SRS I want to, so I will

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by 2500, Jun 1, 2007.

  1. 2500

    2500 Guest

    This is my boyfriends logic, and its killing me. We just moved into a very high end gated apartment complex in West Knoxville. There are many expensive cars, wealthy people, and the complex itself is one of the best we've found in Knoxville. Last night, when he got home, there was no parking, so he needed to reverse through a winding, full, parking lot to the overflow lot. He floored it, took off in reverse like a lunatic. When he came in, I told him he cannot drive like that, and that its 1) a danger to other people 2) a danger to himself 3) a danger to other peoples cars. it was midnight, pitch black, cars 3 feet away on either side, lord knows if anyone is walking their dog. but he says "fuck you, your not my boss, i want to drive that fast, so i will, i don't care." WTF do you say to that? its not that i'm trying to be his boss, i'm just wishing he would respect the fact that we live in a community, and its not safe to drive as fast as you want, just because you want to. this is the kinda logic he has with alot of things. just venting i guess, any advice would be cool.
     
  2. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I'd say he's being a douche, but I bet other people will say he just increased your attraction to him.

    But driving like that is stupid, and you're right; it's a danger to him and other people.

    [Falconer cynic mode]

    If you based your actions off of logical reasoning you would break up with him over that statement because you would see it as in insight into his personality. You would realize that his statement made you uncomfortable as it reflects an overall apathy toward other people's safety which is a value you do not share. You would extrapolate from his actions/explanation future instances where the same behavior will be displayed and realize that over time you will begin to resent him for it. You would also see this as evidence that if you say something contradictory to what he thinks, he will ignore it completely. You would recognize that, fundamentally, all of these are red flags and not good life partner qualities.

    Not to mention the fact that he said "fuck you" to you, his girlfriend, which should pretty much be unacceptable in 100% of cases.

    [/Falconer cynic mode]

    But you won't.

    Because bad boys who "don't give a shit" and "do what they want" are attractive and sexy, hence he just increased your attraction toward him on a subconscious level. :big grin:
     
  3. 2500

    2500 Guest

    i'm gay, lol. so, "bad boys" are douche bags and i don't like them at all, lol. but, i agree with alot of points you make.
     
  4. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    You're a dude?

    Then remove the "his girlfriend" part and replace it with "his SO" :rofl:
     
  5. 2500

    2500 Guest

    i'm not attracted to "bad boys" though. i think "bad boys" are insecure pieces of junk, lol.

    of course, after all is said and done, he always goes back and says "well, you know i didn't mean that." yadda yadda. thats his other problem. he never thinks. he says the first retarded thing that comes to his mind, and actually fights that hes right until its over, then basically says he doesn't think what he said was right, even though he was just arguing it. ugh.
     
  6. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    If someone, either gay or straight - male or female, doesn't respect other people in their community, it won't be long till they disrespect me. I usually just move on whenever I find a someone like this. The times I've stayed around, I've almost always regretted it in the end.
     
  7. deviant critter

    deviant critter New Member

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    sounds like he gets defensive whenever you confront him with something you dun like.
    never tried this with an SO, but it works with other people:
    He comes in after doing something stupid. In a flat tone, you ask "Why did you do that?"
    (He most likely gives you the rant he always gives you)
    You: "Huh" followed by long, expectant stare...

    Works for me...by not saying anything you don't force them into defending themselves, which gets to be a self-perpetuating cycle, cuz they don't want to admit they are wrong. just passively point out what they did sucks, and they'll probably correct it on their own so long as they're not tied up trying to be a big shot and defend themselves...
    I use it on bad profs and ta's who can't explain stuff ;) Then they learn their shit.
     
  8. 2500

    2500 Guest

    eh, its not a bad plan, but, hes only 18. i feel that will be a green light that he can get away with it. whats shitty, is hes 18, i'm 24. so, every time i say something, no matter how logical it is.... like driving slowly in reverse or in drive while your in a higher class community with older people and small children, he thinks i'm parenting him, or i'm trying to be his boss. its like, i can't tell him anything, even if i am right. he wants to be in his own happy little world, and he wants everyone to accept everything he thinks or does.

    just the other day, we were in lowes, and i was explaining to him how a faucet attachment works. only 2 sides, so it can only work 2 ways. i was explaining it correctly, but he grabs it with an attitude. so i say "well, your just gonna explain it wrong cuz theres only 1 right way." so he calls me a prick, hands me my wallet and walks out of lowes. supposedly, i was trying to be a know-it-all, when in fact, i was just explaining it correctly. but it pissed me off he grabbed it as if he HAD to have it his way, because we all know the facuet adapter would work his way just because he thinks it works that way.

    i dunno, we've been together 2 weeks shy of 1 year. none of these problems have happened until the past few months. now every time we argue, he says "oh, so are you breaking up with me?" its like, no, wtf? and if he doesn't ask me, he'll call his mom, tell her to come help move his stuff, and hes leaving, and i'm gonna have fun paying all the rent, and he starts packing. happens like once a week. makes a big scene, yells and argues for hours and hours and hours. threatens to leave, all this shit. then, after a day of arguing, and me always having to take the blame for everything, he finally says "oh, i wasn't going to leave, i didn't mean what i said." grrrrr. why now, why after a year?
     
  9. DvBoard

    DvBoard New Member

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    Sounds like he's just waiting for you to say yes.
     
  10. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    at your mom's house. be back later.
    You say:

    "Great, well when you're ready to act like and adult and stop throwing a fit like you're a two year old, come talk to me. Until then, take your attitude else where."

    But that's just me :dunno:

    I'd put the kabash on his attitude toward you, pronto. That's completely unacceptable behavior.
     
  11. 2500

    2500 Guest

    as much as it sucks, after a year, i really love him and its hard to just say "take a hike" even though thats how i feel sometimes. today when he pulled that shit i just left cuz i was late and said "ok, take the garbage out when you leave." and i got home and he was still here. seems easier to ignore him. i just need a way to handle it and make him understand what hes doing, and try to get him to grow up. but god forbid i ever mention anything because i'll be "parenting" him again. I don't want out of this relationship, i just need a way of dealing with this.
     
  12. 2500

    2500 Guest

    :hsugh:

    18?
     
  13. MementoVivre

    MementoVivre like the cat...

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    he sounds very 18...:rolleyes:
     
  14. 2500

    2500 Guest

    well, i dunno, he has 2 very different sides, and the loving side is by far the best of anyone i've ever dated. he is the most caring, giving, loving person i have ever been with. but, his shitty side is also the worst of anyone i've been with. i have the 2 extremes, and, i just don't know if the good should outweigh the bad, or if the bad should outweigh the good. if i let the bad side go, i also lose the best loving side i've ever had. its a shitty decision.
     
  15. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Just say to him that his 'WIL has to be in "LINE" with the laws of reality, and that that currently is not the case. Its not just about his will, there are rules that need to be respected.

    But you know he's young and he's reckless, just saying this most likely won't have the resulted effects, he needs to be tampered like steel before it bends into the right direction. So just keep hammering (not arguing) that he should respect the rules, and think of the consequenses of his actions. Eventually he'd budge in or, you bounce out of his life.
     
  16. 2500

    2500 Guest

    yeah, i guess slowly bending is the best option. anything more than mentioning something, or, something real easy going, is "parenting." i seriously don't want to parent him, thats not how i feel good about myself. i just want him to realize as an adult, living in an adult community, there are rules you need to respect. wether you CAN drive that fast or not, it doesn't mean you SHOULD. but, he doesn't agree with that. hes from a small, redneck, shitty, nasty, drug infested white trash town, so i think hes kinda new to the respecting your neighbors, being courteous of other people, even if it means driving slower than you think is right, not making noise at 4 am and respecting that people are sleeping. his old town was run down, no one cared about anything. he lived in his trailer for 12 years and he doesn't know his neighbors. so, i think the changing from a minor to an adult, plus the fact hes now in west knoxville which is the nicest part, plus being in the nicest apartment complext we could find, is going to take some getting used to. me, i'm from a rich suburb of chicago, so i know the ropes of living in a nicer class area.
     
  17. victimizati0n

    victimizati0n New Member

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    he was pissed off, calm down and let him chill
     
  18. 2500

    2500 Guest

    but, me saying that driving backwards very fast in a curvy, pitch black parking lot is dangerous to him and our neighbors is no reason to be pissed off. hes pissed off at doing something stupid then being confronted about it i think.
     
  19. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Exactly. He is just barely legally considered an adult. 18 year olds are not mature and you can't really expect them to be. He is acting like a typical dumb 18 year old kid. If you want an adult relationship then you should date someone capable of having one. Sure you may love the guy but love isn't everything. You need a lot more than that for a successful relationship.

    Also, the kid is only 18, do you really expect him to stay with you forever? At some point he'll want to be free to live a normal 18 year old life and go out and date around. You don't really seem like a great match anyway. I can't figure out why you would want to date someone like that.
     
  20. 2500

    2500 Guest

    we are a great match though. i know its easy to assume things when all you have is 1 or 2 events over the course of a year, but, you have to remember there is an entire year of amazing stuff. not all young people want to go live free and date around. there are plenty of people who "married their highschool sweetheart." i think this is just a bump in the road that i'll have to deal with until he matures a little more. i just wish i knew the right way to deal with it. theres no way i'm ending the relationship, because we both love each other. i don't think this is grounds for leaving him either. ya know, if he really starts changing, and this type of thinking is manifesting itself in many other topics and scenarios, then i'll consider it. but, its basically only when hes upset. he said he had a rough day at work, and it irritated him that i "parented" him about it. i guess i remember those times when i was his age when if a friend pissed me off, i would take it out of my parents, and my other friends, and i would be in a shitty mood all day no matter what. god, i dunno how my parents dealt with me.
     
  21. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    Is this his first serious relationship? It sounds like he's either pushing to see where the boundaries are, or is tiring of the relationship (not in the 'honeymoon' phase any more?) and is rocking the boat with the intent of provoking you into overturning the boat so that the breakup wouldn't be "his fault". Either way, it's pretty immature. I guess if you want to deal with the trappings of that, go nuts. Personally, I wouldn't be able to stomach it. Mind games suck.
     
  22. 2500

    2500 Guest

    yes, this is his first serious relationship. i don't think hes looking to get out, because if he wanted to leave i think he would. and when hes not arguing, he always says he never means anything, and he doesn't think before he says stuff, and that he never wants to leave when he threatens to, he just doesn't know what else to do. had a lil thing last night again. our chihuahua likes to shit everywhere, and, we just moved into our new place and i've been dealing with her shitting and pissing all over our carpets. we had company fly in from chicago today, so a few days ago, i rented a carpet shampooer and shampooed the entire apartment. he was tired last night and i wanted him to bring the dog out one more time. he wanted to sleep, but i was saying how i didn't want her to piss on the carpet the night before our company came and after i spent money cleaning the carpets. well, he didn't want to, so he threw a mini fit, got all huffy puffy about it. its like, god, just take the dog out. i wasn't even being agressive or rude to him, i just really didn't want to wake up to a piss stain and a chihuahua turd. (background.... i'm pretty fed up with this dog. we got it from his moms house, and, after all the shitting, pissing, knocking over our trash can and spreading raw met wrappers and garbage all over the apartment numerous times, i told him i wanted to get rid of it, but he said he would take 100% responsability of her if we kept her. thats why i didn't just take her out.)
     
  23. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Tell me why you're with him. So far, I've not heard anything encouraging about him.
    So...why then?
     
  24. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    who the fuck moves in with their SO at 18 :ugh: live alone you'll have much less hassles I don't care gay or straight that advice can apply
     
  25. 2500

    2500 Guest


    :rolleyes:

     

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