start researching clubs and activities you can get involved with that are interesting to you. www.meetup.com is an awesome place for this.

    6. Don't be discouraged. The key to your situation is going to come in finding something you like, that allows you to meet and work alongside people on a regular basis for a long period of time. Friendships can form overnight, but a lot of times they are forged through time. So be patient and ride out the storm for now, because so long as you TAKE ACTION, you will get to where you want to be in time.

    Good luck man. Out of curiosity, where are you from?

    Anyways, that's a gross summary of what's been working for me. I hope some of it helps. Just reading those books alone will be MASSIVE help to you, I think, and should inspire you to do something about your situation. It's all in your hands, man, and only you can do something about it.
     
  4. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    If we are talking affirmations and meditation and that sort of thing, I have another reading suggestion:

    The Tao of Inner Peace by Diane Dreher <---Changed my life
     
  5. zatotheck

    zatotheck New Member

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    I am in a similar situation to you. I don't know how to go out and make friends on my own. I can't really hold a conversation with people my own age. The only reason I have anything close to a social life is through my best friend who I have known since I was in a boys home when I was age 12. Before I began living with him I never went out, I never spoke to anyone, I had no friends, and I was very lonely. I always feel awkward in social situations and don't really know how to conduct myself. Because of this, I am dependent on my friend. I only go out when he does and I tag along with him. I have no friends that weren't his friend first. I want to rid myself of this dependency and figure out how to make friends on my own.

    I am very glad that you posted this, I have been meaning to post something similar to this. Feel lucky that you have discovered OT. It is a great place to find very good advice.


    also....shouldn't this be in the Asylum??
     

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