when i was four or five years old i was molested by my babysitter and used for a kiddie porn ring. i've never gotten over it. i thought i did for a vary long time, it seemed like i did..then last year i was raped by my cousin and all of the terriable memories came flooding back. i have trouble showing or recieving affection from those whom i love and sex is dirty to me and it scares me. i know it's not supose to be this way. i know sex is supose to be a beautiful thing but those people ruined it for me. all i feel anymore is hate and anger and i have problems controling it. i feel like a worthless piece of meat, not human and a monster. i've tried to make things better, even went to counsiling for a while but nothing ever seem to get better, i'm constantly pleaged by these sick memories. and anger mamagement just made me angrier. i don't know what else to do. i feel lost, scared, and completely alone. some one please give me advice and HELP ME!