SRS I want to call this girl, but I get practically paralyzed every time I think about it

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Zoso, Apr 23, 2008.

  1. Zoso

    Zoso OT Supporter

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    I don't know if it's just crazy anxiety or what, but I want to call her and ask her out (we've been out before) and I practically panic. I have to plan out everything I want to say and it's just ludicrous. Frankly, I'm not even sure what I'm so nervous about- sounding like an idiot/being awkward? overstepping my bounds? i really don't even know. Any advice (besides therapy? :o)
     
  2. Seadee456

    Seadee456 New Member

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    Just calm down and call her. Since you've been out before, you have a feeling what she's like. In my experiences, call on Sunday nights and ask her out sometime during the midweek. Ask her what she's got going on that week. See if she wants to hang out. Worst case, she blows you off, you'll get over it and you get less nervous about calling the next girl.

    I used to be like you, wouldn't call people because I get nervous and I even have a stuttering problem that gets worse when i get nervous. I even started taking shots of alcohol before calling. You may want to try it but just don't make it a habit. I got rejected a couple of times or they won't call you back and it makes the next that much easier.
     
  3. Xin

    Xin OT Supporter

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    If this is common look into going to therapy for anxiety issues.
     
  4. Xin

    Xin OT Supporter

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    Otherwise, just man up, take some deep breaths, call her and get it overwith. Chances are when you do it, you'll want to do it again, and if she responds positively it'll become something you enjoy instead of fear.
     
  5. Zoso

    Zoso OT Supporter

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    i've honestly been trying to get myself to do this lately:hs:
     
  6. tryfuhl

    tryfuhl New Member

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    I see your need for coming up with something to talk about, those first few phone calls can be awkward if both of you aren't social. Think of a few things that you want to know about her and hopefully she'll answer with more than a single line answer. Ask her questions about shit the talked about. She will begin gushing about herself and we know how much girls love that.
     
  7. Zoso

    Zoso OT Supporter

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    :rofl:
    the thing is, it's a completely irrational fear. i'm actually a nice and talkative person, and so is she. when i've called her before, everything was fine. it's pretty much all in my head
    i'm going to call her tomorrow in the a.m. i guess :hs:
     
  8. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    I was exactly the same way. As scary as it might be, the only way you're ever going to get over this is to put yourself in the situation that is making you uncomfortable. Just man up and call her. It's the only way you'll ever get over it. It gets easier with time.
     
  9. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    Sometimes when I get nervous I remind myself "Would I be more unhappy with a rejection or with knowing that I didn't even have the balls to try in the first place?"

    The latter is always the right answer for me.
     
  10. misfits

    misfits Well-Known Member

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    Honestly though, working with that mindset will end in failure 99% of the time. And you're right about the irrational fear...you're going to have to END up getting over it....because it's IRRATIONAL and will fuck you over. Sometimes I wish I can just talk to some people face to face and just slap some common sense into them (not directed negatively to you whatsoever)...

    We tend to analyze the situation so much as humans, we start conjuring up these fears in our head that don't even exist. Just go out there, grab her attention with your charm man. WORK THE CHARM!!!!
     
  11. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    From reading some of the posts here, I get the impression that many of you guys think you are somehow doing something wrong by inviting a woman on a date.

    I want you to pay attention to the wording of that phrase. I purposefully avoid the phrase "ask her out."

    Why?

    Because "asking her out" has all sorts of connotations that go back to when we were young kids. For youngsters, "asking her out" means asking her to "go steady."

    Your purpose isn't to "ask her out." Your purpose is to invite her on a date so that you can spend time together and get to know one another.

    When you see a woman you are attracted to, you need to realize that you don't have enough information about her. Most of men's attraction to women is based on her looks, so automatically we think she is perfect for us.

    The problem is, you don't have enough information to make this determination.

    You have criteria of what you want in a woman (and if you don't have criteria, you better spend some time figuring it out!).

    How do you gain the information that you need?

    First, you approach and talk to her. Then, you request her phone number. Next you plan a date, then call her and make the date invitation.

    Very simple steps.

    The problem is that men today do not believe this is normal. We think we are somehow doing something wrong when we try to do the steps. So instead, we look for shortcuts.

    We give her our number, then bail because we are afraid of rejection.

    We become friends with a girl, then confess our feelings to her.

    These are shortcuts. You have to do the steps listed above.

    The goal is not to somehow trick her or circumvent the steps. The goal is to discover is she's interested, while at the same time closely watching what she does to learn if she is the type of girl we would like to have a long term relationship with.

    That last part is very important. Even if she's interested, we may discover she isn't right for us (because she's a smoker, has a chemical dependency, or whatever). That puts us in the position of dumping her.

    Many of us have never dumped a girl early on. If she's willing to see us and fuck us, we aren't going to dump her under any circumstances. This can get us in a lot of trouble (been there done that).

    You need to examine your beliefs regarding meeting women and going on dates. If you find that your beliefs are not consistent with the reality that inviting women on dates and talking to women, and asking for their numbers is 100% normal and natural, then your beliefs need to be addressed and changed.

    Do not fear "rejection." What is rejection, anways? Its a woman letting you know that she doesn't like you. Is it possible for every girl to like you and want to date you? Absolutely not!

    When she rejects you, she is giving you information. Before you talked to her, you didn't know if she was right for you. Now you know for a fact that she isn't!

    You can't get what you want without risking rejection. The key is how you deal with it. You can be happy that she let you know early on so you don't waste your time, or you can let it hurt you emotionally.

    Dating used to be a huge mystery to me. So instead of learning how to do it, I would just date whatever girl showed the most interest in me. The problem was, they were choosing me over other guys, but I wasn't choosing them over anybody. So I ended up with women who weren't right for me.

    How can you find the girl who is right for you, if you aren't out there dating many women? What are the odds of the first girl you meet being "the one?"

    Keep it simple.

    Talk to her. Get her number. Make a date. Invite her on the date.

    If she falls by the wayside at any of these steps, then so be it. She has made her decision, and she won't be looking back. Neither should you. Immediately start the process anew with a different woman.

    You can let your fears get in the way, or you can feel those uncomfortable feelings and DO IT ANYWAY. That's what courage is: being afraid, but still taking the proper course of action.

    And talking to her for the purpose of going on a date is the proper course of action.
     
  12. Zoso

    Zoso OT Supporter

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    thanks for all the responses :hsd:
    update: going out for sushi tonight :wiggle:
     
  13. Xin

    Xin OT Supporter

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    good job man. you'll know if she's interested in you just as friends grabbing something to eat, or more by her body language and topics you talk about. Just keep going with the flow.
     
  14. Jcrash

    Jcrash 93.till.infinity-ing

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    Ugh the thread title has me kicking myself for not following through on this cute girl years ago. I saw her on a daily basis at school and when I finally worked up the courage to talk to her, I left with her number! My heart was racing listening to the phone ring and when I got her voicemail, I was sort of relieved. First and last call. :rofl:

    If I only knew then what I know now...

    Good job OP hope the dinner went well! :x:
     

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