SRS I was thinking...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by GloryFades, Dec 3, 2008.

  1. GloryFades

    GloryFades New Member

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    Lately I've not tried analyzing my emotional status, until now, that is, because for probably a year it hasn't followed any logical sequence. I've had my share of problems since graduating high school, including but not limited to lack of direction, financial things, family shit, "substance abuse" and its repercussions. My mind goes up, then down, then completely out... if that makes sense. I used to think I was depressed, but honestly sometimes I am so fucking happy with life it's sickening.

    For example, the other day I was seriously considering the idea of not living anymore. I wasn't particularly upset, just really fucking tired of how things had been going. Most of the time when I feel this way, suicide seems more like a logical option to me than an insane and depression-driven tendency. The next day, I woke up, ran for an hour, took a shower, and I had a big shit-eating grin on my face the entire day. When I am feeling like this, my mentality is something like "None of this shit really matters. It's stupid not to make the best of what I've got."

    Mixed into all of this are serious bouts with anger, and I think this specifically is a consequence of not ever knowing how I really fucking feel. I tried cutting myself a few times, but it never really helped. Plus I would just get more angry when people would ask me about the marks on my arms like "what the fuck do you care?" I feel like I can control, or at least, channel my anger into things to make it better, the ups and downs emotionally though, are really testing my limits.

    If I'm angry I can exercise, or listen to music, or something else. The other aspects of my mind I cannot control at all. One random thought, feeling, or something someone says can trigger a complete and total shift in my personality.

    This is a recurring problem of mine and I was hoping maybe someone here has had a similar experience?
     
  2. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    It sounds like "possibly" Manic Depression or a mood disorder along that pattern However I'm in no position to diagnose something like that. It could be many things -- I could be way off base. Do you have actual symptoms physically or other problems thinking intellectually -- hard to focus, study, remember things etc?

    But I think I'm right and I think you should be evaluated by a third party objective professional.
     
  3. Omnibus

    Omnibus _________________________

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    I have exactly the same problem as you bro, but I know what causes it for me... sleep.

    I haven't ever actually cut myself or hurt myself like you have, but everything else is identical (even our age I think). I always feel ok with my life in the morning, but the later in the night I'm awake, the worse I feel, and the more angry/sad/etc I get. If I don't get a good night's rest, I feel like that the next day too. Also, I've had a shitty sleep schedule for years, 3 hours of sleep some days, sleeping from 4 AM to 2 PM others, sometimes sleeping normally from 1 AM to 9 AM.


    Sometimes I feel shitty during the day even when I'm rested, but usually it's anger, and only sometimes sadness or anything like that. Also, whatever in your life is bothering you will need to be fixed and you need to just push through and fucking fight for it. I realized that I can't deal with not doing anything about what puts me in those moods, so I just sucked it up and started to fix them, and I feel better. This all happened recently for me too, and I just realized I have this problem too a week or two ago.
     
  4. GloryFades

    GloryFades New Member

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    Yes, I have problems with all of those things. I'm not sure how severe they are or if they are related to my real problems, but it's definitely a possibility.
     
  5. GloryFades

    GloryFades New Member

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    Thanks man, I hadn't really considered the sleep thing. On average, I'd say I get 6 hours of solid sleep. There are periods where I don't sleep at all, though, maybe because I'm geeked up or simply over thinking things. I would say in general I do feel better in the morning, but I think that's just because my mind hasn't had time to adjust yet. Like you said, the more time I'm awake the worse it gets.

    I appreciate your last paragraph. I am also trying to work through my problems. I've always tried to be logical and pragmatic in my life, as you can see all this emotional nonsense is really throwing me into a tailspin. Good luck to you though.
     

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