I was reminded last night that I'm not completely over my last LTR

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Falconer, Jul 16, 2007.

  1. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I'll try to keep this short... actually, fuck it. Have I ever kept ANYTHING short here?

    This thread will be divided into two sections: 1) emo bullshit and 2) the conversation

    Part 1
    What happened

    So I was visiting my parents last night, about to eat dinner, when I heard a familiar ring; it was the ringtone on my phone assigned to my ex's number. At first I thought "yeah right, it must be my sister's phone, because my ex and I haven't communicated at all in the last few months" but my mind quickly remember that I'm the only person in my family who has a Motorola phone and therefore it could only be my phone. I pull out my phone and it says "new txt from (ex gf)."

    Now, I seriously had one-itis fucking bad for this girl. But in the last month or two, I was doing much, much better. In fact, I had progressed to the point where I didn't even think about her very much, and when I did, the memories were not laced with emotion which is a fucking HUGE step in the recovery process.

    Why did I have one-itis for her? Three main reasons. 1) She was fucking gorgeous (no pics, don't ask, with my luck someone here knows her). 9.5/10. She had a thousand suitors, including celebrities and millionaires, which is annoying, but it comes with the territory of dating a hot chick. 2) When she wasn't being a bitch (see point 3 for more on this), we got along perfectly; same sense of humor, same sense of everything, clicked perfectly in almost every situation, and the perfect match in bed. 3) She was a fucking master of push-pull, which I recognize in hind-sight as being BULLSHIT, but having been on the receiving end of this, I can vouch for its effectiveness.

    There were warning signs and red flags that my logical mind recognized, but because of those 3 reasons, I kind of overrode them. It's stupid, but that's how your brain works. I'm ending this paragraph now so I don't turn it into a 5 page paper on the dynamics of our relationship.

    Back to the point. When I saw her name on my txt log, I experienced a feeling I hadn't felt in months. I got nervous, anxious, almost shaky. I was thinking "what the fuck?" in my brain. It doesn't matter what I thought I felt; right here I was having a chemical reaction providing proof that I am not 100% over her. We had a brief txt convo (details below), but for the rest of the night she was on my mind. I even had a dream about her, but it wasn't a sex dream, it was like a dream where we met up and we were talking a bit.


    Part 2
    The conversation

    You may remember a thread I made in the On Topic forum called "I want my ex gf's cat cuz she's gonna let it die"
    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=3070334

    The conversation is related to that.

    Her: If u have a place..and want (the cat)..ur more than welcome 2 take her. Im moving and cant take her w me. I know u will take good care of her.

    Me: I still live at (roommate's). Let me ask around. If u take her 2 a shelter let me kno which one and i'll get her after i get a place. Thx.

    Her: Yah. No prob. My future roommate doesnt like cats and it would break my heart if she was mean 2 her. I want (cat) 2 have a good owner. It hurts 2 get rid of her.

    Her: I dont really want her goin bak 2 a shelter... i think its too hard on her.

    Me: Ya. Ur prolly moving b4 i get a place so she mite have to go sumwhere else 4 a while. I'll c if i can find some1 else in the meantime so she doesnt hav 2 go 2 a sheltr

    Her: Yah. I move in 2 wks. I just want her 2 have a good home. No cat haters.

    Me: I will keep u posted on if i find anything

    Her: Ok. Thanx. I'll keep her as long as i can.



    So I was happy that it wasn't bullshit like "so, how are you doing?" or some obvious "lets get back together" bullshit. However, I wouldn't be surprised if this ended up being one more try-to-piss-me-off plot of hers. The cat is the sweetest cat I've ever seen, and I would take her, but seriously I want a 3rd party to drop her off or something because I really don't want to see my ex. I know the strong alpha thing to do would be to see her and not be phased by it at all, but I'm not at that point, so too bad.


    And the worst part of all was this little thing made me have the thought that, I bet anyone I date now, or whoever I end up marrying, will not be as physically attractive as she was. Not that there aren't other 9s and 10s out there, but she was like my ideal, like she fit what I considered ideal before I ever even met her. Is that defeatist thinking? I know things other than physical looks matter, but I'm a guy and I like fucking hot girls.

    Sorry Vag. I'm regressing a little in my progress, it seems.
     
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2007
  2. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Wait, you actually type like this in texts? I really wouldn't have imagined you doing that :mamoru:

    Sounds like you haven't broken the intermittent reinforcement stuff with the ex yet. That's usually how it goes. Even when you think it's done it can still have that effect on you months later. It's too bad exes like that don't just disappear from the world to never be heard from again :o

    And yeah I think you are way too hung up on looks :p
     
  3. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I type that way in txt to fit a long txt into one message. But that one was still too long and it was split into two. Haha. Oops.
     
  4. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    But even outside of looks, we had some crazy close connection and that's the reason I really fell in love with her. Her being really hot didn't hurt anything, tho.

    But that's the reason it sucks... it felt like everything we did was somehow special or whatever... that's why it was hard to get over. I know it's all chemicals in my brain, but still... you know?
     
  5. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    :Owned: I do that sometimes to make it fit but I'm usually too anal and will still type shit like "you're" out :hs:
     
  6. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Yeah I know :hug: It sucks and there isn't much you can really do about it :hs:
     
  7. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    I predict that by this time tomorrow night this thread will be filled with the usual pua :mb:
     
  8. skitcy

    skitcy uhm title! ok

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    sadly probably true.
     
  9. Takitome

    Takitome New Member

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    I can't believe this.. That's like.. 300 pounds.. For a cat? That's mental :nuts:

    Tell her you'll give her 50$
    If she's as greedy as she sounds like she'll take it
     
  10. Buttons

    Buttons OT Supporter

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    I'm in the same boat you are. Thought I was over my ex. She sent me a text to let me know that someone was going to drop my stuff off and when I saw the name on the phone I got all nervous and shaky. :wtc:
     
  11. My ex just sent my dog tags back to me last week, it's been fucking with me badly. I hope I don't keep dreaming about her.

    Falconer, I'm going to make a statement here, you did a good job, short of ignoring her. I'm proud of you.

    Take the cat and enjoy it if you can.

    Good idea not seeing the ex.

    Good luck dude. :bigthumb:
     
  12. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I'm worried the cat will remind me of her. We got her together and everything.

    My sister goes "it's like you guys are divorced and are discussing custody of a kid." I was like :rofl:
     
  13. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    :rofl: My ex and I are kinda doing that. We lived together and ended up with 4 cats and we each took 2 and sometimes we still trade them back and forth. Time to go to daddys house for a week kittahs :mamoru:
     
  14. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Falconer, you haven't fallen in love with someone else yet. Or we wouldn't have this thread. That gives you a course of action...

    As for the hotness insecurity, I had it BOTH times after I broke up with a girl. It is just your scarcity mindset / lack of field experience. The first girl wasn't even a 9 in my books.

    The second girl was. I used the same language as you are using. She was as hot as possible for me, she fit exactly my preferences... I was a mess. There's a solution to this.

    GO by the book! You know this already.

    GFTOW.

    This will solve the hotness insecurity ASAP, probably even before you actually F-close the first 9. Your love sickness will go later. Let's say you can feel a strong connection to at least 1/10 HB's you fuck. When that happens the emotional wound will begin to heal.

    I'm sure you already knew what to do, you just needed someone to tell you.
     
  15. tqpolo

    tqpolo ***** Platinum Member OT Supporter

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    My situation is so similar to yours it's scary, well except for the cat part. The way you described your ex in the three main reasons is exactly how I would describe mine. My ex is extremely hot but we were also very connected at everything and she's also a master at playing game.

    Recently my ex had been communicating with me with some bs topics, mostly non important. Small phone calls and txts just get me so bad. I never made any contact with her. All i ever reply in txt is either "k" or "ok". I kept it like that so I wouldn't have to say anything that would be revealing.

    Well I have a question, what is the point of her trying to contact me with me non important issues that she could very much call anybody or solve it herself? Is she really just miss me and come up with bs to contact me? I mean what is really going through her mind?
     
  16. calisteph6

    calisteph6 Active Member

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    yea...guys will never leave a hot girl in my experience. My bestfriend is pretty hot (at least an 8, if not a 9) and her and her BF have been having problems and she keeps saying, "I'm just gonna let him dump me." because it's her opinion that the dating world is lame at her age and I'm pretty much like, "girl he would be a retard to dump you, he will never do better looks wise, and unlikely do better personality wise."

    Anyway...that was a little rambly...but I wish I had that effect on guys. :(
     
  17. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    There are guys who dump hot girls - the guys who can fuck hot girls whenever. With men like that, the girl has to offer something other than hotness to keep him in a relationship (e.g. a strong emotional connection, or money, or whatever).

    Any chode who lands himself a pretty girl will stick for dear life, because, as you say, he sees no other options.

    Ex-player in love > trapped chodes.
     
  18. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    :rofl: sounds like me.

    I mean I have boundaries and shit I won't put up with, but this girl apparently knew my line exactly and played the game so perfectly. It really was a learning experience, altho I didn't realize it until after the fact. I think my female-game-recognition skills went up by like 50% from dating her.

    To be honest, tho, a few months before the relationship ended the logical part of my brain realized that it wasn't going to work out in the end. However, I also recognized that I was way too attached to this girl to just end it and be able to go on being happy and healthy right away. So I made the decision to draw things out while I slowly began to lose my chemical addiction to her, so that when it did invariably end, it would be easier for me to take.

    Does that sound fucked up? Think of it as weening yourself off an addictive drug. Exactly the same process. Take an addict off an SSRI and what happens? They freak the hell out and can possibly die from withdrawal. Slowly ween them off along with the appropriate other measures and it's still unpleasant, but no longer as severe.

    I'm not saying people should stay in bad relationships any longer than they have to. I'm just saying what I did here and why. Plus, the sex was still awesome all the way up until the end.
     
  19. straight ridah

    straight ridah New Member

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    Me and my ex have been broken up for close to a year and I haven't spoken to her or made any contact with her since a couple days after it happened.

    About 9 months after breaking up, I get a phone call prank (rang once or twice then hung up) from my ex. I was at work at the time but as soon as I pulled the phone out of my pocket and saw her name my heart started racing and I felt all nervous and shaky. Then she messaged me saying stuff like, "It's cold and and I'm lonely and miss you" "I don't usually think about ex's but I been thinking about you" "Really want to hear back from you" etc.

    Then about 10 mins later she messaged back again. This time with comments like, "I don't want you to hate me" "I wish you would write back cause I miss you" and other stupid comments which I chose to ignore.

    I decided it was probably either the loser she dumped me for (a drugged up bum with no prospects in life [where she comes from the whole place is made up of these people]) or the same thing that happened to my friend where she was messed up on drugs and decided to call him and say she missed him and shit then next time they spoke said it was a mistake or whatever. (By the way we had a very similar relationship and time frames of length of relationship and break before talking again was pretty much spot on).
     
  20. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    The first thing you need to do is DELETE HER FROM YOUR PHONE.

    I feel you on the chemical reaction thing, though.
     
  21. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    you made a decision stick with it. In the future as I'm told from others that love isn't about looks at all. Looks is for fucking, mentality is for love. You made the choice like a fucking champ not everyone can say no to carmeon electra, but you did and you did it for a reason. don't doubt yourself because once you do that your dead.

    As for the cat I have a cat I like very much too. Hes gained my appreciation and I'm not the one that feeds him either. I'd go get your cat and enjoy his company.
     
  22. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Still with the fucking games.

    I sign onto Myspace tonight and I have a random friend request. I hate it when people send friend requests without sending a message along with it. Anyway, I don't recognize this guy's pic, but I click on his page anyway cuz maybe I'll know who it is. Nope. It's some 37 year old guy who lives about an hour away. Never seen him before in my life. But 4 of his 5 most recent comments are from my ex.

    There is no fucking way that is random.

    My page is private and she probably wants to see it, but she knows I won't add her, so she's probably trying to get me to add someone else so she can view my page through their account. I would not be surprised if soon I start getting messages from some hot chick that is really her on a fake profile trying to flirt with me/get me to add her/etc. along those lines.

    Anyway, I was going to send this guy a message and be like "I saw your friend request. Do I know you?" Cuz that's usually what I do. I don't add people I don't know IRL. Anyway, now that I saw her comments on his page, fuck it. She's still trying to play games and fuck with me.

    And fuck me, because I was feeling fine tonight (despite having a relapse of the cold I had two weeks ago), but seeing her comments on his page triggered the same feeling that I got when I saw her name in my txt log the other night.

    :hs:
     
  23. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    You're just under the sway of a powerful illusion... if it's an illusion that is making you unhappy, you ought to get rid of it.

    You WILL get with hotter girls... that's a scarcity mindset there. Find out what u need to do and then do it do it do it. GFTOW. Go. Report back.
     
  24. Kreigore

    Kreigore New Member

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    I'm in the same boat.

    Anytime I see any reference to my ex (whether it be facebook, myspace, whatever) my heart jumps. It was the same way when she would text me or attempt to contact me in anyway. It might as well been a heart attack.

    Anyway, as for the "go out and bang 10 women" philosophy, what if the person's mindset isn't to go out and get random ass?

    I don't know if I could go out and bang 10 random chicks just to get over one. I could, but wouldn't that be somewhat hollow? I don't know if I could ever have a "I don't give a fuck" mentality when it comes to sex.

    I've gone out with other girls since the ex - but it hasn't been anything meaningful. Why have sex if it isn't meaningful?

    Meh.
     
    Last edited: Jul 19, 2007
  25. Miss Red

    Miss Red New Member

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    I'm sorry, whats an LTR?
     
    Last edited: Jul 19, 2007

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