SRS I truly hate my life and I really do not know what to do

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by William H. Bonney, Jun 1, 2008.

  1. William H. Bonney

    William H. Bonney New Member

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    Im at that point again where things keep getting so shitty that I think about ending it daily. I keep reliving the failed marriage and all the events leading up to it and all the other failures of my life. The only time I leave the house is to go to work and if Im forced to go out for something like groceries or shit like that. I see a therapist twice a week right now but Im not really getting much from it other than talking about how I hate life. A friend keeps telling me that I am focusing on the negative and never look at anything positive. How the fuck can I when I keep going through this on a daily basis. Im alone, isolated, have nothing but anger at her and now I find out that she is spending two weeks in another state out East with this guy. How much can one person continue to take before they just say fuck it and give up?
     
  2. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    You're focus determines your reality. Change your focus and what you perceive will change accordingly. It's really that simple.
    Based on this post, your friend sounds correct.
    Now you're changing your argument. You started off your post talking about all the things in your past. Then you use, as an excuse to stay where you are, the present.

    The sad thing is, most people go to therapy, church or even alcohol, looking for that miracle cure to their problems when in reality, most people simply need to take action.
    Yep, it sucks and I'm sorry that you're going through it but certainly you realize that continuing to focus on this isn't healthy.

    Go out and do some exercise. Do pushups, take a walk, ride a bicycle. Do ANYTHING to elevate your heart rate because it helps lower stress levels.
    People that want to die are just afraid to take action. How do you know the next life, if there is one, is going to be any better?

    Why not learn to solve your problems and create the life you want?? It's not easy and it takes a LOT of time but it can be done by anyone.
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Don't wait in life for a wake up call, make the most of it, because you might not get a second chance.

    Because If you are in a rut and stuck with your life, you need to give it a swing in a new and positive direction by carving a new path with your own power.

    Do not expect leperchauns to appear and solve your issues, do not wait, be the dictator of your own life and take the situation in your own hands.

    There are only three directions in life, down where death lies, stay where you are and go in circles, or up where an improved life lies ahead, the first 2 are worthless and lead to nowhere, this is important because it means you can set the course of your life, to the only direction that is valuable ,namely upwards towards into progress. It doesn't matter from there on wether you win or lose in life, you simply keep on following the positive course, that way you can ALWAYS be confident no matter what happens, because you know that going for gold in your life is the only right way to live.

    If change was just a thought, then anyone could do it. But reality is that you can't just sit around feeling miserable for yourself and the situation you are in while being punched in the face by the reality of life. Those thoughts of change, can't become real if you just sit around feeling sorry for yourself, if you want to change then why would you stay in a state of paralyzation? If that happens it means you do not want to change, you are simply waiting for the world and people to change around you as you see fit, therefore

    Without walking, there's no way to move forward, you'll just end up waiting.
     
  4. Slick26

    Slick26 Gun|Bike|Cigar|PS3|Beer |Whisky|Night Crew

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    Sorry to hear that man. Sounds like you need to find some friends to take you out and take your focus off of her.
    It's hard, I know. Life can be hard WITHOUT heartache from women, and the hardships that can come with marriage, and especially divorce.
    Marriage isn't easy even for the ones that go well! Chalk it up as a learning experience, and try your best to move on.

    Is there anything else going on as well? Like debt, etc. that's bringing you down? Or just the failed marriage.
    Just trying to reach out here man, not trying to be nosy.
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You can't wait for your life to change or get better. You have to put the effort in to change your life around; that's what makes it worth it once you succeed.
     
  6. William H. Bonney

    William H. Bonney New Member

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    I just cant get past how I seem to fuck up everything that was ever good in my life. Some how some way I have managed to walk down the path of the self fulfilling prophecy of failure. I could not even imagine trying to force my twisted soul on someone now. And its just not that I caused the end of this relationship, its that I have lost jobs, friends and whoever else because of something Ive done. Its like I can never keep anything consistant. Yeah, of course I want to change. But Im locked in my own prison with seemingly no escape. I do not know how to move past this. Its as if this is the culmination of everything that my life has been and it ended again due to me. Tends to give one the thought of hopelessness. How do you change from that?
     
  7. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    By learning how to love.

    Start with a small flower. A sunny day in the backyard. Eventually the universe, but baby steps.

    If you can't even love that, how are you supposed to love anything else?

    Don't you know that you are repulsed by negative things? You don't want to go outside, you view outside as a negative thing. Others do not share that view. That doesn't mean that your view is permanent. It just should change.

    How do you expect positive things to enter your life? Don't you know that people are attracted to positive things?

    Learn to love my friend, this is the one thing you've been missing that has made things so hard. After this, it gets easier. Can you lay down your pride, everything you have, to just show some love? A drop of love will make your heart swell.
     
  8. William H. Bonney

    William H. Bonney New Member

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    Ok, not sure where this rant on love came from but I can love and I do love but every time I do love, I get shit on.

    I do not even know what I would do to get things started to change. Medications are not working, therapy is not working. I just have no energy whatsoever to do anything. Its get up, go to work, come home and thats it. Like I said before, friends are non-existent or married so they do not have the time. What really scares me is that without even realizing it at the time, Ive already got a plan mapped out to end it. How fucked up is that.
     
  9. EK9BEEZLER

    EK9BEEZLER New Member

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    Lexapro and friends.
     
  10. teh_fuzz

    teh_fuzz New Member

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    Lexapro, it doesnt always work... my advice to this comment is review with your doctor exactly how you are feeling and what you need.

    nothing worse to get the med youre prescribed and find out later it has no beneficial effect for you.

    I did this with lexapro and it did nothiong for me, even after increased dosasge.
     
  11. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    What is needed in life is not fear, nothing can grow from that. Cast off your fear! Look forward! Go forward! Never stand still. Retreat and you will age. Hesitate and you will die, fear is a prison with an open door, the fear keeps you in one place because you fear what lies beyond that door, go thru that door, i tell you this even if it was a mistake to go thru that door and suffer, its better then putting your life on a halt and staying miserable in one and the same place, you need to keep and go on making decisions in life even if they are the wrong ones. Therefore

    Do not let your actions speak of irrational and absurd fear,you need to be like a samurai who fears nothing ,not even death and live for the sole goal of overcoming every obstacle that life throws at you.

    There is only one solution, and its internal. Nothing outside of yourself can solve your problems for you.
    Stop running, and face your problems. They arent nearly as hard when you're fighting them as when you're running from them.
     
  12. lazyass

    lazyass New Member

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    that was truly inspiring.......will u be my friend?
     
  13. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    there has to be at least one thing about life that you enjoy. is it reading, working out, gardening, painting, watching movies, sleeping in on a saturday morning, etc? focus on that. and find other things you enjoy doing and let those things take over your life.

    you cant change your past and whatever you "did" to screw up your marriage and your life. but you can learn from it. and you can move forward and choose not to make those mistakes in the future.

    therapy is not going to do you any good unless you want it to do you good. its up to you to decide. its worth your while to choose to let it help you because then you can start feeling better. the meds wont do anything but temporarily numb the feelings. you cant live the rest of your life numb, so if possible, stay away from those and instead, focus on things that naturally make you feel happy, like working out, reading a good book, etc.

    life is hard and sometimes its even not fair. but it happens to all of us. you are not alone
     
  14. glass

    glass New Member

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    okay.. first of all, i don't have an answer for you. but maybe i can relate to you, being stuck in the whole vicious cycle thing myself, except we weren't married. but basically after it broke off, about 8 months ago, i've lost interest in everything.

    it's not like i didn't try. i was anticipating the big black void that comes with losing someone important, so i worked hard to make new friends, try new hobbies (guitar, jiu-jitsu, back into gym) and throw myself into school and work. and it did the trick.. sorta.

    but 8 months down the track, of the things i started in hope of distracting myself the only ones i'm still into are gym and work. there's also not a single person outside work i see socially on a regular basis. i could be dead tomorrow and literally no one would know what was behind the awkward exterior i've been putting on for so long.

    but what i can say is that i'm in a better state of mind than i was 8 months ago thanks to my deliberate attempts to distract myself. far from what i used to be, but still more confident and with a wider range of concerns. i think the latter is pretty important.

    since the break up, how many times were genuinely devastated for a reason unrelated to your marriage? i'm talking 'devastated' as in 'almost as upset or more upset as you were because of the break up'. if you can count one, then there's your proof that there's hope. you can still be concerned about other things.

    for example, for me it was my last year in university - a lot of blood and sweat for barely a pass, while everyone else got honors. i'd literally never put so much book effort into anything in my life, and it was weeks before i was back to "normal". though, i still can't look my classmates in the face. the point is it brought to my attention that i can still be upset for reasons other than her.

    i feel like a broken record saying this, but turn on the news - there are a ton of ways a person's life could be shittier. and i'm sure you know there are also a ton of things you can do that Joe Average simply won't ever be able to.

    another thing is regularity. find an activity that consistently makes you happy, i.e. a dependable source of ego. gym works well for me, jiu-jitsu does not (i'm very bad at it). people think it's a cliche that you should distract yourself, but it's only cliche because you'll probably only enjoy 1 out of 10 new things you try. it helps to look back to your childhood for activities you enjoyed.

    the last (but hardly the least important) thing i'd look at is work. you hardly mentioned that so it seems you already have that down, but i'd like to re-emphasize how important it is to have the material aspect of your life down. money's important, but they say the biggest investment you can make is on yourself. a lot of people i know take professional courses to get better harder jobs with more responsibility, because that's where the interesting stuff is.

    anyway, that's my rant. good luck with it all. if you manage to successfully break out of that cycle - by sheer luck or what have you - i hope you'll let us know.
     
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2008
  15. pandizzle

    pandizzle Guest

    :werd: Well, try to look at it this way ... it can't get any worse. That's, at least, what I try and tell myself on a day-to-day basis. :hs:
     

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